I found a phone once. I was going out to the shops and I thought I could hear a phone ringing but I couldn't place where it was coming from.
I came back from the shops and heard it again, so I looked about and there it was on the pavement, a Nokia right outside my door. I called the first number in the contacts list, Bazza or Gazza or maybe Twazza*.
- Ohh, what the fuck do YOU want?
- Oh, sorry, you see I've just found this phone on the floor and I wondered if you knew who it belonged to.
- (pause) Oh, aye it's mine like, where are ya? I'll come and get it.
Well it clearly wasn't your phone, so I hung up. I thought I might fare better by calling "Mam".
- What NOW?
- Oh, sorry, you see I've just found this phone on the floor and I wondered if you knew who it belonged to.
- Eh? Oh, what's he done now? Are you the police? I haven't seen him for months.
* I've just remembered that the first name, alphabetically in the contact list was AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH.