A demonic/alien lizard man-thing, that's what.
Some stories say that a giant space craft loaded with reptoids is on its way to us now. When it arrives, we will be on the barbecue, along with all mammalian life.
Others, including the aforementioned Mr Icke, believe that the reptoids are already here and control the world through black magic and sinister technology. They eat people as well. You will be intrigued to hear that the entire royal family are reptoids, led by the Queen Mother herself. Diana was only murdered to stop her revealing the truth.
Do you reckon David ever keeps goal anymore? Like in Sunday league, or something? This man used to do the sport on Saturday Superstore.