The Unbearable Strangeness Of Edmonds

[Ermintruder]

Well, this is interesting. Noel in (very) recent adversarial 'courtroom confontation' with the board of Lloyds Bank.

In a setting and style a million miles from all his odd Noelness and bearded in-jokes, listen with wonder as he absolutely destroys the senior management of Lloyds. He utterly guts them. Wow. George Galloway meets Mr Blobby, with even a hint of JFK...

 

[Andy X]

Impressive - he's done his homework and he managed to keep his cool, despite cracking a few jokes. I'm a Lloyds shareholder (and not exactly satisfied customer) but I've never had the slightest desire to attend an AGM. If only I'd known they could be so entertaining!

I notice there are thirteen at that long table, but I doubt it will be Lord Norman's last supper.

In the mugshot on his Wikipedia page he seems to be doing an "am I bovvered?" face

 

[David Plankton]

Impressive - he's done his homework and he managed to keep his cool, despite cracking a few jokes.

More impressive is that Edmonds seems to have achieved omnipresence by casting aside his physical shell and now exists as a disembodied voice, floating around the auditorium.

'Jail or No Jail' :joyf:

 

[Andy X]

Either that or he's uploaded himself to a vast artificial intelligence and is now able to deploy HoloNoels to any point on the globe.

Next up: bank chairman's round of golf rudely interrupted by fifty foot laser-wielding NoelBot.

 

[David Plankton]

He are become the Godhead.

He did then smite the bankers, for he saw that they were of evil kin and the bankers wailed in their misery.

 

[Ermintruder]

He are become the Godhead.

Father, son and holy Noel

fifty foot laser-wielding NoelBot

This would be a truly-humbling sight, aided by thousands of Mr Blobbys sweeping over the open grassland, like that log-bit, from Jurassic Park.

Either that or he's uploaded himself to a vast artificial intelligence and is now able to deploy HoloNoels to any point on the globe

I thought that had already happened, after The Multi-Coloured Swap-Shop phase. Didn't he develop reverse thrusters and LED eyes??

 

[Andy X]

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[Andy X]

Father, son and holy Noel

This would be a truly-humbling sight, aided by thousands of Mr Blobbys sweeping over the open grassland, like that log-bit, from Jurassic Park.

I thought that had already happened, after The Multi-Coloured Swap-Shop phase. Didn't he develop reverse thrusters and LED eyes??

"The sentries report Blobbys to the Sarfwest!!...fahsends of 'em!"

 

[Mythopoeika]

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View attachment 10149
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Looks like a model of HOTOL merged with something else.

 

[David Plankton]

I think there is every chance that we are a gnat's whisker away from forming a new religion here. I would advise against.

 

[Andy X]

Looks like a model of HOTOL merged with something else.

...or a aircraft / speedboat / submarine hybrid. Can't find anything about Edmond's involvement in such a project.

I think there is every chance that we are a gnat's whisker away from forming a new religion here. I would advise against.

D'you know, I think you're probably right about that

 

[Ermintruder]

...or a aircraft / speedboat / submarine hybrid. Can't find anything about Edmond's involvement in such a project.

It's the power of the British beard, is it not? Branson. Sugar. Connery. Or possibly marketing...

I think there is every chance that we are a gnat's whisker away from forming a new religion here. I would advise against.

Fair point

 

[Andy X]

Best in the world: don't be fooled by foreign face fur - back British beards!

If it weren't for the world having gone mad Edmonds would be nationalised by now.

 

[Ermintruder]

If it weren't for the world having gone mad Edmonds would be nationalised by now.

My brain adduced this phrase as 'obviously' having to have contained the word rationalised, then that re-resolved itself into the paravalency rationed , both of which seem logical parking orbits around Planet Edmonds.

If he were ever to be scanned with a tricorder, I'm not really sure what we'd find.

 

[Bigphoot2]

Looks like a model of HOTOL merged with something else.

Merged with a con.

Edmonds was swindled out of a large sum of money by this character
http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/1990-09-09/news/9002130258_1_ozone-clinic-car

 

[Andy X]

Ah ha! That must be it. Good work!

 

[Andy X]

My brain adduced this phrase as 'obviously' having to have contained the word rationalised, then that re-resolved itself into the paravalency rationed , both of which seem logical parking orbits around Planet Edmonds.

If he were ever to be scanned with a tricorder, I'm not really sure what we'd find.

Rationalised, smationalised...

The relevant govt. departments would have to make sure his operations were rationalised before nationalisation, I should think. Running an inefficient Edmonds would be to play into the hands of the anti-Brexit lobby.

 

[Reverend D]

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Kirk Houston, aka Noel Edmonds in his short-lived attempt at being a pop singer.

Enjoy, and consider this an early Christmas pressie from me.

All together now, Brother and sister open your eyes, muster your mind, try to visualize...

 

[Spookdaddy]

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Kirk Houston...

...we've had a problem here..

 

[Bigphoot2]

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Kirk Houston, aka Noel Edmonds in his short-lived attempt at being a pop singer.

Enjoy, and consider this an early Christmas pressie from me.

All together now, Brother and sister open your eyes, muster your mind, try to visualize...

Kirk Houston sounds like a village in the Scottish highlands, between Glen Campbell and Kirk Douglas.

 

[Ermintruder]

muster your mind, try to visualize...

...that this sounds like Noel. And I'm going to go with yes, it does, a tiny bit. In places. Where he over-articulates some words in the song (esp at the ending ''Cos I'm the Gov-er-nor of Alcatraz Jail'')

He did reasonably ok on "I'm A Celebrity" this year. For a believer in macro-cosmic self-realisational auto-Blobbyism, and self-directed shoe-in as Camp Cæser, I think he was worth every penny of his £60k per day fee.

 

[Reverend D]

...that this sounds like Noel. And I'm going to go with yes, it does, a tiny bit. In places. Where he over-articulates some words in the song (esp at the ending ''Cos I'm the Gov-er-nor of Alcatraz Jail'')
.

It's Noel singing, yep. They played it once on Noel's House Party when he was expecting to hear something else, a practical joke on the part of the producer. Noel looked really embarrassed by it.

I quite like him really, he's an eccentric but there's nothing wrong with that. I think he a good guy at heart, even if he is a bloody awful singer judging by Alcatraz.

I must admit though, that one of the most unsettling pictures I've ever seen was when he shaved his facial foliage off for charity. Google if you dare 'Noel Edmonds without beard'! (I'd post a pic but it always goes wrong when I try to post an image using my phone)

 

[Ermintruder]

must admit though, that one of the most unsettling pictures I've ever seen was when he shaved his facial foliage off for charity.

Well....that's very disturbing...

He looks like the guy who drives a Saab convertible who lives two streets up from everyone. In other words, his fundamental Nöelness is gone, without that closely-trimmed draught-excluder

 

[Reverend D]

If Noel Edmonds was Superman, that's how Bizarro would look.

 

[sherbetbizarre]

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1068957862045646855

 

[henry]

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i recall this broadcast, in fact ive searched for it several times over the years, i think the last time i did find an article ... anyway above photo shows a model of edmonds design for a double-hulled high speed boat that would rise out of the water at a certain velocity and the reduced hull surface profile would decrease water resistance resulting in higher speeds ... never heard of it again but it obviously captured my imagination at the time ... presumably the design wasnt stable and it kept falling over

 

[henry]

project seems to have been called excalibur, dead in the water

 

[Mungoman]

Speaking of unbearable...

First time I've seen/heard that...was that a young Jezza getting 'blobbied' at the start? it's also buggered any fantasy I could ever have of the Girls in the band doing 'addicted to love'.

As you said Yith, speaking of unbearable...

 

[Reverend D]

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Kirk Houston, aka Noel Edmonds in his short-lived attempt at being a pop singer.

Enjoy, and consider this an early Christmas pressie from me.

All together now, Brother and sister open your eyes, muster your mind, try to visualize...

More info on Alcatraz, the underappreciated pop classic from the tidy-bearded one. According to the website 45cat this was recorded as a prank for Noel to play on his Radio 1 show on April Fools Day 1972.

Is it too late to start a campaign to get this to Christmas no.1 this year?

 

[Ermintruder]

Is it too late to start a campaign to get this to Christmas no.1 this year

Yes. Far too late. And even too late for Christmas No1 2019