O, To Be In England...

[Earthly oddity]

These lines

And all those people who you romantically
like to still believe are alive
are dead

reminded me that back in the '70s one of the Flake advert actresses was sadly killed in a car crash before the advert aired.
So those words are indeed apt.

And there is a reference to the Flake advert in that song too......I had no idea that one of the ladies had died before it was aired. I have the 12" of that song. I loved Half Man Half Biscuit. Saw them live a couple of times.

 

[Floyd]

Everytime I have passed port sunlight it has been raining. That's all you need too know about England.

What I can't fathom, and this has been mentioned before when Ringo was gloating telling us, how much better built the houses are in Scandinavia, is that you'd think that by now we'd be geared up for our terrible climate. Other countries are; in hot ones the houses are built to maximise the breeze and in cold ones they're well insulated and dry for eg.

Take our outdoor markets. Ours is a few tables with some rotten veg on it in the freezing cold and pouring rain and quite understandably, miserable sick-looking people milling about. No wonder most go to the supermarket. Why, bearing in mind it is even classed as a Market Town, isn't it all indoors or at least under cover? And we should have undercover walkways to get from shop to shop as well (I think parts of some towns like Chester do). It's almost like we're determined that no amount of cold, rain and misery is going to stop us from being out in it because otherwise life would be too comfortable and we just can't have that, don't you know old boy.

 

[Floyd]

The rates of smoking dropped a lot when they shut the tobacco factories too, but that was as much due to the sudden huge drop in availability of contraband losing its way between packing area and loading bay .

My friend drives for Morrisons and he told me that whenever he delivers to Bristol (I forget exactly where), he has to phone up when he's five minutes away so they can get the gates of the factory open ready, so he can drive straight in, because if he were to wait outside like they often do in other places, loads of ferrel kids appear and steal the goods out of the trailer.

 

[Mythopoeika]

...because if he were to wait outside like they often do in other places, loads of ferrel kids appear and steal the goods out of the trailer.

 

[escargot]

And there is a reference to the Flake advert in that song too......I had no idea that one of the ladies had died before it was aired. I have the 12" of that song. I loved Half Man Half Biscuit. Saw them live a couple of times.

My feeling was that the writer knew that too. Artists can't help themselves.

 

[Trevp666]

What I can't fathom, (etc)

It's because the people that build the houses aren't the ones who have to live in them here.
Properties are basically only constructed to be as habitable as the budget will allow, and that convention and regulation demand.

 

[Tunn11]

And we used to have Old English Spangles. https://www.retrofair.co.uk/58-oldenglishspangles-fp.html

 

[stu neville]

And we used to have Old English Spangles. https://www.retrofair.co.uk/58-oldenglishspangles-fp.html

Ah! The four wonderful flavours: dandelion, Persil, iodine and 9 volt battery.

 

[Floyd]

It's because the people that build the houses aren't the ones who have to live in them here.
Properties are basically only constructed to be as habitable as the budget will allow, and that convention and regulation demand.

But the 'outside life' as it were then; shopping etc. I remember the first time that I was dragged asked to go to the Trafford centre. I usually hate those kind of places, but as it was a freezing cold day I really appreciated it. And train/bus stations with little or no shelter (and no heat source). We're constantly being told to use public transport and to shop at local markets etc but it's no wonder nobody wants to- for most of the year at least.

 

[Trevp666]

Oh it was iodine!
I always thought it was either 'root beer' or 'medicine' flavour.

 

[stu neville]

Oh it was iodine!
I always thought it was either 'root beer' or 'medicine' flavour.

Close - root beer is actually all four flavours blended, diluted and carbonated. Add Dettol and it becomes Dr Pepper.

 

[Trevp666]

If you don't have any Dettol to hand and use 'Domestos' instead, does that become 'Irn Bru'?

 

[escargot]

the Trafford centre.

Did you see the little fortune-telling booth?
Someone I know rented that for a while and made a killing. Superstitious business people would ask her advice in no doubt the obliquest terms possible and she'd reply with 'A white horse may leap over a red fence but refuse a flowering hedge' (or summat, I dunno) and the client'd be wide-eyed with interest.

They'd often be back a week or two later with a big tip.

 

[Floyd]

Did you see the little fortune-telling booth?
Someone I know rented that for a while and made a killing. Superstitious business people would ask her advice in no doubt the obliquest terms possible and she'd reply with 'A white horse may leap over a red fence but refuse a flowering hedge' (or summat, I dunno) and the client'd be wide-eyed with interest.

They'd often be back a week or two later with a big tip.

Ha! No I didn't see that. It has been a good few years since I went though.

 

[Floyd]

I think we need to prepare Ronnie Jersey and any others for their trip to England/UK;

If someone accidentally stands on your foot, you have to apologise.

You have to stand in a queue quietly and never, ever push in (probably the same in the USA).

When you've handed a shopkeeper a lot of change, you have to wait until they've counted it before leaving, even though you've triple checked it.

If someone offers to let you go in front of them at the till because you only have one item and they have a trolley full, you first have to say no, that's ok, thanks very much anyway and just hope that they insist.

You must mention the weather to everyone you meet, every day and even to complete strangers.

You must give the driver who has stopped for you at a zebra crossing at least a brief nod, although a thumbs up is preferred.

If you meet the same person more than twice in the same day you must say ''we'll have to stop meeting like this- people will talk''.

You must get used to buying meat/fish out of the back of a van on market days in small towns. (See Tom Stade's 'meat van guy')

You must wave a driver out from a side road in front of you and then spend the rest of the journey cursing that you did because they're driving at 20mph for miles and miles and you cannot overtake because the roads are so narrow and twisty.

If someone asks how you are you must say that you are fine (even though the doctor has just informed you that you have two months to live and will probably die a painful death).

You must blame the last pint of beer you had for making you ill- not the 20 you had before.

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

@Ronnie Jersey when you have finished with England you are very very welcome to come north to Scotland!

Of course, you have the Loch Ness Monster, which we've been hearing about for years!
And I've known a few lovely Scottish people.
Have you heard of the famous Dean Nicholson from Dunbar, traveling the world on bicycle with a kitty he saved by the roadside:
I just purchased his 'Nala Calendar' from Scotland, at 1bike1world.com, all proceeds from his website are distributed to animal sanctuaries around the world, Nicholson and Nala are ambassadors for animal causes, he is an Instagram sensation with 1 million followers!
https://www.instagram.com/1bike1world/

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

I think we need to prepare Ronnie Jersey and any others for their trip to England/UK;

If someone accidentally stands on your foot, you have to apologise.

You have to stand in a queue quietly and never, ever push in (probably the same in the USA).

When you've handed a shopkeeper a lot of change, you have to wait until they've counted it before leaving, even though you've triple checked it.

If someone offers to let you go in front of them at the till because you only have one item and they have a trolley full, you first have to say no, that's ok, thanks very much anyway and just hope that they insist.

You must mention the weather to everyone you meet, every day and even to complete strangers.

You must give the driver who has stopped for you at a zebra crossing at least a brief nod, although a thumbs up is preferred.

If you meet the same person more than twice in the same day you must say ''we'll have to stop meeting like this- people will talk''.

You must get used to buying meat/fish out of the back of a van on market days in small towns. (See Tom Stade's 'meat van guy')

You must wave a driver out from a side road in front of you and then spend the rest of the journey cursing that you did because they're driving at 20mph for miles and miles and you cannot overtake because the roads are so narrow and twisty.

If someone asks how you are you must say that you are fine (even though the doctor has just informed you that you have two months to live and will probably die a painful death).

You must blame the last pint of beer you had for making you ill- not the 20 you had before.

LOLOL - amazing to me that over in the UK you actually QUEUE up at the bus stops, never heard of such a thing!
Over here, it's every man / woman for themselves, and don't get me started on listening to everyone screech away into their cell phones during the ride.
I remember my British grandmother and her 'elevenses' at 11:00 a.m. every morning, it's tea time, and then again at 4:00 pm, it's tea time again.
Oh and the watercress sandwiches!!

 

[Trevp666]

Dean Nicholson from Dunbar, traveling the world on bicycle

Again, researched with my usual amount of rigour.....
Isn't this the chap who went around the world on his bicycle and when he got back to (nearly) home went in a UK shop and when he came out someone had nicked it?

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

Again, researched with my usual amount of rigour.....
Isn't this the chap who went around the world on his bicycle and when he got back to (nearly) home went in a UK shop and when he came out someone had nicked it?

I haven't heard about that, I know he's been traveling the world with Nala the cat for over 3 years now, sidelined by the virus border closings in Europe so he was staying in Croatia for quite awhile until everything opened up again. He did travel home once to see his family and so that they could meet Nala, but I didn't hear Dean say anything about a stolen bike. He puts videos on youtube all the time recording his travels and Europe's beautiful scenery, right now he's in Italy and he and Nala have traveled 25 countries so far. He's immensely popular and so admired for his fundraising efforts on behalf of animals worldwide and for bringing awareness to their plight:

https://www.youtube.com/c/1bike1world

 

[bugmum]

Why has nobody mentioned the gloriousness of Devon? TWO coastlines, TWO moors (well, one and a bit), cream teas, the inspiration for Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, Agatha Christie and local news that reports "sheep on road" rather than "youth knifes other youth".

Plus, if you want Forteana, we have Berry Pomeroy castle, the Hairy Hands, ABCs, stone circles that I'm told still show signs of use, the man they couldn't hang and a UFO that burnt somebody. And Totnes, centre of weirdness for the county.

 

[Trevp666]

right now he's in Italy

Well I must be thinking of somebody else then.
I know somebody cycled somewhere thousands of miles away and when he got back to the UK someone nicked his bike.

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

It could very well be this Scottish man, Dean Nicholson. Perhaps the story was carried in your local papers, and not over here.

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

Why has nobody mentioned the gloriousness of Devon? TWO coastlines, TWO moors (well, one and a bit), cream teas, the inspiration for Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, Agatha Christie and local news that reports "sheep on road" rather than "youth knifes other youth".

Plus, if you want Forteana, we have Berry Pomeroy castle, the Hairy Hands, ABCs, stone circles that I'm told still show signs of use, the man they couldn't hang and a UFO that burnt somebody. And Totnes, centre of weirdness for the county.

What's this about the UFO that burnt someone??
And what's a cream tea?
I recall your cream cake shops, out of this world!

 

[bugmum]

what's a cream tea?

British scones with jam and clotted cream, and a pot of tea. Food of the gods. Just don't get us started on how to eat it. (FWIW, I actually put the cream on top, despite that being the Cornish way...)

The person-being-burnt-by-a-UFO story was in Janet and Colin Bord's "Modern Mysteries of Britain". Somebody in Plymouth claimed that a UFO shot out a thin beam of red light that burnt her hand as she opened her front door. I can look it up if you like.

 

[Sid]

British scones with jam and clotted cream, and a pot of tea. Food of the gods. Just don't get us started on how to eat it. (FWIW, I actually put the cream on top, despite that being the Cornish way...)

The person-being-burnt-by-a-UFO story was in Janet and Colin Bord's "Modern Mysteries of Britain". Somebody in Plymouth claimed that a UFO shot out a thin beam of red light that burnt her hand as she opened her front door. I can look it up if you like.

This might be of some help ~

 

[Kondoru]

Thats normal in Plymouth.

 

[bugmum]

Thats normal in Plymouth.

Especially when the scrumpy's on tap.

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

British scones with jam and clotted cream, and a pot of tea. Food of the gods. Just don't get us started on how to eat it. (FWIW, I actually put the cream on top, despite that being the Cornish way...)

The person-being-burnt-by-a-UFO story was in Janet and Colin Bord's "Modern Mysteries of Britain". Somebody in Plymouth claimed that a UFO shot out a thin beam of red light that burnt her hand as she opened her front door. I can look it up if you like.

And what exactly is clotted cream??

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

This might be of some help ~

Sounds just like my UFO experience, but without the beam of light / burn, this thing was round and huge with flashing lights underneath, took off like a rocket, no sound, no smoke. Unbelievable.

 

[Ronnie Jersey]

To be fair, I do feel lucky to be living in the UK.
But apart from the weather you're not really missing much that you can't experience vicariously through the wonders of youtube.

Every single time I got off the plane in England, I noticed the same things - immediately the air smells different, the water tastes different, the food is scrumptious, nothing is the same as where I'm from, and I felt right at home. I've only ever traveled to England, so I don't know about anywhere else.
LOL - but believe me, you don't want our hurricanes and flooding!