A Sense Of Belonging... Somewhere Else

[merricat]

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? It strikes me that it most likely isn’t all that uncommon, but I haven’t actually met anyone who can relate to it in my everyday life.

Ever since I was a young child, I have experienced a very strong and almost painful sense of ‘belonging’ somewhere else. In this case, I would have to say Scandinavia, although Norway, Sweden and Finland seem to merge together for me here (having never actually travelled to any of these places, it would possibly be deemed more appropriate to say Scandinavia, so please humour me!).

It’s a curious sensation: I recall being around 4 yrs old, travelling in the back of my parents car at night time, watching the surrounding lights zip past, the glow of lights in the distance...and feeling this very strong, painful longing for ‘home’. All that was certain to me at that time was that this home was not my usual place of habitation, but somewhere colder and ‘far away’. This sensation recurred fairly frequently, and as I grew older and came to know a little more about the world at large, it seemed that Scandinavia, especially Norway, was the ‘place’ that I had been feeling all those years.

It isn’t easy to describe this, it does look a tad silly written down! But I can only tell it as I know it, if you see what I mean.

As an adult, it only became stronger, as in I did not grow out of it.
Now that I am more aware of these countries, the ‘lights’ of my memory and associated sensations, even songs, books, paintings, still (often) quite achingly draw me there. The sensation has grown rather than diminished as I have learned more about the culture, art, landscape, etc. My partner often laughs and talks of the lack of light with a shudder, but this concept delights me, fills me with a sense of completion, as optimal somehow - I am an illustrator, and have always (not entirely consciously) tended to explore this via my work.

As silly as it sounds, I can’t deny it, but have no real explanation for why this has been with me for so long.

Has anyone else ever experienced such a strong association with something that ought to be unknown to them? It is too easy to suggest past lives, but this doesn’t seem sufficient to me, although my mind is always open!

One day, I may Visit

 

[Naughty_Felid]

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? It strikes me that it most likely isn’t all that uncommon, but I haven’t actually met anyone who can relate to it in my everyday life.

Ever since I was a young child, I have experienced a very strong and almost painful sense of ‘belonging’ somewhere else. In this case, I would have to say Scandinavia, although Norway, Sweden and Finland seem to merge together for me here (having never actually travelled to any of these places, it would possibly be deemed more appropriate to say Scandinavia, so please humour me!).

It’s a curious sensation: I recall being around 4 yrs old, travelling in the back of my parents car at night time, watching the surrounding lights zip past, the glow of lights in the distance...and feeling this very strong, painful longing for ‘home’. All that was certain to me at that time was that this home was not my usual place of habitation, but somewhere colder and ‘far away’. This sensation recurred fairly frequently, and as I grew older and came to know a little more about the world at large, it seemed that Scandinavia, especially Norway, was the ‘place’ that I had been feeling all those years.

It isn’t easy to describe this, it does look a tad silly written down! But I can only tell it as I know it, if you see what I mean.

As an adult, it only became stronger, as in I did not grow out of it.
Now that I was more aware of these places, the ‘lights’ of my memory and associated sensations, even songs, books, paintings, still (often) quite achingly draw me there. The sensation has grown rather than diminished as I have learned more about the culture, art, landscape, etc. My pattern often laughs and talks of the lack of light with a shudder, but this concept delights me, fills me with a sense of completion, as optimal somehow - I am an illustrator, and have always (not entirely consciously) tended to explore this via my work.

As silly as it sounds, I can’t deny it, but have no real explanation for why this has been with me for so long.

Has anyone else ever experienced such a strong association with something that ought to be unknown to them? It is too easy to suggest past lives, but this doesn’t seem sufficient to me, although my mind is always open!

One day, I may Visit

Not at all silly.

There is a part of the UK that has this effect on me and I was lucky to live there for awhile and it broke my heart when I had to leave.

 

[Min Bannister]

Very interesting. I have not experienced that to any extent although I do have a sort of imaginary somewhere that I feel I would really like if I ever found it.

I am sure you have already looked into this but just to check, any family/ancestral connections to the area?

 

[David Plankton]

There is a part of the UK that has this effect on me and I was lucky to live there for awhile and it broke my heart when I had to leave.

Never knew you lived in Cromer.

 

[merricat]

Not at all silly.

There is a part of the UK that has this effect on me and I was lucky to live there for awhile and it broke my heart when I had to leave.

This is why I am a little apprehensive about travelling over there - I may not wish to come back!

Very interesting. I have not experienced that to any extent although I do have a sort of imaginary somewhere that I feel I would really like if I ever found it.

I am sure you have already looked into this but just to check, any family/ancestral connections to the area?

Never thought of that, but I doubt it. I’m not even sure where to start. Do you have to pay to join an ancestry website search?

 

[David Plankton]

Ever since I was a young child, I have experienced a very strong and almost painful sense of ‘belonging’ somewhere else. In this case, I would have to say Scandinavia, although Norway, Sweden and Finland seem to merge together for me here (having never actually travelled to any of these places, it would possibly be deemed more appropriate to say Scandinavia, so please humour me!).

Where abouts are you from? You could do one of those DNA tests, I think there was a thread about them.

 

[onetwothree]

That's so interesting; I've never had a feeling like that so it's clear to me that you absolutely must visit Scandinavia! Could you have a virtual mooch about on Google maps? Just to see if anything resonates when you see it?

I think you do have to pay for ancestry online searches so it might be worth seeing if anyone you know has an active subscription.

 

[Min Bannister]

Never thought of that, but I doubt it. I’m not even sure where to start. Do you have to pay to join an ancestry website search?

Are you in the UK? Certain of the census results have been published and can be searched for free I think? What happens once you get to ancestors born somewhere else I don't know but I guess your family would vanish at some point in past and you would begin to suspect they had been born somewhere else. Also, if you have older relatives/parents etc still alive they might be able to help you with names and so on to check for in the census.

 

[PeteS]

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? It strikes me that it most likely isn’t all that uncommon, but I haven’t actually met anyone who can relate to it in my everyday life.

Not got an ancestor who comes from that part of the world?
I had a similar feeling when I started working in Manchester in 1982. I had to visit Hulme which had a very bad reputation at the time and I was warned about looking after myself and the car etc . When I got there and walked the streets however, I simply felt absolutely at home and totally safe. As though the area was completely familiar to me, although I had never been before. It was a strange sensation and one which has stayed with me for all these years.
Fast forward 30 years and doing my family tree I find that my father and all his family had lived in Hulme until the 1930's. The strange thing is that Hulme was completely redeveloped post WW2 and not even the street layout was kept so my ancestors would not have recognized their environment.

 

[Coal]

Same Merricat, one the many places I lived while growing up felt like home, it turned out it was very close to where my g'grandfather came from, although I only found that out about 30 years after living there. Even odder Mrs Coal was born in the ancestral place, although not native, as it were.

 

[Bigphoot2]

I always felt at home in the area from Montrose up to the northern part of rural Aberdeenshire and also Edinburgh. A few years ago I was working on my family tree and discovered that was where most of my ancestors came from.
One of these days I'll give Ireland a try as quite a few ancestors came from that area - The O'Bigphoots, a notorious bunch

 

[Coal]

I always felt at home in the area from Montrose up to the northern part of rural Aberdeenshire and also Edinburgh.

My Dad told me that he was signing up for something or other while on National Service and the name taker, a dour Scot Sergeant just wrote down our surname, shook his head and said with some feeling "Potato stealers from Montrose..."

 

[merricat]

That's so interesting; I've never had a feeling like that so it's clear to me that you absolutely must visit Scandinavia! Could you have a virtual mooch about on Google maps? Just to see if anything resonates when you see it?

Everything resonates! Why? I don’t know.

I think you do have to pay for ancestry online searches so it might be worth seeing if anyone you know has an active subscription.

Are you in the UK? Certain of the census results have been published and can be searched for free I think? What happens once you get to ancestors born somewhere else I don't know but I guess your family would vanish at some point in past and you would begin to suspect they had been born somewhere else. Also, if you have older relatives/parents etc still alive they might be able to help you with names and so on to check for in the census.

Not sure where to start though, perhaps ancestry.com?
Does this pre-suppose my ancestry could explain the longing I have? A sort of genetic memory?

 

[merricat]

I always felt at home in the area from Montrose up to the northern part of rural Aberdeenshire and also Edinburgh. A few years ago I was working on my family tree and discovered that was where most of my ancestors came from.
One of these days I'll give Ireland a try as quite a few ancestors came from that area - The O'Bigphoots, a notorious bunch

I have no experience with tracing ancestors. I would love to know how to assemble a family tree!
Now, Edinburgh struck me as a place that I would love to live (low skies, low light) if only after one visit, but it still can’t eclipse the ‘other’.

 

[henry]

This is why I am a little apprehensive about travelling over there - I may not wish to come back!

two words : aki kaurismaki

 

[Mystereaux1]

I used to get a similar feeling in pubs. Must be a profound association. Maybe...

 

[merricat]

two words : aki kaurismaki

Why? Unfortunately I’ve no experience of his work - should I have? !!

I searched his name and the first image that appeared reminded me of the wonderful warren Clarke (Dalziel and pascoe)!

 

[henry]

drifting clouds ... man without a past ... take care of your scarf tatiana ... if youre reluctant to dip your actual toe in the water at least check out the nonpareil cinema, extremely evocative

 

[IbisNibs]

Since you are an illustrator, check out Kay Nielsen's illustrations for East of the Sun, West of the Moon.

Wasn't the northeast part of England dominated by Danes once upon a time? They came from Jutland (now Denmark), if I understand correctly.

 

[Min Bannister]

Not sure where to start though, perhaps ancestry.com?
Does this pre-suppose my ancestry could explain the longing I have? A sort of genetic memory?

Well that would be my theory, doesn't mean it isn't rubbish. I really can't advise you on ancestry chasing I'm afraid but I know that is one of the sites that do that sort of thing.

 

[Bigphoot2]

I have no experience with tracing ancestors. I would love to know how to assemble a family tree!
Now, Edinburgh struck me as a place that I would love to live (low skies, low light) if only after one visit, but it still can’t eclipse the ‘other’.

Here's a quick guide here http://www.genealogy-guide.org.uk/family-tree.html

It's probably best to find out if there are local classes in genealogy - quite likely now as it's becoming popular. But be warned, once you get started it's quite addictive and can turn up many surprises. I discovered that my grandfather on my father's side actually lived across the road from a Jack the Ripper suspect! This chap https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Henry_Bury

Edinburgh has to be my favourite city, no matter what the weather.

 

[merricat]

Since you are an illustrator, check out Kay Nielsen's illustrations for East of the Sun, West of the Moon.

Wasn't the northeast part of England dominated by Danes once upon a time? They came from Jutland (now Denmark), if I understand correctly.

Thanks, I am already familiar with this amazing a work. Fairytale illustration has had a huge influence on my own work over the years.

I’m currently re-reading my Tove Jansson collection, both the Moomins and her adult fiction. She is also one of my favourite painters.

 

[henry]

Tove Jansson collection, both the Moomins and her adult fiction

moomins = adult fiction

 

[merricat]

moomins = adult fiction

Of course! These books have helped to bridge a difficult time for me, quite wonderfully.

 

[henry]

those books are among the most vivid depictions of family dynamics ...

 

[MorningAngel]

This is why I am a little apprehensive about travelling over there - I may not wish to come back!



Never thought of that, but I doubt it. I’m not even sure where to start. Do you have to pay to join an ancestry website search?

I got two weeks free on Ancestry but I got so hooked I pay monthly now.

It does help you construct your family tree. Start with what you know and work from there. It gives you hints from records and other people’s trees to help but sometimes this can be wrong so you should double check that it makes sense and matches other things. When you get back to 1911 censuses help. If you do find relatives off in Scandinavia there is a world wide option but it costs more and you have to translate things.

 

[Bigphoot2]

My Dad told me that he was signing up for something or other while on National Service and the name taker, a dour Scot Sergeant just wrote down our surname, shook his head and said with some feeling "Potato stealers from Montrose..."

Probably my ancestors

 

[merricat]

Can anyone explain why the possibility of having ancestors from a certain place might pre-dispose us to developing an affinity with it? This isn’t something that I would have previously considered, for some reason, although I can’t explain why.

It’s interesting that this sense of belonging to a place existed both before and after I began to use the internet. It seems the internet only confirmed it. I had originally wanted to try to explain what the feeling is like: it is a sort of intuitive connection, which is also enhanced by a small twist of annoyance and loss, as if I am irritated at being here and not ‘there’.

That said, this in no way interferes with my day to day life, or my quality of life. Rather, it seems to just sit alongside it, sulking, yearning

When I have discussed this affinity with people previously, they often ask whether I am attracted to these places stylistically, or else politically, something graspable...but it isn’t any one element. It could be described as pertaining to everything, really, without value judgement.

Some have interpreted it as some sort of judgement (perhaps in comparison to the UK - which it is not) though, and offered up the usual ‘I’ve been there, it ain’t all that great’. Or ‘You wouldn’t like it, Merricat, it’s sooo expensive!’. And the typical ‘There are idiots there, too, you know!’. But they’re entirely missing the point.

 

[Min Bannister]

Can anyone explain why the possibility of having ancestors from a certain place might pre-dispose us to developing an affinity with it? This isn’t something that I would have previously considered, for some reason, although I can’t explain why.

I don't know about people but in sheep, especially the mountain breeds, cling to the place they are from and don't try to move beyond the boundaries. Their offspring do the same. If you try to move them somewhere else you have terrible trouble keeping them off the roads and stuff as they try to wander back where they came from. I think the word is "hefted".

More generally though, people who move often stay very attached to the place they came from, even for generations. Look at the US for example. Americans are often very attached to the homeland, even though if may be generations since they were last actually there. Doesn't happen to everyone but it seems to happen enough. I think they are hefted and struggle a wee bit.

 

[Ghost In The Machine]

Can anyone explain why the possibility of having ancestors from a certain place might pre-dispose us to developing an affinity with it? This isn’t something that I would have previously considered, for some reason, although I can’t explain why.

It’s interesting that this sense of belonging to a place existed both before and after I began to use the internet. It seems the internet only confirmed it. I had originally wanted to try to explain what the feeling is like: it is a sort of intuitive connection, which is also enhanced by a small twist of annoyance and loss, as if I am irritated at being here and not ‘there’.

That said, this in no way interferes with my day to day life, or my quality of life. Rather, it seems to just sit alongside it, sulking, yearning

When I have discussed this affinity with people previously, they often ask whether I am attracted to these places stylistically, or else politically, something graspable...but it isn’t any one element. It could be described as pertaining to everything, really, without value judgement.

Some have interpreted it as some sort of judgement (perhaps in comparison to the UK - which it is not) though, and offered up the usual ‘I’ve been there, it ain’t all that great’. Or ‘You wouldn’t like it, Merricat, it’s sooo expensive!’. And the typical ‘There are idiots there, too, you know!’. But they’re entirely missing the point.

Merricat I am in the unusual position of living in a parish where my ancestors have been since around 1700 and all the surrounding villages - many of my mum's ancestors go back to the first page of parish records, in several villages within 5 miles of where I'm sitting, tonight.

And as I have posted here before, there are certain houses I feel connected to. 1830s tithe maps and I realised they were farmhouses 'we' had owned. I live in a council house in the corner of a field my family sold - in 1811!

And I feel a rather visceral connection with the land, here. Maybe because I left here and lived 125 miles away for 20 years and I missed it horribly and never felt I truly belonged. (Have lived abroad in that time as well and somehow the disconnect was less on another continent!)

I can't pass a churchyard round here that doesn't have some part of my DNA profile six foot under. And that is probably fairly rare. (A few of the very elderly, when they know "who I am" kinda thing, treat me in a whole different way and will talk affectionately of my family, and that is very, very cool, when they are utter strangers and you discover their grandad was my great grandad's foreman, or whatever).

I can't say how it would feel to feel I belonged anywhere else. (My dad's ancestors come from a mighty 30 miles or so away and I do feel less powerfully attached when I go to those places). But I do often feel other people's disconnection, if that makes an sense? Like, I belong here in a way no-one else does (apart from my kids and the odd local farmer). I don't mean that as arsy as it sounds just that I feel sad that when I go to the churchyard say, in this parish, my blood is under that soil and I'm almost the only one left. Those people who are here now are only here because they are rich enough to buy a corner of it but their descendants won't be here either - they are temporary. Not sure why it feels like that but it does.

From a supernatural kinda POV, it has this weird side effect that I often feel I sort of pass unnoticed through the landscape, when out along the river or the trackways, etc. It's hard to write this in a way that makes sense. But I belong so places that say creep out my husband have no effect on me because I always feel there's nothing here that could hurt me. I know that sounds nuts/weird.