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Bizarre Auctions

cat in a tinfoil hat

For sale via ebay I can now protect my feline friend from being scanned. Now I think this is going somewhere, especially if remote-controlled-animals-as-reconn-devices stuff takes root and starts being widely used! *ahem*

"Technical Jargon:

This ultra modern aluminum foil hat will protect your pet from the brain scanning rays of the NSA, certain 'auction' websites, fbi.com, and CIA satellites that are monitoring their little subversive thoughts. You may not have considered this before, but your lead lined hat is worthless if your pet can give away your secrets to the very people most dangerous to you - your government!

The PFHT contains space age materials, and is guaranteed to work for your pet. All government I/O is cut off. It's like a firewall for your pet's brain."
 
those hats must be for novelty value because in the pictures of the cats etc have the Alpha horn pointing backwards everyone knows for optimum fuctionalty you not only need the alpha horn to be pointing to the front left of the head but they nead the beta horn linked to a compas always pointing to the south west. pah! con-artists :hmph:
 
How about this then:

Thursday January 15, 2004

West Virginia offered for sale in eBay auction

by The Associated Press


It vanished from the online world minutes after eBay learned of the joke, but an attempt to auction off the state of West Virginia drew 56 bids and nearly enough promised cash to fill the state's budget hole.

By Tuesday evening, with five days to go in the sale of item number 2372779353, "Entire State of West Virginia," bidders had bumped the ante up to just
Thursday January 15, 2004

West Virginia offered for sale in eBay auction

by The Associated Press


It vanished from the online world minutes after eBay learned of the joke, but an attempt to auction off the state of West Virginia drew 56 bids and nearly enough promised cash to fill the state's budget hole.

By Tuesday evening, with five days to go in the sale of item number 2372779353, "Entire State of West Virginia," bidders had bumped the ante up to just $1 short of $100 million.

"I wonder if they've gone through PayPal to get their credit approved?" joked Amy Shuler Goodwin, spokeswoman for Gov. Bob Wise, who's projecting a $120 million deficit for fiscal 2005.

"As an eBay consumer myself ... that's a heck of a bargain!" she said.

The seller, identified only as "fishstuffnthings," did not immediately respond to e-mails late Tuesday. Nor did "nosnam1488," who was the high bidder until eBay was informed of the sale.

Within minutes, the auction was unplugged and the state was "no longer available."

"We would take this down because first and foremost, eBay is a marketplace for the real buying and selling of goods," said Chris Donlay, spokesman for the San Jose, Calif.-based company, which claims more than 85 million users worldwide.

"Obviously, this buyer doesn't have the goods to sell," he said.

But for "fishstuffnthings," it was fun while it lasted, despite several misspellings:

"I, as emperor of West Virginia, have been appointed as steward of this sale," he wrote. "You are bidding on the ENTIRE STATE of West Virginia. Please note that this auction does not come with governing rites, nor the inhabitants of said property. You also may not change the state flag, bird, or so on. This is merely for bragging rights, or to hang a sign in your garage that says, 'I own West Virginia.'

"Also please note, you will have every right to succeed from the union, but that has been tried in the past without much success. I am also willing to relinquish the seat of "Emperor" FOR FREE!

"This is a surefire item to impress the ladies, rub in your brother-in-law's face or impress Japanese business clients. Good luck and happy bidding.

"Please NOTE: Item must be picked up in person."

Donlay said joke postings do occur on eBay, but not often. Normally, they relate to current events.

During the last presidential election, people offered to sell their votes, Donlay said. When statues of Saddam Hussein were toppled in Iraq, people immediately offered to sell them online.

"In a way," he said, "eBay's sort of become that town square where people used to come and get on soapboxes and exchange ideas. We see that playing out here and there."
short of 0 million.

"I wonder if they've gone through PayPal to get their credit approved?" joked Amy Shuler Goodwin, spokeswoman for Gov. Bob Wise, who's projecting a 0 million deficit for fiscal 2005.

"As an eBay consumer myself ... that's a heck of a bargain!" she said.

The seller, identified only as "fishstuffnthings," did not immediately respond to e-mails late Tuesday. Nor did "nosnam1488," who was the high bidder until eBay was informed of the sale.

Within minutes, the auction was unplugged and the state was "no longer available."

"We would take this down because first and foremost, eBay is a marketplace for the real buying and selling of goods," said Chris Donlay, spokesman for the San Jose, Calif.-based company, which claims more than 85 million users worldwide.

"Obviously, this buyer doesn't have the goods to sell," he said.

But for "fishstuffnthings," it was fun while it lasted, despite several misspellings:

"I, as emperor of West Virginia, have been appointed as steward of this sale," he wrote. "You are bidding on the ENTIRE STATE of West Virginia. Please note that this auction does not come with governing rites, nor the inhabitants of said property. You also may not change the state flag, bird, or so on. This is merely for bragging rights, or to hang a sign in your garage that says, 'I own West Virginia.'

"Also please note, you will have every right to succeed from the union, but that has been tried in the past without much success. I am also willing to relinquish the seat of "Emperor" FOR FREE!

"This is a surefire item to impress the ladies, rub in your brother-in-law's face or impress Japanese business clients. Good luck and happy bidding.

"Please NOTE: Item must be picked up in person."

Donlay said joke postings do occur on eBay, but not often. Normally, they relate to current events.

During the last presidential election, people offered to sell their votes, Donlay said. When statues of Saddam Hussein were toppled in Iraq, people immediately offered to sell them online.

"In a way," he said, "eBay's sort of become that town square where people used to come and get on soapboxes and exchange ideas. We see that playing out here and there."


http://www.herald-mail.com/?module=displaystory&story_id=71143&format=html

Emps
 
EXCLUSIVE: Cash-strapped lesbian auctions her body to help pay for her university tuition fees

Student is selling her virginity on the internet for £10,000

By Holly Jarvis

A STUDENT is so hard up she has decided to make the ultimate sacrifice ...she is selling her virginity to the highest bidder on the internet.

So far more than 400 men, many of them sickos, have placed bids offering 18-year-old Rosie Reid up to £10,000 for sex.

The drastic action has left Rosie's parents sickened. Her doctor dad has told her she "is selling her soul". Her nurse mum is outraged.

And Rosie is even willing to sleep with a man despite it being abhorrent to her—she is a LESBIAN.

But she would rather prostitute herself than see her studies suffer.

She is currently forced to work long hours in poorly paid part-time jobs to pay her tuition fees.

Rosie said: "The way things are going, I'll leave university £15,000 in debt. That's why I'm taking drastic action."

She started her Bachelor of Science degree in social policy at the University of Bristol three months ago and is already £3,000 in debt.

Rosie estimates her three-year course at the university, where Prime Minister Tony Blair's son Euan is also a student, will cost her £7,500 a year.

"I needed to raise cash and I was thinking about what I could sell," said Rosie, who has never even seen a man naked.

"It seemed that my virginity was something really valuable yet at the same time something I could do without. With £10,000 in the bank I could work less. I could live comfortably until the end of my course and concentrate on my studies.

"People have sex all the time and they do it free of charge. And I don't know many people who actually stay with the first person they ever sleep with. Unless I do something like this I'm going to be in financial trouble."

Difficult

Rosie, who has two younger brothers, placed her ad on the popular eBay website earlier this month.

Her posting, which ran alongside ads for secondhand cars and unwanted furniture, read: "Eighteen-year-old university student looking to sell virginity. Never lost it due to lesbianism. Will bung in free massage if you are any good. Picture on request."

Rosie, from Dulwich, south-east London, currently qualifies for a government loan of £3,000 a year—less than HALF what she needs to cover fees and other outgoings. She is juggling her studies with part-time jobs to pay for her food, clothes, travel and the £300 a year she needs for textbooks.

Rosie said: "The government has made it difficult for people like me to follow their ambition to study.

"I wish we could concentrate on learning rather than constantly worrying about money or working to get by.

"I think Tony Blair and Charles Clarke are encouraging a class divide, which is wrong and goes against all of Labour's principles."

The bright student, who achieved two As and a B at A-level, works three shifts a week as a silver service waitress. She often does 12-hour shifts, which means sacrificing lectures to make a modest £4.50 an hour.

She said: "Doing these kind of hours affects my studies. When I come home I'm so tired it's hard to fit in university work.

"I'm not willing to sacrifice my future for the sake of a part-time job, so I am faced with two choices—years in debt or prostituting myself on the internet for my education."

Within days of placing the ad, Rosie was bombarded with e-mails from around the world. eBay had nearly 7,000 hits on her ad over three days, almost ten a second.

But after three days the website decided to remove her. Rosie is now setting up her own website where she will continue to advertise herself.

Earlier this month American interior designer Cathy Cobblerson, 24, offered her virginity for 0,000 (£65,000) on eBay to pay off credit card bills.

But some of the depraved responses Rosie has received highlight the danger she has put herself in to make money.

A response from one man said: "What size are your breasts?" And asked whether she was willing to engage in unusual sex.

Other e-mails were supportive. One said: "You are a ballsy young lass. There is no greater gift than that of education and I admire you loads for what you are doing."

Rosie said: "On the third day the response to the auction was just huge.

"Some of the e-mails were from people just having a laugh, but I got quite a few from people saying that they really admired me, and others from people who were really sympathetic.

"One guy wrote to me and said he would pay £10,000 for my virginity. I probably would have gone for it but I waited to see what would happen." She added: "I was holding out for more cash, but also seeing if people were serious.

"You could tell those who really meant it because they would ask me about pregnancy and protection."

Rosie is in a lesbian relationship with lover Jess Cameron, a 26-year-old operations manager.

Jess said: "I fully support Rosie just as long as she's safe.

"I won't be there in the room when it happens, but I'll be nearby. I feel angry that Rosie has to be in this position at all.

Power

"It's ridiculous that the government allows this to happen. With an attitude like this, Labour shouldn't be in power." Jess, from south London, added: "I would find the whole thing hard if Rosie was going to sleep with another woman.

"But I know she doesn't care about men, so if it has to be done, I am right behind her."

Rosie added: "I'm not sexually attracted to men, but if sex is natural to so many people, it can't be that bad.

"I've never had a sexual experience with a man, so I have no idea what it would be like.

"Having sex with a woman is very intimate and is all about the mind.

"But I'm not doing this for my own enjoyment...I'm doing this so I can do my degree without struggling financially."

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/story_pages/news/news3.shtml
 
Why arent her parents funding her? Doctors do get paid lots you know.
 
So far more than 400 men, many of them sickos, have placed bids offering 18-year-old Rosie Reid up to £10,000 for sex.

All of them sickos shouldn't that be, or at least too much money and no social skills.

The words self publicist and scam spring to mind, wonder how much she got from NoW for this story,
 
I've no objection to her selling it, it's her selling something she doesn't want to I object to.

Perhaps better to get the tabloid money than actually have to do it?

Could her parents be hoping she'll settle with a Nice Man and then they'll give her the money?:rolleyes:


kath
 
That article is (i'm prepared to hazard) utter bullshit or a setup designed to 'make' a story. :rolleyes:

If it's true and the stupid creature goes through with it, i wish a non-lethal but uncomfortable sexual disease upon her bean-filled head... :)

...or other part of her anatomy.
 
My guess is it is a scam to get some cash out the tabloids - you can imagine the look on the face of the hack when he heard "cash-strapped lesbian auctions virginity". eBay will probably pull the auction for being inappopriate (I think those virtual girlfriends are on the edge) but the tabloids will probably shell out a few grand for the story - if one was to keep pushing it then I'd imaigne you could get the 10k from idiot journos and their knuckledragging readership.

Emps
 
Emperor said:
eBay will probably pull the auction for being inappopriate (

Just did an ebay search: can't find it even under completed items and i tried a fair number of possible permutations. :eek:

edit: further to my earlier cursing i hope when she recovers from her STD the police arrive at her door and arrest her for prostitution. ;)
 
Some random observations

I am a big fan of http://www.disturbingauctions.com. I bought a book in a similar vein, although I don't remember the title at the moment--it may even be a spin-off of disturbingauctions.

The American humourist, Dave Barry has published one, maybe two books of really weird gift ideas, for example, a handbag made out of a bull's scrotum (quite attractive all things considered).

I also have a volume of useless inventions by the Japanese. Like many of the parodies of weird inventions and modern art that one sees in cartoons, some of these inventions would readily find a market if anybody would manufacture them. I think stealing ideas from cartoonists would be a great way to get rich.

Myself, I overheard the former room-mate of a friend offer to sell his soul for $5 (CDN) in a restaurant once.

I could have snapped it, but what would I do with a soul? Are they transferable? Is it a sin to buy a soul? Could I buy one cheap and sign it over to God, thereby earning major brownie points with the Deity? Presumably this would require a co-signature from the previous owner in order to be valid for the purposes of Salvation, which seeing as the original owner is an atheist/unbeliever/God-scorner, might be touch and go.

eBay has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only will people buy anything, they will also sell anything, even if they don't own it. Apparently, eBay and its successors now employ thousands of people full time. All of the horse-traders and hustlers of the world (except the computer-illiterates, a considerable number) must be beating a path to their virtual doors.

I will be back with some links to the above mentionned books if I can find them quickly.
 
Dave Barry Book I mentionned in my earlier post

The bibliographic reference is:

Dave Barry. Gift Guide to End All Gift Guides, 1994.

Dave Barry's website:
www.davebarry.com

Dave is a pretty prolific newspaper op ed page humourist--not quite as posh as James Thurber but definitely quite as representative of American humour. He has a fondness for weird news stories and dumb science which Forteans may find sympathetic.

I'll let you look up book reviews, etc., for yourself.

I'm off to find that book on the Japanese art of useless inventions.
 
Chindogu, the Art of Useless Inventions

This webpage offers a good introduction to the Japanese art of chindogu, namely the creation of useless inventions (if you have ever seen the American television series Mystery Science Theatre, the Invention Exchange is pretty close in spirit, if not in execution).

History of Chindogu

101 Un-Useless Inventions

Here is another edition of the book that I have (sequel to the above):

99 more useless inventions
 
lbd: Ahhhhhhhhhh I keep running across that on various TV shows- thanks for the information (I never got around to chasing it up online) - I think Adam and Joe's BBC show covered this in more detail.

Anyway this is truly great - I have a little tear in my eye:

http://cgi.ebay.fr/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2978448779&category=1 46

I have saved a copy with images for posterity!!!

[edit: Actually check out all his auctions:

http://cgi6.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dl...=computer_saskboy&completed=0&sort=3&since=-1 ]

Emps
 
Thursday, February 05, 2004
— Time: 11:04:01 PM EST

eBay halts auction of skull found on Maui

By VALERIE MONSON, Staff Writer

WAILUKU - An eBay auction of a skull claimed to be from an ancient Hawaiian who was buried at Kaanapali long ago was halted Wednesday after outraged Native Hawaiians contacted legal authorities.
"If he (the seller) had proceeded, he would have been in violation of federal law," said Eddie Ayau, coordinator of Hui Malama I Na Kupuna Hawaii Nei, a group that has reburied numerous bones that have been improperly removed over the years. "We are urging him instead to do the right thing and repatriate the remains."

An eBay spokesman could not be reached, but Sara Collins, archaeology branch chief of the State Historic Preservation Division, said the company's senior lawyer immediately responded and was cooperative. Because it's against the federal Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act (NAGPRA) to traffic in such human remains, the matter has been turned over to federal attorneys in California. The seller's hometown was listed on the eBay site as Irvine, Calif.

Charles Kauluwehi Maxwell Sr., chairman of the Maui/Lanai Islands Burial Council, said it was not yet known if the seller voluntarily ended the auction of the skull or if eBay authorities pulled it off the online auction site.

"The good thing is that we got it stopped," said Maxwell. "Our main concern is to get it back and bury it where it belongs."

The skull apparently was dug up in 1969 on Kaanapali Beach by the seller, who didn't say whether he was a visitor or a resident at the time. In his pitch to get bidders to start the auction at
Thursday, February 05, 2004
— Time: 11:04:01 PM EST

eBay halts auction of skull found on Maui

By VALERIE MONSON, Staff Writer

WAILUKU - An eBay auction of a skull claimed to be from an ancient Hawaiian who was buried at Kaanapali long ago was halted Wednesday after outraged Native Hawaiians contacted legal authorities.
"If he (the seller) had proceeded, he would have been in violation of federal law," said Eddie Ayau, coordinator of Hui Malama I Na Kupuna Hawaii Nei, a group that has reburied numerous bones that have been improperly removed over the years. "We are urging him instead to do the right thing and repatriate the remains."

An eBay spokesman could not be reached, but Sara Collins, archaeology branch chief of the State Historic Preservation Division, said the company's senior lawyer immediately responded and was cooperative. Because it's against the federal Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act (NAGPRA) to traffic in such human remains, the matter has been turned over to federal attorneys in California. The seller's hometown was listed on the eBay site as Irvine, Calif.

Charles Kauluwehi Maxwell Sr., chairman of the Maui/Lanai Islands Burial Council, said it was not yet known if the seller voluntarily ended the auction of the skull or if eBay authorities pulled it off the online auction site.

"The good thing is that we got it stopped," said Maxwell. "Our main concern is to get it back and bury it where it belongs."

The skull apparently was dug up in 1969 on Kaanapali Beach by the seller, who didn't say whether he was a visitor or a resident at the time. In his pitch to get bidders to start the auction at $1,000, the seller - who was only identified by his eBay tag name of "magicjer" - wrote:

"At the time, the site was being excavated for the development of the Whaler's Village and when a 'field' of battle artifacts and human remains were uncovered, construction was halted while an historical investigation was conducted by the Lahaina Historical Society and the Bishop Museum. . . . Guards were posted at the excavation site to keep out the curious."

But one night, the seller - then a teenager - and some friends, including the son of a famous actor, "decided to sneak over . . . and see what we could find."

"While digging in the sand, we began to uncover an entire skeleton and, of course, I decided to keep the skull. For the last 35 years, I've kept this 200-year-old Hawaiian warrior as a souvenir of my youth, but now it's time to give him up to the highest bidder."

The seller said he would include a notarized certificate of authenticity of "this brave warrior's skull" with the sale.

Several photographs of the skull were also posted on the site.

The seller claimed the skull was from someone involved in a bloody battle that involved King Kamehameha in the 1790s, but both Ayau and Maxwell said no such clash took place there. Both said the skull was almost certainly not that of a warrior who died in battle.

"It was just a regular burial ground," said Maxwell. "Many people lived there. There are numerous sand burials."

However, it appeared the seller was not exaggerating the circumstances of when he found the skull. Ayau said that Whaler's Village officials acknowledged that the complex was completed in 1972 after about a three-year construction phase.

Collins said E-bay had been made aware of NAGPRA regulations and the concerns of Native Hawaiians last year when someone was trying to sell an ulu maika (a small stone used in an ancient game similar to bowling) that came from Kahoolawe.

"Because of our concerns, the senior counsel promptly amended the language of prohibited items (that can be sold on E-bay)," said Collins.

That made it clear that Native Hawaiian remains, gravesite related artifacts and burial items should not be posted, she said.

"That was very helpful to us," she said. "It's fairly easy to find (the prohibition list) and any experienced sellers should know about it, but somehow this sale was announced without knowing it was prohibited."

Hawaiians were alerted to the sale Tuesday by an anthropologist at Appalachian State University in Boone, N.C., who had seen the auction and knew it was a violation of NAGPRA. Ayau said the anthropologist located the Office of Hawaiian Affairs Web site and sent an e-mail, which triggered a landslide of electronic and telephone communications among Hawaiians.

Maxwell, who has repatriated countless burials, said he was nearly sick to his stomach as he viewed the pictures and read the sensational description.

Ayau said he quickly e-mailed the seller and asked him, without threats, to return the remains for a proper burial.

"I was trying to get this person to cooperate," said Ayau.

The seller did not respond, but when the skull was removed from the E-bay Web site, Ayau wrote back to say he appreciated that and hoped to make arrangements for repatriation.

"It was very hard to not express my anger," said Ayau. "This could have been someone's parent, grandparent, daughter, we don't know. What hurts is that Hawaiians are dehumanized by doing this. That's the bigger issue here."

It could not immediately be determined what penalties the seller might suffer.

Collins said the skull must now be examined for further identification.

"If these are Native Hawaiian remains, they've got to be returned to their rightful place," she said.
,000, the seller - who was only identified by his eBay tag name of "magicjer" - wrote:

"At the time, the site was being excavated for the development of the Whaler's Village and when a 'field' of battle artifacts and human remains were uncovered, construction was halted while an historical investigation was conducted by the Lahaina Historical Society and the Bishop Museum. . . . Guards were posted at the excavation site to keep out the curious."

But one night, the seller - then a teenager - and some friends, including the son of a famous actor, "decided to sneak over . . . and see what we could find."

"While digging in the sand, we began to uncover an entire skeleton and, of course, I decided to keep the skull. For the last 35 years, I've kept this 200-year-old Hawaiian warrior as a souvenir of my youth, but now it's time to give him up to the highest bidder."

The seller said he would include a notarized certificate of authenticity of "this brave warrior's skull" with the sale.

Several photographs of the skull were also posted on the site.

The seller claimed the skull was from someone involved in a bloody battle that involved King Kamehameha in the 1790s, but both Ayau and Maxwell said no such clash took place there. Both said the skull was almost certainly not that of a warrior who died in battle.

"It was just a regular burial ground," said Maxwell. "Many people lived there. There are numerous sand burials."

However, it appeared the seller was not exaggerating the circumstances of when he found the skull. Ayau said that Whaler's Village officials acknowledged that the complex was completed in 1972 after about a three-year construction phase.

Collins said E-bay had been made aware of NAGPRA regulations and the concerns of Native Hawaiians last year when someone was trying to sell an ulu maika (a small stone used in an ancient game similar to bowling) that came from Kahoolawe.

"Because of our concerns, the senior counsel promptly amended the language of prohibited items (that can be sold on E-bay)," said Collins.

That made it clear that Native Hawaiian remains, gravesite related artifacts and burial items should not be posted, she said.

"That was very helpful to us," she said. "It's fairly easy to find (the prohibition list) and any experienced sellers should know about it, but somehow this sale was announced without knowing it was prohibited."

Hawaiians were alerted to the sale Tuesday by an anthropologist at Appalachian State University in Boone, N.C., who had seen the auction and knew it was a violation of NAGPRA. Ayau said the anthropologist located the Office of Hawaiian Affairs Web site and sent an e-mail, which triggered a landslide of electronic and telephone communications among Hawaiians.

Maxwell, who has repatriated countless burials, said he was nearly sick to his stomach as he viewed the pictures and read the sensational description.

Ayau said he quickly e-mailed the seller and asked him, without threats, to return the remains for a proper burial.

"I was trying to get this person to cooperate," said Ayau.

The seller did not respond, but when the skull was removed from the E-bay Web site, Ayau wrote back to say he appreciated that and hoped to make arrangements for repatriation.

"It was very hard to not express my anger," said Ayau. "This could have been someone's parent, grandparent, daughter, we don't know. What hurts is that Hawaiians are dehumanized by doing this. That's the bigger issue here."

It could not immediately be determined what penalties the seller might suffer.

Collins said the skull must now be examined for further identification.

"If these are Native Hawaiian remains, they've got to be returned to their rightful place," she said.

http://mauinews.com/news/story/025202004_new01ebay0205.asp
 
Welll....there is most likely air in the bag. Unless its really a vacuum chamber cunningly designed to look like a jiffy bag! In which case its an absolute steal at that price!
 
"Great for encouraging excrement" has now superceded "wardrobe malfunction" as my favourite phrase.
 
It's cheaper to keep one of the GF's cpies of Heat or Celebrity Tat in the bathroom, so at least if your run out of paper you get the unique and memorable pleaure of using Victoria Beckham's face to wipe your backside.
 
If anything, her records make me want to vomit, rather than the other.

Many years ago I was the duty manager at a fast food restuarant when she and her dullard came through the drive thru. Just to think I could have ended it all with one pan full of hot oil...

You never think at the time though do you... :rolleyes:
 
Out Of Character Insult Alert!

Lord Boreal said:
You never think at the time though do you... :rolleyes:
That would probably be why you were working in a drive-thru fast food joint.

;)
 
Well let's face it, depending on who got the break the roles should have been reversed. Frank Skinner once described the Spice Girls as "If you saw them serving at Tesco's, you'd fancy your chances."
 
It was a management opportunity, and a 50% pay rise...

...and the single most soul destroying experience of my life :(

I walked out after 5 months though, and after 3 years the nightmares stopped (I'm not actually joking about that :( )
 
Dark Detective said:
Well let's face it, depending on who got the break the roles should have been reversed. Frank Skinner once described the Spice Girls as "If you saw them serving at Tesco's, you'd fancy your chances."

Or as Mel B might say in Bo Selecta "Oooh! Crabsticks!" :)
 
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