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Felix Dennis Dead

Perhaps the FTMB should have a Felix Dennis commemoration day, or something like that?
I went to one of his, 'Did I mention the free wine?' tour readings in Amsterdam last Autumn. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Not just because of the bottle of wine and the canapés that I managed to put away. A poet, raconteur and self made mega millionaire. Considering how ill he'd been previously, tough and quite fearless, too.
Reading his obituary today, I was alarmed to see Mr Dennis spent one hundred million pounds on crack cocaine and prostitutes, or so he claimed. Is that where our subs went?
How many more threads is FD going to need? He's already on RIP and at least one other!
Sort it out, Mods!
rynner2 said:
How many more threads is FD going to need? He's already on RIP and at least one other!
Sort it out, Mods!

Let a thousand threads bloom in honour of Felix.
gncxx said:
Reading his obituary today, I was alarmed to see Mr Dennis spent one hundred million pounds on crack cocaine and prostitutes, or so he claimed. Is that where our subs went?
He probably spent that years before he bought the FT.
Yeah, he was probably a reformed character by then, plus he was not averse to, er, building up his profile.
It's perfectly possible to spend £100 million on sex'n'drugs&rock'n'roll. Just not necessarily all at once.
The Company Poem

The Bearded Dwarf

There’s them as plan and them as chance
And them as rather walk than dance,
There’s them as never leaves the shore,
But me, I’ve always seized an oar,
A mate or two on either side
To set our backs against the tide,
Not knowing where our prow might touch,
Nor turning round, nor caring much.

Strange it is for them as row,
Never seeing where they go,
While lubbers Nelson couldn’t teach
Shout out instructions from the beach -
Dry-sailors with their spread-sheet screens
Who count the cost of pork and beans,
New chandlers with their silly lists
Saluting flags and analysts.

I’ve sailed the ship, I’ve owned the line,
I’ve swilled on bilge and drunk fine wine,
I’ve paced the bloody jetty, too,
Not knowing how I’d pay the crew.
I’ve sailed at dawn without a plan,
Faced mutiny and 'ung a man,
(’ung more than one, if truth be told);
I’ve stacked the decks with blood and gold
Paid out upon the barrel-head
(With widows and their orphans fed
Most scrupulous, ‘cash money down’ –
I’m quite the thing in Portsmouth Town).

There’s men whose backs I ’ad to flay
Who’ll tell you I worked ’ard as they,
Stood my watch and stood with ease
While younger men went on their knees;
And though the seas we sail aren’t salt,
And though I’m not without some fault,
They line along Canary wharf
To sail upon the Bearded Dwarf.

And why? Is it to learn a trade
Or all the filthy gelt we’ve made?
To ’elp convert our ’eathen kin
Or bang out weevils in a tin?
No sir! It's just they love to mock
The Royal Navy, lock and stock,
To never ’ave to kneel and cow –
Or curtsey on the starboard bow.

There’s not a Navy ship that sails
Could ’ope to catch the Dwarf’s coat tails,
(Unless, the crew was drunk, the sods –
And then I’d give ’em even odds
’Gainst toady jacks who buff the brass
Or kiss the first lieutenant’s arse).

No sir! I’d rather starve afloat
Than scoff swill in a Navy boat,
A measly pint of grog a day
And ’Christmas pud on Christmas Day’
If you’ve behaved – then forced to sing
Like choirboys: 'God Save The King!'

“So up my lads, we’re glory bound,
The tide is turning on the Sound,
There’s native girls with luscious lips
And nowt but grass upon their hips,
There’s Spanish Dons, the old buffoons,
Their fat tubs stuffed with gold doubloons.
Strange stars there are in Southern skies -
Am I a man who’d tell you lies...?
Line up along Canary wharf:
Sign up to sail the Bearded Dwarf!”
Pietro_Mercurios said:
Ha! Not heard that before! 8)

Very Kiplingesque, with an almost psychedelic range in time and space from Drake's Caribbean to modern Canary Wharf.

The Bearded Dwarf seems to refer to Drake:
"He is low in stature, thick-set, and very robust. He has a fine countenance, is ruddy of complexion and has a fair beard...He is a great mariner, the son and relative of seamen." Such was the appearance of Drake in 1579, when the Portuguese pilot Nunho da Silva described him in a deposition before the Inquisition, in Mexico...

http://www.loc.gov/rr/rarebook/catalog/ ... ctors.html
My ex-wife's family claimed to be related to Drake, although not direct descendents, as Drake himself had no children.

And I myself have sailed to Canary Wharf, in the 1970s, when it was still derelict dockland, before all those tall buildings magically shot up out of the ground.

All of which must go to prove something, although I can't quite put my finger on it.... :?
Felix Dennis' celebrity theme-barn (as I have dubbed it) in Dorsington, Stratford-upon-Avon is up for sale for £4,000,000:


The summer-house is the only normal-looking element, and the upstairs furnishing and decorations look foul.

I attach the photographs here in case they go offline when it is sold.

Certainly individual!


Did anyone check under the patio?
Oh dear. It's a little bit nouveaux riche' isn't it. The Beckhams would love it.
Did the pirate come with the furnishings?
It looks like a place set up for parties.
Most of the furnishings are there as set dressing. All personal stuff has probably been sold/given to the family.
Seems something of a "bargain" at £4m, presumably reflecting that part of the house is err unique.
I love the 'living room'(?) table/cupboard in the shape of stacked books.
There was a similar one in The Gladstone pub in Nottingham. :)