Funny And/Or Weird Happenings Whilst Drunk (Stoned; Tripping; Etc.)

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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After my work's drunken fiasco of a xmas party on Saturday there have been delighted discussions today about the pee-ridden aftermath.

Just about everyone* wet their pants, bed, taxi seat or neighbour's lawn. :D

*Except me. I was driving. :(
 

OneWingedBird

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It doesn't sound like you missed out on much there 'scarg.

Even less if you're the one that would have to have got a new mattress. :lol:
 

escargot

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Oh I dunno, the drinking culture here is deeply ingrained. The consensus is that if you don't wet at least your pants then you haven't had a good night out.

One silly mare came into work with a black and blue face, having fallen down the toilet while vomiting into it. This was after wetting the bed while sitting on it and then being undressed by her partner.

He went off to get a fresh sheet and she headed off again, this time on all fours, her naked crawl to the bathroom leaving a trail of wee.

Champagne, white wine and that Jaeger-bomb stuff. Next time she might throw in a bottle of carpet cleaner and a precautionary rubber sheet. :lol:
 

Yithian

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One of the stranger drunken events I've witnessed was an unconscious woman waking from the floor, marching automatically over to the kitchen sink (not hers), hopping up in a weirdly smooth movement and urinating into it - oblivious to a room full of spectators.

One minute later she was asleep on the floor again.

It was the automatic quality of the whole thing that seemed incongruous; almost as if she came there and did the same thing every night.
 

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
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If people get that drunk, it's gone too far.
I gave up drinking to the point where I was unconscious-drunk when I woke one morning and didn't remember how I'd got back from the pub.
It worried me...and of course, I had to clean up the bedroom - which had sick all over the place. Never again!
 

gellatly68

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A university friend of mine, after a night of intense studying the bottoms of pint glasses and the underside of bar tables, awoke to discover that his trousers were somehow glued to his legs. Further investigation revealed that he had puke on the inside of his kecks. :eek:
He finally deduced that in his pixillated state, he'd gone to the toilet to lay a beer cable, thrown up mid-operation into his jeans, then pulled them back up! :D
 

honeyplanet

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I once managed to take off my jeans over my boots, when I woke up in the morning (still drunk) the heels sent me slightly off balance. I fell down the stairs..broke my wrist! Don't drink so much now.
 

frankiefelix

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Oh I dunno, the drinking culture here is deeply ingrained. The consensus is that if you don't wet at least your pants then you haven't had a good night out.

One silly mare came into work with a black and blue face, having fallen down the toilet while vomiting into it. This was after wetting the bed while sitting on it and then being undressed by her partner.

He went off to get a fresh sheet and she headed off again, this time on all fours, her naked crawl to the bathroom leaving a trail of wee.

Champagne, white wine and that Jaeger-bomb stuff. Next time she might throw in a bottle of carpet cleaner and a precautionary rubber sheet. :lol:
Just to let you know, I am literally crying with laughter at this. Such a sophisticated set, your colleagues.
 

Mythopoeika

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Your poo has now been DNA-analysed. :D
 

McAvennie

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I have been caught short on the poo front twice this year. The first occasion is too horrific to tell you about, but the second occasion ... actually, no-one wants to read poo stories, do they? So you can skip the rest of this post...

... but I know you're still reading, you pervert. I was walking home from the shop, just after night had fallen, and I got within 20 yards of the front door when all of a sudden I had a rectal emergency. It wasn't waiting for anything. I stood there, desperately clamping my knees together, but to no avail. I managed to sort of mince behind a neighbour's hedge, pull my breeks down and oh the shame deposit something as thick as my arm that fell on the grass with an audible thud. The next day, I left the house and while walking into town had a sudden urge to see if my poo was still there. I peeked round the hedge, and not only had it gone but a square of turf had disappeared too, as though my neighbour was so disgusted that only removing the very soil itself would exorcise my foul taint.

And that is my poo story for Christmas, an' it please your honour.

A year or so back on my walk to work just before I go down the stairs to the Metro there is one of those public toilets that you go in with the automatic door. Free to go in, no payment needed - anyway, at the back of the unit, almost as a defiant "I see your public loo but I refuse to use it...", was a humungous item. It was there for a few days, reasonable rainfall making some dent in it but not enough to wear it down.

For a few days it was a real boak-inducer. I still think about it every so often when I walk past that lav.
 

Swifty

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First time was when I was punched very hard in the head by a skinhead .... I'm sure he realised what had just happened and that was probably what saved me from a further kicking ...

The only other time was when I was put in charge of taking a mate to the pub so his wife could organise a surprise birthday party for him next door to his house ... We were already plastered by the time we got back and then everything was offered to us and like a fool I took everything that was offered to me ..... fast forward to 5 minutes later and I had staggered out onto his back garden, couldn't stand up, needed to poop, managed to get my trousers and underwear down and then ...you know .... so they later found me asleep on his stairs with his kids using me as a climbing frame ... the next morning his wife was hanging out some washing and I'm ashamed to admit I was too ashamed to point out that she was about to tread on it ... I left pretty sharpish ...
 
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frankiefelix

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I'm hysterical again - going to wet myself in a minute.
Makes the little brown spot I got on my Tena Lady when I had gastric flu last year seem almost fragrant by comparison.
God almighty, what IS the matter with you people??? You're not even ill! o_O
 

Vida Loca

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Someone on another thread suggested a new thread. What funny/weird things have happened to you when drunk? Including how you managed to get home etc. Any strange awakenings the next morning or whatever? Any stories of weirdness or of a Fortean nature?
 

Shady

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Not to me, but a friend, she came to my house warming party and she took home two big bottles of booze, part way there she fell flat on her face and broke a front tooth, she didnt let go of the bottles, nor did she break them, i told her it was her own daft fault for not letting go of them.
 

Vida Loca

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Many years ago when I was single I had an impromptu House Party after a works Christmas do in a local pub. Everyone piled back to my house and got the very worst for wear. Those who could still walk and lived nearby went home. Everyone else just crashed wherever in the house. Can't remember a lot apart from a salted peanut fight and the mess it made. Anyway I was woken up the next morning by some kind of commotion in the front bedroom. I was in the back bedroom alone and had gone to bed fully dressed. I got up and went out on the landing to find 2 lads who had both slept in the same room in the front in a right state. The bedroom that they slept in had a window high up overlooking a road, the house was down in a dip and had an embankment and steps up to the road. My neighbours at that time had an old fishing boat that they kept permanently parked up on the road in the residents parking space. One of the boys had got up and glanced out of the window and could see just the boat and the trees. He woke the other lad and they both thought that they were both on a boat on the river. The panic and confusion was hysterical. I bumped into one of them just before Christmas in a pub. He always mentions it and we laugh about it. Ship ahoy!
 
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Dick Turpin

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Many years ago when I was single I had an impromptu House Party after a works Christmas do in a local pub. Everyone piled back to my house and got the very worst for wear. Those who could still walk and lived nearby went home. Everyone else just crashed wherever in the house. Can't remember a lot apart from a salted peanut fight and the mess it made. Anyway I was woken up the next morning by some kind of commotion in the front bedroom. I was in the back bedroom alone and had gone to bed fully dressed. I got up and went out on the landing to find 2 lads who had both slept in the same room in the front in a right state. The bedroom that they slept in had a window high up overlooking a road, the house was down in a dip and had an embankment and steps up to the road. My neighbours at that time had an old fishing boat that they kept permanently parked up on the road in the residents parking space. One of the boys had got up and glanced out of the window and could see just the boat and the trees. He woke the other lad and they both thought that they were both on a boat on the river. The panic and confusion was hysterical. I bumped into one of them just before Christmas in a pub. He always mentions it and we laugh about it. Ship ahoy!

Where do I start. This thread is gonna bring back a few memories.

I suppose getting arrested for drunk and disorderly twice in one night by two different police forces was quite an acheivement
 

gattino

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I once fell into a river but managed to keep my kebab dry (the river was only waist deep). Still, I considered it quite an achievement and do to this day.

There was no supernatural component to this incident.
I'm not so sure. You talking of keeping your kebab dry filled me with horror.

Shades of Jade Goody.
 
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gattino

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The one connection i make between drunkenness and things fortean is FT's mythconceptions column debunking the near universal trope/sneer about witnesses to strange things having been drunk at the time...by pointing out the obvious but somehow unnoticed fact that being pissed does not generally induce hallucinations.
 

Andy X

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Yes, I've been banging on about this for years. It's astonishing that people feel it necessary to point out that they hadn't been near a pint of lager prior to their UFO sighting ... or that debunkers will say 'well, he says he saw this ghost - but was he on his way back from the pub?'
 

onetwothree

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Jade Goody (whilst on Big Brother) referred to an intimate part of her anatomy as her 'kebab'.

I wish I didn't know that, but alas. I do.

(Makes your answer strangely appropriate even with this potential new meaning. :evillaugh:)
 

Andy X

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Dear God.

This is all very unfortunate, but now I have attained maturity I eat a kebab with a knife and fork about four times a year, so it should be fine.

Years ago JG had a go at running a beauty parlour sort of place round these parts and a local wannabe YouTuber boy made a video of himself verbally abusing her. I felt slightly sorry for her for about two minutes.
 
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