Half-Lucid Dreaming?

[catseye]

I dreamed last night about my dad, who died ten years ago (actually, almost to the day now I come to think of it). In my dream he was vaguely irritated with me, and I was telling him that I loved him.

As the dream went on I could see that he was starting to look younger and younger, and I kept telling him that I knew he was dead. And in the dream I 'knew' that this wasn't happening, that it couldn't be happening, and yet my brain didn't make that leap to lucid dreaming that it sometimes does when faced by impossible happenings. So I was in a curious limbo of knowing (in the dream) that it wasn't happening, but not knowing it was a dream.

Is there a name for this?

 

[escargot]

Is there a name for this?

Dunno, but it's an interesting read. We used to have a dream-interpretation thread on here.

One of the theories about dreams is that they are all directly related to oneself.

Ten years is a significant anniversary. Your subconscious remembers the date!

I wonder if part of you is thinking, 'I'm ten years further along to being the same age as Dad'?

So that the Dad you saw is not only Dad, but also yourself as the age Dad attained. But you're not that age yet so it you had to go back to how old you are now... I dunno.

 

[catseye]

I *was* looking at a man in a shop the other day, thinking his hair was very much like my dad's...but when my dad was younger, maybe that's triggered something?

Dreams are weird. But how come we can be in them thinking 'this is weird' but not think 'must be a dream then'?

 

[gattino]

I guess you'd call it being on the verge of lucidity. Like half waking up.

My only - recalled - example of a lucid dream left me with similar questions. Not so much "why wasn't i fully lucid" as "was i having an actual lucid dream, or was I just dreaming about having one?"

As for the content of your dream about your dead father getting younger and younger...that rings a bell. I had a very similar dream about my own dead father, in the run up to my mum's funeral, in which he too visibly rejuvenated. Let me dig it out to remind myself of the details....

 

[gattino]

Found it. The dream was a few weeks before my mum died (we didn't know as a fact that she was going to) and the relevance to her funeral several weeks later was about the setting of the dream, which is irrelevant now, but here is hte section that relates to your dream....

"And most curiously of all...my dad in it begins old, walking along and then getting faster till he's running and I'm trying to keep up. I say on the tape that he has a vision of "my mum..or is it HIS mum my dad's mum?..reaching out to him" and he "starts to rejuvenate, becoming a young man (it didn't look like my dad actually did when young, but resembled an acquaintance with the evocative name of kristian). "He's so full of life now and wants to go out and live" I say. I also refer to him gasping at the size of the hotel room, he can see mountains beyond."

 

[catseye]

Interesting Gattino, maybe there's some archetype thing going on? It was like I was watching my dad's face get 'smoother' somehow. Oddly enough, when I remember him I tend not to remember him as he was in his last few years when he was quite ill, but as he was around the age of 60-65, when he was well and hale.

Haven't dreamed of my mum (who died in August) yet, will keep an eye open for that starting.

 

[escargot]

Interesting Gattino, maybe there's some archetype thing going on? It was like I was watching my dad's face get 'smoother' somehow. Oddly enough, when I remember him I tend not to remember him as he was in his last few years when he was quite ill, but as he was around the age of 60-65, when he was well and hale.

Haven't dreamed of my mum (who died in August) yet, will keep an eye open for that starting.

I heard the great Michael Rosen talking on R4 a few years ago about the sudden death of his teenage son, who unexpectedly succumbed to meningitis. Rosen reckons a woman he chatted with advised him that one day he would have 'beautiful dreams' about his son which would be a comfort.

To me, this seemed to about starting to accept the death and being a bit less frenziedly grief-stricken. At the time I heard the programme Rosen was still waiting for the beautiful dreams.

 

[catseye]

It happened again last night. This time I held my dad's hand and told him I knew this was only a dream but I was glad to get the chance to spend some time with him (whilst we were on a train and missing our station). So I knew I was dreaming but didn't want to 'go lucid' and lose the dream, maybe?

I had a bit of a revelation when I woke up - we are waiting for probate to be granted on mum's estate, which will enable me to buy a house. I've been thinking gratefully about her saving habits that will mean I will be secure with my own roof over my head (I've been renting for years) - maybe this is my brain's way of saying 'oy - dad saved too, it's partly his money as well!' He predeceased my mum by nearly ten years, so his estate went to her, and then on to my brother and I, so my brain is right. Thanks mum AND dad!

 

[gattino]

Or it could genuinely be the spirit of your father appearing in your dreams to reassure you that life continues. That's how most people interpret these post mortem encounters in dream land.

(I have to say most people because despite my great interest in anomalous dreams, and plenty of waking experiences that are suggestive of "communication" in some way, Ive never ever had a dream in which i recognised and acknowledged the person to be dead. They're just stock characters in my dreams. So yours..while widely reported by people who#'ve lost loved ones - is special nontheless.)

 

[catseye]

I would love to believe that was the case, Gattino - I really really would.

Unfortunately, while I half-believe that something of the ones we love remains around us, I really can't make myself believe in my dad's spirit visiting me. If that were the case, then what about all those other bereaved people who never get a visitation, dream or otherwise, from their loved ones?

I've been feeling sad all day, properly missing my dad for the first time in years. It was the holding his hand bit in the dream that did it, every time I remember that I just well up again.

 

[escargot]

Thanks mum AND dad!

I wonder if that's what it's all about, that with the passing of your mother your subconscious is reminding you that you're now without both of them? Also that, as you say, your late father also contributed towards your forthcoming legacy.

Not telling you what to think, of course, you know best how your mind works!

 

[escargot]

I would love to believe that was the case, Gattino - I really really would.

Unfortunately, while I half-believe that something of the ones we love remains around us, I really can't make myself believe in my dad's spirit visiting me. If that were the case, then what about all those other bereaved people who never get a visitation, dream or otherwise, from their loved ones?

I've been feeling sad all day, properly missing my dad for the first time in years. It was the holding his hand bit in the dream that did it, every time I remember that I just well up again.

We have a couple of threads about dreaming of the dead which you might like.

 

[catseye]

I wonder if that's what it's all about, that with the passing of your mother your subconscious is reminding you that you're now without both of them? Also that, as you say, your late father also contributed towards your forthcoming legacy.

Not telling you what to think, of course, you know best how your mind works!

Oh, if only I knew how my mind worked!

I have dipped in to the 'dreaming of the dead' thread, but it made me horribly sad, so I stopped. I lost both my parents at a good ripe old age, and some of the stories over there are heart rending.

Hopefully tonight will be dream free (unless it's that one about Ben Wishaw and the beach, I'll take that one).

 

[gattino]

If that were the case, then what about all those other bereaved people who never get a visitation, dream or otherwise, from their loved ones?

How do you know they don't?

In fact..how do THEY know they don't? Maybe its the difference between noticing and accepting it or not.

I reported here a month or so ago how - quite devoid of emotion - I addressed a photo of my mum,noting to her how nothing "paranormal" had happened since she died..and how it would be good to get more, clear, signs.

The next day, clearing out a kitchen drawer for unforseen reasons I discovered a scrap of paper with my own handwriting on it. It had been in the drawer for years for some reason. It was somethng i'd held up to my uncomprehending mum when she appeared to have had a stroke. But in the circumstances of its rediscovery, so soon after my request, it read more like a message she was holding up to me. "I keep asking you as loudly and clearly as I can if you can hear me, but you just keep staring at me like you don't".....

 

[catseye]

Sniff. Here I go again...

 

[Ghost In The Machine]

I lost my dad ten years ago and my mum when I was a kid. Have noticed that I never dreamed about them soon after they died - and only rarely ever. But quite a long time went by before they appeared in dreams at all. Not on a parr with losing a parent, obviously, but this past week I have had several dreams about my late dog - she was 14 so we had her a long time and she died over 3 years back. Never really dream much about her but then have done so almost every night this week. I have no clue why.

Also noticed that after I had kids, the latest child wouldn't appear in dreams for several years. No way of accounting for it, just wondered if the subconscious doesn't take its own sweet time in realising who is around and who isn't.

 

[escargot]

just wondered if the subconscious doesn't take its own sweet time in realising who is around and who isn't.

That's apparently the case. The emotional response is well behind the intellectual, so I've read.

 

[catseye]

I noticed that with my children too - it took a while for the youngest to be in dreams.

Lost my old dog too at the age of 14, nearly two years ago. Haven't dreamed of him at all since we lost him. To be honest, I don't often dream of the pets at all,

 

[Clear Light]

I often dream about one of my good friends who passed away over twenty five years ago. It's odd because in the dreams I know he is dead and mostly it's about sharing music with him that I know he would have loved when he was alive.

 

[escargot]

I noticed that with my children too - it took a while for the youngest to be in dreams.

Lost my old dog too at the age of 14, nearly two years ago. Haven't dreamed of him at all since we lost him. To be honest, I don't often dream of the pets at all,

My late pets are sometimes in my dreams. Our big dog, Rocky, once turned up talking eloquently. We fell about laughing at him and it wasn't until I woke up that I realised he'd been speaking about my sister who'd had cancer, ooer!

 

[skinny]

How do you know they don't?

In fact..how do THEY know they don't? Maybe its the difference between noticing and accepting it or not.

I reported here a month or so ago how - quite devoid of emotion - I addressed a photo of my mum,noting to her how nothing "paranormal" had happened since she died..and how it would be good to get more, clear, signs.

The next day, clearing out a kitchen drawer for unforseen reasons I discovered a scrap of paper with my own handwriting on it. It had been in the drawer for years for some reason. It was somethng i'd held up to my uncomprehending mum when she appeared to have had a stroke. But in the circumstances of its rediscovery, so soon after my request, it read more like a message she was holding up to me. "I keep asking you as loudly and clearly as I can if you can hear me, but you just keep staring at me like you don't".....

Determined by the level of wantage.

I've just been abandoned by my wife of nearly 17 years and children aged 10 and 4. My dreams are full of all of them.

 

[catseye]

I dreamed again - this time that I was talking to my mother on the telephone. The line was very faint and crackly and, occasionally, I could hear my father's voice breaking through, almost as though he was 'off mic' but wanted to remind her of something to tell me (pretty much like their conversations when they were alive, only it was usually my dad that I spoke to, my mum being somewhat hard of hearing.

It was a perfectly conventional conversation, I remember the last thing I asked her was 'what's the weather like?' I don't remember her answer. I don't think I was aware she was dead in this dream though. And, after all those previous 'I know you're dead' dreams, why have I reverted? Am I still having trouble dealing with her death? (I don't think so).

 

[bloop]

I dreamed again - this time that I was talking to my mother on the telephone. The line was very faint and crackly and, occasionally, I could hear my father's voice breaking through, almost as though he was 'off mic' but wanted to remind her of something to tell me (pretty much like their conversations when they were alive, only it was usually my dad that I spoke to, my mum being somewhat hard of hearing.

It was a perfectly conventional conversation, I remember the last thing I asked her was 'what's the weather like?' I don't remember her answer. I don't think I was aware she was dead in this dream though. And, after all those previous 'I know you're dead' dreams, why have I reverted? Am I still having trouble dealing with her death? (I don't think so).

I remember dreaming of my late mum aboout 12 months or so after her death and just talking to her as I did when she was here in this reality. I never thought of, or referred to, her as being dead something which I seemed to do all previous times I had dreamt of her. This time, I saw her sat on a bench in a garden i didnt recognise, dressed in her pink dressing gown of all things. The sun shone down on her and she looked pretty relaxed and chilled like she had looked at the easter time before my dad had died 18 years previous. In the dream I was laying away her groceries whilst I told her what I had managed to get from her list - disposable razors for dad and food bags for her, in case anyone is interested. I have only dreamt of her once more since that dream, perhaps such dreams are the indicators that we accept their deaths but are aware that we can still 'connect' with them, even for the more mundane stuff should we wish or need to. I hope so as I have lots to tell both her and dad when we next get the chance to talk.

 

[catseye]

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's one of the 'stages of acceptance'. Do you go from 'seeing them in person and don't realise they are dead' through 'seeing them in person and KNOWING they are dead' to 'talking to them distantly, not knowing they are dead? Is the final stage 'talking to them distantly knowing they are gone?' Or is this the final one?

 

[Fairlight]

I remember reading this before I joined the forum catseye, the lucid dreaming element and the notion of your father getting younger are fascinating in themselves but the questions you raise about the significance of the dreams and the stages of acceptance, and also your experiences of coping with grief and bereavement are particularly telling.
I myself have experienced the loss of both my parents, my dad when I was just sixteen years old, and I have to say I cannot claim any recollection of dreaming of either of them, but in a sense I almost forbade myself from doing this...in my own way I observed a stubborn emotional self-sufficiency, possibly a bit of the old fashioned English stiff upper lip syndrome, but also I think because I had a curious notion of having to be strong for others who were themselves grieving (particularly my mother who had lost a husband at quite a young age) Having said all that, I'm with gattino in suggesting the possibility that perhaps your father's spirit might be seeking to reach you in some way, I absolutely believe these things do happen, although I'm not sure why this happens for some and not for others. I will attempt to post a link to a particular podcast which you may find interesting (you may be aware of this already of course) the podcast is one of a series entitled "the unexplained" and hosted by a chap called Howard Hughes and I would recommend them to anyone with an interest in the anomalous or paranormal. Howard Hughes himself is an intelligent and sensitive man and a very capable interviewer, he has also lost both of his parents with whom he had a very close and loving relationship and he often makes mention of this when interviewing guests where the topic is relevant. He also has dreams about them but is uncertain as to the significance of these. The guest on this particular podcast has very few doubts. It may not resonate with you but if you have the time give it a listen! (can't get the link to post, I'll type in the url)
www.theunexplained.tv/media/theunexplained-144.mp3
I this doesn't work google the unexplained paranormal podcast Howard Hughes and find episode 144!