• We have updated the guidelines regarding posting political content: please see the stickied thread on Website Issues.

I just shot a burglar!

drjbrennan

drjbrennan

Ephemeral Spectre
Joined
Aug 14, 2001
Messages
313
I just shot a burgler!

I read a letter in the Mail a few days ago, as far as I can remember it went,

" The other night I heard a noise in my back garden and looked out from the upstairs window and saw a man trying to break into my shed. I phoned the police and was told that no one was available and that if I left him alone he would probably go away.

I phoned the police a few minutes later and told them " It's OK you don't have to send an officer round to get my burgler, because I've just shot Him.

Within two minutes there were four police cars, two vans, two armed response units and a helicopter overhead, they caught the burgler red handed.

The policeman said " I thought you said you'd shot him"
I said " I thought you said there was noone available"

A great story, does anybody know if it is true, or a darned good UL.
 
I read that too and it immediately rung alarm bells. Note the lack of any conclusion to the story, surely the police would have not been too pleased.......I'd vote for UL.
 
Repeated to me as FOF lore last week in local shop.... swore it was a realtive did it...
 
Thanks for that tip!

Next time the nob-heads are wheel-spinning around in stolen cars, or shouting abuse at the local pensioners, I'll phone up and say I've just shot them!

Instead of telling us they are too busy to come, we'll have the entire West Yorkshire Constabulary to grab 'em!

:D
 
There was a story going around a few weeks back about a woman who had her car stolen.

A few days later, walking to work or something, she saw her car parked outside someones house! So she phones the police and tells them, and they say Sorry, can't deal with it, not got the time - and they suggest she steals it back herself!!

Not sure whether this is a UL or not, but I think it was on the news.

What a state the country is in! :)

Fish.

PS. Original burglar story is very funny! Worth remembering! :D
 
This hapened to my bosses daughter, Mr Fish.

It's true!

She had her Metro nicked.... several days later she saw it in a street near where she lived.
She phoned the police, to be told they had no-one to come out, and she may as well see if she could take it home!!
She did!!

She's still got it!

When I lived in a scummy part of Leeds, a friend of mine was being chased by car thieves , trying to run him over (for a laugh).
When we reported it, the copper told us in hushed tones to sort it out ourselves, and we'd be left alone to do so!!
Suits me!!
:hmph:
 
999 - I've just shot a burglar

This seems to be doing the rounds around our way at the moment.

Old woman (possibly disabled) rings police late at night because 2 men are breaking into her shed, they say they'll arrive asap.
1 hour later, the shed has been stripped and woman rings back to tell police not to bother coming as she's shot them.
5 minutes later 6 police cars, 1 dog team and an ambulance (or similar) arrive, when woman is arrested and threatened with being charged for wasting police time.

I don't know if this is based on truth.
 
Typically the story will also extend itself so that the person (often just normal disgruntled householder rather than old lady) asks why the police won't send anyone and they say they have "no cars in the area". The when the police turn up, they arrest the thieves and say "you said you had shot them" to which the householder replies "you said there were no cars in the area."
 
I first heard this one on Terry Wogan!

If its not true... it should be :)

8¬)
 
There is another thread on this somewhere in this section. It appeared as a letter in the Daily Mail in January (I think) and cynical old me is convinced it's a UL.
 
I think the Graunadia mentioned it in someones column
 
Thanks to this thread, I was able to tell this UL as an appropriate joke today as I waited for 2 hours for police assistance in dealing with the eviction of a violent individual. How we laughed!
 
Well, it made R4's "The News Quiz" last week too.
And was in the Sunday Times a few weeks back....
 
Re: I just shot a burgler!

drjbrennan said:
I read a letter in the Mail a few days ago, as far as I can remember it went,

" The other night I heard a noise in my back garden and looked out from the upstairs window and saw a man trying to break into my shed. I phoned the police and was told that no one was available and that if I left him alone he would probably go away.

I phoned the police a few minutes later and told them " It's OK you don't have to send an officer round to get my burgler, because I've just shot Him.

Within two minutes there were four police cars, two vans, two armed response units and a helicopter overhead, they caught the burgler red handed.

The policeman said " I thought you said you'd shot him"
I said " I thought you said there was noone available"

A great story, does anybody know if it is true, or a darned good UL.
Click to expand...

I read a similar letter and it seemed to finish when the policeman said "I thought you said you'd shot him" The man replied "No, I said I just GOT him"
 
I'm getting soooooooooooo sick of petty crime where I live.

I went shopping last night and had my car stoned or hit by catapult missiles, by a gang of lads. As did lots more drivers down that particular road.
Half an hour ago some tw@t tried to steal something from my car. I have nothing of value. Now my door lock is fecked.

I now sit at my computer with my running shoes on and my felling axe by my front door...

I am truly sick of it.

I am inadvertantley becoming drjbrennan's 'vigilante Britain'.
I don't care.
Some pacifist eh?
It's a good job I don't own a gun...


:hmph:
 
I caught a shoplifter yesterday-two little turds hung about in the shop til there was no customers,tried to distract me and one grabbed a packet of fags-LOL he thought I wasn't looking,was he shocked when I grabbed his arm hard and shouted in his face!They ran off so fast :rofl: Then the other one who was with him tried to come back in later with another little turd and was shocked when I said they were banned:rolleyes:
Looking back I wish I'd kicked their arses as they ran out but they went so fast (probably cause I was holding a pair of large sharp scissors-I didn't have time to get the self-defence hammer from under the counter)
 
Zero tolerance - that's what we need!

It's worked in other places.

Oh dear, it seems as I get older I am prepared to take less sh1t off people. Not just strangers, but customers, family, mates...

It's my prerogortive, I'm older! I can be bloody minded now! :D
 
A couple of months ago all the little turds were doing their usual trick of climbing onto roofs in the Highstreet and throwing tiles into the road-only they were doing it on the health centre. The police,who usually totally ignore their behaviour (we don't even have a police station in this town!) decided to act cause of the drugs on the premises and brought out every helicopter and riot van they had. They took the turds away to the station (21 miles away :rolleyes: ) for the night to teach them a lesson. Now the turds know not to vandalise the health centre. They still do it to other premises and the police take no notice.......
 
Hmmm...

Maybe I could teach them not to vandalise my car?...

:devil: :monster: :furious:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top