A
Anonymous
Guest
Conners_76 said:
Yes, it is! And it's got something about loos too. I'll have to dig it out now.
Litigation Gone Mad?
- Thread starter diamonddogs
- Start date
-
- Tags
- legal matters
Yes, it is! And it's got something about loos too. I'll have to dig it out now.
mejane said:
Don't joke, I'm sure I heard of a bloke in the States who was in prison and decided to sue himself for allowing himself to be a criminal. Because he had no income he was going to use the US version of legal aid to pursue the matter.
This may have been a UL or a bored tabloid journo so I can't vouch for it's veracity beyond the fact that I definetly read about it.
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2002
- Messages
- 374
sue-it is a page set up to enable 'victims' of the Segway scooter thingy to sue the makers once they start having accidents on IT.
"Scooters have recently experienced a resurgence throughout The United States and in fact the world. Along with their recently increasing popularity, the number of scooter-related accidents and serious injuries has also increased. It is likely to be an even greater cause of accidents and may in fact become a dangerous menace."
whats wrong with IT .
madness I think. I mean really....
"Taking illegal drugs is always illegal, but there will likely be a rash of inebriated people leaving bars in the near future and hopping on Segways."
or
"Americans already get too little exercise. The last thing Americans or any other nation for that matter needs is a device that causes laziness."
like the car you mean??
"Scooters have recently experienced a resurgence throughout The United States and in fact the world. Along with their recently increasing popularity, the number of scooter-related accidents and serious injuries has also increased. It is likely to be an even greater cause of accidents and may in fact become a dangerous menace."
whats wrong with IT .
madness I think. I mean really....
"Taking illegal drugs is always illegal, but there will likely be a rash of inebriated people leaving bars in the near future and hopping on Segways."
or
"Americans already get too little exercise. The last thing Americans or any other nation for that matter needs is a device that causes laziness."
like the car you mean??
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2001
- Messages
- 361
The ridiculousness of it all makes me want to laugh, but it's really actually definitely happening so I can't. Tell me what is worse: The fact that people sue tobacco companies because they got sick from smoking, or the fact that they won? Same thing for the fat people. How, exactly, can they *prove* that the fast food made them fat? How, exactly, can anyone be so naive as to believe that there are Americans alive today who aren't aware of the lack of nutritional value in fast food? I'd like to sue the jurors and judges in those cases for being idiots.
This arrived in my inbox yesterday:-
Most of the country has heard of the Darwin Awards given annually to the individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the gene pool. Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. Although it is hard to believe that the following didn't happen in Hillsborough County, they are candidates for the award:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: 19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun.
5. December 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Clamont, DE. successfully sued the owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
Most of the country has heard of the Darwin Awards given annually to the individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the gene pool. Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. Although it is hard to believe that the following didn't happen in Hillsborough County, they are candidates for the award:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: 19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun.
5. December 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Clamont, DE. successfully sued the owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
And here is where it appears to have come from.....
...and includes no. 7......
7. And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winniebago actually changed their owners manuals because of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.)
...and includes no. 7......
7. And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winniebago actually changed their owners manuals because of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.)
A
Anonymous
Guest
Found the silly disclaimers article! Apparently, the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch give out prizes to the worst (or best!).
In a public toilet - Recycled flush water - unsafe for drinking
On the package for a novelty rock garden set - Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth
On an electric drill - This product is not intended for use as a dental drill
On a pushchair label - Remove child before folding
In a sleeping pill prescription - Warning: may cause drowsiness
On a wind-proof beach towel - This towel has been tested to withstand significantly strong winds. But please be advised that during a hurricane this product should not be used to secure yourself or anything of value
On a hairdryer label - Never use while sleeping
In a public toilet - Recycled flush water - unsafe for drinking
On the package for a novelty rock garden set - Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth
On an electric drill - This product is not intended for use as a dental drill
On a pushchair label - Remove child before folding
In a sleeping pill prescription - Warning: may cause drowsiness
On a wind-proof beach towel - This towel has been tested to withstand significantly strong winds. But please be advised that during a hurricane this product should not be used to secure yourself or anything of value
On a hairdryer label - Never use while sleeping
Eponastill
Justified & Ancient
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2002
- Messages
- 1,122
- Location
- generally on the fringes
Right, I'm going to be awkward.
I say 'ride on!' to the fat americans sueing mcdonalds. I say this because it exposes to the world the true and ridiculous extent to which the american litigation culture has reached.
Also, I hate mcdonalds for many reasons (you too can read about them at http://www.mcspotlight.org/)
including the fact they blatantly market their disgusting, fatty, cheap so-called food at children. In the UK we do have laws about advertising to children on tv. (I KNOW children don't just get their ideas from tv.) Macdonalds put toys in with the food for chrissakes!
Children don't have the powers to discriminate, they don't really understand about advertising being purely to line the pockets of these fat cats. Mcdonalds gets them hooked (through the power of parent pestering) on their shoddy products, and then they're destined to be the globular dull adolescents we see pacing the pavements of our towns and cities.
I KNOW people are responsible for their own actions, but Mcdonald's marketing is so cynical. In a way it's like cigarette advertising, having to replace their customers continually by enticing children in.
There IS a lot of ignorance about food, otherwise people wouldn#'t dream of eating half the crap they buy. In this country 'home economics' is one of the subjects that has been cut from school curriculums, and kids don't even know how to make a basic meal from basic ingredients. Their parents can't do it either and rely on overpriced vitaminless junk food they get out the freezer, so it's no wonder kids think Mcdonald's is edible.
Why should my taxes go to pay for illnesses related to obesity? More money should go into educating people then they might not get so lardy in the first place.
And another thing, I think the McLibel trial has really opened up the way for McDonalds and other fast food "restaurants" (haha) to get criticised - previously they thought they were beyond criticism because of their financial weight and pricey lawyers. But no! the judge supported many of the defendants' claims about the quality of the food, the source of it, the treatment of workers etc.
If the new trials bring to the public's attention these issues I say HOORAY!!
I say 'ride on!' to the fat americans sueing mcdonalds. I say this because it exposes to the world the true and ridiculous extent to which the american litigation culture has reached.
Also, I hate mcdonalds for many reasons (you too can read about them at http://www.mcspotlight.org/)
including the fact they blatantly market their disgusting, fatty, cheap so-called food at children. In the UK we do have laws about advertising to children on tv. (I KNOW children don't just get their ideas from tv.) Macdonalds put toys in with the food for chrissakes!
Children don't have the powers to discriminate, they don't really understand about advertising being purely to line the pockets of these fat cats. Mcdonalds gets them hooked (through the power of parent pestering) on their shoddy products, and then they're destined to be the globular dull adolescents we see pacing the pavements of our towns and cities.
I KNOW people are responsible for their own actions, but Mcdonald's marketing is so cynical. In a way it's like cigarette advertising, having to replace their customers continually by enticing children in.
There IS a lot of ignorance about food, otherwise people wouldn#'t dream of eating half the crap they buy. In this country 'home economics' is one of the subjects that has been cut from school curriculums, and kids don't even know how to make a basic meal from basic ingredients. Their parents can't do it either and rely on overpriced vitaminless junk food they get out the freezer, so it's no wonder kids think Mcdonald's is edible.
Why should my taxes go to pay for illnesses related to obesity? More money should go into educating people then they might not get so lardy in the first place.
And another thing, I think the McLibel trial has really opened up the way for McDonalds and other fast food "restaurants" (haha) to get criticised - previously they thought they were beyond criticism because of their financial weight and pricey lawyers. But no! the judge supported many of the defendants' claims about the quality of the food, the source of it, the treatment of workers etc.
If the new trials bring to the public's attention these issues I say HOORAY!!
A
Anonymous
Guest
Think Sally beat me to it, had to trawl through my old emails to find this....
In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on
my hair)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds
with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
Disclaimer: -Dumb Bracketed comments are NOT mine.....
In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on
my hair)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds
with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)
Disclaimer: -Dumb Bracketed comments are NOT mine.....
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2002
- Messages
- 374
Epileptic ordered to pay £3,500 for contorted face
A man who suffers from epilepsy has been ordered to pay compensation to a student who was upset by his contorted face during a seizure.
In a case described by an epilepsy charity as "like something you would see on the Ally McBeal show", Edwin Young has been told to pay £3,500 to Yvonne Rennie for the mild post-traumatic stress that she suffered.
Mrs Rennie sued after Mr Young suffered an epileptic fit while driving four years ago and crashed into her car at traffic lights in Perth.
In a written judgment, Sheriff Michael Fletcher, at Perth sheriff court, accepted that she was upset by the look on Mr Young's face.
He said: "The defender suffered an epileptic fit and lost control of his vehicle. As a result of the fit, his face was contorted and this led the pursuer to believe that he was having a heart attack and was dying.
"Passers-by removed the defender from his car and placed him on the pavement to render him assistance. The sight of the defender lying on the pavement upset the pursuer."
The sheriff awarded a total of £6,000 compensation, including £1,500 for Mrs Rennie's slight injuries and £1,000 for the fear of driving that she had developed.
Epilepsy Action Scotland described the case as "bizarre".
Referring to the Ally McBeal television show, a spokesman said: "I have never come across anything like this. It is just extraordinary.
"Does this mean that you can sue someone having a heart attack? Anyone who goes to a football match on a Saturday could see that happen."
Mr Young and Mrs Rennie, both from Perth, refused to comment on the outcome of the case.
story here
A man who suffers from epilepsy has been ordered to pay compensation to a student who was upset by his contorted face during a seizure.
In a case described by an epilepsy charity as "like something you would see on the Ally McBeal show", Edwin Young has been told to pay £3,500 to Yvonne Rennie for the mild post-traumatic stress that she suffered.
Mrs Rennie sued after Mr Young suffered an epileptic fit while driving four years ago and crashed into her car at traffic lights in Perth.
In a written judgment, Sheriff Michael Fletcher, at Perth sheriff court, accepted that she was upset by the look on Mr Young's face.
He said: "The defender suffered an epileptic fit and lost control of his vehicle. As a result of the fit, his face was contorted and this led the pursuer to believe that he was having a heart attack and was dying.
"Passers-by removed the defender from his car and placed him on the pavement to render him assistance. The sight of the defender lying on the pavement upset the pursuer."
The sheriff awarded a total of £6,000 compensation, including £1,500 for Mrs Rennie's slight injuries and £1,000 for the fear of driving that she had developed.
Epilepsy Action Scotland described the case as "bizarre".
Referring to the Ally McBeal television show, a spokesman said: "I have never come across anything like this. It is just extraordinary.
"Does this mean that you can sue someone having a heart attack? Anyone who goes to a football match on a Saturday could see that happen."
Mr Young and Mrs Rennie, both from Perth, refused to comment on the outcome of the case.
story here
Here's a good one. Drunk wench sues cab driver for letting her freeze:
Woman, who nearly froze, sues city
A Winnipeg woman who nearly froze to death after a night of drinking is suing the city, emergency personnel and the taxi driver who dropped her at home.
Kim Simon has undergone several skin grafts, has lost one finger and has severe nerve damage in her right leg after spending seven hours in the cold last January.
Simon was out with friends when she had several beers and passed out in the cab on the way home.
Six emergency personnel were called to the home by the cab driver and they helped the woman out of the cab.
But she was later found outside with her pants pulled down, her winter jacket open and a cut on her lip.
The woman claims that emergency personnel and the taxi driver should have made sure Simon was safely inside her house before leaving.
The defendants have 20 days to file a defence.
Woman, who nearly froze, sues city
A Winnipeg woman who nearly froze to death after a night of drinking is suing the city, emergency personnel and the taxi driver who dropped her at home.
Kim Simon has undergone several skin grafts, has lost one finger and has severe nerve damage in her right leg after spending seven hours in the cold last January.
Simon was out with friends when she had several beers and passed out in the cab on the way home.
Six emergency personnel were called to the home by the cab driver and they helped the woman out of the cab.
But she was later found outside with her pants pulled down, her winter jacket open and a cut on her lip.
The woman claims that emergency personnel and the taxi driver should have made sure Simon was safely inside her house before leaving.
The defendants have 20 days to file a defence.
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2002
- Messages
- 476
a while ago we started collecting daft terms & conditions to include with someones birthday prez.
the list grew alarmingly fast (copy & paste the list, then replace 'Alien' with whatever you want, ie: present, husband, etc. A small gift from ethelred Industries BVD)
YOUR ALIEN - TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY
This alien is meant for educational purposes only. Send
no money now. Ask your
doctor or pharmacist. To prevent electric shock, do
not open back panel. No
user serviceable parts inside. You may or may not have
additional rights which
may vary from country to country. Not recommended for
children under fifteen
years of age. Batteries not included. Limit 1 per
customer. Does not come with
any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons,
living or dead, is purely
coincidental. Keep away from open flame or spark. Void
where prohibited. No smoking in the charge room.
Some assembly required. All rights reserved. List each
check separately by bank
number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only
as directed. Parental
discretion advised. No other warranty expressed or
implied. Unauthorised
copying of this alien strictly prohibited. Do not use
while operating a motor
vehicle or heavy equipment. May contain peanut
by-products.
Postage will be paid by addressee. In case of eye
contact, flush with water. Subject to approval. This
is not an offer to sell
securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too
intense for some viewers.
Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Use other side for
additional listings. Recycled. For
recreational use only. Shipping and handling extra.
No animals were harmed in
the production of this alien. Do not disturb. All
models over 18 years of age.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Freshest if consumed before date
on carton. Prices subject to change without notice.
Times approximate. No
postage necessary if mailed in Singapore. If
swallowed, do not induce vomiting
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For
off-road use only. Product of ethical labour policy. As
seen on TV. We reserve the right to limit quantities.
One size fits all. Do not
leave funds without collecting a receipt. Many
suitcases look alike. Contains a
substantial amount of non-active ingredients. Colours
may, in time, fade. We
have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
Slippery when wet. This
product is only warranted to the original retail
purchaser or gift recipient.
For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not
affiliated with the Red
Cross. Surfaces should be clean of paint, grease,
dirt, etc. Drop in any
postbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process
promptly. £2.98/min AE/V/MC.
Post office will not deliver without postage.
Simulated picture. List was
current at time of printing. Penalty for private use.
Return to sender, no
forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Do not
expose to direct sunlight.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or
consequential damages
resulting from any defect, error, or failure to
perform. No foreign coins. Do
not puncture or incinerate empty container. See label
for sequence. Prices
subject to change without notice. Do not write below
this line. Time lock safe,
staff cannot open. At participating locations only.
Serial numbers must be
visible. Align parts carefully, then bond. Falling
rock zone. Keep out of reach
of children. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your
cancelled cheque is your
receipt. Check paper path. Place stamp here. Avoid
contact with skin. Sanitised
for your protection. Be sure each item is properly
endorsed. Penalty for early
withdrawal. Sign here without admitting guilt. No
solicitors. Slightly higher in some European countries.
Storage temperature: -30 C (-22 F) to 40 C (104 F).
Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware
of dog. Contestants have
been briefed on some questions before the show. No
purchase necessary. Limited
time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You
must be alien to win. No
passes accepted for this engagement. Extinguish all
pilot lights. Processed at
location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading
within a garment may occur.
Use only in well-ventilated areas. Replace with same
type. Accessories sold
separately. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax
deductible. Keep away
from fire or flame. Some equipment shown is optional.
Price does not include
taxes. Hard hat area. Pre-recorded for this time zone.
Reproduction strictly
prohibited. Adults 18 and over only. Detach and keep
for your reference. No
alcohol, dogs, or horses. Demo package, not for
resale. List at least two
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call
freephone before deciding.
Ammunition despatched separately.
Driver does not carry cash.
Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product
appear for identification purposes only. Record
additional transactions on back
of previous stub. Federation Against Software Theft
notified. This supersedes all previous notices.
Tag not to be removed under penalty of law.
***********************************************************
the list grew alarmingly fast (copy & paste the list, then replace 'Alien' with whatever you want, ie: present, husband, etc. A small gift from ethelred Industries BVD)
YOUR ALIEN - TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY
This alien is meant for educational purposes only. Send
no money now. Ask your
doctor or pharmacist. To prevent electric shock, do
not open back panel. No
user serviceable parts inside. You may or may not have
additional rights which
may vary from country to country. Not recommended for
children under fifteen
years of age. Batteries not included. Limit 1 per
customer. Does not come with
any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons,
living or dead, is purely
coincidental. Keep away from open flame or spark. Void
where prohibited. No smoking in the charge room.
Some assembly required. All rights reserved. List each
check separately by bank
number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only
as directed. Parental
discretion advised. No other warranty expressed or
implied. Unauthorised
copying of this alien strictly prohibited. Do not use
while operating a motor
vehicle or heavy equipment. May contain peanut
by-products.
Postage will be paid by addressee. In case of eye
contact, flush with water. Subject to approval. This
is not an offer to sell
securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too
intense for some viewers.
Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. Use other side for
additional listings. Recycled. For
recreational use only. Shipping and handling extra.
No animals were harmed in
the production of this alien. Do not disturb. All
models over 18 years of age.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
Freshest if consumed before date
on carton. Prices subject to change without notice.
Times approximate. No
postage necessary if mailed in Singapore. If
swallowed, do not induce vomiting
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For
off-road use only. Product of ethical labour policy. As
seen on TV. We reserve the right to limit quantities.
One size fits all. Do not
leave funds without collecting a receipt. Many
suitcases look alike. Contains a
substantial amount of non-active ingredients. Colours
may, in time, fade. We
have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
Slippery when wet. This
product is only warranted to the original retail
purchaser or gift recipient.
For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Not
affiliated with the Red
Cross. Surfaces should be clean of paint, grease,
dirt, etc. Drop in any
postbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process
promptly. £2.98/min AE/V/MC.
Post office will not deliver without postage.
Simulated picture. List was
current at time of printing. Penalty for private use.
Return to sender, no
forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Do not
expose to direct sunlight.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or
consequential damages
resulting from any defect, error, or failure to
perform. No foreign coins. Do
not puncture or incinerate empty container. See label
for sequence. Prices
subject to change without notice. Do not write below
this line. Time lock safe,
staff cannot open. At participating locations only.
Serial numbers must be
visible. Align parts carefully, then bond. Falling
rock zone. Keep out of reach
of children. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your
cancelled cheque is your
receipt. Check paper path. Place stamp here. Avoid
contact with skin. Sanitised
for your protection. Be sure each item is properly
endorsed. Penalty for early
withdrawal. Sign here without admitting guilt. No
solicitors. Slightly higher in some European countries.
Storage temperature: -30 C (-22 F) to 40 C (104 F).
Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware
of dog. Contestants have
been briefed on some questions before the show. No
purchase necessary. Limited
time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You
must be alien to win. No
passes accepted for this engagement. Extinguish all
pilot lights. Processed at
location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading
within a garment may occur.
Use only in well-ventilated areas. Replace with same
type. Accessories sold
separately. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax
deductible. Keep away
from fire or flame. Some equipment shown is optional.
Price does not include
taxes. Hard hat area. Pre-recorded for this time zone.
Reproduction strictly
prohibited. Adults 18 and over only. Detach and keep
for your reference. No
alcohol, dogs, or horses. Demo package, not for
resale. List at least two
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call
freephone before deciding.
Ammunition despatched separately.
Driver does not carry cash.
Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product
appear for identification purposes only. Record
additional transactions on back
of previous stub. Federation Against Software Theft
notified. This supersedes all previous notices.
Tag not to be removed under penalty of law.
***********************************************************
Last weekend, SNL ran a spoof McDonald's ad about their new burger. Here's a transcript:
Announcer: McDonald's new Big N' Tasty! It's what you crave! The Big N' Tasty is a juicy quarter-pound all-beef patty, served with crisp lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun!
Jive Voice: Can you taste it?
Announcer: Mmm-hmm! Big and tasty!
Voiceover: In response to pending legal action, the McDonald's Corporation would like to present the following statement:
[ statements over SUPER ]
"The Big N' Tasty Sandwich is food."
"Scientific studies suggest that excessive consumption of food may cause weight gain. In other words, if you stuff your greasy pie hole non-stop, you’re probably going to pork up."
"The McDonald's Corporation had previously believed that this was obvious to all but very small children and morons. Since children and morons are valued customers of McDonald's Corporation, we would like to point out other potential risks that could be associated with the Big N' Tasty."
"The Big N' Tasty is intended to be eaten. Complications may arise from shoving the Big N' Tasty up your nose. Dropping the Big N' Tasty from extremely tall buildings may cause the Big N' Tasty to achieve sufficient terminal velocity, to injure innocent people below."
"The Big N' Tasty should not be used as an artificial heart."
"The McDonald's Corporation seriously doubts anyone would try this, but, hey, if you didn't know gorging yourself on hamburgers might turn you into a fatass, then anything's possible."
"According to United States Law, the Big N' Tasty cannot perform the duties of a Legal Guardian. If you were to go into McDonald's and say, "Hey, Big N' Tasty, take care of my kids while I run some errands," you may face legal action."
"Theoretically, the Big N' Tasty could be mistaken for a weapon during a police stand-off."
"Marriage ceremonies officiated by the Big N' Tasty are not recognized in any of the contiguous 48 states."
"The Big N’ Tasty is not God."
"For questions about any additional use of the Big N' Tasty - other than eating, please consult our web site."
Announcer: Come on! It's big, it's tasty and it's waiting for you at McDonald's!
Voiceover: For the small children or morons, McDonald's is the red and yellow restaurant on the highway. Remember to bring money.
Jive Voice: Big N' Tasty!
Announcer: McDonald's new Big N' Tasty! It's what you crave! The Big N' Tasty is a juicy quarter-pound all-beef patty, served with crisp lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun!
Jive Voice: Can you taste it?
Announcer: Mmm-hmm! Big and tasty!
Voiceover: In response to pending legal action, the McDonald's Corporation would like to present the following statement:
[ statements over SUPER ]
"The Big N' Tasty Sandwich is food."
"Scientific studies suggest that excessive consumption of food may cause weight gain. In other words, if you stuff your greasy pie hole non-stop, you’re probably going to pork up."
"The McDonald's Corporation had previously believed that this was obvious to all but very small children and morons. Since children and morons are valued customers of McDonald's Corporation, we would like to point out other potential risks that could be associated with the Big N' Tasty."
"The Big N' Tasty is intended to be eaten. Complications may arise from shoving the Big N' Tasty up your nose. Dropping the Big N' Tasty from extremely tall buildings may cause the Big N' Tasty to achieve sufficient terminal velocity, to injure innocent people below."
"The Big N' Tasty should not be used as an artificial heart."
"The McDonald's Corporation seriously doubts anyone would try this, but, hey, if you didn't know gorging yourself on hamburgers might turn you into a fatass, then anything's possible."
"According to United States Law, the Big N' Tasty cannot perform the duties of a Legal Guardian. If you were to go into McDonald's and say, "Hey, Big N' Tasty, take care of my kids while I run some errands," you may face legal action."
"Theoretically, the Big N' Tasty could be mistaken for a weapon during a police stand-off."
"Marriage ceremonies officiated by the Big N' Tasty are not recognized in any of the contiguous 48 states."
"The Big N’ Tasty is not God."
"For questions about any additional use of the Big N' Tasty - other than eating, please consult our web site."
Announcer: Come on! It's big, it's tasty and it's waiting for you at McDonald's!
Voiceover: For the small children or morons, McDonald's is the red and yellow restaurant on the highway. Remember to bring money.
Jive Voice: Big N' Tasty!
A
Anonymous
Guest
my brother's Dremmel drill can actually be used as a high-powered dental or medical drill in a pinch. it's true. it's a more precise hand drill. you hold it like a big pen.
as for all the warning labels you have all posted, you've cracked my ribs! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Beakmoo
Justified & Ancient
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2001
- Messages
- 2,967
In Safeway's (a supermarket) salad bar, there's a sign saying "For legal reasons, please do not fill your container with just one item" I know some of our trading laws are ridiculous, but surely it doesn't extend to self service salad bars?
A
Anonymous
Guest
i wonder who got in trouble for filling up on one item.
you know what else is funny? those cartoonish illustrations on ladders, air conditioning units, lawnmowers, etc with the guy getting lightning zapped by a cloud with a mean face or falling off a ladder and having his head snapped off.
you know what else is funny? those cartoonish illustrations on ladders, air conditioning units, lawnmowers, etc with the guy getting lightning zapped by a cloud with a mean face or falling off a ladder and having his head snapped off.
Right ...beakboo said:
If you fill the salad bar container with just one item then you take it to the till.
1)If the price of the salad bowl is less than the price in the shop of the item you filled it with (think strawberries) then you can ask that the shop sell you the (strawberries) at the cheaper price.
2)If the price of the salad bowl is more than the price of the goods on the shelves then you can get the salad bowl at the cheaper price.
3) and I think there is something about prepared food as well and that would amend the tax status - but I am very unsure of that.
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2001
- Messages
- 916
Compensation Culture
Since the recent attacks by some mps on the notorious rise of a compensation culture in britain (this is of course due to europe rather than our good and trusted friends across the atlantic, who can do no wrong) I've noticed a few articles suggesting that the belief that britain is subject to this trend is entirely unfounded and basically a very popular urban myth.
Does anyone have any more information on this, in either direction?
Since the recent attacks by some mps on the notorious rise of a compensation culture in britain (this is of course due to europe rather than our good and trusted friends across the atlantic, who can do no wrong) I've noticed a few articles suggesting that the belief that britain is subject to this trend is entirely unfounded and basically a very popular urban myth.
Does anyone have any more information on this, in either direction?
On the up.
I am sad to say that in my sector, hospitatlity and catering, there has been a sharp increase in the last few years.
In a company of around 600 employees, there are currently 8 cases that I know off -in progress-. Not many years ago one a year would have been thought of as high.
IMHO It does no good, things dont get safer since its the insurance companies that set the standards: Things just get better for the insurance company.
I am sad to say that in my sector, hospitatlity and catering, there has been a sharp increase in the last few years.
In a company of around 600 employees, there are currently 8 cases that I know off -in progress-. Not many years ago one a year would have been thought of as high.
IMHO It does no good, things dont get safer since its the insurance companies that set the standards: Things just get better for the insurance company.
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2002
- Messages
- 508
The law firm I work for (I'm not a solicitor, honest) represent the 'nameless, faceless corporations' many of these compensation claims are made against, we're very, very busy. Claims vary from the reasonable; 'Your van hit my car.', to the spurious; 'I slipped on a grape in your supermarket, but your members of staff hid the evidence.', to the ridiculous; 'My daughter broke her arm after jumping from the top of your 6ft security fence, onto a 10ft sloping embankment, whilst wearing rollerblades.'* The number of staff employed in the department dealing with these claims has more than tripled in the past 3 years, to deal with the increased number of claims. Not even the demise of The Accident Group (hawk, spit) has slowed the flow. Neither is it a victimless crime, even unsuccesful claims cost insurance companies money, so they just increase premiums for everybody else to cover the costs.
*This was an actual claim made on behalf of a 14 year old. The supermarket involved had installed the fence to prevent members of the public trying to get down the embankment, which was quite steep (about 1 in 3), after one person slid down it and succesfully claimed damages.
*This was an actual claim made on behalf of a 14 year old. The supermarket involved had installed the fence to prevent members of the public trying to get down the embankment, which was quite steep (about 1 in 3), after one person slid down it and succesfully claimed damages.