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Modern Alchemist?

FelixAntonius

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Aug 8, 2001
Messages
1,181
Man who tried to turn his faeces into gold is jailed.

A Northern Ireland man who tried to turn his own faeces into gold by putting it on an electric heater has been jailed for three months.

The bizarre experiment, carried out by Paul Moran, 30, caused around £3,000 worth of damage to his Housing Executive home in a block of flats at Derrin Park in Enniskillen in July.

Upon his release he will spend a further 12 months on licence.

Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others.

His Honour Judge McFarland told him: “Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

“It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”

While outlining the circumstances of the case at Enniskillen Magistrates Court, prosecuting counsel Robin Steer, told those present that at 7.12pm on July 24 last year the Fire Brigade was called to Moran’s flat at Derrin Park in Cornagrade, Enniskillen.

A police officer who was at the scene overheard Moran tell someone he had put “fertiliser” on a heater.

Moran’s barrister, Des Fahy, agreed that the general circumstances of the case were bizarre. He said Moran was a man of considerable intellectual ability but there was a clear problem over the years relating to drug abuse.

The judge noted that Moran was now on anti-psychotic medication and agreed with the findings of a pre-sentence report, which said he did not pose “a significant risk of serious harm”.

Source: http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/ ... z1bJrhe4dn
 
Remember: not all that glistens is gold!
 
As the father in the Jerk makes clear - 'This here is shit, this is Shinola'
 
Oh my god, I laughes so hard xD. I think this story is really funny. I wonder how he got the idea to try to make gold out of faences. I mean, many people sell us shit for money, but it's more the literal meaning which is important. Maybe he missed this point? ;)
This is really crazy.
 
Amy82 said:
Oh my god, I laughes so hard xD. I think this story is really funny. I wonder how he got the idea to try to make gold out of faences. I mean, many people sell us shit for money, but it's more the literal meaning which is important. Maybe he missed this point? ;)
This is really crazy.

I think crazy is the correct word, note the comment that: "Moran was a man of considerable intellectual ability but there was a clear problem over the years relating to drug abuse" & that "The judge noted that Moran was now on anti-psychotic medication". Sadly, words like: "crazy as a coot", spring to mind.
 
Alchemists derived their First Matter (or white stone, or white earth) and red oil from urine. So maybe he was more slightly misguided than outright bonkers? Slightly OT, and IIRC the term Rosicrucian actually derives from an allusion to distillation, rather than roses and crosses (-crucian meaning "of a crucible".)
 
'Pure' is an old word for shite (although, I think it refers specifically to dog-shite).

Can't help wondering if this guy got a little misled by the phrase, 'pure gold'.
 
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