No Sex Please, We're Trying For A Baby

[OneWingedBird]

Childless couple told to try sex

A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex.

The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests.

Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving.

A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_957945.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife


Perhaps they were waiting for the stork to arrive?

 

[inkedmagiclady]

I would really like to know where they thought the stork was going to get the baby. The cabbage patch? The baby store? I'm shocked at this story. Did they not ask friends or family first? I mean, wouldn't someone have clued them in? What religion? Even the bible is rife with sex and begats! The characters in "Blue Lagoon" figured it out for themselves, but they couldn't?

 

[Onix_Martinez]

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

Even retards can have sex (see GWB) I wonder what sort of envinroment they were raised in.

 

[escargot]

Reminds me of the married couple in 'Catch-22' who go to see the doctor for the same reason. He keeps female and male anatomical models for exactly such circumstances, locked in separate cupboards to avoid scandal.

He realises that the couple have not been having sex so he gets the models out and uses them to explain how everything works. At the end, they look baffled, thank the doctor and leave, still puzzled. :laughing:

 

[Jerry_B]

I must say that that's one of the funniest things I've read in ages. Is somewhat similar to a sketch from 'Jam'.

 

[Imperial_Call]

I remember reading a Reader's True Life story in a magazine a couple of years ago about a young couple who married and didn't have sex because neither or them knew what sex was, much less how to do it, because no one had ever explained about the birds and the bees to them. Technically speaking I don't know how you get a baby because D'Mother never had that little talk with me ...

 

[Anome]

Technically speaking I don't know how you get a baby because D'Mother never had that little talk with me ...

Well, Lobelia, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, they go to the local cabbage patch to ask the stork to bring them a baby.

Then they go back home, and have lots of sex.

[EDIT]Quantification added.

 

[Leaferne]

Hrm, my parents never actually sat down and explained anything to me about sex, menstruation etc. I think I learned about it from Judy Blume, library books, and whatever scraps of info I got from the street. [confidently] I think I've got it figured out now, though. :yeay:

Seriously, though, I think my parents were just too embarrassed. As I've mentioned elsewhere, they were German-born (though I don't notice Germans being particularly shy) and had me at a (relatively) advanced age. My father is gone and my mother will be 76 next month; perhaps their generation just didn't talk about IT and hoped for the best.

I did of course get all the dire warnings, and Mom has had a little trouble letting go...

Actual conversation a few years ago:

Me: (on the phone to Mom) I'm going to be staying at P's house next week (P being my bf at the time).
Mom: Where are his parents?
Me: (puzzled) They live in Pittsburgh.
Mom: (realizing I will be alone with him) OH MY GAWD!

I was 28 years old at the time. Hand to God.

Edited to add: I've been living with a man for two years now, although not the fellow discussed above (see this thread), and my mother seems fine with it. Unfortunately she's gone a bit senile and nothing fully registers with her any more. (she's not met my sweetums, either--rather hard since she lives five hours away)

 

[Imperial_Call]

Well, Lobelia, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much, they go to the local cabbage patch to ask the stork to bring them a baby.

Then they go back home, and have lots of sex.

[EDIT]Quantification added.

I HATE you!! That's a dirty rotten lie, my mummy and daddy never went near any cabbage patch!!!

 

[Anome]

I suppose you believe that rot the kids at school told you about genitalia, and zygotes, and germ cells.

 

[sunsplash1]

I suppose you believe that rot the kids at school told you about genitalia, and zygotes, and germ cells.

All lies I tell you. It's Storks, Cabbage patches and remembering to leave the front light on...

 

[escargot]

Yup, storks. Haven't you lot seen 'Dumbo'?

 

[Beakmoo]

When my mum was having big sis (1954) there was a girl in labour in the next bed convinced that her baby would emerge from her navel, a doctor had to be called to explain how it would come out, and indeed, how it got there in the first place. :eek!!!!:

 

[OneWingedBird]

My stepdad only ever told me two things about sex.

He said "Don't use a condom 'cos you won't feel a thing" and "Don't tell her your surname in case she gets pregnant"

 

[Anome]

What a charming bloke your stepdad is.

 

[Anonymous]

I didn't know anything about anything but even so you can kind of figure things out if you've got eyeballs in your head and can do jigsaw puzzles!!! I mean, really, there's no excuse for not having a clue is there?

One thing that one of my boyfriends said and one of our male mates started guffawing in a kind of 'shit yeah' kind of way is how surprising it was for blokes to realise how far 'back' everything was. Presumably a lot of guys grow up thinking that the vagina is placed in a similar place to the base of the penis! Bless.

I went out with another guy who said he didn't know how to wank. He'd heard that you were supposed to rub the end of the penis so he held it in one hand and rubbed back and forth across the top of it with the flat of his other hand until it got so sore he had to stop! It took him months to work it all out!

 

[Anonymous]

I went out with another guy who said he didn't know how to wank.

That sounds a likely story! Did he want a demonstration?

My ex claimed to have never wanked in his life. Which is relevant when you consider he was always a useless wanker....

I think it's a shame his dad didn't....

 

[Timble2]

I went out with another guy who said he didn't know how to wank. He'd heard that you were supposed to rub the end of the penis so he held it in one hand and rubbed back and forth across the top of it with the flat of his other hand until it got so sore he had to stop! It took him months to work it all out!

It's a good thing he did finally figure it out because he's obviously too stupid to be allowed to breed.

 

[Mighty_Emperor]

And back to the original story - time to file it under 'sounds like a great story but is just not true'? From the most recent Private Eye (Eye 1107: 4):

"FERTILITY doctors were baffled when a perfectly-healthy couple claimed they couldn't have children - until they confessed they had never made love," reported the Mirror last week, telling the story of a German couple from a very religious community who didn't know what sex was.

Doubters immediately raised eyebrows at a story that sounded so much like an urban legend, although the story was full of quotes from the University Clinic of Luebeck - identifiable as the UniKlinik Lubeck.

The story was written by Berlin-based freelancer Allan Hall. When the Eye contacted Hall to ask where the story came from he snapped: "It was in Bild am Sonntag [a German tabloid] and the Medical Tribune." Er, no. There was a recent story about a Lubeck couple who sought fertility treatment in the German Medical Tribune, but the cause of their celibacy was erectile dysfunction, not ignorance. Bild am Sonntag actually reported the story fairly accurately, quoting "potenzprobleme" as the cause. He quickly changed his story to "someone at the clinic told me."

Back in February Hall was at it again with a gruesome tale of a man in Dortmund who was eaten by his pet spiders. "More than 200 spiders, several snakes, a gecko called Helmut and several thousand termites gorged on their former master for days," he reported in the Mirror. The story also appeared under his by-line in the Sun, saying "giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him".

"That was in Bild too," insisted Hall. And, yes, a tale of a dead man with a lot of pet spiders did appear in the German press. But German animal protection charity Arche 90, which was called in by police to deal with the creatures, said the body was intact when it was found and the man's many pets were safely in their tanks and cages. "No freely running spiders were discovered in the house," they said.

In an article in the Evening Standard last year, Hall reported that "a little bit of lying is good for us, according to German scientists." At least that story appears to be accurate.

Pity

As another of this guys stories has turned up here he might be one to watch out for.

Emps