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Second Coming Of Christ

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gerardwilkie

Gone But Not Forgotten
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Oct 17, 2001
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From BBC Scotland :

(the second coming of Christ in more ways than one)

Sisters lose second coming cover

The sisters insured themselves in case of the second coming
Insurers have withdrawn the cover on their virginity taken out by three sisters in the event of the second coming of Christ.
Britishinsurance.com confirmed it had provided the £1m policy, but said it was reviewed on Thursday following complaints from the Catholic church.

The firm said the women from Inverness had renewed the policy since 2000.

The cover was meant to pay for the cost of bringing up Christ if one of them conceived immaculately.

Britishinsurance.com managing director Simon Burgess said it had not been the company's intention to offend anyone.

The Catholic Church is up in arms about what we've been doing. We have withdrawn the cover because it was causing a furore

Simon Burgess
Britishinsurance.com

The company, which is based in Braintree, Essex, specialises in accident and unemployment insurance.

Mr Burgess said: "The people were concerned about having sufficient funds if they immaculately conceived. It was for caring and bringing up the Christ.

"We sometimes get weird requests and this is the weirdest we have had."

Burden of proof

The burden of proof that it was Christ had rested with the women and any premium on the insurance was donated to charity, said Mr Burgess.

The siblings had paid £100 annually since 2000. If they had secured a payout, they stood to receive £1m.

He added: "The Catholic Church is up in arms about what we've been doing. We have withdrawn the cover because it was causing a furore.

"The three ladies have been informed."

The women, who have not been identified, are believed to be members of a Christian group in Inverness.

Britishinsurance.com said it was authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority and is a member of the Finance Industry Standards Association.
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Surely the Catholic Church should be pleased that Jesus will be provided for should he come again? They should be encouraging more people to take out this sort of policy. At least it shows that the mother would be taking her responsibilities seriously.
 
it would appear thsi si the same insurance firm who used to supply insurance for alien abduction and then someone claimed on it...

Can anyone see where the rest of this story goes?

:)

Gordon
 
What if Jesus has already come back and gone away again?
 
gncxx said:
What if Jesus has already come back and gone away again?
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The child support agency will be persuing God with a claim on his infinte income.
 
How did the sisters intend to produce proof that it was Christ? Did Jesus perform many miracles in his infancy?
 
Like turning water into Ribena, or something?

Actually, that's a bloody good point. The main business of insurance companies is trying not to pay you money, even when it's obvious to anyone that they should, so this would be a bugger to prove.
 
theyithian said:
gncxx said:
What if Jesus has already come back and gone away again?
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The child support agency will be persuing God with a claim on his infinte income.
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No they won't. They couldn't find any trace of my ex-husband even though I supplied his NI number, last three addresses and the full name and address of his current employer, the County Council. :roll:
 
I think they'd better check the fine print to see if they're actually covered for 'Acts of God.'
 
Huh?

Since the New Testament makes no claims that Christ's return will be via a second Virgin Birth, why in the world did the Roman Catholic Church get so riled up over this insurance policy? As far as the Church is concerned, this should be apples and oranges.
 
JohnnyMolten said:
Surely the Catholic Church should be pleased that Jesus will be provided for should he come again? They should be encouraging more people to take out this sort of policy. At least it shows that the mother would be taking her responsibilities seriously.
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I don't know... These mothers who expect someone else to foot the bill for their child... if you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em! ;)
 
I always wondered. What if you go to bed, wake up and find you are pregnant with yet another christ?
A) are there ways to protect yourself?
B) does it count as sexual assault [cause nothing happened] or maybe a Date Rape [ cause it normally happens to x-tians who apparently know god very well]?
C) Who has to pay the alimonies and is it reinforcable or do I have to support that single mum through benefits?
D) If you live in London, do you have to put the little critters name on a school list like any other kid or is he likely to do a disappearing act to get educated elsewhere and then come back as a 30 year old?
E) What do you feed a christ, breastmilk or is that a little unholy?
F) Is little christ allowed to play with the ASBO crowd?
G) What do you call it, Jesus II? Or are you allowed to go with the times and call it Kevin?
D) What do you tell it when it asks who its dad is?

J2: "Muuum, who is my dad?
Mum: "You know, your daddy is god."
J2: "What the almighty one that nobody knows or has ever seen?"
Mum: "Yes dear, god."
J2: "Fucking hell, thats embarressing. He's well old and my mates keep taking the piss out of him all the time and he is wearing a dress. Why couldn't you have shagged Satan? You are so uncool. "I HATE you!"
 
Ox, check, Ass, check, Frankincense, check, Myrrh, check.

Swaddling clothes? We'll just have to try and fold these nappies so the care-bears aren't visible.

Why do we need this bloody Titian anyway? Joe says he'll catch it all on his mobile as soon as I start to dilate.

Bugger! Forgot the Gold! Can I dash down to Elizabeth Duke before my holy waters break?

I'm not having that Jumping Jesus bouncer - see if they've kept the receipt.

This is the last one. If that angel comes again I'll tell him to stuff his lillies! Nobody else seems to conceive via their lug-hole . . .
:_omg:
 
Dingo667 said:
I always wondered. What if you go to bed, wake up and find you are pregnant with yet another christ?
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What happens if you have an abortion? Everyone is sat around waiting for the second coming and you decide you don't want the baby. Oops, sorry guys, guess you'll have to wait another 2,000 years.
 
Maybe this is why the Catholic Church is so against abortion and condom use - in case we inadvertently prevent Jesus being born again... :roll:
 
Well, He could prove a bit inconvenient if he started arguing the toss over some matters, couldn't He?

"Now then, Benedict, care to point out to me where I mentioned...."
 
Again, I've never heard a single whisper from any Christian tradition that the Messiah is supposed to return to the world via a Second Virgin Birth.
 
I was just thinking. If it is THAT easy to come back, what was the point of "dying for our sins"?
He could do that all the time and hence it wouldn't be special anymore.

God: "Oh dear, the humans are playing up again, go and teach them a lesson by dying, that'll show them son."
JC: "But I always have to die and then you keep sending me back, won't they soon get a bit suspicious?"
God: "Nope, its the only way, you'll "die" ;o) and they will feel so guilty they'll do anything I tell 'em to. Its brilliant."

Human: "Yawn, here goes jesus again, dying for our sins. Don't matter, keep on shagging and taking drugs, because he'll be back before you can say "forgive me"."

Amen
 
Yup, dying for our sins was a bit pointless, wasn't it?

I mean, we've sinned a lot since then... it hasn't made a bit of difference.
 
Mythopoeika said:
Yup, dying for our sins was a bit pointless, wasn't it?

I mean, we've sinned a lot since then... it hasn't made a bit of difference.
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Yeah, but the enormity of our sins since then makes the Christ's sacrifice all the more significant. And nobody said he was coming back to to sacrifice himself a second time.
 
Indeed. The idea of the Second Coming is that this will be Judgement Day, when everyone's sins are assessed and the sheep are sorted from the goats.

It is not expected that Christ will be reborn from a virgin, or that he will do anything other than just turn up and start putting up the chairs, so to speak.
 
Dingo667 said:
I was just thinking. If it is THAT easy to come back, what was the point of "dying for our sins"?
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But I've never heard anybody suggest that Christ is scheduled to return to DIE AGAIN. Been there, done that.

And if the Christian message that Christ is divine is true, he didn't have to die in the first place. He could just as easily have walked away from the garden of Gestheme, said "That's more than enough of THIS nonsense," and built million-dollar condominiums in Kerioth.....or wandered over to play marbles with the Andromeda Galaxy.
 
gncxx said:
Yeah, but the enormity of our sins since then makes the Christ's sacrifice all the more significant. And nobody said he was coming back to to sacrifice himself a second time.
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What sacrifice? He came back to life!

Allegedly.
 
hokum6 said:
What sacrifice? He came back to life!
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I believe that the "sacrifice" is in the suffering and death, rather than in anything that follows.

And:

Allegedly.
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One of the better reasons for accepting the historical reality of the Resurrection is that there is absolutely no break in the continuity of the Christian witness. For just one example, nobody doubts the historical reality of "Church Father" Irenaeus. Yet Irenaeus' OWN teacher, Polycarp, had been the PERSONAL disciple of Resurection witness John the Evangelist. I'm further away from eyewitness testimony regarding the Spanish-American War than THAT.

A lot of people seem to assume that there existed several centuries of historical darkness between Christ and what we today know as the Church. But it simply "ain't thar."
 
OldTimeRadio said:
hokum6 said:
What sacrifice? He came back to life!
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I believe that the "sacrifice" is in the suffering and death, rather than in anything that follows.
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But if you're a god, surely all that suffering is no more than an insect bite?
Hardly significant at all, purely symbolic.
 
Mythopoeika said:
But if you're a god, surely all that suffering is no more than an insect bite?
Hardly significant at all, purely symbolic.
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Not if you're on Earth in the form of a man and subject to mankind's pain, doubt and anguish. Anyway, God was watching from afar, it was his son who went through the crucifixion, so it was a sacrifice for the Heavenly Father in that respect.
 
Mythopoeika said:
But if you're a god, surely all that suffering is no more than an insect bite? Hardly significant at all, purely symbolic.
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Christians don't regard Jesus Christ as "God," per se, but as the "God-Man" (and NOT just another Man-God; mythology's got a surplus-sale on those).

In any case, nobody's arguing that Christ suffered the worst or the most intense PHYSICAL pain in human history. While crucifixion's one hell of a nasty way to go, Christ's physical torment lasted only three hours and other crucifixion victims suffered far longer than that. And many people have been kept alive and physically tortured for weeks or months on end. Besides, there is quite simply a limit to the pain a human body can register.

To the Christian the real sacrifice lay in the almost-infinite SPIRITUAL pain Christ suffered.
 
OldTimeRadio wrote:

In any case, nobody's arguing that Christ suffered the worst or the most intense PHYSICAL pain in human history. While crucifixion's one hell of a nasty way to go, Christ's physical torment lasted only three hours and other crucifixion victims suffered far longer than that. And many people have been kept alive and physically tortured for weeks or months on end. Besides, there is quite simply a limit to the pain a human body can register.
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y'know - I think theres the beginnings of a book in that...you could call it "Le Bib de Christ", or something.

regards
bazizmaduno

ps edited as I'm stupid
 
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