• We have updated the guidelines regarding posting political content: please see the stickied thread on Website Issues.

Sologamy (Marrying Oneself; Self-Marriage)

Ronnie Jersey said:
Thank goodness society no longer expects women to be over-the-top cooks, keeping an immaculate house, be top of the line interior decorators, have gourmet snacks all lined up in the fridge, dazzling clean laundry at all times, work a full time job, all while resembling Marilyn Monroe.
I don't know where the women of days gone by found all that energy!
Click to expand...
Model, Jerry Hall, famously said,

"My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit." (1985)
 
Ronnie Jersey said:
Thank goodness society no longer expects women to be over-the-top cooks, keeping an immaculate house, be top of the line interior decorators, have gourmet snacks all lined up in the fridge, dazzling clean laundry at all times, work a full time job, all while resembling Marilyn Monroe.
I don't know where the women of days gone by found all that energy!
Click to expand...
'Society' might not, but it has been my misfortune to meet (and, in a couple of cases, actually marry) men who still believe that this is all women are good for.
 
catseye said:
'Society' might not, but it has been my misfortune to meet (and, in a couple of cases, actually marry) men who still believe that this is all women are good for.
Click to expand...
Yes, I still hear Mr. R occasionally babbling about how his 'mother cooked such and such like this' and I just laugh and walk away after I tell him to order it from the diner then.
 
Coal said:
... It feels like the acceptable face of incel. ...
Click to expand...

Since the subject of incels has emerged in this thread ... I've been pondering the issue of whether there are substantial similarities or symmetrical distinctions between the male incel phenomenon and the overwhelmingly female participation in sologamy.

Are these things completely independent of each other, or are they different and to some extent gender-correlated reactions to a common problem - in one case driving people to hate others and in the other case driving people to elaborate self-affirmation?
 
EnolaGaia said:
Since the subject of incels has emerged in this thread ... I've been pondering the issue of whether there are substantial similarities or symmetrical distinctions between the male incel phenomenon and the overwhelmingly female participation in sologamy.

Are these things completely independent of each other, or are they different and to some extent gender-correlated reactions to a common problem - in one case driving people to hate others and in the other case driving people to elaborate self-affirmation?
Click to expand...
Interesting. I'm thinking that there must be either a performative element to sologamy or that it's driven by a desire for approval on Social Media. There isn't, after all, much of an historical track record for this, whereas 'women hating men' has been an age old problem. But then, the prevalence of wars or early male death has meant that there has been a superfluity of available women in most ages, apart from this.

But, on the converse, it's always been acceptable for a woman to live alone or with another female companion. A man living alone runs the risk of being given side-eye, and if he moves another man in, well...
 
kamalktk said:
What if you want a divorce?
Click to expand...

It's every bit as legally fictional as the self-marriage. As far as I've been able to tell, a self-marriage ceremony carries no legal recognition or effect anywhere.

That's another issue I'd like to explore after we've had time to discuss why people marry themselves and whether it represents something somehow parallel with incels.
 
The secret to being married (whether you are a man or a woman) is finding a partner who is housebroken. LOL
 
EnolaGaia said:
It's every bit as legally fictional as the self-marriage. As far as I've been able to tell, a self-marriage ceremony carries no legal recognition or effect anywhere.

That's another issue I'd like to explore after we've had time to discuss why people marry themselves and whether it represents something somehow parallel with incels.
Click to expand...
I think these (incel/sologamy) are two sides of the same coin, broadly speaking, performative sour grapes that on average are coloured by the slight average trait differences between women compared with men.

In both cases the world and potential partners do not respond to pre-set non-realistic expectations, aka 'reality sucks', especially for individuals who won't compromise.

On some level this is a crushing existential blow, ‘rejected as unfit to breed at all’, a rejection of self - it’s unpalatable to think in this way, but two million years of evolution has rendered the drive to reproduce part of our natures.

Good old self-identity will then leap to the rescue, rationalising that 'it's them', (insert all the rubbish reasons both sexes use to reject the other in toto), which manifest as "I didn't want to anyway", not unlike the behaviour of a spoiled child implacably denied their demands (even if they lie on the supermarket floor screaming and kicking).

So 'incel' and 'sologamy'. I didn’t want to anyway. Wah.

This sounds a little acerbic, but I'm desperate sad for those brought up on unrealistic expectations of life, work and relationships, then colliding with the reality of life. What a crappy thing to do to children.

For example, the corrosive notion that anyone can be whatever they want. Patently nonsense, but if said enough to impressionable children, the crushing blow of reality (you’re not smart enough to be a doctor, or don’t work hard enough to achieve success) tends to result in (1) growing up and knuckling down or (2) leaping onto the ‘special’ bandwagon and immediate self diagnosing with ‘something’ to validate the lack of expected/entitled success and possibly/extremely (3) validation of self-identity by erasing existential threats with violence and intimidation.
 
How about an excuse for a big event without the faff of actually finding a partner. (given that these days many couples arent married anyway?)

The wedding is supposed to be a womans big day.

(cultural expectations and all that)
 
Coal said:
I think these (incel/sologamy) are two sides of the same coin, broadly speaking, performative sour grapes that on average are coloured by the slight average trait differences between women compared with men.
In both cases the world and potential partners do not respond to pre-set non-realistic expectations, aka 'reality sucks', especially for individuals who won't compromise. ...
Click to expand...

The idea that these are two sides of the same coin is the basis for my probing on gender (or perceived gender role) differences in how people self-afflicted with existential angst about their "success" in mating act in response to their perceived problem.

Why do male incels seem to focus on something being unfairly withheld and lash out with aggression and even violence to demonstrate they're not going to take it any more?

Why do female sologamists seem to focus on self-validation being insufficient and stage merely symbolic rituals to demonstrate they're sufficiently comfortable on their own?

Both seem to be acting out in response to a solo life situation, but in consistently different ways.
 
EnolaGaia said:
The idea that these are two sides of the same coin is the basis for my probing on gender (or perceived gender role) differences in how people self-afflicted with existential angst about their "success" in mating act in response to their perceived problem.

Why do male incels seem to focus on something being unfairly withheld and lash out with aggression and even violence to demonstrate they're not going to take it any more?

Why do female sologamists seem to focus on self-validation being insufficient and stage merely symbolic rituals to demonstrate they're sufficiently comfortable on their own?

Both seem to be acting out in response to a solo life situation, but in consistently different ways.
Click to expand...
Maybe it's to do with the way men are perceived as opposed to how women are perceived?

Rejected men take to incel sites to prove to themselves that the women who reject them are worthless anyway. Women who are rejected take to Instagram with bikini selfies and duck pouts, to prove that men still want them.
 
catseye said:
Rejected men take to incel sites to prove to themselves that the women who reject them are worthless anyway. Women who are rejected take to Instagram with bikini selfies and duck pouts, to prove that men still want them.
Click to expand...

Yes - that's the sort of dichotomy I was wanting to test ...

It seems to me there's a strong insinuation that both incels and sologamists are vested in the traditional paradigm of males being the pursuers / hunters / seekers and females being the pursued / prey / prizes.
 
EnolaGaia said:
The idea that these are two sides of the same coin is the basis for my probing on gender (or perceived gender role) differences in how people self-afflicted with existential angst about their "success" in mating act in response to their perceived problem.

Why do male incels seem to focus on something being unfairly withheld and lash out with aggression and even violence to demonstrate they're not going to take it any more?

Why do female sologamists seem to focus on self-validation being insufficient and stage merely symbolic rituals to demonstrate they're sufficiently comfortable on their own?

Both seem to be acting out in response to a solo life situation, but in consistently different ways.
Click to expand...
Isn't this just a reflection of the general tendency of men to be more violent than women and for women to be more agreeable than men (both ‘on average’)?
 
Growing up with all brothers, I had a unique perspective perhaps in the way men see things -
Men approach relationships as the pursuer, as mentioned above, and are taken aback when a woman asks them out, and I was only happy when I asked them out.
When my friends and I would go out dancing, I would wait until a man I was interested in was walking by and I would ask him 'when he was going to ask me to dance'? Always worked out! LOL
 
airplanemeshs.jpg


From the film Airplane.
 

Woman claims she married herself, then wants divorce 24 hours later​


As the classic song goes, you can't hurry love, and one woman found that out the hard way.

A Twitter user who goes by Sofi said she bought a wedding dress and baked a wedding cake so she could marry herself, but only a day later, announced she's divorcing herself because she "can't take it anymore."

Sofi originally posted photos of herself in a wedding dress on Feb. 19 with the caption, "Today, in the most spurious moments of my life, I bought a wedding dress and cooked a wedding cake to marry myself." The tweet currently has 3.4 million views.

But just one day later, Sofi retweeted that post, saying "update: one day I'm married to myself and I can't take it anymore, I'm seeing how the divorce issue is just in case."

https://local12.com/news/offbeat/ca...ss-wedding-cake-viral-tweet-posts-sofimaure07

TL/DR? "Narcissist gets attention."

maximus otter
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top