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Worst Movie EVER?

PeteByrdie said:
I didn't think Blame It On Rio was that bad. It had a couple of outstanding qualities.
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Ah, Michelle Johnson. She was also in one of the worst horror movies ever made when she starred in Hitchcock rip-off Beaks.
 
Ah, so much delicious awfulness in one place! *fans self* Thanks, GNC. :)

I've seen a few of these. I recall trying to watch Yellowbeard a few times, but kept wandering off and forgetting about it - you know, distracted by cleaning the kitchen and stuff.

This is pretty mortifying, but in our misspent youth, my cousin and I used to watch Blame It On Rio again and again because we thought Michael Caine was the hotness. :oops: (The only thing odder than this was perhaps my cousin's infatuation with Roy Scheider. Jeez, we were strange kids.)

I also wish I'd heeded the warnings of the kind folks here and never looked up Keith Lemon. They were right, I was better off not knowing.
 
Hmm, there seems to be unexpected support for Sir Michael's folly Blame It On Rio, I wouldn't have predicted that. Maybe we need more midlife crisis movies, an untapped market? Apart from the recent Mission Impossible films, of course.
 
GNC said:
Hmm, there seems to be unexpected support for Sir Michael's folly Blame It On Rio, I wouldn't have predicted that. Maybe we need more midlife crisis movies, an untapped market? Apart from the recent Mission Impossible films, of course.
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OOh! .. Sir Michael Cain .. I've just remembered the Jaws film Jaws: The Revenge. I've never met in real life or heard of anyone online that liked that (even in a "it was so bad it was good way") since it was made .. it was that bad.
Even if you paid me, I'd also never pay or go to see for free another Fast & Furious film or the Transformers CGI crap .. "young people are soooo our target audience because they spend the most money going to the cinemas so lets make the stars college students team *group high five* (check) .. lets put loads of explosions and CGI robots in it and !.. and !.. and ! ...... and they we can all go and score some more coke!" . Or we could all just watch good films instead.
 
Swifty said:
OOh! .. Sir Michael Cain .. I've just remembered the Jaws film Jaws: The Revenge. I've never met in real life or heard of anyone online that liked that (even in a "it was so bad it was good way") since it was made .. it was that bad.
Even if you paid me, I'd also never pay or go to see for free another Fast & Furious film or the Transformers CGI crap .. "young people are soooo our target audience because they spend the most money going to the cinemas so lets make the stars college students team *group high five* (check) .. lets put loads of explosions and CGI robots in it and !.. and !.. and ! ...... and they we can all go and score some more coke!" . Or we could all just watch good films instead.
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Two or three of the F&F films I quite enjoy, maybe I liked the most recent one because of the sadface RIP Paul ending? I tried two Transformers films, but nope, not for me, the cartoon movie of the 80s was better. Jaws The Revenge? With the roaring, roaming shark that somehow swims thousands of miles from one side of the USA to the other because it bears a grudge? Comedy gold.
 
Coal said:
'Once Bitten' is a great laugh.
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Oh yeah? How about Transylvania 6-5000, Dracula Dead and Loving It or Vampires Suck? Not so funny now is it?! *gets hysterical, has to have a lie down*
 
GNC said:
Two or three of the F&F films I quite enjoy, maybe I liked the most recent one because of the sadface RIP Paul ending? I tried two Transformers films, but nope, not for me, the cartoon movie of the 80s was better. Jaws The Revenge? With the roaring, roaming shark that somehow swims thousands of miles from one side of the USA to the other because it bears a grudge? Comedy gold.
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Wasn't it meant to be the ghost of the shark from Jaws in Pt4 ? ...
 
GNC said:
Oh yeah? How about Transylvania 6-5000, Dracula Dead and Loving It or Vampires Suck? Not so funny now is it?! *gets hysterical, has to have a lie down*
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Ah, Transylvania 6-5000! That was a real gem. Oh no, actually it wasn't, it was just another terrible movie we watched again and again, during our Jeff Goldblum phase. (Seriously, what were our parents thinking? "Here, just give them a VCR and a box of random, posssibly inappropriate tapes. That'll take care of summer vacation!")

I can't even remember now why the movie fell so flat, just that it did. And it looked so promising, too ;)
 
I've just seen Tron: Legacy. Some amazing visuals wasted on an indescribably poor script. How did this drivel get made?
 
I was underwhelmed by Tron Legacy when I first saw it, now it's one of my go-to films. I can see what they were trying to do with it and they almost made it. It is a worthy sequel, the only thing that still rankles is the weak ending. How can an entirely digital construct exist outside of the digital universe?
 
Heckler20 said:
I was underwhelmed by Tron Legacy when I first saw it, now it's one of my go-to films. I can see what they were trying to do with it and they almost made it. It is a worthy sequel, the only thing that still rankles is the weak ending. How can an entirely digital construct exist outside of the digital universe?
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I'm with you on that one. I mostly enjoyed it, apart from a few things that left me a bit disappointed.
 
Heckler20 said:
I was underwhelmed by Tron Legacy when I first saw it, now it's one of my go-to films. I can see what they were trying to do with it and they almost made it. It is a worthy sequel, the only thing that still rankles is the weak ending. How can an entirely digital construct exist outside of the digital universe?
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It's as good a sequel as could be managed, and seems to be in awe of the internet (as in fearing it) as the first one was of computer technology and Communism. Looks nice, apart from CGI young Jeff Bridges. But it was purely made for the clamouring fans, and that doesn't usually translate into big bucks no matter what the executives would like to believe, which is why we don't seem to be getting that sequel any time soon. Maybe in another couple of decades?
 
Sherlock was the worst film ever, we sat there waiting for the best bit we were still waiting at the end of the film
 
I'm surprised no one has mentioned 'It Happened One Weekend' (aka 'It Happened on Sunday' aka 'Scalet Warning 666' aka 'Secret Love' aka 'Rockey's Style' aka 'Love Deep Inside') on this thread yet. This could well be a classic if the genre.

Long considered lost, it was a vanity project by one Palmer Rockey, a man with no background in film making whatsoever, who reckoned he could win an academy award. His effort was constantly re-filmed, re-cut and re-titled over a decade and showed briefly to scornful audiences at random screening throughout America.

Much more info here: http://www.trunkrecords.com/turntable/rockey.shtml

Palmer earned a Ph.d in Philosophy at St. Louis University, decided he wanted to be a film writer and headed to the UK. At Shepperton Studios he handed in a script for Boris Karloff that possibly went nowhere, and soon returned to the USA with plans to not just write a new film, but to do everything else involved too. He believed he could make an Oscar winning movie. To do so (rumour has it) he borrowed and conned money from wealthy Texan housewives. He never worked at the time, being instead supported by his hard working wife Cookie Ann with her job at the Post Office. She even worked overtime for three years so he could get his film off the ground. When he had money, he shot film. When he shot film he fell out with crew and cast. He’d then run out of money. Then find some more, then shoot more film with new crew and cast. And so it went on, for years. The “finished” film, It Happened One Weekend was only shown once (ironically just once, one weekend), at the premier in Canyon Creek, October 11th, 1974. In fact the photo on the front of this LP was shot by Cookie Ann on her brownie camera the night of the premier, a night when Palmer had managed to get about 300 people along. The film was written, produced, edited, directed and starred Palmer Rockey (as twin brothers of course), with music by Palmer Rockey. The plot was apparently demonic and “beyond the room of terrifying evil”. Also included was a ‘Sunday Surprise Ending”. I believe the surprise that Sunday was that people laughed all the way through, and even walked out. It was a total disaster on every level, nothing in the movie made sense. Undeterred by such poor initial responses Palmer Rockey took it to LA to try and get it qualified for the Academy Awards. He continued to tinker with the film, and released it again and again in several different versions over the next few years, firstly with the title It Happened On Sunday, which played briefly in Denver, El Paso and also at drive-in theatres. The film then disappeared, was recut with new scenes and appeared again in 1980, as Rockey’s Style, Scarlet Love and also Scarlet Warning 666. All the while he was battling debtors, having already been sued in the 1960s by his uncle for non-payment of loans. There’s not a great deal of information about his career and life in the 1980s, but we do know he passed away in 1996, leaving behind very little apart from debt and this unusual self-pressed album. There is no sign or trace of any version of the film anywhere.
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And here: http://templeofschlock.blogspot.ie/2009/10/lost-and-still-not-found-case-file-46.html

The film remained immortal however due to the survival of its cult soundtrack, 'Rockey's Style'; witten and performed by the man himself! Sample here:


Anyway, fans of crap can now celebrate! After many decades, a cut of the film has actually turned up in recently discovered celluloid archive!

Full story here: http://www.latimes.com/entertainmen...luxe-entertainment-20150205-story.html#page=2
 
Now that's more like it, sheer ineptitude! Sounds like a rival to the legendary Manos: The Hands of Fate.
 
wendy batty said:
Sherlock was the worst film ever, we sat there waiting for the best bit we were still waiting at the end of the film
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If you mean the Guy Ritchie one, I really enjoyed it. I'm a huge fan of Holmes on the page and watch one of the Brett Holmes stories every weekend and whilst this Holmes is very much certain aspects of his character exaggerated to the max it's still enormous fun. Certainly the character of Watson in the movie is closest to the feel of the character in the books.

All that said, the less said about the sequel the better....
 
Heckler20 said:
All that said, the less said about the sequel the better....
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I bought the sequel from an Asda bargain bin for £3. I felt ripped off at that...
However, worst film ever...? Not for me...

My list would have to include Braveheart (overlong, racist and homophobic), Crash (the Cronenberg one. Car crash indeed...), Rollerball (the remake; weird night-vision scenes, and Jean Reno channelling the look of Bruce Grobbelaar), Titanic (lets take one of the greatest maratime disasters and tack on a cliched and sacharrine love story), and Avatar (Pocahontas with giant Smufs and patronising eco theme).
 
If we're talking about wretched yet compelling films, my favorite has to be Two Moon Junction, a Southern gothic quasi-art film thriller about a socialite who has an affair with a carny. This film is notable for a few things, like:

How often Sherrilyn Fenn is stark naked.
The many unlikely situations in which Richard Tyson manages not to wear a shirt
A tweenage Milla Jovovich
Louise Fletcher as the sinister grandma
Burl Ives as the evil sheriff!
Erotic dancing with Kristy McNichol!
Screamin' Jay Hawkins
Assorted creepy incidental characters, and more.

Plus, the end theme is "man with a gun" by Jerry Harrison.*

The film is utterly dreadful, and if you want my copy, you'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands. :p

*This is a point in the film's favor, not against it

ETA - it's also worth mentioning how much Alabama just happens to look like Los Angeles County in this film. ;)
 
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Oh yeah, there were a slew of soft focus filth films in the eighties after the success of 9 1/2 Weeks. Something for the discerning couple to rent from Blockbusters on a Friday night I suppose.
 
Heckler20 said:
Oh yeah, there were a slew of soft focus filth films in the eighties after the success of 9 1/2 Weeks. Something for the discerning couple to rent from Blockbusters on a Friday night I suppose.
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It would be a failure in our case, as my spouse considers this film to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. :D
 
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies or Zoolander 2 both of which I saw yesterday. Crapola.
 
Children of the Living Dead (2001) ... I adore crappy zero budget zombie films and even I hated it. The only slightly good thing about it was that they somehow talked Tom Savini into performing a small role. I think there was only one zombie in it and he spent all the time standing in a barn looking like his favourite boy band had just split up or something. Zero suspense and badly made. Even the director bad mouthed it ..

 
Heckler20 said:
Oh yeah, there were a slew of soft focus filth films in the eighties after the success of 9 1/2 Weeks. Something for the discerning couple to rent from Blockbusters on a Friday night I suppose.
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"Couple", yeah... TMJ was out about the time of Sherilyn Fenn's fame in Twin Peaks, which made it highly profitable even though it's absolutely ridiculous. See also Wild Orchid, from the same Zalman King stable, where Mickey Rourke proved as an actor he'd make a great boxer. OK, he wasn't even any good at that. Still more enjoyable than 50 Shades, mind you.
 
BaronHardacre said:
I bought the sequel from an Asda bargain bin for £3. I felt ripped off at that...
However, worst film ever...? Not for me...

My list would have to include Braveheart (overlong, racist and homophobic), Crash (the Cronenberg one. Car crash indeed...), Rollerball (the remake; weird night-vision scenes, and Jean Reno channelling the look of Bruce Grobbelaar), Titanic (lets take one of the greatest maratime disasters and tack on a cliched and sacharrine love story), and Avatar (Pocahontas with giant Smufs and patronising eco theme).
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Crash I found quite sad because everyone in it was going to such extremes to feel anything at all. It's not the Ballard book, though, too much plot. Braveheart I totally agree with, one of the most tedious evenings I've ever spent at a cinema. And what kind of a name is Murron?!
 
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