Worst Movie EVER?

[David Plankton]

Burton/Depp's Ed Wood is a masterpiece, one of the best movies about the tragedy of following your dreams ever made. And it's really funny. Don't know if I'll be able to watch it again after last week's news. Black Mass was OK, but Depp playing a real life villain was more acceptable before... well.

It's a masterpiece in that it's what he (Burton) will be remembered for and not the nine or ten other stinkers that clog up his cv. Slightly ironic that, given what everyone remembers Ed Wood for. I just don't get his particular brand of weirdness and when he teams up with Depp the results are more often that not plain awful.

Anyway, worthy as they are, Burton and Depp shouldn't have the monopoly on crap films*. I've just had a look on IMDB and saw that there were two sequels to The Matrix brought out in the same year, 2003. I'm guessing that it's Reloaded that I went to see at the cinema and walked out of after about an hour because it seemed like the scriptwriters were having a competition to see who could write the most ludicrous guff ever to come out of an actor's mouth.
Here's a sample from the above site:

Merovingian: I love French wine, like I love the French language. I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculer ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it.

*In my opinion

 

[David Plankton]

OK, no idea how to use spoiler tags, so proceed at your own risk:

There's a plus sign in the top bar when you reply to a post where the smiley's and stuff are kept. To the left of the save draft/floppy disc symbol, drop down menu from there.

 

[JamesWhitehead]

There probably is a film about a burning orphanage but meanwhile . . .

A 2009 offering called Melancholie der Engel seems to have grossed out even the blood-and-guts brigade.

Some graphic descriptions on imdb.

The animal cruelty is generally regarded as authentic, which places the film in the illegal category here, though it has never come up before the bbfc. I came across the title in an online video review earlier this week

Some have argued the case for its artistic worth. Most seem sensibly to have ignored it.

 

[GNC]

First, thanks for the spoiler tags tip, I've edited the Car post successfully.

It's a masterpiece in that it's what he (Burton) will be remembered for and not the nine or ten other stinkers that clog up his cv. Slightly ironic that, given what everyone remembers Ed Wood for. I just don't get his particular brand of weirdness and when he teams up with Depp the results are more often that not plain awful.

I'd say Burton had more misses than hits. I couldn't stand Alice in Wonderland (movies that end in a big fight for the sake of it never agree with me) but the man who takes no joy in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is tired of life. Edward Scissorhands is a sweet, sad tale of an outsider, Beetlejuice was like nothing else in the 80s (in a good way), Batman Returns was a blockbuster for misfits, Frankenweenie a charming plea for science to be used properly, Big Eyes an examination of how even the kitchiest art means so much to its creator... Loads of richly entertaining stuff there, even if he does Burtonify everything he touches, and if you don't like that you'll never get on with him.

Anyway, worthy as they are, Burton and Depp shouldn't have the monopoly on crap films*. I've just had a look on IMDB and saw that there were two sequels to The Matrix brought out in the same year, 2003. I'm guessing that it's Reloaded that I went to see at the cinema and walked out of after about an hour because it seemed like the scriptwriters were having a competition to see who could write the most ludicrous guff ever to come out of an actor's mouth.

*In my opinion

I saw all the Matrix films in the cinema, and wasn't even convinced the first one was that great, though it did introduce some interesting concepts into the common parlance. But they were ambitious, I'll give them that.

 

[David Plankton]

Ahh, a Gordon McLendon production, with Great Danes covered with Spanish Moss for killer shrews, as far as the viewer can tell. He also gave the world Giant Gila Monster, wherein close ups of normal lizards smushed miniatures.

The Giant Gila Monster is on tonight for UK viewers, 1:00 AM Talking Pictures TV. Sky 343 - Freesat 306 - Freeview 81.

(they are also having a horror film day on the 17th June)

 

[sherbetbizarre]

2016 contender:

Misconduct review: the worst film Anthony Hopkins and Al Pacino have ever made

It’s with strange awe that you realise, halfway through the legal thriller Misconduct, that it may actually be the worst film either Anthony Hopkins or Al Pacino have ever starred in. I’ve seen Instinct, I’ve seen Jack and Jill, I’ve seen 88 Minutes, Righteous Kill, and Solace, and The Rite, and no, none are viewings to be proud of. But none hold a candle to this...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/20...e-worst-film-anthony-hopkins-and-al-pacino-a/

 

[stu neville]

Someone did say - I can't remember whom - that Pacino gave up acting years ago, once he discovered there was good money in doing Al Pacino impersonations. Hopkins has been phoning in his performances for years (don't blame him - he's well aware of when the material warrants effort, but he's clearly of an age now when he conserves his energy and goes for the easy money.)

Tim Burton - Mars Attacks and Beetlejuice were both fantastic. Big Fish was quite entertaining. Ed Wood was far better than Ed Wood's films (I know Plan 9 is lauded by many, but I'll be honest that I didn't find it that amusing at all. Apart from one or two scenes I found it stultifyingly boring.) Depp similarly has turned in good performances - Benny and Joon, What's Eating Gilbert Grape? (though a very young diCaprio completely stole it from under him), he was good as Dillinger and as Hunter S Thompson. I get the impression that his previous screen-value has given him the leverage with directors to just let him do what he wants, but as with Peter Sellers that often leads to a mess on screen, reflecting their real lives (ie a mess.) He needs a director who will stand on him.

As for Polanski - the five-foot Pole you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole - you have to judge him on the artistic rather than the personal. He seems to work in a manner opposite from that of , say, Nicolas Cage in that he's often dazzling, and only occasionally dreadful. Pirates is appalling, but Frantic, The Pianist, Repulsion, MacBeth, Chinatown... there's a lot there to forgive.

 

[Mythopoeika]

As for Polanski - the five-foot Pole you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole - you have to judge him on the artistic rather than the personal. He seems to work in a manner opposite from that of , say, Nicolas Cage in that he's often dazzling, and only occasionally dreadful. Pirates is appalling, but Frantic, The Pianist, Repulsion, MacBeth, Chinatown... there's a lot there to forgive.

Yes, it's quite amazing how variable the quality of his films has been.

 

[GNC]

Yes, it's quite amazing how variable the quality of his films has been.

And how variable his quality of life has been. If you can't hear his name without frothing at the mouth, give his The Tenant a go, it stars Polanski himself in a weirdly self-punishing role. And when I say weird, I mean weird.

 

[GNC]

I won't mind Misconduct if it makes me laugh. Can't believe it's worse than Solace, which isn't so much an insult to the intelligence than taking intelligence round the back of the cinema for a punishment beating.

 

[sherbetbizarre]

SUNK
How a Chinese billionaire’s dream of making an underwater fantasy blockbuster turned into a legendary movie fiasco.

https://read.atavist.com/sunk

The script called for an epic battle. In the movie’s third act, the forces of the Eight Faery Kingdoms defend their aquatic empires from annihilation by the evil Demon Mage and his spectral legions. Five hundred extras would play the opposing armies.

But in January 2010, when Jonathan Lawrence, the director of Empires of the Deep, showed up for the shoot, in Qinyu, a resort town in coastal China, he saw only about 20 extras, mostly ornery Russians complaining that they hadn’t been paid in weeks. How would he turn 20 people into 500? On top of that, their costumes—swamp green rubber suits decorated with scales, octopus suckers, and shells—looked like poorly made Halloween getups. Some of them had fins glued to their heads.

 

[sherbetbizarre]

Al Pacino & Anthony Hopkins’ ‘Misconduct’ Is A Legendary Bomb, Opening With Only $141 At British Box Office
The film was shown in only five movie theaters belonging to the Reel Cinemas chain.

Every once in a while a legendary actor has a box office disaster, and Al Pacino and Anthony Hopkins are no exception. The Oscar winners recently starred in the legal thriller “Misconduct,” which had an opening weekend of only $141 at the British box office.

http://www.indiewire.com/2016/06/al...ct-bombs-british-box-office-movie-1201686462/

 

[PeteByrdie]

SUNK
How a Chinese billionaire’s dream of making an underwater fantasy blockbuster turned into a legendary movie fiasco.

https://read.atavist.com/sunk

Does anyone else find this visually really interesting and want to see the finished product or am I insane?

 

[JamesWhitehead]

Well . . . I've just watched Thundercrack (1975)

Probably the only hard-core film reviewed by The DVD Savant, Glenn Erickson.

It's unlikely to be much sought-out by porn-hunters these days on account of it being black and white and 16mm in origin. Sadly, perhaps, I can watch such things without so much as a twinge of sexual interest. That leaves the question of what is left. The Savant puts it in some sort of context, which is more than I can.

For the record, it lasts 150 minutes and can be found essentially intact on Youtube.

I see the death of its maker, George Kuchar, was noted on the Message Board back in 2011. Also that I am not alone in having experienced Thundercrack.

 

[Swifty]

Children Of The Living Dead was God awful but at least it had Savini doing some of his stunt work in it .. Night Of The Living Dead (the 30th anniversary remix) by John Russo was even more offensive, Russo decided to go all George Lucas and cut out the best bits, you know, the bits that involved Ben's long speech and all other character development .. they also changed the sound score and added newly filmed scenes that just didn't work .. the NOTLD 30th anniversary release isn't worth a quid from a charity shop ..

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/4397

 

[ramonmercado]

Does anyone else find this visually really interesting and want to see the finished product or am I insane?

demented you may well be but I would also like to see the film.

 

[Mythopoeika]

Does anyone else find this visually really interesting and want to see the finished product or am I insane?

I agree. It's visually quite stunning, although the acting seems to lack conviction.

 

[sherbetbizarre]

"Mother's Day" is the worst thing Hollywood has done to mums since Psycho - review

Following belatedly in the cloven hoof-prints of his Valentine’s Day (2010) and New Year’s Eve (2011), Garry Marshall’s latest ensemble comedy once again charts the build-up to the annual special occasion of its title in the lives of a variety of blithering idiots.

This time, the focus is narrower – the film juggles five superficially intersecting storylines, compared to New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day’s 10 apiece. But the idiocy is laid on more extravagantly than ever, with roundly despicable characters, a near-comatose cast, and dialogue as trippingly mellifluent as a horseshoe in a washing machine.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/20...-thing-hollywood-has-done-to-mums-since-psyc/

 

[sherbetbizarre]

 

[Heckler]

The Man with Iron Fists

Written by RZA*, screenplay by RZA, directed by RZA, starring, yes, RZA.

Wow, just wow. Easy winner for the worst movie I've seen in recent memory. Follow the plot of this movie in real life and cut off RZA's hands to prevent him writing any more shit like this, but more importantly to keep him away from the fucking zoom lens. Clearly RZA's directorial idol is Jess Franco, but even he, were he alive and on set would've said 'Woah RZA, easy on the zoom there, you'll wear it out'.

*Apparently the vocalist in some popular beat combo

 

[Swifty]

The Man with Iron Fists

Written by RZA*, screenplay by RZA, directed by RZA, starring, yes, RZA.

Wow, just wow. Easy winner for the worst movie I've seen in recent memory. Follow the plot of this movie in real life and cut off RZA's hands to prevent him writing any more shit like this, but more importantly to keep him away from the fucking zoom lens. Clearly RZA's directorial idol is Jess Franco, but even he, were he alive and on set would've said 'Woah RZA, easy on the zoom there, you'll wear it out'.

*Apparently the vocalist in some popular beat combo

Is it worse than the ego driven 'Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" from M.C. Hammer ?

 

[GNC]

The Man with Iron Fists

Written by RZA*, screenplay by RZA, directed by RZA, starring, yes, RZA.

Wow, just wow. Easy winner for the worst movie I've seen in recent memory. Follow the plot of this movie in real life and cut off RZA's hands to prevent him writing any more shit like this, but more importantly to keep him away from the fucking zoom lens. Clearly RZA's directorial idol is Jess Franco, but even he, were he alive and on set would've said 'Woah RZA, easy on the zoom there, you'll wear it out'.

*Apparently the vocalist in some popular beat combo

At least Russell Crowe was enjoying himself.

 

[stu neville]

2016 contender:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/20...e-worst-film-anthony-hopkins-and-al-pacino-a/

I saw this yesterday, prompted more by the reviews than anything else. And yes, it really is that bad. As mentioned there's hundreds of shots where you have no idea who's speaking as all you can see are two or three midriffs, tracking shots featuring no people but a load of kitchen units, and dialogue that was written by an eight year old. Oh, and a southeast Asian assassin apparently channeling Cato from the Pink Panther movies.

And the music is mental.

 

[sherbetbizarre]

I saw this yesterday, prompted more by the reviews than anything else. And yes, it really is that bad. As mentioned there's hundreds of shots where you have no idea who's speaking as all you can see are two or three midriffs, tracking shots featuring no people but a load of kitchen units, and dialogue that was written by an eight year old. Oh, and a southeast Asian assassin apparently channeling Cato from the Pink Panther movies.

And the music is mental.

Great. Now I want to see it...

 

[Patrick30]

I have a contender. I first saw the trailer a few days ago on Turner Classic Movies. Our old movie cable channel. I went just wow, I've seen some bad Elvis movies but never this one, and it's got to be the worst. Sure enough Saturday afternoon there it was. I forced myself to watch about 5 min because well it it Elvis, and I can confirm this one is the worst Elvis or any other kind of movie ever made

 

[JamesWhitehead]

I've seen some bad Elvis movies but never this one, and it's got to be the worst

I haven't seen it but here's a man who seems to have sat through the whole thing:

"It Happened at the World’s Fair may have been a decidedly innocent B movie cranked out by a major studio, but in spite of its modest artistic aspirations, it embodies – if by default – a forward thinking, pragmatic vision of the United States. It is a United States where optimism and belief in the future are rooted in social mobility, the granting of women’s rights, the acceptance of immigrants and racial minorities, and an economic and cultural integration of both North and South and urban and rural regions. Both the real Elvis and, to a greater extent, his World’s Fair character Mike Edwards personify this phenomenon."

The whole article is worth a read. The film is also very popular with Seattleites who enjoy location-spotting.

 

[Mythopoeika]

I have a contender. I first saw the trailer a few days ago on Turner Classic Movies. Our old movie cable channel. I went just wow, I've seen some bad Elvis movies but never this one, and it's got to be the worst. Sure enough Saturday afternoon there it was. I forced myself to watch about 5 min because well it it Elvis, and I can confirm this one is the worst Elvis or any other kind of movie ever made
View attachment 2772

Most of Elvis's films were bad.
He really couldn't act.

 

[Swifty]

Has that Jaws 4 film been mentioned yet? ... the one with Michael Caine, Chief Brody's wife and the ghost shark of Jaws ... that was extremely shite ..

 

[GNC]

Most of Elvis's films were bad.
He really couldn't act.

Elvis could act fine, he really couldn't care was the trouble, not after Colonel Tom Parker signed contracts for movies he did purely for the money, i.e. most of his 60s output. Viva Las Vegas was maybe an exception because he cared a lot about Ann-Margret (!).

 

[JamesWhitehead]

More about this Elvis picture here.

I'm almost tempted to hunt it down.

Meanwhile, during the making of it, according to the above site,

"Elvis and the group were often confined to the hotel for long periods of time and said that, when boredom set in, they played a favorite trick on the room service personnel. They moved all the furniture out of the room and then ordered room service. When the food arrived they were all sitting on the floor in an empty room. The befuddled bellboy left without a word . . . "

The room had left Elvis!


Edit:
Now I have found the picture, I'm fascinated. All these years I've wondered who was after Cary Grant . . .

Now, how many minutes did you say you made it in . . . ?

Edit 2:
Seattle's Space Needle was to become the backdrop to a more unsettling, Post-Kennedy film.



Edit 3:

The Holy Grail of Elvis fims, surely, remains Tickle Me, the version Lean-Robbe-Grillet-Resnais intended, allegedly . . .

Well it isn't dated April 1st!