I've just had a thought (!) How do we translate these 'bad vibes' to online communications and relationships?
By now, I am sure we've all experienced similar sensations or vibes concerning people we 'see' online, particularly within forums.
Forums develop rather specific, particular identities/personalities, some more pleasant than others. And whilst we're not quite restricted by such awkwardnesses as body language or the distracting dynamics of physical proximity, we are having to learn how to interpret people's moods, intentions and authenticity in a vastly different way.
But it exists, here, in cyberspace - the vibe thing.
If I frequent communities where names become recognisable to me (Hi!), I will naturally come to some sort of 'opinion' about that community, along with it's individual members. We are often advised
not to take the internet seriously, but do we? Should we?
We are rarely displaying the totality of ourselves on the net, but neither do we bare all in the 'real' world - at parties, yoga classes or in the workplace.
Well worn methods of manipulation, deception and coercion become detectable, and we are all aware of how easy it is to present ourselves through fictions. The internet affords us endless opportunities to connect positively, if we can learn how to negotiate the chaos.
Occasionally I will develop a vague dislike or distrust for someone online, perhaps it might be a feeling of irritation or predictability. I imagine this is quite usual, and not what I would categorise as 'bad vibes'.
I'm lucky not to have experienced anything particularly dark or poisonous over the years, although I have only maintained a very small selection of close web chums, most usually as a result of sharing art.
I can't imagine participating in online dating at this point. I'm much more inclined to a 'real world pace'. I suppose I breeze though the web, alternating between areas of interest but not settling
too much - however - and this is contrary to my usual behaviour online - I have to admit to having developed something of a soft spot for this place, and would love for us all to get together for a hike/outing to a country pub
(bring your dogs and cats!). Since so many of us are self professed introverts, it can remain a pleasant enough thought to throw around..
On rare occasions though, I have sensed something quite unpleasant in someone's posts (not specific to any site in particular), something that makes me recoil, and I don't mean a difference of opinion, politics or beliefs. I'm talking about an immediate slam to the gut of disgust, distrust or similar. I wonder what 'cues' we are picking up when this happens?
There's a popular forum/website aimed at women/parents that some of you might have heard of, of which I would strongly advise anyone to steer clear, and that's
not because I don't have children. It only took a few dips of my toe into that particular pond to recoil in abject horror! Even the users don't appear to enjoy using it. Someone I know once likened the vibe there to
savage social climbing, with a good splash of misandry thrown in.
It's something to mull over, isn't it, how we pick up these cues online? Would love to hear more opinions on that.