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Bad Vibes About People

escargot1 said:
It's human nature to be trusting. It means you're a good person.
Really, don't beat yourself up for trusting the wrong people - we all do it. Been there, done that, and eventually walked away thinking 'Well, it's not ME who's the tw*t!' :roll:

These days I keep pets, mainly rehomed adult cats. They probably thought they could trust people too, until they were dumped or otherwise disposed of.

They can trust me though, and I trust them to claw my furniture to bits and spray all the woodwork. I accidentally spilled water on one last week and he immediately went out and pee'd on my bike. You wouldn't get THAT sort of straight talking from a mere human! ;)
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Excellent! I keep a rescue dog - or he keeps me, not sure which. Similarly, he has a way of urinating with malice aforethought while staring at me disapprovingly. And thanks :)
 
May I just mention that if one to one therapy seems too much, try equine therapy.
 
I've been dwelling on some bad vibes I got from a woman at the weekend.

We went to a good friends bbq on Saturday night and I only knew about 3 people there. There were about 18 people in total and most I spoke to and mingled with and it was fine. But one woman, made my stomach flip when she walked in. I got the feeling that in her head she was shouting "Fuck off" at me. I actually thought me and her would get on (I'd not met her before but had heard good things about her).
The whole evening she seemed to avoid me and when she wasn't able to she seemed really quite aggressive and again, I felt the "fuck off" vibes.

It was odd, I've not felt that for many years :(
 
She sounds like a nutter. You're well out of that. ;)
 
:lol: Maybe she's thinking the same thing about me!! The thing is, that the feeling has stayed with me & it's sent me back to being a geeky 13 year old getting bullied at school. The feelings we so strong that it's really unsettled me. :?
 
If you're unlucky enough to meet her again, make sure you do that thing where you imagine her sitting on the bog. And smile like you know something she doesn't.
 
cherrybomb said:
:lol: Maybe she's thinking the same thing about me
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Yeah I was wondering if maybe she made that face because she was getting bad vibes off of you.
 
A vicious circle of bad vibes? That's how wars start! Er, maybe.
 
I get bad vibes off people all the time. So many times I have been dead on right I don't even doubt them anymore.
My roomate last month had a friend who needed a place to stay, I was like no I don't want this guy in our house, the reason, he had what i consider "creepy pedophile eyes". We found him a place to stay and he cleaned them out, robbed them blind and vandalized the place.
Another time, another bunch of flatmates. I tell them the new roomate is sketchy, I don't trust him. He takes off in middle of night oweing us lots of money.
The other night guy walks into pub, I say to my friends, this guy is creepy, I do not like him on sight. He tries to steal my jacket, i have to chase him to get it back. The week before at same pub a different guy walks in and i say to bartender "someone just got out of prison", the bartender is like "how did you know that?" He just got out too.
So many times I have not liked my ex gf's new partners. They say its jealously, 6 months later i hear he was a vicious women beater, or other type of scumbag.
I just remembered another, one online group i was part of got together in real life and one of the guys ended up being totally insane, the type who starting stalking people and making crank calls and just crazy crap. He really turned me off ever meeting people from net, but once again i didnt trust him as soon as i met him.
I have yet to get one of these bad feelings about anyone and had it be wrong either. Often i am the only the only one who senses it too, with everyone telling me i am a jerk or whatever. Time always proves me right though, I have never thought someone was sketchy and they turned out fine.
 
when I was about 18 I fell under the influence of this guy who was about 5 or 6 years older than me. I'm not (I believe) easily influenced but somehow this guy totally dominated me, i thought he was the bee's knees and the fount of all wisdom.

anyway we were having a family gathering and my dad asked me if i wanted to bring a friend so I brought this guy Tony along.

It was immediately obvious that my dad and one or two other relatives didn't like him at all. Nothing amiss happened but afterwards my dad said "don't ever bring him to my house again" and one of my female cousins said he was "scary" anyway I was totally besotted (not in a sexual way) with this guy and fell out with my family, I began to push drugs for him and ended up in prison after beating someone up for him.

Prison was a turning point for me, years later I asked my dad what it was about tony, he said "I don't know, but the minute he walked into the room I knew he was a wrong 'un" I also asked the female cousin and she said "I looked at him and saw something horrible behind his smile"

I saw Tony again about 5 years ago, whatever power he had had obviously waned, he looked thin, scared and unhealthy.

Why could my father and cousin see this when myself and others couldn't? He was a classic spiritual and moral vampire but I was totally unaware and a willing accomplice.
 
Isis177 said:
My daughter works in a supermarket and the other day she told me she always avoids one of the men there, a butcher, as she gets bad vibes from him.
Today she came home and said that in the lunchroom he started talking to one of the other women and boasted that he had been charged with murder once but the police couldn't put a proper case as they couldn't find a body.
She spoke to the other woman later and she said she was petrified and had also avoided speaking to him before as she also got a funny feeling.
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This (and subsequent replies) remind me strongly of one of the most atmospheric thriller films ever made; in fact one step away from being a horror flick. Remote French village in a tranquil setting in the late 1960's; spinster schoolmistress wants to get away from Paris and a bad romance. So she ends up living over the shop in the village school. Some time later a native returns to the village to take up the family butcher's shop. He is a damaged veteran of France's wars in Vietnam and Algeria. Then the assistant schoolmistress is found dead, somewhat hacked around. The compellingly attractive Stephane Audran starts getting bad vibes about the butcher, who is courting her... this film should be watched. Reccomended.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Boucher
 
'ere 'tis: enjoy;

 
One of my favourite films. Though it does not often get mentioned in text-books, I think the walk through the village must be among the longest shots in real-time ever! :clap:
 
I also have a knack of picking up bad vibes. Last autumn, I was having some clarinet lessons at a local music school. The school itself was a suite of soundproofed studios above a music shop in a mid-1960s building. The studio rooms had no proper windows apart from arrow-slit panes of glass set high in the walls. There was a waiting area at the top of the stairs with ratty old sofas. I had been attending for a couple of weeks and it seemed that the only people having music lessons were school pupils of different ages and I must have been the only adult having tuition. The teacher/boss/owner/ of the place also gave lessons and he would come out and greet the kids in an excessively-friendly way. When I saw him, red lights started to flash in my mental control-room. I didn't like the place and seeing this man made me feel very uneasy. He wouldn't make eye contact with me. Anyhow, I packed in the clarinet as it wasn't working out and I wasn't keen on the tutor I had. Nice bloke but he didn't seem too keen on me being there. Plus the setup of the building seemed wrong.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that the music shop had closed. All the stock was gone and the windows had been semi-whitewashed. I assumed they had moved or were being re-decorated. Then when I saw the cover of the local news last week. There was a picture of that music shop owner/boss/teacher. It turns out he was doing some very indecent things to the youngsters that were going to that music school. The shop had been shut down practically overnight and all the usual webpage/social media links for the shop were dead.
 
discovered this. for want of a better place I'm bunging it here. Career guidance for those contemplating a career of evil and screwing over the rest of the human race.

http://evil-guide.tripod.com/career.html
 
I rarely get bad feelings about people. I'm a bit like a puppy (annoyingly ever-present and liable to wee on your furniture). Occasionally I get creepy vibes about some of my customers in the shop (usually one time customers, rarely locals), but since I only interact with them for about thirty seconds and then never see them again, I have no idea whether or not my 'creepometer' works or not. They might just be tired or having a bad day when the interact with me.
 
I get that feeling about people and am usually right. One of the strongest bad vibes I had was about a new guy at work, everyone was telling me what a nice guy he was, very pleasant, polite and charming etc. When I met him I just sensed something wasn't right - he was too nice, pleasant, polite and charming. It came over as an act he was putting on. He was also constantly banging on about how religious he was - a simple "nice day" would get a condescending smile and the response "Of course, as a good Christian, I believe every day is a nice day."
Anyway, about a year later Mr Nice, Pleasant, Polite, Charming Good Christian had his house raided by the police and ended up on charges of possessing child pornography.
 
Bigphoot2 said:
I get that feeling about people and am usually right. One of the strongest bad vibes I had was about a new guy at work, everyone was telling me what a nice guy he was, very pleasant, polite and charming etc. When I met him I just sensed something wasn't right - he was too nice, pleasant, polite and charming. It came over as an act he was putting on. He was also constantly banging on about how religious he was - a simple "nice day" would get a condescending smile and the response "Of course, as a good Christian, I believe every day is a nice day."
Anyway, about a year later Mr Nice, Pleasant, Polite, Charming Good Christian had his house raided by the police and ended up on charges of possessing child pornography.
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I had this gut feeling about a guy who was the network admin at one of my current jobs. I got a 'creepy' vibe from him.
About 3 years ago, he left suddenly under mysterious circumstances and attempts to ask about him met with stony silence, shrugs etc.
A few months ago, I did a web search for him and found a newspaper article online. It mentioned that he'd been jailed for possessing child porn.
So, my gut feelings are usually reliable. I must never ignore my instincts.
 
I sometimes worry that I give off bad vibes. I'm not great in social situations and often have to remind myself to make eye contact/not make too much eye contact, fill uncomfortable silences/not say that thing I find funny etc. I suspect this can come across as quite off putting to people who don't know me. I do believe we have good instincts, but I wonder what the opposite side of it is? Do socially awkward people fret about their presentation? (Sometimes!) Do crazy psycho vampires realise that they aren't fitting in entirely and need to up their games?

For what it's worth, I'm a terrible judge of character. I assume most people are fundamentally decent. While most are, I've been taken in by some stinkers over the years. On the other hand there was one friend who I hated on sight but, once I got to know her, turned out to be lovely.

Clearly I'd have been eaten by dinosaurs before even leaving my cave, back in the day!
 
ravensocks said:
I sometimes worry that I give off bad vibes. I'm not great in social situations and often have to remind myself to make eye contact/not make too much eye contact, fill uncomfortable silences/not say that thing I find funny etc. I suspect this can come across as quite off putting to people who don't know me. I do believe we have good instincts, but I wonder what the opposite side of it is? Do socially awkward people fret about their presentation? (Sometimes!) Do crazy psycho vampires realise that they aren't fitting in entirely and need to up their games?

For what it's worth, I'm a terrible judge of character. I assume most people are fundamentally decent. While most are, I've been taken in by some stinkers over the years. On the other hand there was one friend who I hated on sight but, once I got to know her, turned out to be lovely.

Clearly I'd have been eaten by dinosaurs before even leaving my cave, back in the day!
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Are you male or female? I think men, understandably, get judged more harshly than women in these circumstances. I meet a fair few "autisitic spectrum" seeming people, many of whom may not actually have that condition but have similar social issues. They are almost exclusively men and are generally fine, sometimes hard work socially or slightly uncomfortable to be around as social discomfort and nervousness is infectious to a degree, as a heard species fear is contagious. These people are largely fine to me but may make others more uneasy than they do me, I have a friend who goes on about "spectrum types" a lot, though I recently discovered her brother shows most of the traits, without diagnosis and was somewhat violent and generally difficult when they were younger, which explains her misgivings.
 
ravensocks said:
I sometimes worry that I give off bad vibes. I'm not great in social situations and often have to remind myself to make eye contact/not make too much eye contact, fill uncomfortable silences/not say that thing I find funny etc. I suspect this can come across as quite off putting to people who don't know me. I do believe we have good instincts, but I wonder what the opposite side of it is? Do socially awkward people fret about their presentation? (Sometimes!) Do crazy psycho vampires realise that they aren't fitting in entirely and need to up their games?

For what it's worth, I'm a terrible judge of character. I assume most people are fundamentally decent. While most are, I've been taken in by some stinkers over the years. On the other hand there was one friend who I hated on sight but, once I got to know her, turned out to be lovely.

Clearly I'd have been eaten by dinosaurs before even leaving my cave, back in the day!
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I can sympathise, it's the people who don't give off bad vibes but screw you over anyway that I have to watch out for. My solution for worrying about giving off bad vibes myself is... don't be around people in general.
 
GNC said:
My solution for worrying about giving off bad vibes myself is... don't be around people in general.
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My solution too. Less stressful.
 
When I was eleven we moved to a new house with a wee corner shop a couple of minutes away. Sometimes my Mum or Dad would send me and my sister there for sweeties/ice cream etc. There was an old man working behind the big counter. He would stare at us without saying a word and when we asked for whatever, he would reply with 'Certainly.' Me and my sister near shit our pants when he said that, it felt wrong.

After about three times we decided we couldn't go back, and the next time my Dad asked us to go to the shop we refused.

"But why?" asked my auld man

"Coz the mannie in the shop says 'Certainly." said I

Which sounds like a really crappy excuse now, but my faither didn't press the issue.

I'll think of some more soon. :)
 
Ogdred Weary said:
Are you male or female? I think men, understandably, get judged more harshly than women in these circumstances. I meet a fair few "autisitic spectrum" seeming people, many of whom may not actually have that condition but have similar social issues. They are almost exclusively men and are generally fine, sometimes hard work socially or slightly uncomfortable to be around as social discomfort and nervousness is infectious to a degree, as a heard species fear is contagious. These people are largely fine to me but may make others more uneasy than they do me, I have a friend who goes on about "spectrum types" a lot, though I recently discovered her brother shows most of the traits, without diagnosis and was somewhat violent and generally difficult when they were younger, which explains her misgivings.
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This makes sense. Female here, I agree that women maybe do get a bit of a pass for some of that behaviour (my experience). Also more socially adept people are usually happy to jump in if the conversational ball is dropped. I suspect it's a mix of knowing the person, being more adept and a bit less happy with uncomfortable silences - humans are still social animals, and I'd agree that picking up on and, if safe, trying to diffuse discomfort or nervousness/unease ties right back to evolution and hard survival.

I suppose personal experience is a huge factor for how we respond to behaviours. Typing it makes me realise how obvious that sounds, but it is true!

People, eh!
 
GNC said:
I can sympathise, it's the people who don't give off bad vibes but screw you over anyway that I have to watch out for. My solution for worrying about giving off bad vibes myself is... don't be around people in general.
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Baddies in disguise - they are cloaked. If picking up on bad vibes is an evolutionary survival mechanism, it stands to reason that predators (of whatever type or level) would have a similar mechanism to come across as nice and normal. We've all heard the stories of the 'not very nice' people who seemed lovely. There are a load of examples in this thread who fooled everyone except one or two savvy observers.

Really interesting topic!
 
I've just had a thought (!) How do we translate these 'bad vibes' to online communications and relationships?

By now, I am sure we've all experienced similar sensations or vibes concerning people we 'see' online, particularly within forums.
Forums develop rather specific, particular identities/personalities, some more pleasant than others. And whilst we're not quite restricted by such awkwardnesses as body language or the distracting dynamics of physical proximity, we are having to learn how to interpret people's moods, intentions and authenticity in a vastly different way.

But it exists, here, in cyberspace - the vibe thing.
If I frequent communities where names become recognisable to me (Hi!), I will naturally come to some sort of 'opinion' about that community, along with it's individual members. We are often advised not to take the internet seriously, but do we? Should we?
We are rarely displaying the totality of ourselves on the net, but neither do we bare all in the 'real' world - at parties, yoga classes or in the workplace.

Well worn methods of manipulation, deception and coercion become detectable, and we are all aware of how easy it is to present ourselves through fictions. The internet affords us endless opportunities to connect positively, if we can learn how to negotiate the chaos.

Occasionally I will develop a vague dislike or distrust for someone online, perhaps it might be a feeling of irritation or predictability. I imagine this is quite usual, and not what I would categorise as 'bad vibes'.
I'm lucky not to have experienced anything particularly dark or poisonous over the years, although I have only maintained a very small selection of close web chums, most usually as a result of sharing art.
I can't imagine participating in online dating at this point. I'm much more inclined to a 'real world pace'. I suppose I breeze though the web, alternating between areas of interest but not settling too much - however - and this is contrary to my usual behaviour online - I have to admit to having developed something of a soft spot for this place, and would love for us all to get together for a hike/outing to a country pub :D (bring your dogs and cats!). Since so many of us are self professed introverts, it can remain a pleasant enough thought to throw around..

On rare occasions though, I have sensed something quite unpleasant in someone's posts (not specific to any site in particular), something that makes me recoil, and I don't mean a difference of opinion, politics or beliefs. I'm talking about an immediate slam to the gut of disgust, distrust or similar. I wonder what 'cues' we are picking up when this happens?

There's a popular forum/website aimed at women/parents that some of you might have heard of, of which I would strongly advise anyone to steer clear, and that's not because I don't have children. It only took a few dips of my toe into that particular pond to recoil in abject horror! Even the users don't appear to enjoy using it. Someone I know once likened the vibe there to savage social climbing, with a good splash of misandry thrown in.

It's something to mull over, isn't it, how we pick up these cues online? Would love to hear more opinions on that.
 
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