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The best of it was, that engine cutting out was actually a FAULT in the German weapon, or rather, unintended. They had been designed to fly into the ground at full speed once they'd reached the target coordinates, but because fuel was scarce only the bare minimum was put into the tank. They...

And how lucky this shark has been, seeing how sharks in particular have been given such a hammering

Or maybe it isn't the Fireman's job to second guess the driver, and woe betide any that did stick their oar in when they should have been tending to fire/water? Interesting the mention of alcohol that has come up, my first thought on the cases mentioned was that the driver might have been...

Was there any inheritance? That fat fucker robbed pension funds, there should have been no loot to hand on, it should have all gone back in the pot. Every penny. (Yeah, I know, dream on) I'm going with that old favourite, the white Fiat Punto. Been a while since it had a run out, but I'm sure...

Indeed, but round here, that's a case of the serious Prems, or "finishing before you've started", and something to be wholly ashamed of!

Unsurprisingly, I know one or two people who indulge in such antics and watching them at play one memorable Sunday afternoon made my legs go all wobbly. Not so wobbly that I couldn't run away though. Sod that. One notorious practitioner was reminiscent of a conjuror, producing the sounds with a...

You misunderstand the way it works. Party A procures young women/boys/farm animals, Party B enjoys all the facilities on offer. Then later on, as and when it becomes advantageous, Party C sidles up behind Party B and mentions they have some very fruity video footage of B's foibles, and how that...

I can accept that as being possible, in the same way I believe Boris & Co are stumbling forward in a great rush to get everybody back to work, school, out and about ASAFP - simply to let us all get a sniff of normality, earn a few quid, go on hols etc, knowing that when the colder weather draws...

Someone craps their pants and Skunk Ape has a dodgy tummy. There, between us, the whole video summarised.

Oh, I dunno about that. Wherever it came from, whenever, and whatever it is, we can argue about that forever. However, what I'm certain of is that we, the little shitmunchers, aren't being told all that They know, even if it's that their scientists are going round in circles, that They know...

Yeah, but it never hurts to remind them that they haven't got the re-mastered, fully digitised, double multi-coloured vinyl re-issue of that other album they have 4 versions of, does it? Where dead pop stars are concerned, NO stunt is too cheap (unless it is a B3TA.com Image Challenge, that was...

Hmm, is there possibly a stack of his back-catalog about to be re-issued, by any chance?

So, they are trying to flog some substandard masks, at inflated prices, to countries who KNOW they are substandard? How about "Stick your masks up your arse, at any price" as a reply to the Chinese salesman? Or did the Chinese buy Mexican-made masks and are now re-selling them back at a massive...

Back in the late 90s I saw what I still believe to be a Puma stalking through the grounds of a private school. My friend was with me and I drummed into him to note how high the nettles came to on its body before I ran down to where it had been (they reached the cat's shoulders, came to my knees...

Yeah, lucky that terrorist's passport survived all the mayhem and fell into the street, totally intact.

Himmler would have been caught anyway, he had stupidly chosen a cover identity of a sergeant of a Special Armoured Company, attached to the Secret Field Police - meaning he'd have been in an Automatic Arrest Category, whatever pass or stamp he presented.

Up and down the country (UK). If you live near a Hermes distribution centre, go and have a look at the temporary structure in their yard. I'm assuming they will be a nationwide player in this, because several of their sites have been used by the company that booked me. I've also been to one on...

Sort of, I'm involved in fitting some of them out. They are rigid-walled marquees with a number of refrigerated shipping containers (approx capacity 250 each) to one side. Ambulances/hearses drive in one end, drop off the goods and boogie out the other end. Bodies are kept until they can be...

Well I'm still working on temporary morgues, quoted on another new one last week, and the stuff I have installed already will be staying out on rental till "at least the end of the year", rather than the initial 3 months. Someone somewhere is obviously quietly confident that there will be plenty...

Either that or they wander round in total denial that they've seen anything out of the ordinary during their long overnight shifts. I think that would be the only way I could do that job, or I'd be too busy crapping myself and hiding at every creak and bang to do any real guarding.

Holy shit, you get a "man-sized duplicate of your penis". I'm assuming they mean about average size - around 5'9"? That's going to be difficult to hide when granny comes for tea.

Jesus is a very important Islamic prophet , the penultimate before Mohammed. He's the person most referred to in the Koran, he is even the Islamic Messiah. One day he will descend to Earth to battle the "False Messiah" (Antichrist) and upon his victory, there will be peace and harmony on Earth...

Cancer, if I recall correctly. The outline seemed scorched, but I confess I didn't study it closely. It was around 20 years ago, before the days of cameras routinely being found on mobile phones, so no chance to capture a pic, sadly. I remember seeing it sitting there and thinking (and saying)...

I'm sure I've recounted this tale on here somewhere (but can't find it), but I once helped a young lady move to a new flat. She'd actually done the bulk of it, just the big stuff to go in my large van. There was a double mattress, clearly seen better days, and I'd have dumped it and just bought...

For me, it has to be the tale I saw on some TV programme about haunted London. A pub landlord working alone in a cellar suddenly found himself in the pitch black as the door slammed shut and the light went out. As he tried in vain to open the door, a gruff voice said something along the lines of...

Oh dear, it's really disappointing that a body like National Geographic uses the term "poisonous" rather than "venomous". What hope of educating anyone, if they can't get the basics right?

I can't play that video for whatever reason, but from the look of it, that man is going get the Luke Yeomans Award for Misjudging Ophiophagus Hannah. Perhaps not now, but one day, out of the blue, like Mr Yeomans (RIP).

I doubt we are over any hump yet. Someone I know very well, (non-virus cough cough), has been working very hard over the past couple of weeks, on the set up of temporary morgues with 1000+ capacities. Lots of them, no quibbling over costs, full steam ahead, all out of the way, but where...

Ah yes, but the bullet wound and the cancer would be noted as "underlying health conditions", so that's alright.

I can't say what you saw, but I know that here, also in Warwickshire, I see lots of "ordinary" air traffic from Baginton and Birmingham airports at night. Travelling North along the Fosse Way, for example, on clear nights I often crest a hill and see lights seemingly dead ahead. I have pulled...

I think that is definitely a pictorial depiction of a gentleman about to mysteriously develop a severe case of bum grapes (for our foreign friends, I mean "haemorrhoids", although the way some of you mash our spellings, perhaps bum grapes is the best term to use). A late night trip to Asda for...

I think it was too late even then. I have texts on my phone from early January* where I am complaining about having Coronavirus (ie. what was really just Man-flu). If I was worrying about it then, I must have been reading alarming reports from China at Christmas-ish. That's when the doors should...

Well, to silly old fools like you and I, that's true. To the kind of twat who HAS to own the newest i-phone, the moment it is released, however, it is totally needed. They are looking forward to a Blade Runner-style landscape, where the machine knows it all and we don't have to bother about...

What you should remember is that it's NOT about phones. It's about the move towards a fully integrated 5G world, total convenience - and you know there are plenty of people out there who will cum in their pants at the prospect that they needn't think about anything, that their 5G surroundings...

So, preface my post with "I think it may be a conspiracy by China or DPRK to keep their activities in the lab a secret." Is that better? When does random speculation actually consolidate into a "conspiracy theory"? Are the things I said possible? Any part of them could be behind this pandemic...

How about their chum there in North Korea, Kim Jong Un? He's Bat Shit Crazy (quite apt, really), wouldn't give a toss how many people died, because isolated there in DPRK, him and his pals are safe. His regime has form for recklessly using pretty stupid weapons - nerve gassing Kim Jong Nam in an...

Yeeeah! Now he's my kinda guy!

Never mind all this nonsense, recent TV public service announcements have led me to believe this is an alien attack. I mean, look at that Chief Medical Officer Chris Witty - holy shit, he's not seriously trying to pass himself off as human, is he? Rather than being off sick with coronavirus...

Hmmmm, short-sighted eh? Now what causes that? ;-)

Luckily, Pornhub have announced they are making Premium content free - so those who are self-isolating at home can stay "amused"

Well Reddit has been bought by the Chinese...

"Aha you DO have a telly. You little runt. The old trick eh? Eat the telly before I nick you." etc etc . Classic.

I suspect that chap is a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. His stuff, arguably the largest collection in the world, isn't on display, and he has so much that he has storage containers and buildings crammed full. Maybe he has an inventory, but the impression I have is that he's a spoiled...

I wonder if it was somewhere associated with Kevin Wheatcroft, who is known for his massive collection of 3rd Reich stuff? IIRC his family owned Donington Park, and lots of land/property in that neck of the woods...

It could have been worse. I know a chap who lost one of his pods in some accident, and now, to the whole world, he is known as "Womble"

Snook (as opposed to Snoek) is a great tasting fish, and if you like sport fishing, a real fighter. I mean, check this out, couldn't you just sink your teeth into that? And the fish...

Knackers are remarkably resilient things, despite even a nudge to them making us chaps howl. The poor guy who sat on his must have really given them a thwack to be off work for a week. After WW2, Allied interrogators had a fondness for standing on suspected war criminals' balls, which...

Maybe that part of the book is to teach the kids how to enjoy kinky play safely, and as such, absolutely needs to be discussed openly. (Swapping) Body fluid and blood play are things that are generally not encouraged with random strangers, or in clubs, they are best saved for long-term, tested...

It is good for the ears too. Men working from home and enjoying a little "gentleman's relaxation" break will develop super-sensitive hearing, to detect the sound of their spouse/kids/housemates' key in the lock. Apparently. I'm sure I've posted this before...so it obviously doesn't help the old...

Yep, the Dalai Lama sure has gone down in my estimation!