F*cked-Up Fruit & Veg

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Anonymous

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#32
Something must be worth it, surely?
But then I'm sort of the 'death or glory' type...that is to say, I don't know when to give up!!!
 
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Anonymous

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#33
Hang on.

From starfruit to divorce to bad ex'es (sorry for any apostrophe misappropration, but I just don't know how to put it, maybe just 'exs'). Is this some kind of word association football squad by the left number 1, 2, 3 thread?
 
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Anonymous

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#36
Well, from my experience (I sound like an elderly aunt now) there has to be a time when you give up, a very dear friend of mine has been in love with me (so he says ) for the past 20 years (I knew him when I was very young, I'm not that ancient!!!), he has a wife and kids but all I would have to do is say the word and he would come running.......... now, that's not healthy having somebody eating away at your soul for that amount of time....what I'm trying to say is that if somebody is not running into your arms and playing mind games it probably will not happen...like me, being an awful female, she probably rather enjoys knowing that there is somebody out there holding a candle for her...........
 
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Anonymous

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#38
We go out on dates and everything...clutch, grasp...

I didn't mean to be Pythonically pedantic, I just have never played football in an actual team, but I'm used to drill...

So on to Black and Decker...
 
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Anonymous

Guest
#39
Sorry, Inverurie, just thought you had the 'Bumper Book of Monty Python Sketch Scripts' lying open by your mousing hand.
 
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Anonymous

Guest
#41
In the time-honoured American tradition of reassigning nouns willy nilly (all hail lord Bush II) to other parts of speech, said he keyboardising his latest post.
 

escargot

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#42
S'funny how childish people become about exes. I consider myself a mature and educated individual, yet can't help remembering the first letter of my ex's new numberplate as 'G' for his name: not 'Graham' but 'Gobsh*te'.

And the 'starfruit' was definitely NOT named after him.
 

Ioethe

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#43
I get on fine with my exes but would love to turn my boyfriend's ex into a starfruit...
 
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Anonymous

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#44
Well I have to say that I have been happily married for the past four years and my ex's are nowhere in sight!

Hooray!!

On the other hand my marriage is not 'conventional' in any way so.......
 

escargot

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#47
hahahaahahahahahahaah
Well put, Jack!
And in no way disparaging to dear Emmy!



I get on fine with my exes but would love to turn my boyfriend's ex into a starfruit...
I too would like this unique power, of turning exes into fruit. Or vegetables, or any tuber or legume, for that matter: the goat I'd buy would soon polish'em off.
 
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garrick92

Guest
#49
Break it up, you lot -- why does the thought of weird fruit make you harp on about your "ex"es? Pah.

Well, anyway, I don't believe that the starfruit existed pre-1980. It's all very well asserting that it did, but I have been presented with absolutely no evidence of this. I hereby declare them disgusting freaks, and will burn any that I see.
 
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Anonymous

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#50
Erm....I actually meant not following the conventional 'rules' of marriage but if that means sucessful then erm....well....yes...so far so good...as for happy...yes I'm that too...



As for Starfruit - they must have existed pre-eighties. I am sure that they did.

I mean they are a seventies shape and color don't you think?
 
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Anonymous

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#51
i think i have a broad idea what you meant old thing, i just can't resist an obvious joke when i see one, that's all...
 

intaglio

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#53
To keep it a little bit on thread

I know starfruit were about before 1980 because when they first showed up in the shops my mother (who had globe-trotted a bit as a child) said "they don't taste as nice now" she had first had them about 1930. Of course she may have been a witch but its to late to burn her now.

Fruit and ex's. If you are that put off by your ex's or are feeling a little lonely the Independant once reported a saying from a Muslim country "Women are for children, Boys are for pleasure but extacy is a sun warmed melon". Why the taste of melon should be so sexy is beyond me :confused:
 
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Anonymous

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#54
:( I am feeling a little unhappy to say the least, because I suspect I may be the only one here who has noone they can actually describe as an 'ex'...
 

intaglio

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#55
Inverurie Jones said:
:( I am feeling a little unhappy to say the least, because I suspect I may be the only one here who has noone they can actually describe as an 'ex'...
All together now Awwww
mind you it says much about your sense of purpose that you still want one after reading this lot
 

escargot

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#56
Fruit and ex's. If you are that put off by your ex's or are feeling a little lonely the Independant once reported a saying from a Muslim country "Women are for children, Boys are for pleasure but extacy is a sun warmed melon". Why the taste of melon should be so sexy is beyond me
My dear boy, this is NOT about EATING the melon.
Here in darkest, coldest south Cheshire there is a man famous for only one thing, and that was congress of an indecent kind with a melon.
When he walks down the street, folks are apt to turn to one another and murmur, behind a hand, 'That's him. Him with the melon'.



And Mr Inverurie Jones-


QUOTE]I may be the only one here who has noone they can actually describe as an 'ex'...[/QUOTE]

It's nearly Xmas, I'm feeling generous, may I offer you one or more of my exes?
You may choose from a range of moderately degenerate individuals with varying levels of idleness, promiscuity, drug habits, crapness in bed, football/tv soaps/transport addictions and general lack of lifeskills.

All male, I'm afraid, but you can always say you've put all that behind you now!

(Goes off whistling, perusing the 'Buy & Sell' livestock section for goats.)
 
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Anonymous

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#58
Durain

Someone posted that the durian smells absolutely nasty. Well, like many inported or trucked fruits, they are picked unripe. If allowed to ripen properly, the flesh becomes even sweeter and more custard like, and the scent changes from something like garbage or animal waste to something more akin to... well, to private parts. Which may make it even less appealing to some! In parts of Indonesia (where the durian comes from) the women have a saying, don't marry a man who does not like durian... In one of the Indonesian tongues, durian is called the Honeymoon Fruit, and is considered to be semi-aphrodesiac in it's effect.
 
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