Odd Sayings

Kryptonite

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A friend from Glasgow described someone as having "a face like a deep-fried fart."
Reminds me of the "with your face like..." comments that Vic Reeves used to make to Jack Dee on Shooting Stars;

"Jack, with your face like a galvanised pan..."
"Jack, with your face like a needless comment..."
"Jack, with your face like a bankrupt pug..."
"Jack, with your face like a neglected radish..."
"Jack, with your face like a crateful of rotten memories..."
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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Me mam used to have a phrase "If you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me." I always loved that one.

I may have reverted t'Northern accent there.
When I was a kid and out shopping with my mum, if I asked her to buy biscuits or some breakfast cereal that was more interesting than Corn Flakes her response would be "No, because you'll only eat it."
 

Bad Bungle

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If Mum thought me or Dad had gone a moan too far, she'd shut us up with her favourite sing-song Bon Mot 'I used to complain I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet,' 40 years on and my Dad unexpectedly replied 'but he wouldn't need any shoes !'. She never said it again.
 

JamesWhitehead

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My normally euphemistic parents, faced with our antics would give vent to "For crying out loud!" - which, I doubt my mother intended as a substitute for the f-word and "By the cringe!" - which sounds quite impressive and nearly-rude, though my father could swear when he wanted to.

His most impressive outburst was remembered for many years. After a terrible day, he sat down to enjoy his dinner, then . . .

"Oh bloody, effing hell! the pissing, bastard dog has done a bloody great shit under the effing table!"

She had, too! Massive!

During such joyous moments, children have phonographic memories! :loveu:
 
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Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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My normally euphemistic parents, faced with our antics would give vent to "For crying out loud!" - which, I doubt my mother intended as a substitute for the f-word and "By the cringe!" - which sounds quite impressive and nearly-rude, though my father could swear when he wanted to.

His most impressive outburst was remembered for many years. After a terrible day, he sat down to enjoy his dinner, then . . .

"Oh bloody, effing hell! the pissing, bastard dog has done a bloody great shit under the effing table!"

She had, too! Massive!

During such joyous moments, children have phonographic memories! :loveu:
A friend was driving her daughter to the nursery one morning when a car overtook. She heard a little voice in the back of the car say "Fucking idiot!". Another car passed and she heard it again.
She pulled over and said, "What did you say when the car went past?"
Her daughter innocently replied "Fucking idiot."
"That's not a nice thing to say."
"But dad says it all the time when he's driving."
He was in big trouble when he got home that night.
 

gattino

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"For crying out loud!" - which, I doubt my mother intended as a substitute for the f-word
That reminds me.. my mum's polite substitutes for rude words were Ship and "Shine a light"

Until the dementia set in when she inexplicably learned to use the word "fuck" at every angry opportunity.

*****
A couple of words or phrases which the people of Liverpool at least believe are exclusively local (seemingly confirmed by the internet) are "antwacky" an adjective meaning old fashioned and outdated, particularly in clothes or decor....the insertion of the word "the" in front of Asda and "and" in the middle of Home Bargains. Hence those two chain stores are always referenced as The Asda and Home And Bargain. And the daddy of them all is "lolly ice", which other folk insist is called an "ice lolly" (among many other regional variations). I've a friend from Bolton who thinks "lolly ice" is hysterical.
 

Analogue Boy

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I remembered another phrase I used to hear a lot up north.*
Glaikey. Meaning a bit simple, absent-minded or Away with the Fairies.

‘Oh, don’t pay any attention to him, he’s a bit glaikey fond’.

* Not directed at me by the way.
 

plastic wiganer

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when it was particularly chilly, my nana used to say " its cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" where the hell did that originate from?
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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Blimey, do you keep all this stuff in your head ? Awesome.
No - I just remembered it had been discussed here on the forum years ago. I was wrong about its having been discussed at length or in detail.

The origin of the 'brass monkey' phrase(s) / saying(s) was popularly claimed to go back to iron cannonballs stacked on a brass cart or cradle (aka a 'monkey').

This popular explanation has been disputed in more recent years, and there's good reason to suspect it's something of a myth.

See:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brass_monkey_(colloquialism)
 

Roger Nowell

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Apologies if this archaic saying appears elsewhere in the thread but I can't see it. The expression isn't from these parts but from the Huddersfield area in West Yorkshire:-

"As throng as Throp's wife" - meaning to be extremely busy.

Given the Norse name I have a pleasing image of some harassed Viking homesteader in the Colne valley surrounded by 6 children, two dozen hens and a lazy husband.
 
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