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Toilet Talk

Something a bit strange happened to me in a public toilet in my home town recently. On my way to the station quite early in the morning, I stopped for a call of nature in the loos and went into the cleanest cubicle, locking the door behind me. After a couple of minutes, someone else came into the loo and started shouting in a strange cracked voice, yelling "I know where you are! I know what you're doing! There's no privacy in a toilet!".

How are you supposed to react in such a situation? I was in no position to burst out of the cubicle so in the best British tradition I simply acted as if nothing was happening. When I eventually emerged a few minutes later, there was no sign of any person.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?
 
Kinda...
I was on a cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico, mostly Americans on board. It was late, and I walked off to a loo near one of the restaurants to have a pee.
I'd gone into a cubicle and had nearly finished when some rowdy drunk Americans came in. One of them said loudly 'that funny-looking guy came in here - he must be in there'. I thought, 'oh shit, they must be a cruise ship lynch mob or something' - so I burst out of the cubicle and ran out of there. They didn't follow.
I was more than a tad offended to be called 'funny-looking'.
 
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My friend had got locked out of his car, we tried several keys from other people with the sameish car in the car park, nothing worked, so i said i had seen some coat hanger like wire being used in the ladies loo, so off i traipsed with a friend, i was standing on the loo trying to dislodge the wire from the cistern when she threw the door open and said 'have you got it yet' i was like 'WTF, shut the f***ing door'
Jeez, i was suprised i wasnt caught or reported. Anyway, i got the wire and we got in the car
 
I just can't believe they'd have such crappy arrangements on board a private jet.
Awful.
 
In a spooky coincidence we were talking about a very similar incident yesterday at work.
A friend of a couple of my colleagues had the same thing happen on a flight back from holiday. Trouble was, the plane was taking off and the stewards wouldn't let her leave her seat, so she had no option than to literally sh*t herself in her seat :eek:
For the rest of the flight the stewards "reserved" one of the loos just for her and she spent most of the rest of the journey inside.
But, of course she had to eventually go back to her seat to land and disembark, and with no other clothes to hand, had to put her soiled trousers on and sit back in her soiled seat which her husband draped with serviettes in an attempt to soak up the mess!
Poor woman, the horror :oops:
 
Celebrity shittings may be quite common but not much discussed openly. I recall seeing an interview with the post-pretty-boy Euro art-film husk Helmut Berger - in a state of stoned obliviousness to his surprised questioner - tell a rambling tale of his glory-days when he shat himself while* sitting next to Princess Margaret!

She was probably used to such things. o_O

*edit: "while" not "white" . . . though I suppose he was!
 
Richard Coles ‏@RevRichardColes 23m23 minutes ago
In A Monastery Lavatory #Mirfield

CiA_bj7WUAA9L9x.jpg
 
Spoof?
No, it's real!
 
Woo Woo loo is the answer when nature makes its call
By West Briton | Posted: May 21, 2016

SPENDING a penny at a busy allotment just got a little greener.
More than 100 people gathered at Redruth Amateur Growers Association's allotments for the official opening of its environmentally friendly WooWoo loo.

More than two years ago, association secretary Elaine Bones started looking for a greener toilet after members decided a disabled loo was needed at the site on Coach Lane.
She came across the WooWoo loo, which does not require water, electricity, chemicals or drainage.
The team then sought funding and planning permission to install the toilet at the allotment, which has about 40 plots.
Mrs Bones said: "Redruth Town Council supported our application for planning and with the help of Charlotte Caldwell, community link officer for Pool, Illogan, Redruth and mining villages, our application to the Big Lottery Fund for a £9,995 grant was submitted.
"We were delighted when we heard our request had been granted, and in March the loo was installed."

The toilet uses solar and wind power, reducing the waste through evaporation and dehydration to produce compost, which will be used to mulch plants and fruit trees.
Members, neighbours and councillors attended the opening event on Saturday, when Redruth mayor Will Tramayne cut the toilet-paper ribbon as his last official duty before handing over the reins to Councillor Henry Biscoe.
The celebrations included pasties and saffron buns served for lunch at the allotment, and music by the Rafity Dumitz and Steve Preston Band.

Mrs Bones added: "Our thanks goes to all those who have helped and supported our association and especially the people who buy lottery tickets and made this project possible."

http://www.westbriton.co.uk/Woo-Woo-answer-nature-makes/story-29291272-detail/story.html
 
Thailand Toilet Terror

Atthaporn Boonmakchuay was squatting over the toilet at his Thailand home this morning when he suddenly felt a sharp bite to the tip of his penis.

He immediately grabbed down below with his hand and was horrified to discover he had caught hold of the head of a huge python that had clamped its jaws around his privates.

The 38-year-old immediately screamed for his wife and began fighting the serpent - which refused to let go of his member.
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It's then claimed:

He called out for a rope and just before passing out managed to grab the four-metre serpent’s head and tie it to the bathroom door.
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I'm assuming he got his todger out of it's mouth first.
 
Ancient bottom wipers yield evidence of diseases carried along the Silk Road
‘Personal hygiene sticks’ excavated from a 2,000-year-old latrine pit have preserved evidence of the transmission route for infectious diseases
Maev Kennedy
Friday 22 July 2016 00.01 BST

Travellers on the Silk Road, the most famous trade route of the ancient world, were bringing more than the precious fabric with them out of China. Some bamboo sticks with scraps of grimy cloth wound around them have been identified as bottom wipers from a latrine pit in a 2,000-year-old Chinese relay station on the Silk Road. They have also preserved the first solid evidence of disease spread from east to west by travellers.

Samples of ancient faeces scraped off the fabric and brought back to a laboratory in Cambridge have revealed eggs from four species of parasites, including Chinese liver fluke. The fluke needs marshy conditions to complete its life cycle, so could not have come from the desert area around the ancient Xuanquanzhi relay station.

The Chinese liver fluke originated thousands of miles away from the arid Tamrin Basin, an area including the Taklamakan Desert - one of the harshest on earth, dubbed “the desert of death” by the Chinese. 2,000 years ago the parasite’s unfortunate host would have been a very unhappy traveller, producing symptoms including fever, griping pain, diarrhoea and jaundice. It has also been associated with some forms of cancer.

The relay stations at oasis towns, where travellers could rest and buy food, were crucial for any traders on the Silk Road hoping to survive the desert crossing.The bone dry conditions at these sites have preserved a wealth of organic remains for archaeologists.

The large Xuanquanzhi station was excavated just over 20 years ago. It has been dated to the Han dynasty, and was in use between 111BC to 109 AD. The most celebrated finds from the site are fragments of letters and other documents - including some written on silk - but it was the bamboo sticks wound with strips of fabric, used once and then thrown into the latrine pit, which excited Hui-Yuan Yeh, a researcher at Cambridge University.

The sticks had been stored carefully, but not judged worthy of further research. Hui-Yuan got permission to take some samples and bring them back to Piers Mitchell, an expert in ancient diseases at Cambridge who is the happy recipient of faecal samples sent to him from sites all over the world. :cool:

The two publish their findings on what are politely styled “personal hygiene sticks” this week in the Journal of Archaeological Science: Reports. They found roundworm, whipworm, tapeworm - and the Chinese liver fluke, whose nearest endemic area is around 1,500 km away, though the particular species is most common even further away, in Guandong Province, approximately 2,000 km from the site.

“When I first saw the Chinese liver fluke egg down the microscope, I knew that we had made a momentous discovery,” Hui-Yuan said. “Our study is the first to use archaeological evidence from a site on the Silk Road to demonstrate that travellers were taking infectious diseases with them over these huge distances.”

Mitchell said that while it had been suggested that the merchants, soldiers and government officials travelling along the route into the Middle East and on to the Mediterranean could have brought infections with them, there had never been any solid proof. The transmission route for diseases including bubonic plague, anthrax and leprosy, could instead have been through India, or by Mongolia and Russia to the north.

“Now for the first time we know that liver fluke definitely did come along the Silk Road, and if so, we can assume that other diseases came by the same route. It’s always nice to have proof,” Mitchell said.

https://www.theguardian.com/science...nce-of-diseases-silk-road-chinese-liver-fluke
 
Anonymous said:
As long as those 'squat and hold on whilst your feet are in slots like a pair of skis', like they have in France, don't become the standard then I don't really care.

Although, fecal-proof walls would be an innovation that I'd appreciate as would electrifying cubicle walls to kill the subhumans that find the need to smear their fecal matter on cubicle walls.
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Our ladies toilets at work have bogies smeared all over the cubical walls.......why? If you need to blow your nose out and haven't got a hanky there's plenty of toilet paper in there. Filthy b's
 
There's usually one person responsible for dirty behaviour at work like that. It's a form of industrial sabotage. We have one at our place. We all know who it is but can't deal with it until they're caught in the act.
 
All that elegant talk reminds me of what happened to me, age five. We were living at the time, in a small 4 rooms, two beds house without toilet indoors. We had a chamber pot in our bedroom which was next to my parents'. One night. I dreamed I needed the loo and was outdoors in an unknown, woody place, it was a n.2 as they say in the US of A. I saw a tree trunk in my dream that looked perfect to hide behind. I answered the call of nature and went back to sleep. I have a vague recollection of my dad coming in the room and hovering about the bed I shared with my elder sister.
In the morning, they looked at me funnily, especially my sister. It happened that I had a poo on the blanket next to my sister. My dad got up to answer to his own call to nature, saw the mess and tidied it up as best.
I don't kown, even 43 years after it happened, if I want to laugh or be ashamed! Also, it was my sister which was the sleep walker, not me! Go figure!
 
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A tale was told to me recently by a colleague about a former co-worker. This co-worker, something of a loner, would go off on her own at lunchtime to eat, but no-one knew (or much cared, probably) where she went.

Anyhow, one lunch break, my colleague needed the toilet, and she noticed one of the stalls was occupied, with slightly odd sounds coming from within. Curious, she did that step back and crouch routine to see if anything might be amiss. She saw a pair of shoes, either side of the toilet but facing away from her. Now really curious, she decided to investigate further.

She entered the adjacent stall, climbed onto the seat as near to silently as she could, and peered over. The co-worker was sat on the toilet, with the seat down, calmly eating her lunch off the cistern lid. The mystery of her lunchtime whereabouts was solved!

I've no idea if anything came of this, but as all parties were British, I should imagine that it was never spoken of again...
 
Peripart said:
She entered the adjacent stall, climbed onto the seat as near to silently as she could, and peered over. The co-worker was sat on the toilet, with the seat down, calmly eating her lunch off the cistern lid. The mystery of her lunchtime whereabouts was solved!
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Eeewww. :eek:
 
Peripart said:
A tale was told to me recently by a colleague about a former co-worker. This co-worker, something of a loner, would go off on her own at lunchtime to eat, but no-one knew (or much cared, probably) where she went.

Anyhow, one lunch break, my colleague needed the toilet, and she noticed one of the stalls was occupied, with slightly odd sounds coming from within. Curious, she did that step back and crouch routine to see if anything might be amiss. She saw a pair of shoes, either side of the toilet but facing away from her. Now really curious, she decided to investigate further.

She entered the adjacent stall, climbed onto the seat as near to silently as she could, and peered over. The co-worker was sat on the toilet, with the seat down, calmly eating her lunch off the cistern lid. The mystery of her lunchtime whereabouts was solved!

I've no idea if anything came of this, but as all parties were British, I should imagine that it was never spoken of again...
Click to expand...
Peripart said:
A tale was told to me recently by a colleague about a former co-worker. This co-worker, something of a loner, would go off on her own at lunchtime to eat, but no-one knew (or much cared, probably) where she went.

Anyhow, one lunch break, my colleague needed the toilet, and she noticed one of the stalls was occupied, with slightly odd sounds coming from within. Curious, she did that step back and crouch routine to see if anything might be amiss. She saw a pair of shoes, either side of the toilet but facing away from her. Now really curious, she decided to investigate further.

She entered the adjacent stall, climbed onto the seat as near to silently as she could, and peered over. The co-worker was sat on the toilet, with the seat down, calmly eating her lunch off the cistern lid. The mystery of her lunchtime whereabouts was solved!

I've no idea if anything came of this, but as all parties were British, I should imagine that it was never spoken of again...
Click to expand...
Gross. It's bad enough going in to our toilets at work for a call of nature never mind eating your lunch in there. I forgot to mention that as well as the bogies on the walls somebody never flushes the toilet after a 'big call'. Yuk!
 
Thinking more deeply about it - you know I do! - Buñuel's Phantom of Liberty, scene above, features people who follow the habit of the woman in Peripart's story above. They eat in private cubicles - which are not, however, toilets.

I had forgotten that they are not sitting down to eat in that picture! Just thought I would clarify that. :eek:
 
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