Two stories - a short one and a long one (If you only read one, read the long one, it;s better)
ONE
I used to get wierd messages left on my mobile, in Italian - a family talking (young voices, 20's to 40's voices and older voices, all having a conversation). I got about one a week for around a month, none for a month or two, then one day five in the space of an hour.
On the day I got the five, I was going to meet a friend with Italian parents, so I played him the messages and he said that only certain words were in Italian (he was brought up speaking both Italian and English), he thought they were speaking a mixture of Italian, Spanish and another language he didn't recognise - but all in the same sentence.
He said that from the italian words he could make out, it sounded like an ordinary conversation, nothing of consequence being said.
TWO
One night, my wife recieved a text message, wherein the sender apologised for being late, and that while the sender was on his way, he didn't want to make the wrong impression.
This surprised both of us, as we were sitting in bed watching a movie at the time.
She didn't reply, but about half an hour later she recieved another message from the same number, this time saying that he was right outside, and she should be seeing him as she reads the message.
We both went to the window, but as we expected there was no-one there.
Later, at around 3am, she recieved yet another message from the same number, saying "Thanks for the great night, I'd never been on a blind date before and I really enjoyed seeing you. I hope you didn't get the wrong impression of me, being late and all, l would like it if we could see each other again?"
Aww! A first date! Although obviously this idiot had gotten her number wrong
Two days pass, and while she's at work, my wife gets another message - "Chrissie, I really enjoyed our date and would like to see you again - please text me back. Joe" [I can't remember the actual names, but bear with me].
Two more days pass, and while we are out with friends, my wife gets
another message - "Chrissie, Hi! It's Joe again, why won;t you send me a text back, I thought we had a great time - please text me back, even if it's to say you don't want to see me."
Poor guy! My wife really wanted to text him a message, but me, being evil (her words), wanted to see how far it would go (it's the Anthropologist in me, I swear
).
I was on tenterhooks waiting for the next message - this was entertaining stuff! My firends and I were having whole conversations on Joe and Chrissie - who they were, what they did, what they looked like - it was like our own personal little Truman Show!
A week goes by, we're sitting down to dinner, she gets a message. "Hi Chrissie, It's Joe again, I guess you don't want to see me again, so this is the last time I'll bother you. I thought we could have had something special. Joe"
A sad story. But the idiot hadn't bothered to get Chrissie's number right, so it's his own fault - by this point my wife really wanted to put the guy out of his misery, but I had other ideas - if she did, he might feel even worse - we've been privvy to his thoughts and feelings on this woman, delving into this guy's psyche - two weeks we had waited to tell him - what would that do to him?!! I have to say, I entertained the notion of actually telephoning him to tell him one-to-one just to hear his voice when he found out (man, I am
such a bastard!), but couldn't bring myself to do it.
The story, however, doesn't end there.
About two months later, my wife was out with friends. I needed to phone her to make sure she had taken her keys, as I was going out too.
I dialled her mobile number -
"Hello?"
"It's me, have you got your keys?"
"Who's this?"
I realise that the woman on the other end of the phone is speaking with an English accent.
"Sorry, I must have dialled a wrong number"
"Okay, no worries. Bye!"
"Bye!"
I dial again, and get through to my wife (she had her keys in her bag).
The next day, she's out shopping with her Mum. Again, I'm going out, so I phone to see if she's got her keys.
"Hello"
I don't recognise the voice.
"Fiona?"
"No, Chrissie."
OH... MY... STARS....
About a million thoughts raced through my brain - mainly 'Ask her about Joe, ask her about Joe - ASK HER ABOUT JOE!!!!'
She spoke first
"Did you call me yesterday?"
"Um, yes - I must have misdialled my wife's number!"
"Okay. Well, bye then."
I now knew what I had done wrong - my wife's number and Chrissie's number were exactly the same, only the two middle numbers were switched around.
I realised something.
I now had both Chrissie and Joe's phone number. I held their romantic destiny in my hands. I could re-unite these potential soul-mates, or I could keep them apart forever.
I felt LIKE A GOD!!!
I meditated on this for quite a few hours, drunk with the power in my hands.
Then I decided - Ah, best leave it.