Why DID the Chicken Cross The Road

A

Anonymous

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Lars Ulrichs:
"Because the f**kin' chicken had been stealing mp3s from pirates who were robbing the life blood of the music industry. He was cowardly stopping us from enjoying the fruits of our years of struggling as musicians in a world that needed Metallica!"

RIAA:
"Despite an audcaious escape attempt by the chicken, we have served it with a suit indicating that its shameless violation of copyright laws will not be tolerated and an example will be made of it for all chickens, and avians in general, that piracy will not be tolerated, and will be pursued, across, jurisdictions, countries and roads to prevent the work of talented artists going unrewarded."
 

Spookdaddy

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James Ellroy.


Fourth day in. Third sleepless night. Hopped on caffeine and benzedrine.

Motel to motel. Park across the road - scope the lobby, eyeball the forecourt. You couldn't miss that suit.

You could fry eggs on the hood and I am the only fucking chicken in Turkeytown. Twenty minutes max before the locals get nervous - on to the next before the grapevine starts shaking.

I know he's here.

How do I know he's here?



Charlie said, "Turkeytown. He'll be there - somewhere."

Sam yukked. Said 'Yeah, sure prefers Turkey Lurkey to Chicky Licky

Charlie said, "Never been the same since the sky fell on his head. You won't be able to miss that suit"

Sam said, "Ray Charles couldn't miss that suit. Stevie Wonder couldn't miss that suit."

Wanda said, “Lemon Jefferson couldn’t miss that suit.”

Charlie nodded, said, "Yeah, Turkeytown. He'll be there - somewhere."



Parking lot in front of Ramon’s RestaWhile – rooms by the hour, free cable. The car smells of coffee and sweat and the bottle of piss sitting in the footwell.

I know he’s here before I know he’s here. How do I know he's here?


Flash of white in the lobby.

I can hear the hookers giggling.

He’s here.

I’m out of the car and crossing the road - The shotgun stiff armed and pointed at the pavement, wrapped in brown paper. I’m just the delivery boy – UPS Next Day Service.

He’s stepping out the lobby, a hooker on each arm. No mistake. The confederate beard – the western bow tie - the white suit. You couldn’t miss that suit. Lynching apparel for the discerning Southern gentleman. He’s looking the other way but one of the girls sees me and stops.


Her smile turns into a big round O as she clocks me. She knows.


He senses and turns. Frowning a question - what the fuck UPS boy?

I hear myself ask him something as I lift the package towards his face.


“Colonel Sanders?”
 

AMPHIARAUS

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When we consider the millions of miles of road and the millions of chickens in the world the meeting of the two is probable or indeed inevitable.

By attaching significance to this event we are perhaps revealing something of ourselves. When we ask "why?" are we really asking about avian travel habits or something deeper? Is the chicken's engagement with the road a metaphor for our journey in life?

When we ask "why" we should consider listening to our inner chicken, and taking a step onto the road chosen by that wise bird.
 

skinny

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bump


The website in the OP has been a favourite for over ten years. Some blasts from the past here. The site creator, a 70s refugee who calls himself @Om, posts a sideline weblog of funky bytes with a regular quality soundtrack (ie Youtube tracks that sync so splendidly with the visual content). Relaxing low-fi web surfing when you just can't be arsed with analysis. I currently use it to de-stress during 3am babyfeeds.
http://fusionanomaly.net/anomalog2/



Here's the main fusionanomaly nodebase: http://fusionanomaly.net/nodebase.html It was a goldmine in 2001, but has very little morphing these days. Loaded with Fortean.
 

Spookdaddy

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An exchange I witnessed between two old ladies on opposite sides of a Scottish street this morning - obviously looking for each other for a nice cup of tea:

I'm over here, hen!

So you are - I'll just press the wee button here.

Mystery solved, I think.
 

INT21

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Officer to Chicken..

'Ok chicken, why did you pass to the other side of this highway when you observed my approach ? Don't you know the law on jaywalking ?'

'But officer, I'm not a jay, I'm a chicken so it doesn't apply to me'

'That's the lamest chicken shit excuse I've heard today; place your wings behind your back'.

INT21
 

hunck

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He was up before the beak the following day.
 

INT21

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Now he's just another cagebird whiling away his sentence singing 'born to be free-range',going slowly insane contemplating the deep philosophical problems that plague the world like 'which came first, the chicken or the egg'.

INT21
 

Spookdaddy

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Chicken Issued Fixed Penalty Notice For Not Being Able To Explain Why It Was Crossing The Road

Yesterday a chicken was landed with a £60.00 fixed penalty notice for not being able to explain why it was crossing a road.

A police spokesman said: In these stressful and uncertain times our police force is already at breaking point - it takes a huge amount of resources to glare at people jogging round parks, chastise persons sitting in their own gardens, check elderly ladies shopping bags for signs of self-indulgence, and analyse hundreds of hours of drone footage of empty footpaths for images of people walking so that we can post pictures of them on social media doing absolutely nothing wrong, along with snide remarks. It is entirely irresponsible for anyone to cross a road at any time - there is no excuse - and when one of us can actually be bothered to read the government guidelines I'm sure we'll find we are right. It is unbelievably irresponsible for this chicken to cross a road without a valid reason; when our officers approached the individual and asked them why they were crossing the road, their only response was, 'Huh?'

Furthermore, it has come to our attention that the enormous variety of excuses given for such activity suggests that no-one else in the world actually knows why the chicken is crossing the road, or that they are fabricating invalid reasons, and they will all be issued with fixed penalty notices in due course.

The chicken was also cautioned for laying an egg in a threatening manner, and clucking in a public place. A penguin was also fined for walking into a bar - and an Englishman and Irishman and a Scot, for standing too close to each other in a gag.
 
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Ogdred Weary

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Lovecraft:

The Caucasian Cockerel of venerable and armigerous New England stock crossed the non-Euclidean road in unutterable horror, pursued by unspeakable and indescribable monsters of squamous and batrachian aspect, conjured forth by the blasphemous and unspeakable rituals of degenerate Cocks of Portuguese and Semitic origin under a gibbous moon in the eldritch.
 

EnolaGaia

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From the Kootenai County (Idaho) Sheriff's Office blotter, 16 February ...
Units responded to the area of HWY 95 near mile marker 428 (mica grade) for a “Chicken trying to cross the road”. Several motorists called saying the chicken was a hazard as drivers were trying to avoid the bird and the road conditions were bad due to the snow. Units arrived on scene and developed a rescue to capture the chicken and bring it to safety. On their first approach the bird was able to give them the slip and walk under a patrol car so a different plan had to be drawn up to handle that situation. Ultimately the chicken was able to be captured. Because everyone wants to know “Why does the chicken cross the road”, the Deputies asked however the chicken did not give an answer. We may never know why the chicken crosses the road.
SOURCE: https://lcvalley.dailyfly.com/Home/...ounty-Sheriffs-Office-Notable-Calls-for-21621
 

Spookdaddy

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(I should maybe point out that my post #43 was in the style of the Zodiac Killer; it was a big news story on the day - maybe not so obvious now.)

(I should also point out that the experience related at post #37 was non-fiction; that actually happened.)
 
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Souleater

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Shrodinger:
The chicken cant possibly have crossed the road or maybe it did, until we open the box the chicken both did and did not cross the road, or maybe its dead, its been in that box 2 years, yeah its probably dead, maybe not though, until we open the box it is.....
 

Souleater

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Another one from Hennig Wehn:
Why did my grandfather cross the road?
To invade France.
 

AnonyJoolz

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens hadn't been invented yet.
 

GNC

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

It could tell you, but then it would have to kill you.
 
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