JamesWhitehead
Piffle Prospector
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Cool hand ... puke?
Fancy eating 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes? Then get into competitive eating, a sport for our degraded times
John Sutherland
Monday September 9, 2002
The Guardian
Many watching Paul Newman devour 50 hard-boiled eggs in an hour in Cool Hand Luke must have wondered whether that belly-boggling feat is humanly possible. In fact, the 1967 film is well in line with 2002 competitive-eating world records.
The current holder of the coveted "mustard yellow belt" is Takeru "Food Fighter" Kobayashi of Japan who, five weeks ago, ate 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Bill "El Wingador" Simmons heads the chicken-wing category, with 137 of the delicacies in 30 minutes ("not a pretty sight," observed one spoilsport).
Hamburgers - the heavyweight division - is dominated by Donald "the Beef" Lerman: 11 quarterpounders in 10 minutes. Edward "Cookie" Jarvis holds the ice-cream title, with one and a half gallons in 12 slurping minutes.
Jed ("Hot Gut") Donahue popped 152 jalapenos in 15 minutes (you would not want to stand next to Jed for an hour or two)."Crazy Legs" Conti walked off with the world oyster competition last April, swallowing 14 dozen in an hour. "I eat to win," declared the mollusc king. Mrs Conti doubtless had a lively night.
Competitive eating has become very big over the last two decades. So much so that TV companies (notably the despicable Fox network) are giving it airtime. It has a season which runs from January to October. The final big event this year is Reno's Chili ("Hot Times") Classic.
The crowning event of the eating season is Nathan's hot dog contest at Coney Island on July 4. The tournament, an epic clash of style, was, alas, not covered in the Guardian sports pages. In one corner was Kobayashi, master of Zen gobble, weighing in at a whippet-like 132lbs. In the other corner, the home-team champ, the human garbage grinder, "Cookie" Jarvis - an unashamed 420lbs of all-American lard (432 after the contest).
Cookie got his ass whipped. Perhaps, he ruefully concluded, that vast butt is the problem. He has vowed to train for next year's event at Weight Watchers.
Keeping the playing field level is tricky in competitive eating. The Guinness Book of World Records scrapped its live-goldfish-eating category because unscrupulous competitors were breeding smaller fish. Since 1997, the sport of gluttons has been regulated by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. IFOCE has a British affiliate (UKCEA), whose website records Wimpy as a sponsor. It would be nice to think its patron was Cordelia Gummer.
IFOCE rules on such things as the "Roman Method" (gobble-puke-gobble), "crushing" (mashing the food into small pellets) and "Solomoning" (Kobayashi's favoured technique - splitting the hot dog in two and swallowing the halves whole). The federation primly recommends "neat eating contests which focus on style, manners and grace." And don't fart.
Competitive eating is, like World Federation Wrestling, a sport for our degraded times. It coincides with an unprecedented boom in the American economy fuelled by rampant "consumption". If the American consumer stopped consuming, it would be 1929 again. America must gorge or die. But gorging is killing America. Obesity currently causes more premature death than smoking, alcoholism, drugs and auto accidents combined. America's carbon emission, the rear-end excreta of its manic surfeit, is boiling the planet.
"This is sick, abnormal behaviour," says Dr George Blackburn of Harvard medical school. "Making eating a spectator sport has to be one of the saddest commentaries on our country."
And one of the most ominous. When, as must soon happen, the boom ends, it will be with Monsieur Creosote's bang, not Greenspan's soft landing. Bon appetit.
Fancy eating 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes? Then get into competitive eating, a sport for our degraded times
John Sutherland
Monday September 9, 2002
The Guardian
Many watching Paul Newman devour 50 hard-boiled eggs in an hour in Cool Hand Luke must have wondered whether that belly-boggling feat is humanly possible. In fact, the 1967 film is well in line with 2002 competitive-eating world records.
The current holder of the coveted "mustard yellow belt" is Takeru "Food Fighter" Kobayashi of Japan who, five weeks ago, ate 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Bill "El Wingador" Simmons heads the chicken-wing category, with 137 of the delicacies in 30 minutes ("not a pretty sight," observed one spoilsport).
Hamburgers - the heavyweight division - is dominated by Donald "the Beef" Lerman: 11 quarterpounders in 10 minutes. Edward "Cookie" Jarvis holds the ice-cream title, with one and a half gallons in 12 slurping minutes.
Jed ("Hot Gut") Donahue popped 152 jalapenos in 15 minutes (you would not want to stand next to Jed for an hour or two)."Crazy Legs" Conti walked off with the world oyster competition last April, swallowing 14 dozen in an hour. "I eat to win," declared the mollusc king. Mrs Conti doubtless had a lively night.
Competitive eating has become very big over the last two decades. So much so that TV companies (notably the despicable Fox network) are giving it airtime. It has a season which runs from January to October. The final big event this year is Reno's Chili ("Hot Times") Classic.
The crowning event of the eating season is Nathan's hot dog contest at Coney Island on July 4. The tournament, an epic clash of style, was, alas, not covered in the Guardian sports pages. In one corner was Kobayashi, master of Zen gobble, weighing in at a whippet-like 132lbs. In the other corner, the home-team champ, the human garbage grinder, "Cookie" Jarvis - an unashamed 420lbs of all-American lard (432 after the contest).
Cookie got his ass whipped. Perhaps, he ruefully concluded, that vast butt is the problem. He has vowed to train for next year's event at Weight Watchers.
Keeping the playing field level is tricky in competitive eating. The Guinness Book of World Records scrapped its live-goldfish-eating category because unscrupulous competitors were breeding smaller fish. Since 1997, the sport of gluttons has been regulated by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. IFOCE has a British affiliate (UKCEA), whose website records Wimpy as a sponsor. It would be nice to think its patron was Cordelia Gummer.
IFOCE rules on such things as the "Roman Method" (gobble-puke-gobble), "crushing" (mashing the food into small pellets) and "Solomoning" (Kobayashi's favoured technique - splitting the hot dog in two and swallowing the halves whole). The federation primly recommends "neat eating contests which focus on style, manners and grace." And don't fart.
Competitive eating is, like World Federation Wrestling, a sport for our degraded times. It coincides with an unprecedented boom in the American economy fuelled by rampant "consumption". If the American consumer stopped consuming, it would be 1929 again. America must gorge or die. But gorging is killing America. Obesity currently causes more premature death than smoking, alcoholism, drugs and auto accidents combined. America's carbon emission, the rear-end excreta of its manic surfeit, is boiling the planet.
"This is sick, abnormal behaviour," says Dr George Blackburn of Harvard medical school. "Making eating a spectator sport has to be one of the saddest commentaries on our country."
And one of the most ominous. When, as must soon happen, the boom ends, it will be with Monsieur Creosote's bang, not Greenspan's soft landing. Bon appetit.