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Depression

Christmas - well, for the lucky it might still be marvellous. but for those of us who didn't manage to achieve the family we would have liked - children, grandchildren - it becomes very painful and my poor old missus would overcompensate, with hundreds of pounds of decorations. I'm not talking about the religious aspect here, but the secular holiday. I have wonderful recollections of childhood Christmases, even though when I was very small we didn't have much money.

Now I just try to go numb, get through it as best I can, and try to think of the real message from Christ. Not easy. And of course I always have my scientific logical side nagging that it's all fantasy anyway. But I still believe. I have seen. And I wasn't on drugs at the time.
 
Christmas - well, for the lucky it might still be marvellous. but for those of us who didn't manage to achieve the family we would have liked - children, grandchildren - it becomes very painful and my poor old missus would overcompensate, with hundreds of pounds of decorations. I'm not talking about the religious aspect here, but the secular holiday. I have wonderful recollections of childhood Christmases, even though when I was very small we didn't have much money.

Now I just try to go numb, get through it as best I can, and try to think of the real message from Christ. Not easy. And of course I always have my scientific logical side nagging that it's all fantasy anyway. But I still believe. I have seen. And I wasn't on drugs at the time.
Hope you have some time with people. Not the partygoers, but just someone to hang with during this time.

It is tough with all of the crappy holiday movies on tv and the fake jocularity of ads. But there are also many people who do not celebrate the season and take the time to do something meaningful to them.

You may not be interested in volunteering, but there are numerous agencies who work throughout the year that appreciate extra help during this time.
 
Christmas - well, for the lucky it might still be marvellous. but for those of us who didn't manage to achieve the family we would have liked - children, grandchildren - it becomes very painful and my poor old missus would overcompensate, with hundreds of pounds of decorations. I'm not talking about the religious aspect here, but the secular holiday. I have wonderful recollections of childhood Christmases, even though when I was very small we didn't have much money.

Now I just try to go numb, get through it as best I can, and try to think of the real message from Christ. Not easy. And of course I always have my scientific logical side nagging that it's all fantasy anyway. But I still believe. I have seen. And I wasn't on drugs at the time.
Jesus loves you, Cochise.
As an atheist myself, I feel so cut off from any community. Maybe joining a church would help you regain a sense of connectedness?
 
There was a TV clip where Matthew Perry said he was such a bad drug addict that he should had died a long time ago.

How can one feel sorry for hard core drug addicts, I don’t.
Perhaps because nobody's perfect and we are all trying to get through life in our own ways, and some people find it harder than others?

Perry tried hard to help others with similar problems and attempted to do without the drugs and drink himself.
A hellraiser he was not. He came across as a decent human being who'd been lucky to reach the age he did considering his addiction problems.
There but for the grace, and all that.
 
Jesus loves you, Cochise.
As an atheist myself, I feel so cut off from any community. Maybe joining a church would help you regain a sense of connectedness?
My local Church unfortunately went into schism during the lockdown, and the antagonism is not what I need. I will try to join another Church when I get moved. I don't agree with everything about religion but you are right, having no sort of community is difficult.
 
Christmas - well, for the lucky it might still be marvellous. but for those of us who didn't manage to achieve the family we would have liked - children, grandchildren - it becomes very painful and my poor old missus would overcompensate, with hundreds of pounds of decorations. I'm not talking about the religious aspect here, but the secular holiday. I have wonderful recollections of childhood Christmases, even though when I was very small we didn't have much money.

Now I just try to go numb, get through it as best I can, and try to think of the real message from Christ. Not easy. And of course I always have my scientific logical side nagging that it's all fantasy anyway. But I still believe. I have seen. And I wasn't on drugs at the time.
My Christmas will be the same as it has been for the last 15 years or so C.

MrsF goes to her parents for the day (she used to stop over) and I stay with the dog.
I probably won't even speak to anyone unless it's a fellow dog walker in the morning.

Then, I shall flick through the channels wondering why there is nothing decent on tv to watch.
 
Yes, Stan. He had a posh name as well, being pedigree. Maybe because we didn't have kids our dogs have always been very close.
A mate of mine, only one of two that I regularly speak to (in the real world) who I've known for around 25 years, died on Sunday aged 54 and as sad as I am, if that were my dog, I'd be inconsolable for months.
 
Christmas - well, for the lucky it might still be marvellous. but for those of us who didn't manage to achieve the family we would have liked - children, grandchildren - it becomes very painful and my poor old missus would overcompensate, with hundreds of pounds of decorations. I'm not talking about the religious aspect here, but the secular holiday. I have wonderful recollections of childhood Christmases, even though when I was very small we didn't have much money.

Now I just try to go numb, get through it as best I can, and try to think of the real message from Christ. Not easy. And of course I always have my scientific logical side nagging that it's all fantasy anyway. But I still believe. I have seen. And I wasn't on drugs at the time.


Just a thought, have you and the missus thought about getting involved in a children's charity?
 
Sorry, she herself has been gone for quite a while now. You couldn't know.

In previous years I've got involved in a homeless charity but for various reasons it was impractical this year.
My condolences, I'm sure that brings a whole new layer to the holidays for you. If I lived closer, I'd drop by with 2 seasons of Fortean TV and snacks :)
 
My mother died last Thursday after a very long battle with MS and now my 88 year old Dad has had a fall and is in hospitial and I my mind is getting distracted by my dad and not grieving for my mother and to then I noticed its going to be 14 degrees on Christmas Eve....bah humbug.
 
I am so sorry Sabresonic !

About 15 years ago my parents and my wife’s parents all died about the same time since the parents were almost the same age and similar illnesses such as heart attack, stroke, and diabetes.

My wife told me it was so stressful that she thought she would die of an heart attack, but somehow we made it past the parents passing.
 
I am so sorry Sabresonic !

About 15 years ago my parents and my wife’s parents all died about the same time since the parents were almost the same age and similar illnesses such as heart attack, stroke, and diabetes.

My wife told me it was so stressful that she thought she would die of an heart attack, but somehow we made it past the parents passing.
Oh my god that must of been so horrific charliebrown and put things in perspective.....remember getting a taxi back and the taxi driver who was Turkish asking me how was my day and I told him about my mother and he was telling about when his 5 year old son died in front of him of a heart attack :(.....I will never forget that poor chap.
 
My mother died last Thursday after a very long battle with MS and now my 88 year old Dad has had a fall and is in hospitial and I my mind is getting distracted by my dad and not grieving for my mother and to then I noticed its going to be 14 degrees on Christmas Eve....bah humbug.
This is so awful for you, I'm sorry. Especially at this time of year.
Your priority is your Dad now. I hope he's soon feeling better.
 
Sabresonic. Sorry to hear of your sad loss and your Dad’s fall. Others here may agree with me that while you’re probably wandering around in a daze, there are things that need to be done. It’s a bunch of horrible processes but these things keep you going one after the other but facing them is better than the alternative of curling up in a ball and never coming back up for air.
Look after your Dad and don’t worry about grieving for your Mum. That will come in time. What a terrible end to the year.
 
My mother died last Thursday after a very long battle with MS and now my 88 year old Dad has had a fall and is in hospitial and I my mind is getting distracted by my dad and not grieving for my mother and to then I noticed its going to be 14 degrees on Christmas Eve....bah humbug.

My condolences on your bereavement, I hope your father makes a swift recovery. You can only deal with so much at one time, remember to look after yourself as well.
 
Cochise. Isn’t this the time of year when Churches throw open their doors for Carol Services, Masses etc? Maybe it’s a good time to attend a Church service of some sort as a reconnection or comfort?
Yesterday I was walking past my favourite Church St.Georges in Cullercoats ( I'm not a Church regular at all) at around 5pm when I thought I'm going to see if it's open and as it was apart from te door entrence which was lit up the rest of te church was in darkness and I went in for a pray to my mother and you know what it was like having a sports massage the beauty and peace of the building was so calming and I will be going again on my own.
I wonder if these old churches can revive themselves we other groups and events 7 days a week like music or even wine tasting events etc
 
In our area having cloudy days, short on sunlight with cold nights.

How can one not be depressed, with dusk for me is the worst anxiety.
It sounds like you might also have SAD (https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-illness-and-addiction-index/seasonal-affective-disorder). Many people experience this.

Light therapy does help with this. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases...nal-affective-disorder-treatment/art-20048298

It basically is exposing yourself to daylight (not cloudy) each day for several minutes. If it is sunny outside, try to go out. Or if your funds permit, a light therapy box does work.

The other thing that I would think might help (but this is my idea only) is installing one reading lamp with a "daylight" bulb. This mimics actual daylight wavelengths. The caveat is not to use it for more than 15 minutes daily as it can also affect your sleep cycle. I have a daylight box and the instructions say that. You also direct the light onto your face so that you are actually in it.

Might be something simple to try.
 
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