Justified & Ancient
- Jan 15, 2017
Hello Agprov. Yes, I have experienced this once -and only once!
Background: I am a heterosexual, slightly aspergic, single guy who has never really been `in love` and certaily not given to romantic sentimentalism. Much of what you have written above could have been written by myself.
With me it occured about 15 years back when I still lived in the UK. I kept seeing a woman who appeard in my own local supermarket and I felt an intense attraction to her almost on sight. In my case it was a physical attraction, but cioupled with sense that, if only we were to meet up, we would get on well.
I think she could have been described as conventionally attractive - quite athteltic, well proprtioned, with long, messy dark brown hair and a mysterious central European look about her (I would later learn that she was foreign, but couldn't place the accent). However, much as you said, I have seen many attractive women - I currently live in what must be one of the drop-dead-women capitals of the world - without anything like the same effect.
As for how I rationalised it: around about that time I had been reading one of John Cleese's and Robyn Skinner's books - either `Life and How To Survive It `or `Families and How to Survive Them` - and in one of those they discuss the psychology of instant attraction. Accroding to them, if a person has been through the same things as yourself in early childhood then these will show in their fixed expressions and demeanour and hence you will feel comfortble with them and drawn to them. (Indeed, I remember being fascinated by the fact that she had a vsry slight limp in one leg, and an odd pained expression on her face).
Except if that were the case then the feeling would have been mutual (see later). Also why have I not experienced anything like that intensity before or since? There must be many women out there with similar developmental histories out there to myself - but this encounter really stood out and I have remembered it, and felt puzzled by it ever since.
In my case I did in fact make a hamfisted attempt to express my feelings to her - but I came across as a crass fool. In fact, she told her boyfriend - a tall, military looking type - about me. So it all ended rather awkwardly and scarily.
So, yeah, only once.
I would love to get other's take on what this is all about. (But, perleaze, let's not turn this into another All Men Are Sex Pests thread -it's not about that at all).
I wouldn't fret about this at all.
I once met a woman in a bar.
She was a friend of a friend, part of a group of 15 or so friends and acquaintances who had gone out together.
I knew about half of them.
I had an instant strong physical attraction to her, very forceful.
I was introduced to her by our mutual friend, not with any special intent, simply in passing as he introduced all the unfamiliar members of the group to each other.
I made a bit of conversation, but was quite thrown off by the situation, to the point I just made some polite conversation for fear of losing my cool.
I got her number, cannot remember if she gave it to me or my friend did.
I called her the next night, told her I wanted to take her out, and that she had made quite the impression on me.
She was stunned into silence for about 30 seconds...that's a long time for silence on a phone call.
So I asked her...will you meet me for a drink, yes or no?
She said that she would not, because she had a boyfriend.
I replied "OK", we chatted for another minute and the conversation ended.
I saw her again in passing about a month later, had a brief chat, but then saw her again two years later.
On that occasion I had no feelings towards her at all.
I only know that if I had not enquired about her availability, I would have regretted it.
I was on the London Underground late a t night.
Opposite me was an attractive lady.
Similar age to me.
I really wanted to talk to her, so I made conversation and handed her a business card of a business I worked in at the time.
Turned out she wa sin the same line of work.
I took her number too.
I had yet to call her, when over the next three months we kept bumping into each other.
Either in the street, in shops, or on the London Underground.
We lived in the same area, so it was quite possible this would happen.
But it happened a lot, and at times when I was outside of my usual commute.
We got to know each other, and we had similar interests, but a profound difference in terms of life approach and spirituality.
I think if I remember rightly we did have one sort of date, but I decided our differences were too great.
I saw her once a couple of years later in the street, then never again.
I believe I was meant to meet her, that somehow we were meant to exchange views.
The frequency and places of meeting were too much to be by chance.
Perhaps we knew each other from a past life?
But that the meaning of it all was that I was to learn she was not for me.