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Loch Ness Frivolity (Satire, Spoofs, etc.)

Looking at other items on the site I think it may not be entirely serious.


Piranha Midgies

Researchers "startled" by discovery of Piranha Midges

Professor Julian Myrtleman of the Australian Centre for Bio-Insectoid Research & Development has announced the discovery of a new type of midge (also known as "gnats" or "sand-flies") "Serrasalmus nattereri-simuliidae".

The new Loch Ness monsters have already been dubbed "Piranha Midges" and are wreaking havoc around the area. Speaking exclusively to the Inquirer & Inquisitor, Professor Myrtleman said "these little critters form a dense cloud around any large insect or small mammal they come across. They can strip off all its flesh within a few seconds".

Stories of local campers under attack by midges are nothing new but the Inquirer & Inquisitor understands that reports of attacks by the aerial piranhas are starting to surface. David Gumbalson, on holiday from Iceland siad, "I had just put out my lantern and was retiring to my sleeping bag when I heard a loud buzzing and ripping noise. I opened my tent door and was amazed to see a cloud of yellowish midges consuming the leftovers on my barbeque. It was very scary".

....continues...
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I´ve been to Loch Ness, and the midgets there can be very annoying. Though I never saw them strip the flesh off a tourist piranha style.
 
Xanatico said:
I´ve been to Loch Ness, and the midgets there can be very annoying. Though I never saw them strip the flesh off a tourist piranha style.
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Bit of a problem with Scottish cannibal dwarves there, then? :D
 
Yep, the midgets run around peeping up people´s kilts. ;)
 
Toyota: Moving forward. Even when you don't want to.
It would have been enough of a knock to his credibility to have done an ad for any car manufacturer, but Toyota? :p
 
taras said:
This is highly dubious, but I came across it after clicking a link on an official Scottish Tourist Board website:
http://www.lochness.co.uk/exhibition/op ... angea.html
There's nothing to back it up online, but equally there's no apparent joke in the article. Does anybody know anything about it? ...
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The total number of UK hydrogen bombs in 1954 was zero. It wouldn't be until 1955 that the British government gave the go-ahead for H-bomb development, and the first UK fusion device wasn't detonated until 1957.

In any case, nobody ever demonstrated a 100 megaton thermonuclear device. The largest nuclear explosion (Tsar Bomba) was on the order of 50 megatons.
 
That's what THEY want you to believe!

With my 2019 hat on, I suspect the military would never use as obviously doom-laden a name as "Operation Pangea's Box" (plus they'd have spelled Pangaea correctly).

Further, the page mentions documents released under the "fifty-year rule", when in the UK it's been called the "thirty-year rule" since 1967.

I've just finished writing a book on Britain and nuclear war (out later this year!) and have never come across "Pangea's Box" (oo er) despite spending countless hours in the National Archives researching this topic.

So I think this is definitely a joke!
 
"Pangaea's Box"? or Pandora's Box?
 
taras said:
'Pangea's Box':
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Hmmm. The only ref I can find is this:

lochness.co.uk/exhibition/operationpangea.html

Edit: Aha - missed that - you posted the link earlier.

Edit 2: OK, now I finally know why the Scots hate the English. Sorry, you guys. Operation Pangea's Box would have been spectacularly stupid.
 
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The brand-new radio edit / download version is a more-polished offering, yet just as haunting. (Heard it tonight for the first time, on Radio1 UK, hooked).....Matilda Mann's 'The Loch Ness Monster'

I'm just swimming in lakes, in my mind
Don't make me get out and comply
And my coy little smile will defend me a while
So I'll stay with the lakes in my mind
Don't you dare think that here you can hide
We all started to stray, nothing lasts anyway
So I'll stay with the lakes in my mind

[Chorus]
And now you've faded with no traces
So, who could ever tell?
What you've taken's been misplaced
But your name doesn't ring any bells
Since the day that they took you to hell

I'm just swimming in lakes, in my mind
Too afraid to get out and deny
And my coy little smile with defend me a while
So I'll stay with the lakes in my mind

[Chorus]
And now you've faded with no traces
So, who could ever tell?
What you've taken's been misplaced
But your name doesn't ring any bells
Since the day that they took you to hell

[Bridge]
What's it like there in hell?
Glad they left you in hell
Stay right down there in hell

[Outro]
So I'll stay with the lakes in my mind
Don't you dare think that here you can hide
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