Only in real life...!

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#91
Maybe it's a local thing. When I was at school what most other people appear to call a 'wedgie' was known as a 'melvin'. (Melvins are funnier because anything that has the term 'melvin' associated with it is automatically funny.)
 

GNC

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#93
Now I'm wondering how that band The Melvins got their name.
 

Mythopoeika

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#94
Spookdaddy said:
Maybe it's a local thing. When I was at school what most other people appear to call a 'wedgie' was known as a 'melvin'. (Melvins are funnier because anything that has the term 'melvin' associated with it is automatically funny.)
Who was the original Melvin it was named after, I wonder?
 
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#95
I was slightly disconcerted to see this little bugger leering up at me from the pavement one night on the way home from the pub:



It's a crushed takeaway food tray - but I'll admit I did a double-take when I first noticed it.
 
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#99
So, yesterday I was lopping branches off a laurel bush in my garden when I noticed this thing suspended by a thin thread from the branch of a fir tree, and bouncing around in the breeze. It kept catching the corner of my eye so without really thinking about it I took a swipe at the thread-like bit with my machete. Didn't work, so I tried again and the thing bounced away from me and then straight back into my face. Tried again, same thing happened. When I take a closer look turn out is was the arse end of an owl-bisected rat hanging from about 18 inches of viscera.

Fortunately I had my mouth closed at the time - however I have brushed my teeth several times more than I normally would have since then. I can also vouch for the elastic effects of rat gut, having fired the poor bugger a not inconsiderable distance into my neighbours garden.

I don't really get on with my neighbours.
 
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The Half Moon Pub's barred list on The Good Stuff Online thread got me thinking about pub nicknames.

It's a long list. Just a couple of examples:

I used to know a ‘Blueman', who had allegedly painted himself blue while drunk (yes – paint, not make-up) and knocked on his artist neighbour’s door in the middle of the night: "Look, I’m a work of fucking art – will you go out with me now?"

She didn’t.

Also ‘Pointy Neil’, who, when he got drunk (which was all the time) used to wander around the pub staring upwards, with a look of awe on his besozzled face, and pointing at the ceiling; poor sod - if he’d ever seen a UFO, or Father Christmas, no-one would have taken a blind bit of notice.

But, more importantly, the list also reminded me of one of my favourite pub stories:

On hearing that one of the regulars was known as ‘Black Bob’ a right-on type asked why anyone felt the need to refer to his skin colour.

Listen – said the landlord – there are six Bobs who drink regularly in this boozer: Fat Bob, Thin Bob (who is now also Dead Bob), Deaf Bob, Bob the Wanker and Bob the Perv. Believe me Black Bob is not fucking complaining.
 
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XBergMann

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So, yesterday I was lopping branches off a laurel bush in my garden when I noticed this thing suspended by a thin thread from the branch of a fir tree, and bouncing around in the breeze. It kept catching the corner of my eye so without really thinking about it I took a swipe at the thread-like bit with my machete. Didn't work, so I tried again and the thing bounced away from me and then straight back into my face. Tried again, same thing happened. When I take a closer look turn out is was the arse end of an owl-bisected rat hanging from about 18 inches of viscera.

Fortunately I had my mouth closed at the time - however I have brushed my teeth several times more than I normally would have since then. I can also vouch for the elastic effects of rat gut, having fired the poor bugger a not inconsiderable distance into my neighbours garden.

I don't really get on with my neighbours.
We could do with your skills where I live to fire rotting rats at the Russians ...it would certainly make them trot back over to their own side of the border while simultaneously giving all the stray cats something to play with.
 

Ulalume

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We could do with your skills where I live to fire rotting rats at the Russians ...it would certainly make them trot back over to their own side of the border while simultaneously giving all the stray cats something to play with.
Hope you are staying safe, XBergMann.
 
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We could do with your skills where I live to fire rotting rats at the Russians ...it would certainly make them trot back over to their own side of the border while simultaneously giving all the stray cats something to play with.
Do take care.
 

XBergMann

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Hope you are staying safe, XBergMann.
Kiev is lovely and safe ... the fighting is 1,000KMs away in fact I feel much safer in central Kiev than I ever did in London.

We are even hosting the Eurovision song contest in a few months so you will be able to see for yourself on tele how nice Kiev is - or here


... if you freeze frame at 10 seconds you can see my flat overlooking the river

Thanks for your concern though.
 

decipheringscars

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I once tripped over Desmond Tutu.



OK, it was his cope, and in my defense, his cope is WAY too long. He had a good sense of humor about it, as you'd expect.
 
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