OK then. Names are disguised.
We - the couple, Friend and I - went off into a wooden summerhouse and settled down on comfortable furniture.
The floor, walls and ceiling were bare wood with a large woven rug. We went in through double glassed doors at the front.
It was daylight so although I saw candles set around the walls, none was lit.
The Wife explained that the Spirits would communicate by knocking and we'd hear them around us.
Friend knew all about it, having been to many such sessions. She said 'Jake will be along soon!'
Wife started by asking her late father to talk to us, saying she'd like the usual code; one knock for 'no', two for 'yes'.
Wife, Husband and Friend said 'Oh yes, there he is!'
I couldn't hear anything at first; then, to my astonishment, I noticed faint knocks, two at a time, seeming to come from low down on a wall.
The couple knew about my deceased relation and asked if they were there. Two knocks! Then two more.
It sounded quiet but firm at first; light in tone like knuckles rapping, or someone tapping with a piece of dowelling,
No wall-shaking thumps.
As the minutes went on, the tapping seemed louder and was coming from different parts of the building. Sometimes we could hear it in the walls and other times in the floor.
The tapping switched quickly between sites, so it could be behind me, then across the room, then beside me, then on or in the wooden floor.
Sometimes I could feel it under my feet and I was tempted to take my shoes off.
However, it was only heard from one direction at a time. There were never two or or more sets of raps made at once.
Sometimes there would be continuous taps. Wife said this was the Sprits talking, and that the taps were the consonants.
After Wife had greeted her father and Friend her relation Jake, Wife invited me to speak to my deceased relation and ask them questions.
I addressed my deceased relation as if they were in the room, or maybe on the phone, and asked if they are happy now.
There were lots of taps which I was told indicated an enthusiastic 'Yes!'
I was encouraged to ask further questions such as 'Are you often with me, and with (other relations)?' and 'Have you seen the new baby?'
Lots of double taps ensued.
I asked my deceased relation if they'd been met by our loved ones when they'd passed, as I'd been brought up to believe happens.
Yes, and when I named them we heard more knocks.
So I asked if they'd be meeting me when it was my turn, yes, but it wouldn't be for a long time, surely? No. (Phew!)
Everyone laughed at this.
The atmosphere was relaxed and not solemn.
In between my questions to my deceased relation, the Wife was joking with her father about things that have happened recently (say, car trouble or burning the dinner) and Friend was giggling about how much 'Jake' was enjoying charging round the place and tapping to amuse her.
He'd been active and a prankster in life so it seemed natural.
Wife explained to me that some souls are given jobs to do, such as guiding new arrivals on their journey.
She asked my deceased relation if they'd been allotted such a task. There was a pause, then a single-tap 'no' which in context sounded sheepish.
Friend roared with laughter and suggested that my deceased relation and her Jake were too busy partying together, which brought a patter of taps. They were indeed!
Wife had written out numbers and the alphabet on a sheet of paper. She asked my deceased relation questions, to which they could spell out answers by tapping 'yes' when Wife pointed to a number.
I was given highly comforting messages this way.
Friend was grinning and enjoying the tapping that she took to be from Jake.
At one point she said 'I love you!' and was answered by three taps - 'I love you!' back to her.
When I mentioned to Wife that someone else close to me died recently, she asked if they were here too - yes.
It seems their passing was indeed peaceful, as I had seen, and they were very happy I'd been there with them as I'd promised.
Affectionate words were exchanged.
Eventually things began to wind down and Wife said 'Before you all go, it's time for the song.'
This reminded me of Cherry Ripe in The Night of the Demon so I giggled a bit.
Wife said 'Listen to this!' and began singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'.
The taps kept perfect time as if they were singing along. I was open-mouthed in surprise but everyone else had been expecting it.
This is how every session ends. Most parents sing this song with their babies and small children so everyone knows it.
I wanted to join in but the raps were too enthralling to drown out with my caterwauling.
We all said 'Goodbye for now!' and 'Love you!' and 'See you later!' and the tapping died away.
Afterwards we had coffee together and chatted, and half an hour later I was on my way home where I told Techy all about it.
Later, when we were settled watching TV, we heard some loud knocks. Sounded like rapping on woodwork, but coming from the front wall.
I thought it was on TV but when I rewound the programme there was no knocking.
Goody, I thought, I've brought the rapping home with me!
It will fit in well with the polty nonsense we have going on here.
This morning I popped into town and by chance, bumped into Friend on the supermarket car park. Most unusual - it'd never happened before.
Told her I'd had a super time and that we'd heard some mysterious raps at home. Friend said '(Your relation) said they'd do that!' and of course they had.
So, that's my Spiritualist Knocking experience. Great fun and definitely something I'll do again if invited.
Oh yeah, and just now some bottle of fizzy drink went BANG, like they do when you've dented them with the top off.
There're no bottles of any form of fizz in here. Hmmm.