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The World's Dumbest Criminals


Gone But Not Forgotten
Aug 14, 2001
A Cheltenham woman who had her debit card stolen was dubbed the 'happiest victim of theft ever' after the thief used her card to bet on two horse races.

The horses romped home and the winnings were placed by Ladbrokes directly into her account. Debit card owner Jacqueline Boanson checked her bank statement upon finding her card was stolen, and discovered that the balance had increased by £291.40.

The thief Andrew Cameron ended up in court. He was placed on probation for 12 months.
Full story here :D

I like that story. It's not everyday the silver linings are bigger than the clouds. :)

That opens up some interesting questions, is she a victim or an accomplice? is she profiting from a crime? what crime has the culprit commited if he has not gained from it.
The crime committed was stealing her debit card. It doesn't matter if he profited from it, the intent was still there to permanently deprive her of her belongings (and cash)
And the bookmakers said that, although they were entitled to take the winnings back, they didn't think it was appropriate in this case.
The Lecky Mouse said:
That opens up some interesting questions, is she a victim or an accomplice? is she profiting from a crime? what crime has the culprit commited if he has not gained from it.

If I walk out into the street and shove a screwdriver up someone's nose, I won't gain anything, but it'll still be assault.
Moriarty lives


D'oh! There's One Tiny Flaw in This Plan...
Mon Sep 9,10:16 AM ET

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - Swedish police must wish all criminals were as naive as the Halmstad robber.

The 47-year-old man walked into the post office of the small town in southern Sweden, told the cashier he was armed and demanded a bag of cash -- plus 350 million crowns ($37.2 million) to be paid into his bank account, whose number he handed her on a piece of paper.

Police had no trouble tracking him down and made a speedy arrest, the Swedish news agency TT reported Monday.
If it were my bank it would have taken them a week to get them to track the account down...

Hmmm... I sense a cunning plan coming together...
"Special" biscuits


MILL VALLEY, California (AP) -- An employee at a fast food place was arrested after a customer at the drive-thru window received the wrong side order with his chicken dinner -- some pot.

The customer who visited a KFC in this San Francisco suburb Friday got two bags of marijuana, instead of the extra biscuits he had ordered. He gave the pot back to the worker, got his biscuits and called police.

Police arrested Carlos Ayala, 26, at the restaurant. The sheriff's office and the restaurant's management company did not immediately return calls Tuesday seeking further details.

Deputies said Ayala was carrying a small amount of marijuana, a handgun and about $500.

Ayala often worked the drive-up window, and authorities say he may have been selling marijuana to customers who used the right secret word as a code.
Dumbass Criminals

Post your examples here:

Today -

A burglar who was stuck head-first for six hours after trying to get into a pub through a metal shaft has escaped a jail sentence.

Drug addict David Gardner was only rescued when an early-morning delivery man heard shouting from somewhere around the pub and tracked the voice down to the ventilation shaft.

Firemen then had to winch him clear in a delicate operation but no sooner had he been freed than he was arrested by police on suspicion of burglary.

Newcastle Magistrates Court today heard how the 28-year-old climbed on to the roof of the Twin Farms pub, in Newcastle and lowered himself down the shaft.

Gardner, a heroin addict, of Newbiggin Hall, Newcastle, who had been drinking at the pub before the attempt to burgle it, in March this year, had admitted burglary with intent at an earlier hearing.

Today, after magistrates read reports, Gardner's solicitor Peter Docherty made no plea in mitigation.

At the previous hearing, Mr Docherty had told magistrates: "I think he must have been watching Bruce Willis in Die Hard to think he could get into the building through a ventilation shaft, commit a burglary and then actually get away with it.

"It was a thoroughly incompetent attempt at burglary - how did he think he was going to succeed?".

Gardner has been given a 12-month Drug Treatment and Testing Order and warned he faces prison if he does not comply with it.

The court had heard that in the 40-minute process of being pulled back up the 2ft-wide shaft, 6ft-tall Gardner lost the skin off his knuckles and other parts of his body.

Source and excellent piccies of firemen extracting this dickhead from the shaft here.
Re: Dumbass Criminals

Dark Detective said:
The court had heard that in the 40-minute process of being pulled back up the 2ft-wide shaft, 6ft-tall Gardner lost the skin off his knuckles and other parts of his body.

Source and excellent piccies of firemen extracting this dickhead from the shaft here.

Maybe not so dumb, he'll probably sue the pub landlord for emotional trauma and having an unsafe working environment, and the fire service for assault and causing actual bodily harm as they pulled him out...:rolleyes:
Re: Re: Dumbass Criminals

Filcee said:
Maybe not so dumb, he'll probably sue the pub landlord for emotional trauma and having an unsafe working environment, and the fire service for assault and causing actual bodily harm as they pulled him out...:rolleyes:


Don't give him ideas! :p
We need a head in hands smilie.

I despair for the future of the human race, I really do.

Surely this is the best argument for compulsory sterilisation? I know I'm a wishy-washy Guardian reading leftie but this man must not breed!

Emperor Zombie said:
the car thieves in my street have been trying to steal the same 10 yr old metro now for nearly a year.

They're stoopid, but they sure are determined, I'll give them that.:rolleyes:

This reminds of a story I was told (probable UL) of a chap who was so fed up of his car being broken into he resorted to putting a note on his dashboard saying "There is nothing left in this car to steal".

The next morning he found his car window smashed again and an addition to his note saying "Just checking"
Physick said:
We need a head in hands smilie.

I despair for the future of the human race, I really do.

Surely this is the best argument for compulsory sterilisation? I know I'm a wishy-washy Guardian reading leftie but this man must not breed!

For some years now I've been advocating this approach as an alternative to custodial sentencing: no more '3 strikes and you're out', it'd be '3 strikes and you're snipped'. :)

To track down this alleged thief, all police had to do was flick on a computer.

A 40-year-old man was arrested Wednesday and charged with stealing a computerized tracking device that uses a global positioning system to keep track of jail prisoners on home detention.

"He apparently didn't know what he had because he would be awfully stupid to steal a tracking device," said correctional officer Thomas Roth, who runs the home detention program at the Rock County Jail.

The $2,500 device was temporarily placed outside a home by a woman serving home detention. The device, which is a little bigger than a brick in size, has a built-in GPS satellite receiver.

Prisoners wear a transmitter about as big as a cigarette pack on the ankle, and it acts as a 100-foot tether to the portable tracking device.

By the time the prisoner called to report the theft Monday night, the device had automatically notified the jail that it had been taken outside the prisoner's home area.

Roth then tracked the device through the Internet on his home computer.

A trail of electronic dots led authorities to an apartment building, where the suspect was captured.

We didn't seem to have a thread for this already so I started a fresh one...

2 threads merged.

And a new (and very nasty) story:

Husband's detailed murder plan
A Cornish man who carried out a step-by-step plan to kill his estranged wife and make her death look like suicide has been jailed for life.

Prosecuting, Geoffrey Mercer QC told Plymouth Crown Court on Thursday how Anthony Wayne Mundy, 39, strangled Janine, his wife of 15 years, in front of their two young sons and then hanged her body from a stairwell by a noose.

The murder at the family home in Moor Street, Camborne on 27 June came just 16 days after Mr Mundy, who admitted murder, was arrested on suspicion of attempting to drown her in the bath.

Mrs Mundy, 34, escaped the first attack and was left so frightened she had the house locks changed and an alarm installed.

Mr Mundy was released on police bail and agreed not to harass his wife or enter her home.

Mr Mercer said Mr Mundy - who had moved in with his parents - followed his handwritten plan when he broke into the family home in the early hours of 27 June.

After deactivating the alarm he changed his clothes, in accordance with stage eight of his scheme.

The plan then read that he should find a rope under stairs, listen for any movement then creep upstairs, reminding himself to be careful where he stepped on the floorboards.

Stage 12 and 13 stated: " When upstairs make sure she is asleep.

"Quietly to the bedside. Wrap rope quickly around her neck and pull tight.

"Hold until she's dead. Sit on her and hold her down."

But the couple's two sons aged eight and 10 were woken by their mother's screams and went into her bedroom where they saw their father strangling her.

The younger boy went to the kitchen and tried to press the alarm his father had already deactivated.

After the killing, Mr Mundy dressed his wife and used climbing rope to suspend her body over the stairwell.

He then sent a text message from his wife's mobile to her mother's phone which read: "Mum I love you. I am so sorry. Everything has got out of hand."

He told his sons he killed their mother because she was trying to kill him, and warned them to say she had committed suicide.

He then returned to his parents' house on foot where he stayed until nearly an hour later when, as instructed, one of his sons telephoned him.

Mr Mundy went back to Moor Street after the police were called and was waiting in the doorway when they arrived.

He was arrested at the scene and the plan was found in the pocket of his jeans.

Jailing him for life, Judge William Taylor said: "It was in my judgment a wholly unnecessary and cold-blooded killing committed in front of two innocent children."

Medical evidence showed Mrs Mundy had been strangled and punched in the face.

Terrible events

In police interview Mr Mundy admitted the killing but said it was "a coincidence" he had the pre-prepared plan on him at the time.

Iain Leadbetter, defending, said Mr Mundy felt "consumed" at the breakdown of his marriage, his wife's affair and the fact that he would be unable to see his two sons.

He added: "He acknowledges that the events of that night were truly terrible.

"He has not only taken somebody's life, but he has potentially scarred his own flesh and blood forever."

Mr Mercer said: "The extent of the damage to them is quite simply impossible to say."

Speaking outside court after the case, Chris Gawne read out a statement from Janine Mundy's family.

It said: "We are relieved that Wayne Mundy has pleaded guilty to the charges brought against him.

"We hope that we will now be able to start the difficult process of rebuilding our lives after this tragic loss and ask that the family's privacy be respected."
Man Steals ID of Sex Offender
CLINTON, Conn. - A good rule of thumb for an identity thief is not to steal the name of someone whose reputation is worse than yours, such as a sex offender.

Police said James Perry stole the name and identity of a neighbor who turned out to be a convicted sex offender.

Perry stole the identity of Robert Kowalski in order to obtain a drivers license, police said. Perry was living in Florida at the time and Kowalski was his neighbor.

Perry had four drunken driving arrests which he believed would make it difficult to get a license legally in Connecticut, police said.

Perry moved to Connecticut about a year ago and things went well until Perry was arrested for disorderly conduct.

A routine computer check found that "Kowalski" was a convicted sex offender in Michigan and not registered as required with the state of Connecticut.

Every bit of identification in his possession labeled the suspect as "Kowalski," but man himself was adamant that he was not a convicted sex offender, police said.

Finally, a check of his fingerprints revealed "Kowalski" to be James Perry.

Perry was released from Superior Court in Middletown Thursday on a promise to appear for his next court date Oct. 10 on charges of criminal impersonation, with charges of identity theft and forgery.
Mr. Lem Lom was arrested in Janesville, Wis., in August after he had allegedly stolen an electronic gadget from the front yard of a home; it turns out that the device was the base station for the pre-trial-release ankle monitor worn by the home's resident, and removal of the base station automatically signals the police, who can track its whereabouts easily. [Janesville Gazette, 8-29-03]
Shockingly bad thief

Would-be thief gets a shock

Tue Oct 7, 1:01 PM ET

VANCOUVER (Reuters) - A man is recovering in a Vancouver-area hospital after his apparent attempt to steal a roll of copper wire ended up giving him a 27,000-volt electrical shock.

The man was found on Monday wandering in a Surrey, British Columbia, railroad yard with second degree burns but without his shoes, which police said had been blown off when he tried to disconnect the wire from a running generator.

Investigators said the 41-year-old man, whose name was not released but was already "well known" to police, was expected to recover from his injuries and faced several criminal charges.

Shit thief

Now I'm sure I have heard this kind of story before but had asssumed it was an urban myth but it would be easy enough to check with a Z-list celebrity being named. One possibility they never mention is that the robber might have been after the dog poo. Stranger things have happened................

Mugger steals poo from Birds of a Feather actress

Linda Robson has been mugged outside her home - but her attacker escaped with nothing more than a bag of dog poo.

The Birds of a Feather actress had just scooped up after her new Staffordshire puppy George made a mess of her kitchen floor.

She put the contents in a plastic bag and stepped out of her house in Islington, north London, so she could dump it in a skip on the road outside.

But as she did so a boy on a mountain bike struck her in the face and made off with the bag, hoping it contained something valuable.

Mum-of-three Robson, 45, suffered bruises to her face and was left shocked by the attack last night.

But she had the last laugh as she imagined the mugger opening the bag and discovering its contents.

She said: "I can see the funny side, especially when the mugger looked at his trophy - a little present from my dog.

"But I am distressed this has happened on my doorstep and also that my face is such a mess."

Robson, who has just finished a theatre tour of the Vagina Monologues, was forced to cancel work commitments, but will resume work on a film project tomorrow.

The actress shares her Islington home with husband Mark Dunford, their two children and Robson's daughter from a previous relationship.

Story filed: 18:31 Wednesday 8th October 2003

I think he may be what is called a scat burglar..........:D

Call the Poo-lice..........
OCTOBER 8--Meet Winston Lamar and Drew Nash. The dopey Floridians were arrested early this morning after Lamar flashed a BB gun and the duo swiped beer from a Stuart gas station. Their first mistake was letting the Speedway worker grab the gun from them. Then they departed with the brew, but left Lamar's ID behind. Not content with those miscues, Lamar, 22, later called the store and asked if he could swing by and retrieve his belongings. Sure, said clerk Marie Blanco. But when Lamar and Nash, 21, returned, they were met by Martin County Sheriff's deputies, who transported Dumb and Dumber to the local lockup.

From The Smoking Gun

I've heard that story before, but I can't remember where at the moment. Probably in 'Private Eye' Funny Old World, I imagine.
I remember years back when I used to read Empire magazine, they used to go through the contents of a celeb's bin to investigate what was being thrown out. I always thought the celeb had donated it, but maybe not. Maybe this guy was a reporter for them hoping to find some "dirt" on the celeb? (Sadly, pun intended... ;))
False teeth lead police to suspect
MUNCIE - A man accused of breaking into a Mount Pleasant home last week took nothing - but left his false teeth.

Unfortunately for Paul D. Lee, the dentures bore his name, prompting police to arrest him on preliminary charges of burglary and auto theft.

Late Wednesday, Lee, 39, 218 E. Eighth St., was being held at the Delaware County jail in lieu of a ,000 bond.

According to police, late in the evening on Sept. 23, Lee broke into a vacant house near Mount Pleasant that was being remodeled.

Investigators suspect that Lee broke in through the front door, tripped on something in the home's garage and lost his dentures, as well as his baseball cap.

The next morning, Louie Coill, who owns the home, found Lee's hat and called police.

Initially, neither Coill nor sheriff's deputies found the dentures. But about 4 hours later, after police had left, Coill's aunt found the false teeth on the floor of the garage.

"I never paid no attention. I was looking for things that were missing; I wasn't looking for teeth," Coill said later. "I have fell over fences and done everything else in my life and I have never lost my dentures. How he lost his is beyond me."

After calling several dentists' offices, police learned that the dentures had the owner's name on them hidden underneath the fake gum, as required by state law.

"It was a unique experience to get that call from the police," said Teresa Rice, who answered the phone at Affordable Dentures when police called last week. "In the time I have worked here no one has called about lost dentures. I thought right away that this is one of those 'stupid criminal' stories."

When police found Lee on Friday living with his mother on Muncie's south side, he didn't have any teeth.

According to police records, Lee's false teeth were given to him so he could confess to the crime on videotape.

Lee told investigators that after he left the area, he realized he had lost his teeth and went back the next morning to look for them in a cornfield.

Authorities also charged Lee in connection with the theft of a pickup truck that was stolen from a house next to Coill's.

Investigators allowed Lee to have his teeth back for good after he signed for them.

"It was a first for me," Delaware County Police Sgt. Butch Blackmer said. "I have never caught someone with their teeth before."
Teenager confesses all after cigarette blunder

A teenager has confessed to 43 unsolved thefts after getting one of his arms trapped in a cigarette vending machine for half an hour.

Officers from Nagata Police Station arrested the unidentified 19-year-old after he admitted that he had already taken scores of cigarette packets from the vending machine, reports Mainichi Daily News.

When an officer asked him what he was doing, the unemployed teenager said: "Trying to steal more cigarettes, but I can't get my arm out."

A newspaper deliveryman found the teenager from Nagata-ku, Kobe, squatting in front of a tobacco vending machine operated by a local laundry and alerted police.

Firefighters were also called to the scene and poured soapy water over the teenager's right arm to help slide it out.

After this failed, police officers used the key to the machine to open it, releasing the teenager after being trapped for around 30 minutes.

One firefighter said: "I've never heard of firefighters being called to deal with this kind of problem."

Story filed: 09:54 Tuesday 14th October 2003

German police hunting 'stupid burglar'

Police in Germany are searching for a burglar who they say is the most stupid they have ever come across.

The unknown man broke into the building of a wood sales company in Bremen overnight.

Officers believe he initially broke open a coffee vending machine and destroyed most of it before discovering it took only tokens and there was no money inside.

A police spokesman said: "One might remark that this was written down on a large sign on the front of the machine, but then it was dark."

The burglar then stole a mobile phone, which only works in the grounds of the company, and a cordless screwdriver - but forgot the batteries and charger.

Finally, they say the intruder drank a can of coke that had been standing in one of the offices and was 12 months past its sell-by date.

Police are confident they will find the man soon, saying he should be easy to spot.

"He's the one who is stranded with a load of useless junk, looks tired, is sick to his stomach and is probably the laughing stock of all his mates," explained the police spokesman.

Story filed: 12:21 Wednesday 15th October 2003