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Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD): Compendium Thread

Steven said:
Leaving aside the possibly-inexplcable 'force' thing I mentioned, I suspect that my fear is basically a longstanding angst over mortality - I was extremely late to truly understand/accept that we're all mortal, and this was devastating.
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It's only later in life that we begin to understand the concept of mortality. Mortality/ death is not for the young to consider.
 
PeteS said:
It's only later in life that we begin to understand the concept of mortality. Mortality/ death is not for the young to consider.
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Curiously enough, I was told today that a former workmate had died. This sad news was told to me by another ex-workmate, and it was difficult for me to accept that both had aged in the passing years (as would naturally occur). It's almost like my mind is stuck in the past.
 
The strange thing is that, while I'm not at all paranoid, when such meetings happen it almost feels like I'm being tricked: I know it's the same person I remember, but am worrying that it's not really them; simply because they don't look exactly as I recall them. Only longer conversation convinces me fully.
 
I suffer from occasional bouts of insomnia, at which time my mind starts pondering about things I can't do anything about at the time.
One time, a while ago, I suffered from a panic over the inevitability of my own death. I was horrified by the possibility at any time, for any reason. I was so close to waking my wife and getting her to 'talk me down'. Luckily, I managed to de-escalate my panic attack and (merely) stayed awake for four hours.
 
Steven said:
Curiously enough, I was told today that a former workmate had died. This sad news was told to me by another ex-workmate, and it was difficult for me to accept that both had aged in the passing years (as would naturally occur). It's almost like my mind is stuck in the past.
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I have /never/ managed to grasp that people carry on with their lives when I'm not looking at them. :(
 
Wow, I'd never thought of it like that! :worry:
 
Steven said:
The strange thing is that, while I'm not at all paranoid, when such meetings happen it almost feels like I'm being tricked: I know it's the same person I remember, but am worrying that it's not really them; simply because they don't look exactly as I recall them. Only longer conversation convinces me fully.
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Do you have any noticeable degree of prosopagnosia? I think you've defined for me why I feel so uncomfortable about re-meeting people. And I'm usually glad to reconnect!
 
I am sorry to read that. :(

Regarding prosopagnosia: I don't *think* so. Not at all sure that it's relevant but I very rarely see faces in dreams; in fact, the dreams of my late father which I've previously mentioned are massive exceptions. Also, I used to write fiction as a hobby and really struggled to imagine the faces of my characters. Tellingly, perhaps, I hardly thought it necessary to convey to the reader how those characters looked.
 
I've spent the past few years coming to terms with the realisation that I am probably on the edge of the AS - probably somewhere along the perimeter that used to be called Asperger's. Or on a spectrum not yet quantified. The 'me' spectrum perhaps?

I am very uncomfortable with the binary neurodiverse vs. neurotypical concept, however. Very, very few things can ever be quantified as a yes/no box. I don't feel we are in separate camps or tribes

But, taken in as a broad vista of how I function, viewed 'from above' as it were - these are the things that stand out:

  • I can remember being 2 and a bit
  • I can't remember not being able to read (I read from age 3 apparently)
  • I can remember and sketch every floor plan of every house I've ever lived in from the age of 3 (we moved a lot)
  • I can remember quite accurately a heck of a lot of stuff, even if I didn't have the context for what it meant
  • I had the reading age of 13+ at age 8
  • I can do mental arithmetic OK but have to visualise some numbers as colours (eg the number 5 is a pale blue vertical rectangle)
  • I get very interested in some pretty obscure stuff. eg., As a teenager my history teacher was astounded I wanted to know about Margot of France or Henri IV.
  • I also care very deeply about people and their situations, too much empathy at times, even from a young age. I might not express it overly - it's more 'logical' for me to try and *do* something to help rather than emote about it.
  • I can zero in and zone out a lot of the extraneous guff, and am very good at prioritising and doing things in order of importance/logic. Adverts make no impression on me. My brain has the logic somewhat thus: If something needs to be advertised then it's something you don't need. The more fancy the advert the more unnecessary is the item and so the whole thing can be ignored happily. If I need something, I'll buy it regardless of any ads.
  • I can speed read
  • I get a bit impatient at people not seeing/realising things or focussing on the subject at hand and I (only half-jokingly) think most people have some kind of ADD
  • Some relatives call me Aunty Google or Human Google as I just seem to absorb stuff by reading/hearing/seeing about it.
  • I have trouble with loudness, or certain kinds of loud, sudden or piercing noises. I swear my ears actually internally 'flex', I feel this as a kind of pain that doesn't hurt(?)
  • I can be saying something politely, that I think is perfectly clear, fair and rational and logical - and the other person 'hears' something completely different to what I actually said! Do people actually listen to the words being spoken? I actually do, it's more important than the accent, tone in spoken speech to me.
What do you fine folk think?

I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin now, by the age of 50+ but it took a while to get to this stage.
 
Steven said:
I could've guessed what the response would be to this reader's letter. :(

'I’ve fallen out with all my friends and colleagues – why?

Yesterday I paused to take stock of my life and counted all the people, both in my professional life and personal life, who I haven’t got along with. I have a list of 45 names. I start out fine and then somewhere along the way things turn bitter.

Why have all these professional and personal relationships soured? At some point these people stop looking me in the eye, stop talking to me, ignore me, stop calling me, start excluding me, start forming cliques around me, start isolating me. I am 40 years old and I do not have a single friend or a colleague with whom I have not had a bad relationship. I have just left another job, because I fell out with all my team.'

Columnnist's reply:

'Try reading The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin. No one can know if you are on the autistic spectrum from one email, but this book can be useful for anyone who may not have a natural instinct on how to get along with other people.'

Yuck.
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I'd have been tempted to draw the letter-writer's train of thought to the one common factor in all of their turned-bitter interpersonal relationships.

It reminds me of the one friend we all had who had bad romantic relationships, one after another, who repeated the pattern time and again. The world was full of 'bad' men/women etc., etc., When in fact the one common factor was themselves, and the way they made their choices, and the patterns they enacted.

Change your own behaviours and the world changes around you. Be a cycle-breaker! I have a sneaking suspicion* that Ms @escargot may have some excellent tips on how to go about it (and I don't mean smashing up velocipedes with a hammer, either).


*I read like a demon and that includes about 3 million posts on here from a lot of people. I also absorb subtext, context and tone somehow. Hence I can kind of take educated guesses about people's life stories. I hope you don't mind me mentioning you in this context Duchess of Snail Street!
 
Hi, Anony. :) You sound a lot more capable than me. :)
---------

'I can remember being 2 & a bit.' - I can't really recall anything before 5 years.

'I can't remember not being able to read.' - Same here.

'I can remember & sketch every floor plan of every house I've ever lied in from the age of 3.' - I wouldn't even notice such things.

'I can remember quite accurately a lot of stuff, even if I didn't have the context.' - Generally poor memory, esp.when not specifically interested.

'I had the reading age of 13+ at age 8.' - Much the same.

'Mental arithmetic ok/must visualise some numbers as colours.' - Very poor Maths.

'I get very interested in some obscure stuff.' - Similar but my interests are limited.

'I care very deeply about people & their situations, too much empathy at times.' - Same. The 'autists=no empathy' myth is prejudicial.

'I can zero in and zone out a lot of the extraneous guff, & am very good at prioritising & doing things in order of importance/logic.' - I'm very disorganised.

'Adverts make no impression on me.' - Same here.

'I can speed read.' - I can read in a novel a day; then forget...and, sometimes, buy the novel again(!)

'I get a bit impatient at people not seeing/realising things or focussing on the subject at hand.' - Am usually exceptionally slow on the uptake. My perspective is often unworldly/naive.

'I just seem to absorb stuff by reading/hearing/seeing about it.' - The world acts upon me, rather than me being proactive.

'I have trouble with loudness, or certain kinds of loud, sudden or piercing noises. I swear my ears actually internally 'flex', I feel this as a kind of pain that doesn't hurt(?)' - Similar. I wear ear defenders 24/7.

'I can be saying something politely, that I think is perfectly clear, fair and rational and logical - and the other person 'hears' something completely different to what I actually said! Do people actually listen to the words being spoken? I actually do, it's more important than the accent, tone in spoken speech to me.' - With respect, we may not be the most-suitable arbiters of effective communication. However, maybe your intelligence makes you a little impatient with conversants - you're, perhaps, waiting for them to leap 'hurdles' (of thought) which you've easily cleared already.
 
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AnonyJ said:
I've spent the past few years coming to terms with the realisation that I am probably on the edge of the AS - probably somewhere along the perimeter that used to be called Asperger's. Or on a spectrum not yet quantified. The 'me' spectrum perhaps?

I am very uncomfortable with the binary neurodiverse vs. neurotypical concept, however. Very, very few things can ever be quantified as a yes/no box. I don't feel we are in separate camps or tribes

But, taken in as a broad vista of how I function, viewed 'from above' as it were - these are the things that stand out:

  • I can remember being 2 and a bit
  • I can't remember not being able to read (I read from age 3 apparently)
  • I can remember and sketch every floor plan of every house I've ever lived in from the age of 3 (we moved a lot)
  • I can remember quite accurately a heck of a lot of stuff, even if I didn't have the context for what it meant
  • I had the reading age of 13+ at age 8
  • I can do mental arithmetic OK but have to visualise some numbers as colours (eg the number 5 is a pale blue vertical rectangle)
  • I get very interested in some pretty obscure stuff. eg., As a teenager my history teacher was astounded I wanted to know about Margot of France or Henri IV.
  • I also care very deeply about people and their situations, too much empathy at times, even from a young age. I might not express it overly - it's more 'logical' for me to try and *do* something to help rather than emote about it.
  • I can zero in and zone out a lot of the extraneous guff, and am very good at prioritising and doing things in order of importance/logic. Adverts make no impression on me. My brain has the logic somewhat thus: If something needs to be advertised then it's something you don't need. The more fancy the advert the more unnecessary is the item and so the whole thing can be ignored happily. If I need something, I'll buy it regardless of any ads.
  • I can speed read
  • I get a bit impatient at people not seeing/realising things or focussing on the subject at hand and I (only half-jokingly) think most people have some kind of ADD
  • Some relatives call me Aunty Google or Human Google as I just seem to absorb stuff by reading/hearing/seeing about it.
  • I have trouble with loudness, or certain kinds of loud, sudden or piercing noises. I swear my ears actually internally 'flex', I feel this as a kind of pain that doesn't hurt(?)
  • I can be saying something politely, that I think is perfectly clear, fair and rational and logical - and the other person 'hears' something completely different to what I actually said! Do people actually listen to the words being spoken? I actually do, it's more important than the accent, tone in spoken speech to me.
What do you fine folk think?

I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin now, by the age of 50+ but it took a while to get to this stage.
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You have described most of my character right there AJ. I don't see anything unusual in what you have described but others may see it differently.
 
My list, Anonyj ...

  • I can remember being 2 and a bit - me too
  • I can't remember not being able to read (I read from age 3 apparently) - deffo. I recall teachers actually saying I was lying when I was ordered to read a passage.
  • I can remember and sketch every floor plan of every house I've ever lived in from the age of 3 (we moved a lot) - never did that, but wish I did.
  • I can remember quite accurately a heck of a lot of stuff, even if I didn't have the context for what it meant - I remember things, but in general rather than specifics. Some images do stay with me, but the context gets muddled.
  • I had the reading age of 13+ at age 8 - About the same for me.
  • I can do mental arithmetic OK but have to visualise some numbers as colours (eg the number 5 is a pale blue vertical rectangle) - Absolutely not. Lousy mental arithmetics.
  • I get very interested in some pretty obscure stuff. eg., As a teenager my history teacher was astounded I wanted to know about Margot of France or Henri IV. Me too. I trip easily down the rabbit hole.
  • I also care very deeply about people and their situations, too much empathy at times, even from a young age. I might not express it overly - it's more 'logical' for me to try and *do* something to help rather than emote about it. I find it easy to empathise (hence my love of role-playing games), but can look at people's actions and motives dispassionately.
  • I can zero in and zone out a lot of the extraneous guff, and am very good at prioritising and doing things in order of importance/logic. Adverts make no impression on me. I tend to plan out things to prioritise. Adverts are funny to me, because they have no effect on me. I watch them and think "How more transparent can they be?"
  • I can speed read. All. The. Time. Recently, I've learned to speed read a passage then, if I need to pick out detail, go over it more slowly and use an internal 'word search'.
  • I get a bit impatient at people not seeing/realising things or focussing on the subject at hand and I (only half-jokingly) think most people have some kind of ADD - Not me. I get frustrated with people seeing what I see as obvious. It makes me cast doubt on my own perception.
  • Some relatives call me Aunty Google or Human Google as I just seem to absorb stuff by reading/hearing/seeing about it. I pick up factoids and trivia, but sometimes inaccurately. I'm always misquoting people.
  • I have trouble with loudness, or certain kinds of loud, sudden or piercing noises. I swear my ears actually internally 'flex', I feel this as a kind of pain that doesn't hurt(?) - Absolutely!
  • I can be saying something politely, that I think is perfectly clear, fair and rational and logical - and the other person 'hears' something completely different to what I actually said! Do people actually listen to the words being spoken? I actually do, it's more important than the accent, tone in spoken speech to me. Me too. Sometimes I end up saying too much, or repeating myself, as I feel I'm being misunderstood and need to rephrase things. I'm acutely anxious about being misunderstood and causing confusion or offense.
 
AnonyJ said:
I've spent the past few years coming to terms with the realisation that I am probably on the edge of the AS - probably somewhere along the perimeter that used to be called Asperger's. Or on a spectrum not yet quantified. The 'me' spectrum perhaps?

What do you fine folk think?
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Yes, you are autistic.
 
What the heck are they?
It sounds like being tested on your offered skills.
 
Herr Cloaca said:
Does anyone else find "competency-based interview questions" infuriating, impossible and ridiculous ?
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Yes, pretty much. I find the offered list of possible answers either too black-or-white or else ill-defined.

Incidentally, I was asked if I commonly 'adhered to social rules'; I thought this meant things like 'NO LOITERING' signs & the like, and answered accordingly. :(
 
Over the last 12 months, both my children (aged 12 and 10), have been diagnosed with ASD (the eldest also has ADHD and DCD). As you can imagine, life can be more than a little stressful at times. We have also been learning about what traits each of the boys has and what can trigger the boys and how we can try to avoid those triggers. Both boys have very different traits, but the eldest's were masked until he started taking ADHD meds.

What has been interesting is to see similarities in myself that I would never have cottoned onto if we hadn't had children.

- I am overstimulated by lots of noise, it doesn't necessarily have to be loud either, just lots of different noises can set off my noise anxiety.
- I hate using the telephone; I would rather jump in my car and speak to someone in person, or message them.
- If an object peeks my interest, I will obsess over it until I finally buy it, even if I don't really need it. I have an e-Bike sat in the garage for 2 years in February that has been used only a handful of times.
- I was bullied mercilessly as a child, by both peers and teachers, due to my quickness to meltdown.
- I struggle to look people in the eyes. Something I was berated for throughout my childhood.
- I'm paranoid that people don't really like me and are just putting up with me.
- Every time I make arrangements I am convinced people are going to cancel on me and let me down.
- My documentation for work has to be perfect; 'good enough' doesn't cut it.
- I prefer my own company most of the time.

On many occasions over the last 12 months, my wife has asked the question "Are you sure you're not Autistic"?

I've just completed a course of counselling for what was initially my noise anxiety. However, over the course of the sessions it became apparent that there was a lot more to my complexities than just noise anxiety. We ended up discussing all the above traits and finally came to the conclusion that I myself am neurodivergent and likely on the ASD spectrum. What the counsellor also homed in on during our conversations was, that throughout my life my feelings have been discounted, and I have had to adapt and mask those feelings to accomodate others.

Whilst not an official diagnosis, accepting that I am neurodivergent in some way has been a massive weight off my shoulders, and has helped me deal with the boys in many ways. It has helped me to put things in perspective and hopefully given me the tools to be able to help my children as they mature.

Ultimately I have been fairly successful in life, but by god it's been hard at times.
 
Mr. Banooka said:
Over the last 12 months, both my children (aged 12 and 10), have been diagnosed with ASD (the eldest also has ADHD and DCD). As you can imagine, life can be more than a little stressful at times. We have also been learning about what traits each of the boys has and what can trigger the boys and how we can try to avoid those triggers. Both boys have very different traits, but the eldest's were masked until he started taking ADHD meds.

What has been interesting is to see similarities in myself that I would never have cottoned onto if we hadn't had children.

- I am overstimulated by lots of noise, it doesn't necessarily have to be loud either, just lots of different noises can set off my noise anxiety.
- I hate using the telephone; I would rather jump in my car and speak to someone in person, or message them.
- If an object peeks my interest, I will obsess over it until I finally buy it, even if I don't really need it. I have an e-Bike sat in the garage for 2 years in February that has been used only a handful of times.
- I was bullied mercilessly as a child, by both peers and teachers, due to my quickness to meltdown.
- I struggle to look people in the eyes. Something I was berated for throughout my childhood.
- I'm paranoid that people don't really like me and are just putting up with me.
- Every time I make arrangements I am convinced people are going to cancel on me and let me down.
- My documentation for work has to be perfect; 'good enough' doesn't cut it.
- I prefer my own company most of the time.

On many occasions over the last 12 months, my wife has asked the question "Are you sure you're not Autistic"?

I've just completed a course of counselling for what was initially my noise anxiety. However, over the course of the sessions it became apparent that there was a lot more to my complexities than just noise anxiety. We ended up discussing all the above traits and finally came to the conclusion that I myself am neurodivergent and likely on the ASD spectrum. What the counsellor also homed in on during our conversations was, that throughout my life my feelings have been discounted, and I have had to adapt and mask those feelings to accomodate others.

Whilst not an official diagnosis, accepting that I am neurodivergent in some way has been a massive weight off my shoulders, and has helped me deal with the boys in many ways. It has helped me to put things in perspective and hopefully given me the tools to be able to help my children as they mature.

Ultimately I have been fairly successful in life, but by god it's been hard at times.
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Thanks for sharing this. So much of it resonates with my own experience, not least a child's diagnosis leading to realisations about my own neurodivergence. FWIW I'm waiting for an official diagnosis, but I'll be amazed (and, actually, quite distressed) if they turn round and tell me I'm not neurodivergent.
 
Krepostnoi said:
Thanks for sharing this. So much of it resonates with my own experience, not least a child's diagnosis leading to realisations about my own neurodivergence. FWIW I'm waiting for an official diagnosis, but I'll be amazed (and, actually, quite distressed) if they turn round and tell me I'm not neurodivergent.
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A friend of mine couldn't be more obviously Autistic if he tried. Yet when he went to get a diagnosis he was told he wasn't because he could interact socially! When will these people learn that ASD isn't a one size fits all. My two boys couldn't present more differently.

My wife has also pointed out to me that the majority of my closest friends are what she'd class as Neurodivergent! Hmmm?
 
That's a very old fashioned view of autism but why women didn't get diagnosed as often - they learn to mask some of their difficulties. Your friend could do with a second opinion from a more up to date therapist as maybe that's what he did.
 
My Hearing Consultant told me I couldn't be autistic becuase I am female.

The experts can and do get it wrong. The longer they take, the more up to date they are, and the longer they have been doing it - the better they seem to be. Theory is that they've been exposed to large numbers of us and they get a feel.

@Krepostnoi FWIW, and as a non-medically qualified person, I think you're one of us and easily one of us, if you see what I mean? *

"The Autistic Community"'s accepts self-diagnosis. This acceptance is a considered, humane, political and necessary act.

* Adding that we've talked 1:1 as well as in the open so that I have grounds for this!
 
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Steven said:
'I can be saying something politely, that I think is perfectly clear, fair and rational and logical - and the other person 'hears' something completely different to what I actually said! Do people actually listen to the words being spoken? I actually do, it's more important than the accent, tone in spoken speech to me.' - With respect, we may not be the most-suitable arbiters of effective communication. However, maybe your intelligence makes you a little impatient with conversants - you're, perhaps, waiting for them to leap 'hurdles' (of thought) which you've easily cleared already.
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I've not thought about it in that way before, thank you for the idea! I don't think I'm exceptionally intelligent - but I do have a gift with reading, words, spelling and language.

The utter irony is that I have (unusually for a female) a (now) mild stutter/stammer speech issue. It was awful when I was young, and maybe affects how my tone is perceived still. If I didn't have that handicap I could have had a lifelong career as a voice actor, TV announcer, narrator or compere :(

Thank you for your replies and insights above this post, I do very much appreciate them.

My big tip is - keep everything as simple as possible. 'Good Enough' is now my standard for most things. Keeping It Simple [KIS] means a heck of lot less proverbial ball-ache in my own situation.
 
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Extra thoughts.

* Most autistics benefit from the company of other autistics. Socialising isn't the burden it can be with some neurologies.

Ranges from acceptance and courtesy - including believing implicitally that your gaffes are not malicious - through information and signposting (with added hints and tips!), to deep and shallow friendships and acquaintanceships.

* there are several mentions above which I think might refer to hyperlexia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperlexia

It doesn't happen for all of us, but it's a strong co-occurring thing with autism.

* There are definitely some autistics who don't want to socialise. At all. But that's a small number, many enjoy other autistics once they have a chance to engage.
 
We took our eldest to a psychiatrist privately because the NHS wasted 18 months to tell us he didn’t have ADHD. At this point he was easily 2 years behind academically. She spent 10 minutes with him and said that with 100% confidence that he had ADHD and that he was very likely to be Autistic as well. We got him privately tested for ADHD and it showed he was in the 98th percentile. During his test he moved 40 metres in his seat over a 20 minute period. This was in the middle of lockdown so you can imagine what homeschooling was like. We then had to pay privately for his medication because the NHS wouldn’t accept a private diagnosis. we had to start the NHS assessment again so that they would take over the issuing of his medication. It took another 12 months of £100 per month on medication before a more seasoned doctor read through all the notes, spent 5 minutes on a zoom call with our son, and concluded that she had no doubt he had ADHD and would take over his prescription with immediate effect.

We started the ASD assessment around the same time as the last round of ADHD reassessment. It took some time, and we were convinced that they would come back with a negative diagnosis. However, around March of this year, they confirmed that he is Autistic.

With our youngest son, he has more of the ’traditional’ ASD traits. It was school that recommended we have him assessed. This took place during the upheaval of lockdown, so took some time to be completed. But late last year we got the ASD diagnosis.

Both my wife and I were very much anti-labelling, but we’ve learned that without those labels you don’t get any help.
 
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