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Flatulence, Farts & Farting (General; Miscellaneous)

ROFL!

Good science.

Great humour.

Recommended by rynner!
 
Now I'm wondering if I'm a member of the Royal Order of the Blue Flame. Sounds vaguely ominous and Masonic. I wonder if they have a Trial by Fire initiation.

Brenna's feces page is equally interesting.
 
A technical point

I sent this article to a pal in America, who passed it around further. But one MD replied:

"Some really bad information here.

"I have asked various men this question and they all deny it
emphatically. However, elrondh contributed the information that under certain rare and artificially-induced circumstances, a man might pass gas through his penis. In this case, the man's bladder had been inflated for a medical procedure, the air introduced via catheter inserted through the urethra. This gas escaped during later attempts to urinate, "accompanied by a brief but sharp burning sensation."

Actually, penile passage of gas has been a known telltale symptom for at least a century. Sometimes, usually with diverticulitis of the sigmoid colon, a fistula (tunnel) forms between the large intestine and bladder. Gas passing from the colon to the urinary bladder results in gas passing from the penis. Have seen a number of such patients."
 
Good site, Jaybee, not the farting content, mind, I was distracted by their pussycat model . . .

Carole
 
I always thought that the build up of Gasses in the pressurised human body may explain or at least contribute to Spontanious Human Combustion.

I believe even the old lady who suffered from SHC was trying to ignite her own farts at the time.:D
 
betcha 5 squid no one'll read this....

VAIN: A person who loves the smell of his own farts

AMIABLE: A person who loves the smell of other people's farts

PROUD: A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine

SHY: A person who releases silent farts and then blushes

IMPUDENT: A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs

UNFORTUNATE: A person who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead

SCIENTIFIC: A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution

NERVOUS: A person who stops in the middle of his fart

HONEST: A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons

DISHONEST: A person who farts and then blames the dog

FOOLISH: A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours

THRIFTY: A person who has several good farts in reserve

ANTI-SOCIAL: A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy

STRATEGIC: A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing

SADISTIC: A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate.

INTELLECTUAL: A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed.

ATHLETIC: A person who farts at the slightest exertion

MISERABLE: A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all

SENSITIVE: A person who farts and then starts crying
 
Re: betcha 5 squid no one'll read this....

I claim the 5 quid! I read it all...

(Very amusing, BTW!)
 
on the contrary, rynner dear, i said 5 SQUID!!!!!!!!
what kind would you like m'lord?
 
vampira said:
what kind would you like m'lord?
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Deep fried in batter, served with mayo!

(To hell with the diet!)
 
I started farting uncontrollably when reading that article. I read the whole thing too.

Now my room pongs.
I have a friend who claims she never farts, well HA, she's lying then.
I'll send her the link. Little miss perfect that she is, I'll show her....

pinkle
 
rynner said:
Deep fried in batter, served with mayo!

(To hell with the diet!)
Click to expand...

erghhhhhh! r u jokin?? heheh! i cant stand seafood i have a phobia of fish!!

pinklefish, i know a girl who claims she never sweats. hmm. i cant really burp! just tiny pathetic little ones. hmph. :hmph: HMPH!
 
Farting isn't clever, but it's lucrative
Posted by Rhodri Marsden
Friday, 2 January 2009 at 02:41 pm

Most of us devote at least some subconscious time to dreaming up money-making schemes that might see us through the recession and allow us to be freed from the tyranny of mortgage payments and the questionable man-management skills of our bosses. Trouble is, few of us have any kind of entrepreneurial flair.

Around the corner from my flat, a Sri Lankan chap recently opened a shop selling party accessories – hats, streamers, baubles and so on – and, according to the blackboard outside, he specialises in "puberty ceremonies". Now, I wish him well, but I have a horrible feeling that the demand for, uh, puberty-related bunting in this part of London is on the low side. I certainly don't recall any fanfare or fireworks when I passed into something resembling manhood. I just recall spending a lot of time listening to The Cure and crying for no reason, although that might have been because I was listening to The Cure.

Anyway, while we make half-hearted stabs at getting rich quick, or more likely don't bother at all, other people effortlessly tap into the zeitgeist and emerge some $40,000 richer. That's what happened to one Mr Joel Comm over Christmas; by utilising the oldest joke known to mankind – flatulence, bottom burps, call them what you will – he produced an app for the iPhone called iFart. Unsurprisingly, it produces fart noises. It only costs 99 cents, but it quickly rose to #1 in the App Store, and the 58,000 people that downloaded it on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day netted both Comm, and Apple, a small fortune.

There's been a general surge in the numbers of apps sold by Apple over Christmas as people unpack their iPhone or iPod Touch and start spending the cash on their iTunes Store gift cards – but it takes a special kind of business brain to figure out that what they really want is not productivity software, but a hi-tech whoopee cushion that lets them stab the screen with their finger and hear the digitally enhanced sound of someone blowing off.

I was all ready to applaud Mr Comm's efforts, but then I saw his website and realised that this was no lucky break, that this wasn't some bored bloke accidentally striking it rich. Comm devotes himself to the study of getting rich online, and presents a depressing internet entrepreneur reality show in which the contestants will probably fail to come up with something that resonates as deeply with the online community as a fart gag.

Oh – and if you are seeking to emulate Mr Conn's success, don't push the boundaries of taste too far. Apple are watching you, and if you stray into the same realms of indecency as iBoobs, you'll be banned from the store forthwith. :shock:

http://rhodrimarsden.independentminds.l ... /6536.html

I was interested in the use of 'bottom-burps' here - I remember in the early or mid 1970s a friend of mine being very amused when his young daughter invented the same phrase - it was certainly the first time I'd ever heard it!
 
There was a janitor at my former workplace who was the only person I knew who could fart and keep a straight face. He'd do it when people were talking to him and just carry on with a perfectly innocent look on his face,, as if nothing had happened.
Visitor: Hello, I'm looking for...
Janitor: PARP
Visitor: ...er I'm looking for
Janitor: PARP
Visitor: er..oh I'm er..
Janitor: Are you okay (PARP)
 
Swifty said:
My old flat mate showed me some fart porn (online) and we were cracking up .. it's literally just people sticking there nose into the other's bum hole and the other one lets rip (to save you time googling it for yourselves and probably getting a virus).
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I think you might end up with some sort of virus is you tried it for real.:eek:
 
I recall in the dark, unregulated days of Usenet there was a poster who used to make up stories about the celebrities he fancied farting on cakes. That was it. Wonder what happened to him?

Also, in Simon Pegg's autobiography there's a hilarious story about how his favourite teacher farted his desk to pieces.
 
For several years I worked with a fellow who had no qualms about farting in the office. One of his favourite spots for this activity was the room where the printers were kept. For the rest of us, sending a document to the printer meant running the risk of being overwhelmed by the stench upon entering the printer room. In addition, the man's personal hygiene was generally not good. His behaviour was surprising because he was educated and well-spoken, and I would therefore have expected him to know better. For reasons unknown to me, the manager refused to confront him about it and the situation persisted for quite some time. Things changed abruptly after the man in question had his gallbladder removed. The farting ceased and his personal hygiene improved considerably. Since the manager hadn't raised the issue with him, my colleagues and I speculated that a health professional may have read him the riot act at the time of the surgery.
 
GNC said:
I recall in the dark, unregulated days of Usenet there was a poster who used to make up stories about the celebrities he fancied farting on cakes. That was it. Wonder what happened to him?

Also, in Simon Pegg's autobiography there's a hilarious story about how his favourite teacher farted his desk to pieces.
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What page is that bit on please GNC ? .. I've got Pegg's book but just couldn't get into it.
 
Swifty said:
What page is that bit on please GNC ? .. I've got Pegg's book but just couldn't get into it.
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Gawd, I can't recall now, but it's in his schooldays reminiscences, before he gets into acting as a teenager.
 
GNC said:
Gawd, I can't recall now, but it's in his schooldays reminiscences, before he gets into acting as a teenager.
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Thanks, I'll give it another go at some point although I remember not finding it very funny which is probably my fault with it being an autobiography and all.
 
My mind truly boggles. If I saw someone with their nose up someone's bum while they farted I think that I may laugh tons while feeling nauseated at the same time.
 
As a 12 year old I was helpless with laughter reading Spike Milligan's Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall and his description of the barrack room at night, the silence being disturbed by "great asphyxiating farts which rendered their owners unconscious."
Needless to say, Blazing Saddles was also my favourite movie.
 
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