How I Would Like My Own Funeral

drbastard

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I used to entertain the idea that my coffin would be somberly carried into the chapel to the tune of The Smith's 'Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me', but having organised a couple of family funerals myself recently I see this is unlikely. I'll more likely get something like the Three Tenors and a dull poem.

Of course, this is itself a hopeful scenario, there's no guessing I might die along with the rest of you in the Apocalypse, melting into the floor, screaming and shitting myself with my eyeballs melting out of the sockets. I bet I won't get the Smiths then either.
 

Mythopoeika

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Of course, this is itself a hopeful scenario, there's no guessing I might die along with the rest of you in the Apocalypse, melting into the floor, screaming and shitting myself with my eyeballs melting out of the sockets. I bet I won't get the Smiths then either.
Wow, that is a vivid mental picture. :eek:
 

Mythopoeika

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Selfie?
 

Frideswide

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Raiders?
 

GNC

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I wouldn't want a funeral, the only time I ever went to one I nearly vomited and fainted because I was so creeped out.
 

Analogue Boy

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I used to entertain the idea that my coffin would be somberly carried into the chapel to the tune of The Smith's 'Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me', but having organised a couple of family funerals myself recently I see this is unlikely. I'll more likely get something like the Three Tenors and a dull poem.

Of course, this is itself a hopeful scenario, there's no guessing I might die along with the rest of you in the Apocalypse, melting into the floor, screaming and shitting myself with my eyeballs melting out of the sockets. I bet I won't get the Smiths then either.
I dunno. The Smiths sounds like the ideal soundtrack for a gloomy ending like that.
 

Analogue Boy

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I wouldn't want a funeral, the only time I ever went to one I nearly vomited and fainted because I was so creeped out.
I've been to a few and there's more laughs afterwards as people remember the fun times than some weddings I've attended.
 

escargot

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I've been to a few and there's more laughs afterwards as people remember the fun times than some weddings I've attended.
That's certainly the case with my family. We have a good old cry and then whoop it up at the pub afterwards, with usually plenty of new babies and cars to admire.
(This applies when the deceased is elderly. When a family member in his 20s sadly died some years ago the place was full of beautiful young women and handsome young men, all done up to the nines, distraught, consoling one another. I'd be surprised if there weren't at least a couple more babies within the year.)

At one family wake I went over to the bar to collect yet another tray of sandwiches and was told that I couldn't have them because they were for the funeral party, which must be the people on the table in the corner who looked so sad, unlike everyone else who was having rare old time...

They were the only customers in the place who weren't with the funeral. :D
 
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OneWingedBird

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The only two funerals I've ever been to were dismal affairs.

One was a young chap I knew who died in a hit and run, they stuck family on one side of the church and goths (ie his friends) on the other, and the vicar bloody harped on forever.

The other was a woman I knew who hung herself in jail, there was a low grade scandal about it and the cremmy refused to give me their address... on the day the place was full or reps from every service or institution she'd had contact with, seemed to me like the only time they could remotely get their shit together was when there was PR to do.

Maybe I'll go for the 'raiders' melty end too so they don't find enough to subject anyone to a service over!

 

Analogue Boy

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The only two funerals I've ever been to were dismal affairs.

One was a young chap I knew who died in a hit and run, they stuck family on one side of the church and goths (ie his friends) on the other, and the vicar bloody harped on forever.

The other was a woman I knew who hung herself in jail, there was a low grade scandal about it and the cremmy refused to give me their address... on the day the place was full or reps from every service or institution she'd had contact with, seemed to me like the only time they could remotely get their shit together was when there was PR to do.

Maybe I'll go for the 'raiders' melty end too so they don't find enough to subject anyone to a service over!

I'm not sure they allow The Ark of the Covenant for ordinary cremations now. I think it's mostly used for shredding incriminating government documents.
 

skinny

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Your wishes for what to do with all you look to be?

Something grand?
Carbon in the breeze?
Diamonised?

Immortalised?
 

skinny

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In accordance with your tribe, if you please.
 

Krepostnoi

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My will states my ashes are to be scattered by means of a firework. This recently led to quite a heated argument with my father, who thinks this is a recipe for further upset to any surviving family. He also said, on a practical note, that a body produces a substantial amount of ash, and it would take a good few roman candles to disperse it all. He strongly suggested I reconsider. Is he right, or should I stick to my rockets?
 

skinny

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Ok. Thanks, mate.

Damn. There's more to this forum than meets the eye.
 

skinny

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My will states my ashes are to be scattered by means of a firework. This recently led to quite a heated argument with my father, who thinks this is a recipe for further upset to any surviving family. He also said, on a practical note, that a body produces a substantial amount of ash, and it would take a good few roman candles to disperse it all. He strongly suggested I reconsider. Is he right, or should I stick to my rockets?
Don't abandon the dream. Suggest get a supremo bigass rocket.


I too requested ash dispersal from the grandest peak in the Flinder's Ranges ~ St Mary's. I have no longer a desire for carbon scattering. I have found something much much more in tune with my humble beginnings.

















































 
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escargot

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You'll get nearly a shoebox-volume of ashes so yup,it'll need to be be a HUGE rocket.
 

Shady

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I have said i want Gareth Gates, Spirit in the Sky, playing full blast and everybody up and dancing
 

hunck

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I have said i want Gareth Gates, Spirit in the Sky, playing full blast and everybody up and dancing
Gareth Gates? Have you not heard the original version?
 

Shady

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Yup, i have, but i like Gareths version :p
 
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