Objectophilia / Objectum Sexuality: Loving / Marrying Inanimate Objects

[Coal]

also they will marry men!

Pft. Mrs Coal doesn't let me caress our duvet, never mind marry one.

 

[Ogdred Weary]

There was a show on tv a few years back, an American program I must add that featured a guy who genuinely was in love with one of his motor vehicles. He was quite open about it and was shown fondling it, caressing and kissing it and fully admitted to having intercourse with the exhaust pipe. The show was quite sympathetic towards him and didn't mock him as you might expect a sensational show like this one was, would.
He too wanted to marry his car.
I wonder what became of him?

Found him. There's a NSFW image halfway down this article, it did the rounds on the net a few years ago, it's one of the funniest photos I've seen.

https://deadspin.com/the-one-where-we-find-out-why-this-man-is-having-sex-wi-5433838

 

[Lord Lucan]

Woman Marries Zombie Doll After The Couple ‘Fell In Love’

A woman who fell in love with a zombie doll aged 13 has revealed she married the inanimate object and says her world is now complete.

No emotional reaction from the doll has been shared with the press as of yet, but do watch this space because it could be the making of the next great Netflix true drama. It takes all sorts, after all.
Felicity Kadlec, a 21-year-old from Massachusetts, wedded the doll, named Kelly Rossi, who she claims is 37 years old and, funnily enough, has no birth certificate to identify a birthplace.
Images of the wedding show Felicity in a ‘beautiful’ white wedding dress, lovingly embracing the toy, who was dressed in a tuxedo for the occasion but deigned not to wash the blood, white makeup or black smudges off its face – or tidy up its teeth.

https://www.unilad.co.uk/life/woman-marries-zombie-doll-after-the-couple-fell-in-love/

For those of you interested, here's the wedding video:

 

[Ermintruder]

There's a NSFW image halfway down this article, it did the rounds on the net a few years ago, it's one of the funniest photos I've seen.

It's taken me nearly a year to make the following shocked observations:

• In order to copulate more-effectively with that exhaust pipe, he either needs to deflate the tyres on his car, or kneel upon a small pile of Haynes manuals (I speak purely from the perspective of observational comment, not personal experience)
• Does wearing what he's sort-of wearing really count as transvestism? I shan't ask why....nor even briefly-contemplate the polyparaphilic complexities that're presenting here
• I won't mention the shaven scrotum. Dammit, I just did (maybe it's a Range Rover thing)

Do people who 'love' internally-combustive cars (in a literal penetrative, rather than platonically-possessive, sense) also love electric cars? I mean, where would you (ahem...) plug-in, to a Tesla? And could you claim, as a defence, that you were trying to recharge it?

 

[Ogdred Weary]

I suppose if you're going to shag a car, you may as well wear some lingerie.

 

[Yithian]

Found him. There's a NSFW image halfway down this article, it did the rounds on the net a few years ago, it's one of the funniest photos I've seen.

https://deadspin.com/the-one-where-we-find-out-why-this-man-is-having-sex-wi-5433838

Cannot unsee.

Why doesn't he dress the Range Rover up in lingerie?

 

[Ogdred Weary]

Cannot unsee.

Why doesn't he dress the Range Rover up in lingerie?

Budgetary constraints?

 

[Yithian]

Budgetary constraints?

Outsize clothing is more readily and cheaply available than ever before!

 

[Ogdred Weary]

Outsize clothing is more readily and cheaply available than ever before!

Yes but you'd have to shop in the US to find lingerie that would fit a vehicle.

 

[Yithian]

Yes but you'd have to shop in the US to find lingerie that would fit a vehicle.

A few years ago I wandered into an outsize clothing store in Itaewon, Seoul, which seemed designed to serve American servicemen and their families. Even accounting for the fact that the armed forces of any nation tend to be on the larger end of the size spectrum and that street fashions are often worn baggy, some of the things they stocked were preposterous: my wife, my daughter and I could have worn some of the tops and trousers simultaneously.

Until that time, I had literally never considered the notion of sizes above (and notably above) XXL. I suppose that I was conceptually aware that somebody might need them, but they have to be seen to be believed.

 

[Ogdred Weary]

A few years ago I wandered into an outsize clothing store in Itaewon, Seoul, which seemed designed to serve American servicemen and their families. Even accounting for the fact that the armed forces of any nation tend to be on the larger end of the size spectrum and that street fashions are often worn baggy, some of the things they stocked were preposterous: my wife, my daughter and I could have worn some of the tops and trousers simultaneously.

Until that time, I had literally never considered the notion of sizes above (and notably above) XXL. I suppose that I was conceptually aware that somebody might need them, but they have to be seen to be believed.

I think 5XL exists in the US, though might be here as well in some specialist outlets. I think US sizes are more generous than UK ones as well.

There's a conundrum that the populations of most or all affluent countries (and some poorer ones) are getting fatter yet "normal" clothing seems to be getting tighter fitting. M&S whose main customer base are going to be 40+ and therefore prone to middle age spread have "new and improved" fit on their clothes, which mean they are all tighter/smaller. M&S are apparently suffering financial issues, decisions like that aren't helping.

 

[maximus otter]

I think 5XL exists in the US...

UK High Street chain BadRhino stocks kit in size 8XL.

That’s a 72” chest and a 62” waist.

maximus otter

 

[Swifty]

UK High Street chain BadRhino stocks kit in size 8XL.

That’s a 72” chest and a 62” waist.

maximus otter

I was hoping this thread title would finish as : 'objects to it being uncovered'.

 

[Yithian]

...a 62” waist.

maximus otter

And I worry about going over 34".

62" is not far off double the male average waistline for a European male, I think.

That's epic.

 

[Lord Lucan]

Right, here's another with an attraction to an inanimate object, however, to be fair, it got turned on by her too!

Woman's attraction to chandeliers not a sexual orientation, ruling says

A British woman in a long-term relationship with a 92-year-old German chandelier has been told that her attraction to historic light fittings is not considered to be a protected sexual orientation.
The press regulator, Ipso, made the ruling after Amanda Liberty, a woman from Leeds in her mid thirties, complained about an article in the Sun mocking her public declaration of love for Lumiere, her name for an intricate lamp she bought on eBay.
She argued that the newspaper’s article breached the regulator’s code of conduct which requires publishers to avoid prejudicial or pejorative references to an individual’s sexuality.

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2...handeliers-not-a-sexual-orientation-ipso-says

 

[Vardoger]

Hope they'll have great sex together! I don't think she will ever say no.
--------------------------

LOVE ISN'T DEAD
Bizarre moment bodybuilder MARRIES sex doll in creepy ceremony saying she’s a ‘tender soul inside’

• Magda Ibrahim

• 25 Nov 2020, 17:29
• Updated: 25 Nov 2020, 17:31

A BODYBUILDER from Kazakhstan has ‘married’ a sex doll in a jaw-dropping ceremony celebrating their 18-month relationship.

Yuri Tolochko married his sex doll fiancée Margo in a traditional ceremony – complete with a celebrant, dozens of happy guests and a romantic first dance.



Bedecked in a smart black dinner suit and bow tie, the groom is all smiles in his wedding video, posted on Instagram today, as he dances with his stunning bride in her lacy white gown.

Taking his perfectly made-up new wife in his arms, Mr Tolochko and Margo look every bit the happy couple.

Only Margo is actually a synthetic sex doll.

Sharing footage of the unusual celebration on Instagram, the bearded actor wrote: “It's happened. To be continued.”


In the social media video shared on Instagram to more than 140,000 followers across their two accounts, Mr Tolochko slips a ring onto Margo’s finger before the pair share a tender kiss in front of a crowd of delighted wedding guests.

The marriage might be unconventional, but it has been on the cards since December 2019 when Mr Tolochko popped the big question to his beloved sex doll girlfriend.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/13297608/bizarre-moment-bodybuilder-marries-sex-doll-creepy-ceremony/

 

[Kondoru]

He now has a wife who wont nag, wont hog the bathroom, wont mysteriously get pregnant and who wont spend his money.

A complete winner.

 

[escargot]

Hope they'll have great sex together! I don't think she will ever say no.
--------------------------

LOVE ISN'T DEAD
Bizarre moment bodybuilder MARRIES sex doll in creepy ceremony saying she’s a ‘tender soul inside’

• Magda Ibrahim
• 25 Nov 2020, 17:29
• Updated: 25 Nov 2020, 17:31

A BODYBUILDER from Kazakhstan has ‘married’ a sex doll in a jaw-dropping ceremony celebrating their 18-month relationship.

Yuri Tolochko married his sex doll fiancée Margo in a traditional ceremony – complete with a celebrant, dozens of happy guests and a romantic first dance.



Bedecked in a smart black dinner suit and bow tie, the groom is all smiles in his wedding video, posted on Instagram today, as he dances with his stunning bride in her lacy white gown.

Taking his perfectly made-up new wife in his arms, Mr Tolochko and Margo look every bit the happy couple.

Only Margo is actually a synthetic sex doll.

Sharing footage of the unusual celebration on Instagram, the bearded actor wrote: “It's happened. To be continued.”


In the social media video shared on Instagram to more than 140,000 followers across their two accounts, Mr Tolochko slips a ring onto Margo’s finger before the pair share a tender kiss in front of a crowd of delighted wedding guests.

The marriage might be unconventional, but it has been on the cards since December 2019 when Mr Tolochko popped the big question to his beloved sex doll girlfriend.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/13297608/bizarre-moment-bodybuilder-marries-sex-doll-creepy-ceremony/

Brilliant! Every single word is bollocks! Not untrue, just bollocks. You can't marry an object.
Or Maybe You Can In Kazakhstan! as the official Tourist Information slogan goes.*


*Also bollocks.

 

[Peripart]

Brilliant! Every single word is bollocks! Not untrue, just bollocks. You can't marry an object.
Or Maybe You Can In Kazakhstan! as the official Tourist Information slogan goes.*

*Also bollocks.

Exactly. To give just one example of this story's testicularity:

The marriage might be unconventional, but it has been on the cards since December 2019 when Mr Tolochko popped the big question to his beloved sex doll girlfriend

Right... so she said yes, did she?

 

[Mythopoeika]

Right... so she said yes, did she?

Well, she couldn't say 'no'.

 

[Vardoger]

Well, she couldn't say 'no'.

Sillence is agreement, as they say.

 

[Analogue Boy]

I suppose she’s now entitled to half when they divorce as finds a younger model.

 

[Analogue Boy]

Sillence is agreement, as they say.

Who say?

 

[Mythopoeika]

Who say?

[Darkly] 'They'.

 

[Vardoger]

Who say?

It's a general saying. Silence is consent, is perhaps more well known. Not that I agree with it.

 

[Bad Bungle]

Brilliant! Every single word is bollocks! Not untrue, just bollocks. You can't marry an object.
Or Maybe You Can In Kazakhstan! as the official Tourist Information slogan goes.*


*Also bollocks.

We have a thread: Objectophilia: loving/marrying inanimate objects (don't know how to map to it). Seems it's OK to marry a duvet cover or pillow just as long as it doesn't have 'holes' in it. What I found most creepy about the Kazakhstan reception were the smiles and cheers from the other wedding guests - I'm an intolerant prude, I wouldn't have gone if invited.

 

[gordonrutter]

We have a thread: Objectophilia: loving/marrying inanimate objects (don't know how to map to it). Seems it's OK to marry a duvet cover or pillow just as long as it doesn't have 'holes' in it. What I found most creepy about the Kazakhstan reception were the smiles and cheers from the other wedding guests - I'm an intolerant prude, I wouldn't have gone if invited.

https://forums.forteana.org/index.php?threads/objectophilia-loving-marrying-inanimate-objects.65326/

 

[Trevp666]

It's a general saying. Silence is consent, is perhaps more well known. Not that I agree with it.

<no comment>

 

[Kondoru]

Weddings get marketed so much these days some folk who are never going to experience it might feel left out.

We even have Reaffirmation of vows.

 

[Shady]

If they washed the duvet they married, and it comes out shredded, can they be done for murder, and what if the doll guy wants kids, is he gonna stick a baby doll up there or blow her up so it looks like she's pregnant then buy a doll after the nine months are up (can't see her having a caesarean).