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Spammers' Gate

Brother Jawed Iqbal brings us Islamic Spam!

Sneezing is an important part of our lives and its Sunan and manners have also been explained. However, majority of the Muslims these days, unfortunately, are unaware of this due to not being religiously educated. When they feel the need to sneeze, they just do it making loud noises and clean their nose afterwards. There is more to it than that. We should try to learn its Sunan and manners as well. Let’s learn a few of them today:

1. When you are about to sneeze, put your head down, cover your face and try to do it as quietly as possible. Sneezing loudly is a foolish act. Sayyiduna Ubada bin Samit, Shaddad bin Aus and Sayyiduna Wasila رَضِیَ اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَنْہُم report that the Holy Prophet صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ said: If one burps or sneezes, he should not do it loudly as Satan enjoys it when these are done loudly.

(Shu’ab -ul- Iman)


2. When you sneeze and say “الحمد للہ”, the angels will say “رب العٰلمین”. If you say “الحمد للہ رب العٰلمین”, the infallible angels will pray, “یرحمک اللہ” (May Allah have mercy on you!).

Sayyiduna Abdullah Ibn Abbas رَضِیَ اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَنْہُمَا narrates that the Beloved and Blessed Messenger صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَsaid: When someone sneezes and says, “الحمد للہ”, the angels say, “رب العٰلمین” and if he says, “الحمد للہ رب العٰلمین”, the angels say “یرحمک اللہ” i.e. May Almighty Allah have mercy on you!

(Tabrani Awsat)


3. It is a Sunnah to say “الحمد للہ” after sneezing. Saying “الحمد للہ رب العٰلمین” is more preferable. It is Wajib (compulsory) for the listener to instantly reply with “یرحمک اللہ” (May Allah have mercy on you!) and he must say it in a way that it can be heard by the sneezer.

4. Upon hearing the reply, the sneezer should say, “یغفر اللہ لنا ولکم” (May Allah grant forgiveness to you and me!) or he may say, “یھدیکم اللہ ویصلح بالکم” (May Allah guide you and reform you!) as well.

5. The sneezer should utter the words of Hamd “الحمد للہ” loudly so that someone hears it and replies to it. This way, they will both be able to earn the reward.


6. Replying to a sneeze is compulsory only once. If the person sneezes again and says “الحمد للہ”, replying to it again is not compulsory, but it is Mustahab (desirable). Sayyiduna Iyas bin Salamah رَضِیَ اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَنْہُمَا narrates from his father that:

عَطَسَ رَجُلٌ عِنْدَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَأَنَا شَاهِدٌ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ يَرْحَمُكَ اللَّهُ ‏"‏‏ ثُمَّ عَطَسَ الثَّانِيَةَ وَالثَّالِثَةَ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏هَذَا رَجُلٌ مَزْكُومٌ

“A man sneezed in the presence of the Messenger of Allah صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ while I was present, so the Messenger of Allah صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَsaid: یرحمک اللہ (May Allah have mercy on you!). Then he sneezed a second and third time. So the Messenger of Allahصَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ said: This man is suffering from a cold.”

(Jami Al-Tirmidhi)

7. Replying will be compulsory only in the case that the sneezer says “الحمدللہ”and if he does not pronounce Hamd, then replying is not compulsory. Sayyiduna Abu Musa رَضِیَ اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَنْہُ states that I heard the Holy Prophet صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ as saying:


إِذَا عَطَسَ أَحَدُكُمْ فَحَمِدَ اللَّهَ فَشَمِّتُوهُ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَحْمَدِ اللَّهَ فَلاَ تُشَمِّتُوهُ

“When one of you sneezes and says “الحمد للہ”, then say “یرحمک اللہ” to him and if he does not say “الحمد للہ” then do not say “یرحمک اللہ” either.”

(Sahih Muslim)

8. A man should reply loudly to the sneeze of an elderly woman whereas he should respond under his breath to the sneeze of a young woman. (However, it must be uttered in a way that he himself hears it.)


9. Reply still has to be made if the sneezer is behind a wall.

10. If a number of people are gathered and some of them replied to the sneeze, it will suffice the others but it is preferable that all of them reply.

11. If you sneeze during Salah, do not say “الحمد للہ”.

12. If you are offering Salah and someone sneezes, if you respond to it, your Salah will become invalid, as replying to the sneezer nullifies Salah.

13. If a non-believer sneezes and says “الحمد للہ”, the reply should be made in the following words: “یھدیک اللہ” (May Allah guide you to the right path!).

May Almighty Allah عزوجل enable us to follow and act upon the above-mentioned Sunan and manners of sneezing!
Must be fun living in the Middle-Ages.
 
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“A man sneezed in the presence of the Messenger of Allah صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ while I was present, so the Messenger of Allah صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَsaid: یرحمک اللہ (May Allah have mercy on you!). Then he sneezed a second and third time. So the Messenger of Allahصَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ said: This man is suffering from a cold.”

Mo was a really smart chap.
 
Mo was a really smart chap.
It's a good job he didn't go to my school ..

Pick it
Lick it
Roll it
Flick it

.. alternatively, we sang ..

We have joy, we have fun, flicking bogeys at the sun
But the sun is too hot so it changes into snot .... (to this tune)

 
“A man sneezed in the presence of the Messenger of Allah صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ while I was present, so the Messenger of Allah صَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَsaid: یرحمک اللہ (May Allah have mercy on you!). Then he sneezed a second and third time. So the Messenger of Allahصَلَّی اللہُ تَعَالٰی عَلَیْہِ وَاٰلِہٖ وَسَلَّمَ said: One's a wish, two's a kiss, three's a disappointment.”

 
"If one burps or sneezes, he should not do it loudly as Satan enjoys it when these are done loudly."

Satan's a riot!

 
For the last seventy-two hours we have been under attack by a stream of Vietnamese spammers with tediously similar names and addresses. Every morning I log on to find this in my sights:

XnhBTYim_400x400.jpg
vietnam.jpg
 
Women with taches?
 
Weirdness. Guess they came to the right place for that.
 
Weirdness. Guess they came to the right place for that.

Another two busted: that's fifteen accounts banned today and seven yesterday.

Only one more in the night--they must be flesh and blood.
 
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Another two busted: that's fifteen accounts banned today and seven yesterday.

Only one more in the night--they must be flesh and blood.

The Vietnamese have slowed to about two a day.

I'm not sure their hearts are in it any longer. At first they used western-sounding names in email addresses; the last one I deleted began [email protected].

It's like painting a target on your chest.
 
The Vietnamese have slowed to about two a day.

I'm not sure their hearts are in it any longer. At first they used western-sounding names in email addresses; the last one I deleted began [email protected].

It's like painting a target on your chest.


Freshly banned:

Account Name: Spamspam
Registration Address: [email protected]

Why the hell are they bothering?
 
Freshly banned:

Account Name: Spamspam
Registration Address: [email protected]

Why the hell are they bothering?
Maybe they just get paid to simply make the effort. You know, they're probably in some tiny sweatshop somewhere with no air and nothing to drink, and a bad-tempered boss is standing over them while they email the sh*t out. Boss counts the emails done, grunts and throws over a few coins.
 
Very astute of you. I thought it was a bit misplaced but quite genuine. What the hell was the point though? It was so vague.

Non-posting accounts are suspicious, so they often post once and return later to add hidden spam links to that post, a subsequent post, their profile or their 'signature' text.
 
Ada, a one-time member of our board, recently opined:

Sex toys can be a wonderful addition to the couples' bedroom, however too frequently, girls possess the vibrator foisted upon them as the panacea to their orgasmic woes. You know exactly what a fantastic alternative is? Getting your partner do some damn job and place in the time to learn about what you like in bed without email help. Once on a time, I believed I was far too trendy for sex toys too youthful and creative to need such props. Vibrators and handcuffs were to the orgasmically challenged or bored housewives attempting to "spice up things", that I (wrongly ) assumed. Inside my naivete, I thought it was lame to devote my hard-earned bucks on cheesy movie accessories when my spouse and I ought to be able to generate more than enough excitement. If you want to know more, you can [click on a spam link]. That's until I got an education. I had owned a vibrator for a long time -- a new, cutting-edge thing that seemed more like a leap drive than a sexccessory -- but I'd rarely used it. Other toys not intrigued me seem worth attempting, let alone purchasing -- until my boyfriend dragged me into one of those USA more famed online sex stores [@spamsite], stating he wished to try out something new.
___________________________________________________________________________

"Too frequently, girls possess the vibrator foisted upon them as the panacea to their orgasmic woes."

That's almost bot-poetry!

Having been banned, she now has more time to spend with her 'rarely-used' sexccessories.
 
Hindu Concrete Merchants sadly will not be plying their no doubt respectable trade on this board.

Turned away at the door.
 
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