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What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?

ramonmercado

ramonmercado

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Some silly pricks.

What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?​

BARRY PETCHESKY
10:23 AM EST on Jan 1, 2023

It takes stubbornness to get something stuck inside you, but all it takes is one moment of poor judgment, or a stroke of bad luck, to do something terrible to the bits that dangle. Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America in the last year.

All descriptions are taken verbatim from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits:

  • WAS MAKING COFFEE WHEN HIS FRENCH PRESS BROKE AND SPILLED COFFEE ON HIS PENIS
  • HIS HAIR BECAME WRAPPED AROUND PENIS
  • LEANED FORWARD SLIGHTLY WHILE LAYING IN BED, ACCIDENTALLY DISCHARGED HIS .45 CALIBER HANDGUN INTO THE BASE OF HIS PENIS
  • TRIED TO RIDE DOG, PENIS CONTUSION
  • TRIED TO CIRCUMCIZE HIMSELF WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS ...
https://defector.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-3/
 
catseye said:
Is anyone else looking at @gordonrutter 's avatar with the 'online now' symbol making it look like the yeti has done something interesting with its penis?
Click to expand...
! Yeti penises have little arms on the side to help, er, latch on? Also not circumcised.
The amazing things we learn on here everyday.

Oh wait. I think I see what you see. Clearly you are wrong about that and its only pareidolia. :)
 
pandacracker said:
  • WEDDING RING STUCK ON BASE OF PENIS
That's either a wedding ring for a very thick finger or...
Click to expand...
A former medical colleague saw his sort of thing when she was working in A & E, the ring slips on easily enough when the chap is floppy, but when he becomes excited the ring constricts various blood vessels and blood flows, in but can't flow out. Gentlemen becomes rather distressed as his tumescent equipment becomes painful and starts turning a funny colour. Apparently in that case the bloke had attempted to propose to his girlfriend in a somewhat idiosyncratic way.
 
Timble2 said:
A former medical colleague saw his sort of thing when she was working in A & E, the ring slips on easily enough when the chap is floppy, but when he becomes excited the ring constricts various blood vessels and blood flows, in but can't flow out. Gentlemen becomes rather distressed as his tumescent equipment becomes painful and starts turning a funny colour. Apparently in that case the bloke had attempted to propose to his girlfriend in a somewhat idiosyncratic way.
Click to expand...

Here's another quirky proposal from the Reddit AITA sub -

Well, after we finished watching a movie in bed my boyfriend started making moves and it was clear we were going to have sex. He said “Babe, would you mind pegging me?”

Granted, this is not something we do frequently but I said I was down. I asked him if he was going to clean himself/prep before we got started, and he said he already had. I thought this was odd since we were together all evening and I didn’t remember him leaving but I figured I just forgot.

Suddenly he gets on all fours and sticks is butt out, and I see a diamond poking out of his butthole like a tiny butt plug.

He asked me to marry him and he was dead serious.

I was absolutely disgusted and refused to pull the ring out. I asked him: what was I supposed to say when people asked about the proposal story? We got into a huge fight and now we aren’t really talking.

:rollingw:
 
escargot said:
Here's another quirky proposal from the Reddit AITA sub -

Well, after we finished watching a movie in bed my boyfriend started making moves and it was clear we were going to have sex. He said “Babe, would you mind pegging me?”

Granted, this is not something we do frequently but I said I was down. I asked him if he was going to clean himself/prep before we got started, and he said he already had. I thought this was odd since we were together all evening and I didn’t remember him leaving but I figured I just forgot.

Suddenly he gets on all fours and sticks is butt out, and I see a diamond poking out of his butthole like a tiny butt plug.

He asked me to marry him and he was dead serious.

I was absolutely disgusted and refused to pull the ring out. I asked him: what was I supposed to say when people asked about the proposal story? We got into a huge fight and now we aren’t really talking.

:rollingw:
Click to expand...

Some stories are just so effed-up that you instantly know they're true :hahazebs:
 
escargot said:
Read about half that shouty list and gave up. There really was no need to carry on, I got the picture.

Anyway, what's this 'we', White Man?
Click to expand...
There is no "we", just the careful and the careless!

Gents, a word of advice from Uncle @Dinobot, if you can't/won't take care of him downstairs, you shan't be allowed to own one....
 
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