Worst Movie EVER?

[Trevp666]

There are a lot of films that get broadcast on Sci-Fi channel that are almost always made within the past 3 years and always use the same actors, people you have never heard of except for always being in these types of films, and these films have promising titles that sound like something else (Wars of the World......Battle Star Wars......Invasion Los Alamos.....Independants day...etc), and they always have the same sort of 'out of a box' special effects, and are always filmed in a tight focus because the location being used is probably the back of some warehouse, or the edge of a quarry, or a stretch of beach with other people around.
These types of films (if I accidentally record one) get smoked out within the first couple of minutes.

 

[WanderingFox]

A classic! And it has the immortal line "Attention! Attention! Ladies and gentlemen, attention! There is a herd of killer rabbits headed this way and we desperately need your help!"

Yes, I’ve witnessed this movie. Notably, it has Dr. McCoy in it.
I don’t think it’s a terrible film, it’s just that all the other ‘nature getting big and attacking humans’ animals had already been done in previous B movies.

One to try and search out, then! Funnily enough, the thread I mentioned hearing about it on was on a Star Trek board, and talking about Trek actors appearing in unexpected places. DeForest "Dammit, Jim" Kelley taking on oversized homicidal rabbits is certainly pretty unexpected! And yeah, it does have a whiff of "but there's nothing else left that wouldn't be even more ridiculous".

There are a lot of films that get broadcast on Sci-Fi channel that are almost always made within the past 3 years and always use the same actors, people you have never heard of except for always being in these types of films, and these films have promising titles that sound like something else (Wars of the World......Battle Star Wars......Invasion Los Alamos.....Independants day...etc), and they always have the same sort of 'out of a box' special effects, and are always filmed in a tight focus because the location being used is probably the back of some warehouse, or the edge of a quarry, or a stretch of beach with other people around.
These types of films (if I accidentally record one) get smoked out within the first couple of minutes.

Those sound very much like Asylum mockbusters, basically cheap and stupid rip-offs of blockbusters that are usually already pretty stupid, eg Atlantic Rim ripping off Pacific Rim. Stupid squared, and only really good for laughing at. Loudly.

 

[Bigphoot2]

One to try and search out, then! Funnily enough, the thread I mentioned hearing about it on was on a Star Trek board, and talking about Trek actors appearing in unexpected places. DeForest "Dammit, Jim" Kelley taking on oversized homicidal rabbits is certainly pretty unexpected! And yeah, it does have a whiff of "but there's nothing else left that wouldn't be even more ridiculous".

The film has another Star Trek connection - the sheriff is played by Paul Fix who played the Enterprise's doctor in the pilot episode of Star Trek.

 

[Herr Cloaca]

Films have been going downhill a lot recently. Especially since they started doing them with sound.

 

[Analogue Boy]

Movies are generally inherently fucked now.

Probably filed under TLDW now.

 

[Mr. Banooka]

I have a problem with films, especially longer films, in that I don't really have much of an attention span, so I record films from the TV, then watch them in chunks of about 20 minutes or so.
So if I have recorded a film that I don't really have much knowledge of, but think that it should be good, I invoke my '20 minute rule', which basically means that if I watch up to the 20 minutes mark and I still don't really have much idea of what is going on, or the main characters haven't established themselves, or there isn't a compelling plot or story line of any sort, then there is very little chance of me continuing to watch it and it gets deleted.
Sometimes if I realise that a film is particularly turkeysome, then it's lucky if it makes it past the 10 minute mark!

My wife and I have a 5 minute rule.

We call it a “twishite”; Named after the wasted 5 minutes we spent watching the first Twilight before it got switched off.

 

[Analogue Boy]

My wife and I have a 5 minute rule.

We call it a “twishite”; Named after the wasted 5 minutes we spent watching the first Twilight before it got switched off.

Roger that. And now we have Batman vs Princess Di at the box office. What have we become?

 

[WanderingFox]

Discovered Night of the Lepus is on Plex. The trailer alone is spectacularly awful, straining at the seams to make the monsters as dark and scary and demonic as possible, while also straining not to give away the cutesy truth. Also, Deep-voiced Trailer Guy insists on pronouncing Lepus 'lee-pus', as if in a desperate attempt to make it sound more exotic.

Not gonna watch it yet, though. Feel like some MST3K, which leads me to a fun little coincidence. One of the episodes available on their official Youtube channel is, you guessed it...

Personally, I'm struggling to choose between such irresistible titles as Samson vs the Vampire Women, The Mole People, Kitten With a Whip, and The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy.

 

[Analogue Boy]

Have you seen Prometheus?

 

[WanderingFox]

Have you seen Prometheus?

If you're asking me, yes. It was memorably unmemorable. Pretty visuals, empty characters and vague ideas drifting listlessly in search of a plot. Not one of Sir Ridley's better efforts. Why?

Regarding MST3K, ended up going for the simply-titled Mitchell, and oh, sweet mercy. A wannabe funky 70s maverick tough guy action cop movie so relentlessly, jaw-droppingly, mind-numbingly dunderheaded it made Tom Servo scream, and I was tempted to join him.

Also tempted to drop more thoughts on MST3K'd movies I watch in this thread, if no-one objects.

 

[Ogdred Weary]

Roger that. And now we have Batman vs Princess Di at the box office. What have we become?

Wow, they really have exhausted his rogue's gallery.

 

[Ogdred Weary]

A lot of recent movies can lay claim to this.

Enormous budgets with full industry support and its still childish pablum.
That's far worse than say, a campy attention seeking Italian slasher made for buttons in the 70s or tax write off "once famous actor sitting in his living room reading directly from the script" style con job that saturated video stores in the 80s or guff such as the Room or Shark Exorcist which are barely even movies at all.

Take the 2016 Ghostbusters.

Enormous cost to film, ridiculous marketing budget and a director who sat and said improvise.
All those talented set artists, carpenters, editors etc and massive studio support and what was produced was so disgraceful Sony tried to cover it up by launching another expensive marketing campaign geared at inflaming controversy and seeking attention from the worst excesses of politicised internet culture.

Alien covenant is another example.
A bunch of barely conceived characters acting like total morons and a story that pays no attention to previous lore and literally makes no sense on any level.
Yes, it looked good but the money involved and what was produced is not compatible.

2016 Ghostbusters was relatively cheap for a blockbuster - 150million or so, most of that would have been blown on the CGI. It's not a good film by any means but it's not especially bad, just average. Improvising is Feig's thing, so they would have done that in the dialogue scenes, the action set pieces being more tightly scripted and also, some level of improv happens on most sets. I don't like the way the studio chose to market the film either but the film was already placed fully in "culture war" territory by the reactions of online trolls. I'm not trying to start a culture war discussion here, just stating that this film fell victim to it and that both "fans" and Sony were involved.

Covenant was cheaper again (100ish million, still an obscene amount of money in a world where people starve and die of preventable diseases) but the damage was arguably done by Prometheus which was stuck in an awkward halfway house between being it's own thing (which I'd have preferred) and being a prequel to Alien (which I really did not want.) Not seen Covenant and likely never will, I might see another Alien film but would prefer it if they'd just let the damn thing die but they won't because $$$$$$$$.

 

[ramonmercado]

Films have been going downhill a lot recently. Especially since they started doing them with sound.

I really miss those old silent musicals.

 

[Sabresonic]

2016 Ghostbusters was relatively cheap for a blockbuster - 150million or so, most of that would have been blown on the CGI. It's not a good film by any means but it's not especially bad, just average. Improvising is Feig's thing, so they would have done that in the dialogue scenes, the action set pieces being more tightly scripted and also, some level of improv happens on most sets. I don't like the way the studio chose to market the film either but the film was already placed fully in "culture war" territory by the reactions of online trolls. I'm not trying to start a culture war discussion here, just stating that this film fell victim to it and that both "fans" and Sony were involved.

Covenant was cheaper again (100ish million, still an obscene amount of money in a world where people starve and die of preventable diseases) but the damage was arguably done by Prometheus which was stuck in an awkward halfway house between being it's own thing (which I'd have preferred) and being a prequel to Alien (which I really did not want.) Not seen Covenant and likely never will, I might see another Alien film but would prefer it if they'd just let the damn thing die but they won't because $$$$$$$$.

I wish they dish out the money for better causes as seeing tripe like the Star Wars movies of the past 22 years and Fast and Furious 42 is beyond a joke give me Shougun Assassin and Billy Liar any day.

 

[Xanatic*]

Remember, you vote with your wallets.

 

[TangletwigsDeux]

I really miss those old silent musicals.

Just a bugger keeping up with the title cards.

 

[Sabresonic]

Remember, you vote with your wallets.

What happens when people don't vote with there wallets and yet the same rubbish gets turned out like the C movies made former Football Hooligans and B listers ?

 

[Analogue Boy]

If you're asking me, yes. It was memorably unmemorable. Pretty visuals, empty characters and vague ideas drifting listlessly in search of a plot. Not one of Sir Ridley's better efforts. Why?

For me, Prometheus is in my worst film ever list. It’s pretty near if not right at the top. It looks as good as you’d expect but the problems started when the pencil hit the fag packet and the script was started. It could be argued that the people who made those corny old B Movies were doing their very best despite low budgets and terrible effects and monsters.
Prometheus shouldn’t have had any problems at all. An eager fan base, a tantalising concept of the Space Jockey mystery, Ridley on board, state of the art effects with a literal ton of money available to make it. The best people would have been clambering over each other to be in on this franchise yet what came out was a lumbering plot hole mess. There were moments in that film where I was laughing out loud.

 

[SimonBurchell]

For me, Prometheus is in my worst film ever list. It’s pretty near if not right at the top. It looks as good as you’d expect but the problems started when the pencil hit the fag packet and the script was started. It could be argued that the people who made those corny old B Movies were doing their very best despite low budgets and terrible effects and monsters.
Prometheus shouldn’t have had any problems at all. An eager fan base, a tantalising concept of the Space Jockey mystery, Ridley on board, state of the art effects with a literal ton of money available to make it. The best people would have been clambering over each other to be in on this franchise yet what came out was a lumbering plot hole mess. There were moments in that film where I was laughing out loud.

It does make you wonder which university churned out exobiologists who didn't have "biohazard" in their vocabulary.

 

[Trevp666]

IIRC 'Prometheus' did not survive beyond my 10 minute threshold.
Also non-survivors were 'Bladerunner 2049' and 'Independence Day: Resurgence'.
Equally 'Event Horizon' was tossed into the rejects bin after only a few minutes.

 

[WanderingFox]

Certainly agree that modern blockbusters often deserve more derision than shlocky B-movies, because yes, the latter at least try, while the former...not so much. As well as Prometheus and the completely hollow and lifeless ID:R I'd submit Terminator Genisys as one of the absolute worst - as cynical and worthless a film as I've ever seen - as well as Jurassic World for believing mean-spirited self-indulgence and lazy misogynism were adequate substitutes for a plot.

Speaking of worthless, the second MST3K for me was The Touch of Satan. The title promises overblown Z-horror fun, but instead it's a limp, drawn-out, stiff and entirely unscary effort featuring a 'romance' very nearly as wooden as Padme and Anakin's. Only the riffing kept me awake.

Up next: Time of the Apes. Sounds like a Planet of the Apes knockoff, probably isn't.

 

[ramonmercado]

IIRC 'Prometheus' did not survive beyond my 10 minute threshold.
Also non-survivors were 'Bladerunner 2049' and 'Independence Day: Resurgence'.
Equally 'Event Horizon' was tossed into the rejects bin after only a few minutes.

Have to admit that I really liked all of them apart from Resurgence.

 

[GNC]

Kitten with a Whip doesn't need MST3K, it's a camp classic on its own. Ann-Margret at her best.

 

[Swifty]

Fateful Findings looks like a winner.

 

[SimonBurchell]

Fateful Findings looks like a winner.

Quality!

 

[Bigphoot2]

Fateful Findings looks like a winner.

I've seen items of furniture give better acting performances.

 

[Swifty]

I've seen items of furniture give better acting performances.

He's got two other DVD's out as well, he'll autograph them all at no extra charge.

 

[WanderingFox]

Time of the Apes was a Japanese sort-of spin on POTA with truly atrocious dubbing. King Dinosaur was notable only for trying to pass off real lizards as Big Scary Dinosaurs via ropey cross-cutting.

Village of the Giants, on the other hand, was an absolute cracker: giant cat, giant dog, giant ducks that literally shake their tail feathers at a dance party then get roasted on a giant spit, giant spider electrocuted via gymnastic swinging to break a ceiling cable and multi-coloured optical flashes, giant prop legs, giant prop bosom people kept hanging from, David vs Goliath complete with slightshot, all wrapped up in swinging 60s vibes. Pretty sure copious quantities of dubious chemicals were involved in the making of it. A hoot to watch.

Now I'm on to The Mole People, a black and white pseudo-serious - it started with a short lecture, for crying out loud - Verne wannabe, of which there seemed to be many.

 

[sherbetbizarre]

Fateful Findings looks like a winner.

Red Letter Media review all Neil Breen's movies!

 

[Ogdred Weary]

He's got two other DVD's out as well, he'll autograph them all at no extra charge.

I think he's done five or more "feature films" now. He is apparently insane but doesn't mind audiences laughing at his films, I'm not sure he understands why they are laughing though...

He's also done a filmaking course, so you too can make cinematic marvels:

Breen discussion starts 20 or so minutes in.