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Birds Aren't Real

People have missed the real issue here. If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry? What will Thanksgiving dinner be? Every turkey a government listening device we have been willingly eating since the Pilgrims.
 
AlchoPwn said:
People have missed the real issue here. If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry? What will Thanksgiving dinner be? Every turkey a government listening device we have been willingly eating since the Pilgrims.
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Some of us have long considered the Iroquois back story to be pretty suspicious. Just sayin'.
 
AlchoPwn said:
If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry?
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From the Obituary column of the Fowl Agency Gazette:

“Special Agent “Buck” Bacaw-ll selflessly gave his life for The Cause, and to make a delicious giblet gravy. May he roast in peace. His remains will lie briefly in state, between the honey-glazed parsnips and the buttery mash with bacon bits.”

maximus otter
 
AlchoPwn said:
People have missed the real issue here. If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry? What will Thanksgiving dinner be? Every turkey a government listening device we have been willingly eating since the Pilgrims.
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Those are actual dinosaurs, brought to our tables by the wonders of time travel. We killed the dinosaurs!
 
A funk & soul radio DJ I listen to has played a few tunes lately having to do with chickens (funky and otherwise). He commented after one of them that chickens are the tastiest of the dinosaurs.
 
Bears are real, but as comedian Robert Klein (I think) once observed, they're not at all like the goofy and loveable Yogi/Boo-Boo/Baloo/Pooh/Teddy Ruxpin characters we show to kids. If children approached bears expecting that, they wouldn't survive to adulthood.
 
ChasFink said:
Bears are...not at all like the goofy and loveable characters we show to kids. If children approached bears expecting that, they wouldn't survive to adulthood.
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Unfortunately, many do. Which is why l read a few years ago of US Park Rangers having to warn people not to try and place their infants onto bears’ backs for that adorable Facebook snap.

maximus otter
 
If birds aren't real, what have I been eating all this time that was described as chicken?

Eh?
 
"Lads! For God's sake, spread out. At least try to look natural - I think they're on to us".

Image065.jpg
 
Ascalon said:
If birds aren't real, what have I been eating all this time that was described as chicken?

Eh?
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The dinosaurs died out, remember?






...Or did they?
 
Mythopoeika; I hate to break it to you....

(Hang on,if Birds arent real, where does this leave me???)
 
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The historical experiments of stuffing poultry with fruit go back to a time where it was commonly believed that acids were necessary in the creation of batteries and therefore electricity. Many, having read Frankenstein, performed their own experiments to see whether birds could be reanimated with plums in the oven. This unsuccessful endeavour gives us the term ‘Plum Duff’. The traditional stuffing we use on turkeys at Christmas today is actually based on the scientific workings of Josiah Cooke who invented the sage and onion battery back in 1707, when he mixed sage, onion, chestnut, a lemon and a few herbs to cause a plucked chicken to dance about doing ‘A Hokeye Cokeye’ with entertaining nods and winks to the prospective diners. Even more impressive when you consider its head was in a bucket by the fire.
 
I’ve had a flare up of my Crohn’s disease over the last few days. Quite painful and being attached to the toilet has not been pleasant. I have tossed and turned all night wondering whether I should go pheasant shooting this morning and considering the amount of medication I might need to ensure I can last the day in the field without a mishap.
Now I understand that not only will I need to remove any lead shot from the birds, I May also need to extract a PP3 from the birds arse. I’ve had enough of arses, especially my own recently, so I may give the day a miss.
 
Analogue Boy said:
The historical experiments of stuffing poultry with fruit go back to a time where it was commonly believed that acids were necessary in the creation of batteries and therefore electricity. Many, having read Frankenstein, performed their own experiments to see whether birds could be reanimated with plums in the oven. This unsuccessful endeavour gives us the term ‘Plum Duff’. The traditional stuffing we use on turkeys at Christmas today is actually based on the scientific workings of Josiah Cooke who invented the sage and onion battery back in 1707, when he mixed sage, onion, chestnut, a lemon and a few herbs to cause a plucked chicken to dance about doing ‘A Hokeye Cokeye’ with entertaining nods and winks to the prospective diners. Even more impressive when you consider its head was in a bucket by the fire.
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snigger
 
This Guardian article provides a summary history of the Birds Aren't Real "movement" and includes an in-depth interview with the young man who started and (more or less) leads it.
‘The lunacy is getting more intense’: how Birds Aren’t Real took on the conspiracy theorists

... On a march, Peter McIndoe held up a sign and talked about how the ‘deep state’ had replaced all birds with drones. It was meant as a small act of satire but has become a mass movement ...
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FULL STORY: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news...s-arent-real-took-on-the-conspiracy-theorists
 
I think it's fascinating. Along the lines of the 'start a rumour and see how long it takes to get back to you' - a kind of experiment to see how many people can be convinced. It probably makes those who started the movement despair of the intellect of humanity.

JamesWhitehead said:
A few years back, I was supervising a Library session, when a girl, wide-eyed at a nature book, turned to ask me, "Are bears real?"

I'm sure some kids today inhabit such an simulated world that bears and dragons seem equally likely/unlikely. :oops:
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My youngest daughter, for some reason, was TERRIFIED of foxes when she was small. We hear them a lot at night round here, and you can smell where they've been. When we were out walking and we'd say, 'oh, a fox has been through here', she'd burst into tears.

It subsequently turned out that she'd been getting foxes and wolves mixed up. When she saw her first, actual, real live fox in the wild, she said 'is that it?' She really believed they were much, much bigger...
 
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