Birds Aren't Real

AlchoPwn

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People have missed the real issue here. If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry? What will Thanksgiving dinner be? Every turkey a government listening device we have been willingly eating since the Pilgrims.
 

Austin Popper

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People have missed the real issue here. If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry? What will Thanksgiving dinner be? Every turkey a government listening device we have been willingly eating since the Pilgrims.
Some of us have long considered the Iroquois back story to be pretty suspicious. Just sayin'.
 

maximus otter

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If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry?
From the Obituary column of the Fowl Agency Gazette:

“Special Agent “Buck” Bacaw-ll selflessly gave his life for The Cause, and to make a delicious giblet gravy. May he roast in peace. His remains will lie briefly in state, between the honey-glazed parsnips and the buttery mash with bacon bits.”

maximus otter
 

Mythopoeika

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People have missed the real issue here. If birds aren't real, what are we eating when we order poultry? What will Thanksgiving dinner be? Every turkey a government listening device we have been willingly eating since the Pilgrims.
Those are actual dinosaurs, brought to our tables by the wonders of time travel. We killed the dinosaurs!
 

ChasFink

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A funk & soul radio DJ I listen to has played a few tunes lately having to do with chickens (funky and otherwise). He commented after one of them that chickens are the tastiest of the dinosaurs.
 

JamesWhitehead

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A few years back, I was supervising a Library session, when a girl, wide-eyed at a nature book, turned to ask me, "Are bears real?"

I'm sure some kids today inhabit such an simulated world that bears and dragons seem equally likely/unlikely. :oops:
 

ChasFink

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Bears are real, but as comedian Robert Klein (I think) once observed, they're not at all like the goofy and loveable Yogi/Boo-Boo/Baloo/Pooh/Teddy Ruxpin characters we show to kids. If children approached bears expecting that, they wouldn't survive to adulthood.
 

maximus otter

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Bears are...not at all like the goofy and loveable characters we show to kids. If children approached bears expecting that, they wouldn't survive to adulthood.
Unfortunately, many do. Which is why l read a few years ago of US Park Rangers having to warn people not to try and place their infants onto bears’ backs for that adorable Facebook snap.

maximus otter
 

Ascalon

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If birds aren't real, what have I been eating all this time that was described as chicken?

Eh?
 

Mythopoeika

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If birds aren't real, what have I been eating all this time that was described as chicken?

Eh?
The dinosaurs died out, remember?






...Or did they?
 

RaM

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That’s why we are being told to go into lockdown,
So they can change all the batteries in the birds.
 

Analogue Boy

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This is why they remove the bird arse before you buy your prepared bird.
A Turkey’s arse perfectly accommodates 2 PP3 batteries and has the connectors for it but they’re removed with the giblets.
1604098811087.jpeg
 
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Kondoru

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Mythopoeika; I hate to break it to you....

(Hang on,if Birds arent real, where does this leave me???)
 
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Analogue Boy

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The historical experiments of stuffing poultry with fruit go back to a time where it was commonly believed that acids were necessary in the creation of batteries and therefore electricity. Many, having read Frankenstein, performed their own experiments to see whether birds could be reanimated with plums in the oven. This unsuccessful endeavour gives us the term ‘Plum Duff’. The traditional stuffing we use on turkeys at Christmas today is actually based on the scientific workings of Josiah Cooke who invented the sage and onion battery back in 1707, when he mixed sage, onion, chestnut, a lemon and a few herbs to cause a plucked chicken to dance about doing ‘A Hokeye Cokeye’ with entertaining nods and winks to the prospective diners. Even more impressive when you consider its head was in a bucket by the fire.
 

Tempest63

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I’ve had a flare up of my Crohn’s disease over the last few days. Quite painful and being attached to the toilet has not been pleasant. I have tossed and turned all night wondering whether I should go pheasant shooting this morning and considering the amount of medication I might need to ensure I can last the day in the field without a mishap.
Now I understand that not only will I need to remove any lead shot from the birds, I May also need to extract a PP3 from the birds arse. I’ve had enough of arses, especially my own recently, so I may give the day a miss.
 

Naughty_Felid

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The historical experiments of stuffing poultry with fruit go back to a time where it was commonly believed that acids were necessary in the creation of batteries and therefore electricity. Many, having read Frankenstein, performed their own experiments to see whether birds could be reanimated with plums in the oven. This unsuccessful endeavour gives us the term ‘Plum Duff’. The traditional stuffing we use on turkeys at Christmas today is actually based on the scientific workings of Josiah Cooke who invented the sage and onion battery back in 1707, when he mixed sage, onion, chestnut, a lemon and a few herbs to cause a plucked chicken to dance about doing ‘A Hokeye Cokeye’ with entertaining nods and winks to the prospective diners. Even more impressive when you consider its head was in a bucket by the fire.
snigger
 

Kondoru

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That actualy seems to make sense
 
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