It's starting to get to the stage where I think I need new contact lenses. Today I read on the BBC website that "Children are being tested for BSE". I thought that would explain a lot until I re-read it and realised it said "Chickens are being tested for BSE..."
What can I say? I'm half-deaf and half-blind, I'm incredibly good at misreading/hearing things...
Real sign: "Be Our Guest" (on a chair at the local Bunnings"
I read it as: "Beer Our Guest"
Same week, Real quote: "I'm a bitch", "No, you're a skank"
I hear as "I'm a beer", "No, you're a keg"
Real quote: "I'm going out the front"
I hear something about "a grinch made of fruit"
Real quote: "I don't know what I want"
I hear: "No one's going to get any blob"
Admittedly my sister did have a HUGE wad of bubblegum in her mouth when she said that last one so surely I can be excused for mishearing it?
For years I thought that the highly-complimentary phrase "Your money's no good here" (meaning "You're such a good friend of ours/this establishment that we wouldn't dream of charging you") as a deadly insult. Get out of here and never come back and take your filthy money with you.
When I heard my then-roommate say "Put the turnips in the toaster," I realized that it was past time to get my hearing checked. Yup, now I have the hearing aids I needed all my life. (When I was little, I assumed that everyone knew what teachers were assigning by some sort of magic.)
The funniest sign I ever saw was a billboard which featured photographs of FOUR men, obviously brothers, one at each corner.
The sign advertized The THREE Brothers Polish Restaurant.
What had happened is that the three oldest brothers emigrated to the United States from Poland and after the restaurant they established here became successful they sent back to the Old Counrtry for their younger brother.
Fro, you don't know how long I sat here trying to work out what it really said. You're not the only one.
Surely they would have thought of that when they made the sign.
Or are they THAT kind of movie place?
There´s a news story on the frontpage about how a dog did the heimlich maneuver on it´s owner to save her from choking. It seems it actually was jumping up and down on her chest. But at first I thought it would be someone trying to explain in court what they were doing in the nude with the family dog when they got caught.
The front page of yesterday's (Monday's) CINCINNATI ENQUIRER contained the newsbreak that MRSA, the multiply-drug-resistant staph infection that is currently playing merry, fast and loose in Mid-Western and South-Eastern US schools, causes the body's defensive SELLS to explode.
Lately have passed by signs saying, in large letters, NO FOOD STOPS CHOLESTEROL as I drove past. I thought, how stupid, of course if you had no food you get no cholesterol
Later on I mentioned it to my daughter who said it was advertising a special margarine and there was smaller print at the bottom. "Time for new glasses Mummy".