Misinterpreted Headlines

[Anonymous]

Just read the title of ethelred's thread on the origins of chess as Origins of cheese?. The worst thing is that I've read it correctly before, so I should know better...

 

[Anonymous]

Earlier I heard a rumour that Tariq Ali had defected. I walked around for 10 minutes, or so, not understanding.

It was, of course, Tariq Aziz.

Iraq denies this.

 

[Anonymous]

Misread

It's starting to get to the stage where I think I need new contact lenses. Today I read on the BBC website that "Children are being tested for BSE". I thought that would explain a lot until I re-read it and realised it said "Chickens are being tested for BSE..."

What can I say? I'm half-deaf and half-blind, I'm incredibly good at misreading/hearing things...

 

[Timble2]

For the past three days I've been misreading the 'Origin of Chess' thread as 'The Origin of Cheese'

I now seem to be locked onto this.

 

[rynner2]

Just read the title of ethelred's thread on the origins of chess as Origins of cheese?.

The one that always gets me is Magnolia, anyone?...! :eek!!!!:

 

[Timble2]

Sorry, rynner, missed Sally's post.

Sychronicity, the collective unconscious...just trying to skim the board too fast.

Magnolia often gets me as well.

 

[DerekH16]

I used to be really bad at misreading things, until I got a job that included electronic typesetting, and, usually, proofreading what I'd set before sending samples to the client.

Makes you pay attention, that does.

(But I still get shoplifter/fitter wrong, usually on the side of white vans )

 

[butterfly27]

I can't find the damn thing now, but for ages I kept reading a thread title as "Muleslide reveals mystery objects".

 

[avondrow]

I read a war-related headline the other day, about the US/Uk preparations to prosecute Iraqi 'War Criminals' or something - I could have sworn it said 'Bush to send Lawn makers to Gulf'.

conjours up quite a nice image, actually - Alan Titmarch and Charlie Dimmock parachuting into Basra!

 

[Anonymous]

Presumably they'd knock up a nice little water feature while they were there, and some decking...

 

[Anonymous]

I eagerly clicked on this link:

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_765031.html?menu=news.quirkies

Hoping it was a story of how Nicole Kidman left a skid mark at the Baftas. No such luck.

 

[rynner2]

I just saw this headline in the online Falmouth Packet -

"Scouts master trail"

- and I thought, 'Oh, another perv brought to justice, then'.

But then I reread it - Doh!

 

[OldTimeRadio]

Laxative

There was a recent American televsion commercial for a fiber laxative in which the following dialogue transpires:

"Grandpa, why do you stir your fiber drink?"

"So it won't turn thick and gritty." (Gramps, you see, uses Brand X.)

But for MONTHS I heard this scintillating exchange as:

"Grandpa, why do you take that stuff?"

"So I won't turn sick and green."

 

[rynner2]

Parting was news to me, says Cameron's wife

I didn't know they'd split up either! :shock:

http://tinyurl.com/266b8n

Oh, that parting...

 

[LaurenChurchill]

Ahem:
Real sign: "Be Our Guest" (on a chair at the local Bunnings"
I read it as: "Beer Our Guest"

Same week, Real quote: "I'm a bitch", "No, you're a skank"
I hear as "I'm a beer", "No, you're a keg"

Real quote: "I'm going out the front"
I hear something about "a grinch made of fruit"

Real quote: "I don't know what I want"
I hear: "No one's going to get any blob"
Admittedly my sister did have a HUGE wad of bubblegum in her mouth when she said that last one so surely I can be excused for mishearing it?

 

[OldTimeRadio]

For years I thought that the highly-complimentary phrase "Your money's no good here" (meaning "You're such a good friend of ours/this establishment that we wouldn't dream of charging you") as a deadly insult. Get out of here and never come back and take your filthy money with you.

 

[Anonymous]

Whenever I see a van with "Shop Fitters" on the side (usually outside a shop) I always read it as "Shop Lifters".

Oh and...

 

[ElishevaBarsabe]

Same week, Real quote: "I'm a bitch", "No, you're a skank"
I hear as "I'm a beer", "No, you're a keg"

Real quote: "I'm going out the front"
I hear something about "a grinch made of fruit"

Real quote: "I don't know what I want"
I hear: "No one's going to get any blob"

When I heard my then-roommate say "Put the turnips in the toaster," I realized that it was past time to get my hearing checked. Yup, now I have the hearing aids I needed all my life. (When I was little, I assumed that everyone knew what teachers were assigning by some sort of magic.)

Get your hearing checked if you can.

 

[OldTimeRadio]

The funniest sign I ever saw was a billboard which featured photographs of FOUR men, obviously brothers, one at each corner.

The sign advertized The THREE Brothers Polish Restaurant.

What had happened is that the three oldest brothers emigrated to the United States from Poland and after the restaurant they established here became successful they sent back to the Old Counrtry for their younger brother.

 

[LaurenChurchill]

Fro, you don't know how long I sat here trying to work out what it really said. You're not the only one.
Surely they would have thought of that when they made the sign.
Or are they THAT kind of movie place?

 

[OldTimeRadio]

There's a thread on "Fortean News" entitled "Bum Magnet Causes Security Scare."

I originally read "bum magnet" as a person to whom panhandlers seem to naturally gravitate.

Probably because "bum" for buttocks/butt/rear end/behind/hindquarters/McKeister tends to be much more British than American.

 

[Xanatico]

There´s a news story on the frontpage about how a dog did the heimlich maneuver on it´s owner to save her from choking. It seems it actually was jumping up and down on her chest. But at first I thought it would be someone trying to explain in court what they were doing in the nude with the family dog when they got caught.

 

[LaurenChurchill]

I thought the same thing about the bum-magnet, Old-Time-Radio.
As for the heimlich manouvre thing, Xan, I think that's a sign of a guilty mind. :lol:

 

[OldTimeRadio]

Just this evening I misread "tourist" as "Turkish."

 

[LaurenChurchill]

Ok. New one for the day.

There's a headline on the breaking news page entitled "Scientists make sperm made from human bone marrow"

I clicked on it ridiculously fast, only to discover it didn't ACTUALLY say
"Scientists create sperm whale from human bone marrow" as I had thought.

Would've been more interesting, I reckon

 

[OldTimeRadio]

There's a headline on the breaking news page entitled "Scientists make sperm made from human bone marrow"

I clicked on it ridiculously fast, only to discover it didn't ACTUALLY say
"Scientists create sperm whale from human bone marrow" as I had thought.

According to a local television news reporter, female, the "real" headline above means that "Men are now ABSOLUTELY unneccessary."

 

[LaurenChurchill]

Well, not completely. Getting married saved me having to buy one of those jar-opening gadgets

 

[rynner2]

Rich West 'must set example' to Asia over climate

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/asi ... 152352.ece

Who is this Rich West, I thought - probably some other soap actor I've never heard of...

 

[OldTimeRadio]

Selling Cells Sells by the Ohio Shore

The front page of yesterday's (Monday's) CINCINNATI ENQUIRER contained the newsbreak that MRSA, the multiply-drug-resistant staph infection that is currently playing merry, fast and loose in Mid-Western and South-Eastern US schools, causes the body's defensive SELLS to explode.

Selling cells sells by the Ohio shore.

 

[Iris]

Lately have passed by signs saying, in large letters, NO FOOD STOPS CHOLESTEROL as I drove past. I thought, how stupid, of course if you had no food you get no cholesterol
Later on I mentioned it to my daughter who said it was advertising a special margarine and there was smaller print at the bottom. "Time for new glasses Mummy".