Peanut butter... handcuffs... I don't know, I disappear from here for a few weeks... *shakes head*
Anyway. As soon as I received my hospital appointment for this morning I promised myself that I'd post on here with an update, whatever the outcome. So here I am.
First of all; I'm absolutely and utterly astounded by all the well-wishes I've received, I honestly hand-on-heart was floored when I read them all. Guess I've made an impression in the short while I've been posting on here. Thank you so much - you are all wonderful people and I am proud to call you my online friends.
Well onto business. The last four weeks have honestly been the worst of my life (and they haven't been brilliant for Mr Zebs either). There's been a lot of crying, a lot of fears for the future / unsure will I even
have a future. I can definitely say that Alison Moyet no longer holds the "All Cried Out" status.
This morning was "CT Scan Results Day". Me and Mr Zebra walked (well technically he walked, I wheelchaired) into the hospital in a haze of utter terror, him trying to stay positive and me utterly convinced I was going to be told I was going to die. Didn't help that we were going into the same room, to meet the same consultant and nurse, as last time. (Having Anxiety sucks).
But my dear FT friends, it is in the words of the nurse today, "good news so far". Turns out the cyst or growth they thought was somewhere
bad is actually not where they thought it was but somewhere a bit less worrisome. The blood tests they did were for various
tumour markers and they have come back, to use the consultant's speak, as "no significant abnormalities found". Which is good news, again. And apparently the CT scan hasn't shown up any signs of anything spreading.
So the next step is to be handed over to
The Surgeons, apparently. Which is quite an abstract concept, because I was sure my consultant is a Surgeon too, but he says this is no longer in his field of expertise.
Bad news is I will need an operation to remove it, so next step will be getting an appointment to see one of these mysterious
Surgeons of which the consultant spoke, presumably to discuss the operation. Never had an op before, bit scared but not as scared as I've been since I was last here.
So... yeah. That's about it. Hopefully this wasn't too long but you probably know by now that I like to explain things thoroughly.
In terms of posting on here, I can't promise owt for certain as my head is still all over the place. (Funny thing about anxiety, it builds up in you so much that even when the danger is past, the anxiety doesn't just go away immediately).
As I stated in my last post, I know some of you are going through your own troubles and just cos I haven't been here doesn't mean to say I haven't been thinking of you. Cos I have been. I do hope all is going well for you.
Special thanks to all of you who sent well wishes; I was going to type out your names but there's so damn many of you that it would make this post even more hideously longer than it already is. So you know who you are, and this song is for you: