Odd & Ill-Advised Rectal Insertions

[Spookdaddy]

Terrorist hid explosives in his bottom
Suicide bomber Abdullah Hassan Tali al-Asiri...

Shouldn't that be (...No, someone, please stop me, I'm getting the voices again, please...arrrgghhhhh, too late...) suicide bummer Abdullah Assan Tailbone al-Arseri?

 

[Spookdaddy]

Maybe there was some confusion between blowing yourself up and blowing up yourself, and what the latter action might entail. Mind you I saw a woman in Hamburg who could blow up hersel....erm...no, never mind.

 

[Ginando]

Maybe there was some confusion between blowing yourself up and blowing up yourself, and what the latter action might entail. Mind you I saw a woman in Hamburg who could blow up hersel....erm...no, never mind.

Funnily enough I met a woman in premises on the Reeperbhan in Hamburg and she offered to blow me.....oh wait thats something else as well

 

[WhistlingJack]

That had to be a shit way to go :shock:

Did wonders for his constipation, though.

 

[Yithian]

That had to be a shit way to go :shock:

Personally, I'd rather bowel-out gracefully...

He must have had strong pants; otherwise he would have rectum.

Has it been confirmed that he was indeed the ring-leader?

 

[WhistlingJack]

I think he was, yes. Initially, he had doubts about the plan, but ultimately decided to follow-through with it.

 

[Spookdaddy]

To be honest I think they are covering up the very basic fact that this is what happens when you combine a very competitive individual with a farting competition.

 

[Yithian]

Prince Nayef, who had led an anti-terror crackdown in Saudi Arabia, injured his hand.

Actually, I've heard rumours that he, too, was a terrorist on a similar mission.

His hand injury was the unplanned result of a last-minute reassessment in the old arse/elbow conundrum.

His partner in crime wasn't much of a professional anyway; as soon as the bomb went off he was literally all over the place.

 

[Spookdaddy]

Oh God, I've just noticed the word crackdown. Someone, please, stop us. Stop us before it's too late. Where will it end. END!!! Argghhh! See, it's hopeless. Run. Run for your lives.

 

[Yithian]

The location of the hidden bomb was reported by Al-Arabiya TV news network, based in Dubai, and fanatics confirmed the method during online discussions.

Where these suspicions confirmed by religious fanatics or arse-fanatics?

The text isn't clear...

 

[Xanatic_]

I´m sure there must be a clause in the Quran that if your martyrdom involves shoving something up your ass, you don´t get into heaven.

 

[OneWingedBird]

The 76 virgins will be roflmao so bad he'll die a 2nd time of embarassment.

Remember, alway sphincter martyr yourself in a dignified way!

 

[locussolus]

"Chef dies after feeling an eel"

Uh, I don't know how reputable this news source is, but ????!!!!!!

A CHEF has died after an EEL was put up his bum.
Shocked doctors in Sichuan, China, found the sea creature in the 59-year-old man's rectum after his death, it has been reported.

The 50cm long Asian swamp eel was allegedly inserted into the unnamed man's bottom, after he passed out drunk, by pals playing a prank on him.

Medics said the eel had devoured his bowels.

And what's with the supposed portrait of the eel in question?

I wonder if this is scientifically possible.



http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2954500/Chef-dies-after-feeling-eel.html?OTC-RSS

 

[mrpoultice]

Arrest resisting naked burglar, has a bottom suprise!

Mouse-infested naked man tased, arrested for burglary, assault
Posted: Nov 08, 2010 9:23 PM
Updated: Nov 9, 2010 12:03 PM

Authorities responded to Bernwood Circle near the town of Seneca late Monday morning after a resident complained of a burglar. When deputies arrived, they found Noah Smith, 24, lying face down and naked inside the doorway of the victim's home, the report stated.

When the deputy tried to make contact with Smith, he slapped the deputy. In return, the deputy deployed his taser, which had no effect on Smith, the report stated.

With reinforcements, deputies approached Smith again in the victim's bedroom. A deputy managed to handcuff Smith before he jumped off the victim's bed and tried to kick other deputies in the room, the report stated.

Then, according to the report, Smith was pepper sprayed. Undeterred, Smith continued to kick at the officers and otherwise evade capture. He was struck with a police baton several times, and Smith attempted to bite the deputy.

Smith's head and mouth were covered with a blanket to prevent him from biting. He was wrestled down so shackles could be placed on his legs and his arms were hog-tied, the report stated. An EMS crew responded and provided a stretcher to which Smith was also tied.

Deputies and officers from the Seneca Police Department opined that Smith might have been high on mushrooms, and identified equipment that could be used to get high in the victim's home.

During a medical exam at a nearby hospital, medical personnel found a mouse tail hanging from Smith's rectum. An X-ray revealed a mouse lodged inside Smith.

He told emergency room personnel that he could not remember what had happened to him.

After the medical exam, he was charged with resisting arrest, 1st and 3rd degree assault a battery charges, and indecent exposure. Smith was transported to the Oconee County Detention Center.

Copyright 2010 WCSC. All rights reserved.

Source Live5 News

Mr P

 

[rynner2]

Another improbable one:

Electrician 'inflated' by pressurised air which 'shot up his bottom' in bizarre factory accident
An electrician nearly died in a horrific and bizarre work accident when he was 'inflated' by a pressurised air line which went up his bottom.
10:08AM BST 24 Aug 2011

Dad-of-one Gareth Durrant, 26, was wiring a caravan at the factory where he worked when the large pipe - carrying compressed air at around 300lbs per square inch - shot up his back passage.

He was rushed to hospital where scans revealed a six-inch tear in his bowel and severe damage to his intestines. He then faced hours of emergency surgery to save his life while wife Sarah, 25, waited anxiously with their toddler son Daniel, three.

The op repaired the tear and also involved performing an ileostomy leaving him with a stoma bag to collect bodily waste - and the 'inflation' meant some of his clothes no longer fitted him.

He was unable to eat properly as he was vomiting food and now suffers agonising stomach pains and cramps as well as depression, anxiety and panic attacks.

He has also not been able to work since causing huge financial strain on his young family. Wife Sarah, who is currently eight months pregnant, can now only work part-time because she has to look after her husband and their three-year-old son.

Gareth is pursuing a civil claim against his employer and a court will decide whether they were responsible during a two-day hearing starting on Thursday. If they are found liable he will be able to claim compensation.

Gareth told how he was working at Willerby Holiday Homes in Hull, East Yorks., which makes static caravans, when the incident occurred. He was aware that the air line - one of many which hang from the ceiling and are used to power tools on the production line at the factory - was being used behind him and got on with work until suddenly he felt an explosion of air for a few brief agonising seconds.

He said: "I was reaching up to finish the wiring on a caravan at the factory. I knew this air hose was being used close behind me but I just carried on the job as normal.

"The next thing I knew I felt this strong air being blown on my legs from behind, and then something went up my rectum through the shorts I was wearing.

"It felt like I had been blown up, it was the biggest shock of my life. There was air fizzing around inside my back passage and stomach, it was so weird.

"At that time I didn't feel much pain, but the doctors later explained that was the adrenaline of the moment. Then it kicked in and I just can't put in to words how painful it was. I lay down, they rang for an ambulance and I was taken to hospital."

Gareth was fully conscious during his unimaginable ordeal on July 13 last year. The next day he had emergency surgery and spent a week in hospital before being allowed home.

[...]

The Health and Safety Executive are still investigating the incident.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... ident.html

But a later story claims:

Electrician 'inflated by air hose' was victim of prank
An electrician who suffered serious internal injuries after a compressed air hose went up his backside was the victim of a ''dangerous and foolish'' prank, a court heard yesterday.
2:49PM BST 25 Aug 2011

Gareth Durrant, 26, was working in a factory making static caravans when the air hose, carrying 300lbs per square inch, was allegedly blasted up his shorts and into his anus by a colleague.
Mr Durrant underwent emergency surgery and more than a year after the accident he is still suffering from the long-term effects of his injuries and the trauma.
He has been unable to work and a civil claim for compensation began today at Hull County Court.

Mr Durrant was working at Willerby Holiday Homes in Hull when the incident occurred in July last year.
He told the court: ''I did not expect what I got that day and I did not deserve what I got that day.''

The court was told he was wiring a caravan and was working off the ground with two colleagues below him.
He said: ''I was just concentrating on doing my job and I just felt an absolute gush of wind blow through my anus.''

The court was told Daniel Robinson was holding the pressurised air hose - which hang from the ceiling and are used to connect to power tools on the production line - when Mr Durrant turned to him and told him not to pass it to colleague Adam Herring.
Mr Durrant, from Hull, added: ''I said to Daniel Robinson don't pass it to him (Adam Herring).
Asked why, he replied: ''He's a bit of a prankster. He's done a lot of pranks before, but nothing so serious.''

Michael Jones, who is representing Willerby Holiday Homes, said the injuries were caused by the ''foolish act of Mr Herring acting outside the course of his employment.''

Mr Jones asked Mr Durrant: ''Mr Herring's actions must have been deliberate, not that he set out to inflict serious injury on you, but in bringing the hose to your bottom, anus area, he must have being doing that deliberately to play a prank?
''Yes,'' Mr Durrant replied.

He was asked if he thought the actions of Mr Herring were ''extremely dangerous and foolish''.
''Looking back, yes'', Mr Durrant replied.

Mr Jones put it to him that there had been an ''air of joking going on'' in the moments before the prank took place.
''Yes,'' Mr Durrant replied.

etc...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/ ... prank.html

 

[ramonmercado]

A similar "prank" took place in Ireland a few years ago. The victim was permanently disabled.

 

[Heckler]

Wow that's a bit of a blow.

 

[Mal_Adjusted]

Inmate Found With 3 Cellular Phones In His Rectum
Posted on July 20, 2011 by Brian

Inmates of the La Reforma prison in Alajuela, Costa Rica have been the subject of frequent checks by prison officials following the failed prison break of May 11 and a report indicating major problems in the prison, mainly of the smuggling of contraband like cellular phones and drugs.

Every Sunday prison officials review some 4.000 visitors, some attempting to smuggle contraband into the prison.

Last Sunday a pregnant woman, as well as two other women, were discovered trying to smuggle cocaine into the prison, hidden in capsules in their vagina.

During a search of Cell Block “C”, prison officials discovered one inmate with three – yes, three – cellular phones hidden in his rectum.

In total, prison officials confiscated 136 sharp weapons, 15 cellular telephones (including an iPhone), 65 hits of crack, 250 grams of marijuana and 65 litres of “chicha” (a homemade prison brew).

According to the Ministerio de Justicia, so far this year prison officials have confiscated 560 cellular phones, many are used to commit fraud on the outside.

In the May 11 failed prison break, inmates were able to use cell phones to connect to the outside world in planning their getaway once outside the prison walls. Officials found van parked near the prison with cash and arms that was to be used by the escapees.

http://www.insidecostarica.com/dailynew ... 072007.htm

 

[petrosio]

During a search of Cell Block “C”, prison officials discovered one inmate with three – yes, three – cellular phones hidden in his rectum.

I bet they got a crap signal.

 

[OneWingedBird]

Came upon this quite by accident an am still roflmfao and wtf at the description:

An Alka-Seltzer enema is an interesting twist on an already unique experience. First break two Alka-Seltzer tablets into two pieces, and then insert each piece into the rectum. Next use 1-quart warm water, and simply wait. The best way I can explain this is a feeling as if your intestines are bubbling to death.

:shock:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 305AA7zAMX

 

[OneWingedBird]

A 10-year-old child labourer died after his adult colleagues pushed an air compressor line into his rectum, it has been reported.

Sagar Barman, a child worker at a textile factory in Rupganj, Bangladesh, was rushed to hospital by his own father after the sickening assault.

Ratan barman, who also worked at the factory, was told that someone was attacking his son and ran to find the boy with a bloated stomach.

A doctor at Dhaka Medical College Hospital said the child may have died because of air inserted through the rectum.

Dr Firoz Ahmed told the Dhaka Tribune : "We will be able to give you details after the autopsy. The body has been sent to the morgue."

Mirror

 

[JamesWhitehead]

There was some discussion of air-compressor "pranks" some years ago but I can't find the thread on the board or among my stash of saved pages and bookmarks. In the most horrible case, a boy's intestines were blown out of his belly, giving rise to the priceless comment that it was a sight the perpetrators would have to live with for the rest of their lives.

In most of the reported cases, death or injury has arisen from braindead "horseplay" by young workers. The Indian cases in the Mirror article seem to have been cold-blooded torture and murder. RIP.

 

[OneWingedBird]

Yeah, I've never heard of it happening and the person not being seriously harmed at best.

Maybe they thought the lack of obvious external injury would make it less likely to be detected as murder? Like an Edward II type scenario?

 

[escargot]

The perps probably thought it'd be a funny prank. In a situation where children of 10 being employed alongside adults there's probably not a lot of brain power to hand.

 

[OneWingedBird]

There's another instance mentioned on the link where murder appears to have been the intent.

 

[escargot]

Didn't some British bloke have some accident like this and end up not seriously injured but instead seriously flatulent for a while?

 

[JamesWhitehead]

The Guardian has some further details on the Bangladeshi case.

At least it does seem to be named for what it is.

 

[Mythopoeika]

Didn't some British bloke have some accident like this and end up not seriously injured but instead seriously flatulent for a while?

There was a case where a man working in a garage fell onto the end of an air line (spiking himself) and it blew him up like a balloon. His skin separated from his internal organs and then popped.
Surgeons managed to sew him up and he made a (mostly) full recovery.

 

[escargot]

Didn't some British bloke have some accident like this and end up not seriously injured but instead seriously flatulent for a while?

There was a case where a man working in a garage fell onto the end of an air line (spiking himself) and it blew him up like a balloon. His skin separated from his internal organs and then popped.
Surgeons managed to sew him up and he made a (mostly) full recovery.

That wasn't the bloke I'm thinking of as there wasn't any great injury, just a lot of farting.
Still though eh, brr!

 

[OneWingedBird]

There was a case where a man working in a garage fell onto the end of an air line (spiking himself) and it blew him up like a balloon. His skin separated from his internal organs and then popped.

Is that like when the vicar shows up at A&E telling them he was changing a lightbulb in the nude when he fell and landed on the phallic shaped vase he got from his aunt?