The Everlasting Mystery Of Teaspoons

IbisNibs

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(I'm picturing rolling fields with thousands of spoons frolicking and gamboling).
What would a spoon heaven look like? What do spoons actually enjoy doing? Do they enjoy being stuck into ice cream? Being licked? Laying on a table with knives and forks? Or do they hate the knives and forks? This must be pondered further . . .
 

IbisNibs

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According to the poem. The dish ran away with the spoon. Are we supposed to be continually counting dishes now?
Then why don't the dishes disappear too? Do the dishes murder the spoons, and come back to play innocent? Or do the spoons get bored and run away, leaving the dishes bitter and heart-broken?
 

Trish71

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What would a spoon heaven look like? What do spoons actually enjoy doing? Do they enjoy being stuck into ice cream? Being licked? Laying on a table with knives and forks? Or do they hate the knives and forks? This must be pondered further . . .
What would a spoon heaven look like? What if spoons absolutely HATE being licked! Are us humans guilty of spoon abuse on a colossal scale!?
IbisNibs what if knives and forks are their mortal enemies who have subjugated spoons for eons and what if each spoon that "goes missing" is really a daring escape to freedom?
Come to think about it, I have never EVER seen a spoon making factory nor do I know anyone who has worked in one!

It could be you have stumbled across the biggest conspiracy of all time?
 

Bad Bungle

Dingo took my tray bake.
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I sent off box coupons for a free engraved spoon from Kellogg's way way back:
Received Email 11th April: "I've got your spoon here in the workshop. I'm just giving it a good polish, then I'll set off and bring it all the way to you".
It's been 4 weeks and I'm not sure I like you giving my "spoon a polish"

Received Email 8th May: "I’ve left the workshop and I’m on my way to you. I’m a bit of an early bird. The sun’s just coming up and I’ve already had a good breakfast and begun my journey".
Is it possible to talk to an Adult ? I want to know how long this will take.

Received Email 16th June: "I’m nearly there now. When I arrived in the UK I met a scarecrow in the middle of a field and he told me a handy shortcut to get to you."
Oh you didn't listen to that scarecrow did you ? - he's a f*cking idiot. Get a SatNav.
I sit and wait.
Kelloggs.jpg
 

Kondoru

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Im not sure I want to hear this.

Anyhow, I am all set for cutlery, I was given a load at the end of the car boot.

I have plenty now, if anyone short of stainless steel ware, I can supply it.
 

Trish71

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I sent off box coupons for a free engraved spoon from Kellogg's way way back:
Received Email 11th April: "I've got your spoon here in the workshop. I'm just giving it a good polish, then I'll set off and bring it all the way to you".
It's been 4 weeks and I'm not sure I like you giving my "spoon a polish"

Received Email 8th May: "I’ve left the workshop and I’m on my way to you. I’m a bit of an early bird. The sun’s just coming up and I’ve already had a good breakfast and begun my journey".
Is it possible to talk to an Adult ? I want to know how long this will take.

Received Email 16th June: "I’m nearly there now. When I arrived in the UK I met a scarecrow in the middle of a field and he told me a handy shortcut to get to you."
Oh you didn't listen to that scarecrow did you ? - he's a f*cking idiot. Get a SatNav.
I sit and wait.
View attachment 20093
Just nope. Nope. Nope
 

Bad Bungle

Dingo took my tray bake.
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I just dropped large bread knife onto the kitchen floor and out of the corner of my eye saw it vanish.
Long story short: serving trays stored in gap between wall and upright freezer under opposite work surface. Large floor cloth used to defrost fridge jammed into gap in front of trays. Knife had silently bounced under the cloth and the trays and located at back of freezer.
10 second search could have been a year long one.
 

Vida Loca

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For reasons neither of us can work out we have had cutlery go missing these past few weeks. In the end we were down to 2 Forks, 3 knives and some spoons. Bit of a mystery where they went to and we don't have a dishwasher. Last week had to buy a new set of cutlery and hope things don't go missing again.
 

escargot

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For reasons neither of us can work out we have had cutlery go missing these past few weeks. In the end we were down to 2 Forks, 3 knives and some spoons. Bit of a mystery where they went to and we don't have a dishwasher. Last week had to buy a new set of cutlery and hope things don't go missing again.
I've mentioned this before -

Years ago when cooking in a holiday apartment I placed a spoon or summat on top of the cooker. The grill was on so when I picked up the spoon again it was hot.

I yelped and let it go, flinging it down the side of the cooker to join a load of others that previous tenants had also burned themselves on.

You haven't been doing this have you?
 

Spudrick68

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When I used to work for HMRC there were two younger lads on my bank of desks who were good for laugh. One of them invented 'spoon club', only us three were in it. You had to be asked to join, and the initiation ceremony was having a teaspoon, fresh from a hot cup of tea or coffee, placed on the back of your hand for as long as you could stand it.

It really bugged the hell out of a young lass who sat across from me because she didn't know what spoon club was or how to join it.

We also referred to each other as Clint, if you have ever seen someone wrote that name poorly it takes on a whole new meaning. It also really bugged this lass that she didn't know what a Clint was. She even started asking her friends and family.

It sounds like something out of The Office to be fair.
 

catseye

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PeteS

I AM missing a load of novelty teaspoons! As stated further back in this thread, I inherited a load from my mum, spoons with things like the Mannequin Pis on the handle, or city coats of arms, one of a castle in Guernsey I think...

All gone. Must have been about twenty of the buggers and there's not one left. Although I'm moving house soon and will be dismantling the cutlery drawer before I go in the event that some have gone down the back.

Other spoons still resting in their pot on the windowledge, no further disappearances (or appearances) to report.
 

Swifty

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When I used to work for HMRC there were two younger lads on my bank of desks who were good for laugh. One of them invented 'spoon club', only us three were in it. You had to be asked to join, and the initiation ceremony was having a teaspoon, fresh from a hot cup of tea or coffee, placed on the back of your hand for as long as you could stand it.

It really bugged the hell out of a young lass who sat across from me because she didn't know what spoon club was or how to join it.

We also referred to each other as Clint, if you have ever seen someone wrote that name poorly it takes on a whole new meaning. It also really bugged this lass that she didn't know what a Clint was. She even started asking her friends and family.

It sounds like something out of The Office to be fair.
Reminds me of a secret technique sometimes used in the service industry if you get an especially obnoxious customer that was taught to me: they snap their fingers or whatever other bullshit rudeness they've been performing all night to order a coffee at the end of the night .. they're drunk ... that's when you fill the metal milk jug next to the coffee machine with boiling hot water and drop their tea spoon in it. You make their coffee like a good little pleb servant and only at the very last second retrieve the spoon with bar tongs, whip it onto their saucer, deliver instantly (this stunt only works with razor timing) then disappear just as quickly to savour the yelp of pain and the clatter of the spoon being dropped .. and they can't prove a thing because the spoon will have cooled down quickly by then .. it's all in the timing. I haven't worked as a waiter for over 20 years but if I especially warm to a young new one?, I pass that inherited knowledge on when they're being dicked around.
 
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Reminds me of a secret technique sometimes used in the service industry if you get an especially obnoxious customer that was taught to me: they snap their fingers or whatever other bullshit rudeness they've been performing all night to order a coffee at the end of the night .. they're drunk ... that's when you fill the metal milk jug next to the coffee machine with boiling hot water and drop their tea spoon in it. You make their coffee like a good little pleb servant and only at the very last second retrieve the spoon with bar tongs, whip it onto their saucer, deliver instantly (this stunt only works with razor timing) then disappear just as quickly to savour the yelp of pain and the clatter of the spoon being dropped .. and they can't prove a thing because the spoon will have cooled down quickly by then .. it's all in the timing. I haven't worked as a waiter for over 20 years but if I especially warm to a young new one?, I pass that inherited knowledge on when they're being dicked around.
That's very nasty, but clever! When I was a waitress, many, many moons ago, when a customer had been particularly obnoxious, I would hand them the bill at the end of their meal, smile very broadly, and say "eff you very much." Except I didn't say "eff." It's amazing how similar it sounds to "thank you very much" if you say it quickly. Sometimes I got a double take, but if you're smiling in a cheery way, they think they must have misheard you.

To keep this on topic, I should mention that some nasty buggers would bend the (cheap) cutlery, including the spoons.
 

Swifty

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That's very nasty, but clever! When I was a waitress, many, many moons ago, when a customer had been particularly obnoxious, I would hand them the bill at the end of their meal, smile very broadly, and say "eff you very much." Except I didn't say "eff." It's amazing how similar it sounds to "thank you very much" if you say it quickly. Sometimes I got a double take, but if you're smiling in a cheery way, they think they must have misheard you.

To keep this on topic, I should mention that some nasty buggers would bend the (cheap) cutlery, including the spoons.
We do something similar downstairs away from the customers .. I said "cheers" quickly one day to my old flatmate and he said "Did you just say Jiz?" and the joke stuck from then on, performed the same way as the "fk you very much" classic .. cheers and jiz are also great to switch around with the same earnest face.
 
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