Analogue Boy
Bar 6
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2005
- Messages
- 13,547
Or gladiator-type games, like in A.I. only with spoons?
Don’t bring a spoon to a knife fight...
Or gladiator-type games, like in A.I. only with spoons?
What would a spoon heaven look like? What do spoons actually enjoy doing? Do they enjoy being stuck into ice cream? Being licked? Laying on a table with knives and forks? Or do they hate the knives and forks? This must be pondered further . . .(I'm picturing rolling fields with thousands of spoons frolicking and gamboling).
Then why don't the dishes disappear too? Do the dishes murder the spoons, and come back to play innocent? Or do the spoons get bored and run away, leaving the dishes bitter and heart-broken?According to the poem. The dish ran away with the spoon. Are we supposed to be continually counting dishes now?
What would a spoon heaven look like? What if spoons absolutely HATE being licked! Are us humans guilty of spoon abuse on a colossal scale!?What would a spoon heaven look like? What do spoons actually enjoy doing? Do they enjoy being stuck into ice cream? Being licked? Laying on a table with knives and forks? Or do they hate the knives and forks? This must be pondered further . . .
This was quite anxiety provoking for me, as I couldn't help but think of the ultimate fate of the crab . . .Don’t bring a spoon to a knife fight...
It made a brave attempt to defend itself. Probably had a better chance than other crabs.This was quite anxiety provoking for me, as I couldn't help but think of the ultimate fate of the crab . . .
My god you're a spoon trafficker!Im not sure I want to hear this.
Anyhow, I am all set for cutlery, I was given a load at the end of the car boot.
I have plenty now, if anyone short of stainless steel ware, I can supply it.
Just nope. Nope. NopeI sent off box coupons for a free engraved spoon from Kellogg's way way back:
Received Email 11th April: "I've got your spoon here in the workshop. I'm just giving it a good polish, then I'll set off and bring it all the way to you".
It's been 4 weeks and I'm not sure I like you giving my "spoon a polish"
Received Email 8th May: "I’ve left the workshop and I’m on my way to you. I’m a bit of an early bird. The sun’s just coming up and I’ve already had a good breakfast and begun my journey".
Is it possible to talk to an Adult ? I want to know how long this will take.
Received Email 16th June: "I’m nearly there now. When I arrived in the UK I met a scarecrow in the middle of a field and he told me a handy shortcut to get to you."
Oh you didn't listen to that scarecrow did you ? - he's a f*cking idiot. Get a SatNav.
I sit and wait.
View attachment 20093
Don’t bring a spoon to a knife fight...
Obviously spoon pornography ...Ah, the old knifey spooney.
For reasons neither of us can work out we have had cutlery go missing these past few weeks. In the end we were down to 2 Forks, 3 knives and some spoons. Bit of a mystery where they went to and we don't have a dishwasher. Last week had to buy a new set of cutlery and hope things don't go missing again.
There'll also be a note from the ghost that borrowed them.You won't find them in your present kitchen while packing up, they'll either be in your new home already, or in a random box when you unpack. . .
Reminds me of a secret technique sometimes used in the service industry if you get an especially obnoxious customer that was taught to me: they snap their fingers or whatever other bullshit rudeness they've been performing all night to order a coffee at the end of the night .. they're drunk ... that's when you fill the metal milk jug next to the coffee machine with boiling hot water and drop their tea spoon in it. You make their coffee like a good little pleb servant and only at the very last second retrieve the spoon with bar tongs, whip it onto their saucer, deliver instantly (this stunt only works with razor timing) then disappear just as quickly to savour the yelp of pain and the clatter of the spoon being dropped .. and they can't prove a thing because the spoon will have cooled down quickly by then .. it's all in the timing. I haven't worked as a waiter for over 20 years but if I especially warm to a young new one?, I pass that inherited knowledge on when they're being dicked around.When I used to work for HMRC there were two younger lads on my bank of desks who were good for laugh. One of them invented 'spoon club', only us three were in it. You had to be asked to join, and the initiation ceremony was having a teaspoon, fresh from a hot cup of tea or coffee, placed on the back of your hand for as long as you could stand it.
It really bugged the hell out of a young lass who sat across from me because she didn't know what spoon club was or how to join it.
We also referred to each other as Clint, if you have ever seen someone wrote that name poorly it takes on a whole new meaning. It also really bugged this lass that she didn't know what a Clint was. She even started asking her friends and family.
It sounds like something out of The Office to be fair.
That's very nasty, but clever! When I was a waitress, many, many moons ago, when a customer had been particularly obnoxious, I would hand them the bill at the end of their meal, smile very broadly, and say "eff you very much." Except I didn't say "eff." It's amazing how similar it sounds to "thank you very much" if you say it quickly. Sometimes I got a double take, but if you're smiling in a cheery way, they think they must have misheard you.Reminds me of a secret technique sometimes used in the service industry if you get an especially obnoxious customer that was taught to me: they snap their fingers or whatever other bullshit rudeness they've been performing all night to order a coffee at the end of the night .. they're drunk ... that's when you fill the metal milk jug next to the coffee machine with boiling hot water and drop their tea spoon in it. You make their coffee like a good little pleb servant and only at the very last second retrieve the spoon with bar tongs, whip it onto their saucer, deliver instantly (this stunt only works with razor timing) then disappear just as quickly to savour the yelp of pain and the clatter of the spoon being dropped .. and they can't prove a thing because the spoon will have cooled down quickly by then .. it's all in the timing. I haven't worked as a waiter for over 20 years but if I especially warm to a young new one?, I pass that inherited knowledge on when they're being dicked around.
I would hand them the bill at the end of their meal, smile very broadly, and say "eff you very much."
We do something similar downstairs away from the customers .. I said "cheers" quickly one day to my old flatmate and he said "Did you just say Jiz?" and the joke stuck from then on, performed the same way as the "fk you very much" classic .. cheers and jiz are also great to switch around with the same earnest face.That's very nasty, but clever! When I was a waitress, many, many moons ago, when a customer had been particularly obnoxious, I would hand them the bill at the end of their meal, smile very broadly, and say "eff you very much." Except I didn't say "eff." It's amazing how similar it sounds to "thank you very much" if you say it quickly. Sometimes I got a double take, but if you're smiling in a cheery way, they think they must have misheard you.
To keep this on topic, I should mention that some nasty buggers would bend the (cheap) cutlery, including the spoons.