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The World's Dumbest Criminals

Condom-clogged pipe provides police clue in cracking Texas brothel

Hundreds of condoms that clogged a city sewer pipe led police to raid a massage parlor in Texas and arrest two people for prostitution and other crimes, police documents released on Tuesday showed.

A real estate agent who had just taken over the property notified police of the blockage at Jade Massage Therapy in the Texas capital of Austin. He told them other tenants believed the business was a front for prostitution, a police arrest affidavit said.

Austin police then launched their probe that culminated in a raid about six weeks later where a woman who co-managed the business "was found in a massage room with a completely nude and uncovered male," the document said.

Juan Wang and her husband Joseph Emery were arrested on suspicion of managing "a prostitution enterprise that used two or more prostitutes," it said. ...

Police also discovered more than $60,000 in cash at the woman's home. She and her husband were arrested in March and charged with engaging in organized criminal activity to promote prostitution and money laundering, court documents filed in April showed.
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SOURCE: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-texas-prostitution-idUSKBN17D2GM
 
At least they were using safe sex techniques.
 
Footballer Tom Campbell from Falmouth stole £18,000 from Lloyds cash machines to feed gambling habit
By wbchris | Posted: May 05, 2017

An employee responsible for filling Lloyds bank cash machines with money stole £18,000 from them to feed his online gambling habit in what a judge described as a "frankly ridiculous" crime.
Thomas Campbell, 22, of The Causeway in Falmouth, pleaded guilty at Truro Crown Court to one count of theft.

Prosecutor Ian Graham, for the CPS, told the court how local footballer Campbell had worked with Lloyds since 2014 and was responsible for maintaining cash machines and stocking them with money.
Between August 17 and October 20 last year Campbell "effectively skimmed" cash machines and used the money taken to make bets on his Bet365 online account.
Senior management eventually noticed the £18,000 discrepancy and referred the matters to police. Campbell then admitted his crimes.

Defending Campbell, Jason Beal questioned how his client ever thought he was going to get away with such a crime.
He said: "It is one of those offences where you have to do a double take and ask how did he not realise he'd be caught? He began gambling and started winning, but inevitably he started losing and ended up chasing his losses."
Mr Beal added that Campbell was of previously impeccable character and has since moved back in with his mum.

Sentencing Campbell, Judge Robert Linford described his method as "frankly ridiculous".
He said: "You were always going to be found out and always going to be detected. It was a gross breach of the trust of the bank and you could easily have been given a prison sentence. I note you are a man of good character. It's a card you can only ever play once and my goodness have you played it today."

Judge Linford sentenced Campbell to 14 months in prison, suspended for two years, and told him he must complete 200 hours of unpaid work.

http://www.cornwalllive.com/footbal...mbling-habit/story-30314634-detail/story.html
 
Scared Straight .. a documentary film detailing a tough 70's prison where inmates were shouted at a lot ..

 
JACKSONVILLE — A Florida man accidentally shot himself in the penis when he sat down on a gun in the driver's seat in his car.

Several television news stations report that the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office says the man ran into his girlfriend's house Friday after the gun discharged. She saw that he had a wound in his groin and took him the hospital, where he underwent surgery.

The sheriff's office said the 38-year-old man has a previous conviction for cocaine possession and may now face charges of being a felon in possession of a firearm.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/police-florida-man-sits-on-gun-shoots-himself-in-penis/2329150

Shoots himself in the prick and now he'll likely go to prison.
 
Police: Man tries to steal police car with officer in it

FORT PIERCE, Fla. — A 20-year-old man was arrested after police say he tried to steal a car.

It wasn't just any old car: It was a Fort Pierce, Fla., police patrol vehicle at the Fort Pierce Police Department with a police officer in it.

It happened about 5 a.m. on July 17 as Officer Robie Troutman was in his patrol vehicle at the main police station writing a report, according to his report.

“While in my vehicle, I heard the rear passenger side door handle make noise and then the front passenger side door handle make noise, where I was positioned seated in the driver seat of my clearly marked Fort Pierce Police Department Patrol vehicle,” the report said.

Troutman opened his door and reported seeing a man later identified as Aaron Orlando Rodriguez III run away and hide behind another vehicle. ...

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...teal-police-car-with-officer-in-it/ar-AAoVFMG
 
(Copy & Paste Article with no comment removed--link below)

An Aussie burglar gets drunk on expensive champagne, falls asleep and is found by the house owner and subsequently arrested:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-40785646

I've read so many of these stories over the years. Surely they are only opportunistic burglars, not career criminals who set out that night to rob? If the latter, it would seem that leaving a bottle of extra strong booze on the dining room table might serve as an extra line of security.
 
Yithian said:
I've read so many of these stories over the years. Surely they are only opportunistic burglars, not career criminals who set out that night to rob?
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To be fair, he is only described as an "intruder" in the article though the charge was "burglary offences" - presumably breaking and entering.
 
min_bannister said:
To be fair, he is only described as an "intruder" in the article though the charge was "burglary offences" - presumably breaking and entering.
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I assumed that was journalistic licence to avoid repetition, but perhaps he was just looking for a bed and then became a burglar by necking the bubbly.
 
Yithian said:
(Copy & Paste Article with no comment removed--link below)

An Aussie burglar gets drunk on expensive champagne, falls asleep and is found by the house owner and subsequently arrested:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-40785646

I've read so many of these stories over the years. Surely they are only opportunistic burglars, not career criminals who set out that night to rob? If the latter, it would seem that leaving a bottle of extra strong booze on the dining room table might serve as an extra line of security.
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Great idea, Yith. I might employ that security method myself.
 
min_bannister said:
To be fair, he is only described as an "intruder" in the article though the charge was "burglary offences" - presumably breaking and entering.
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The reason for this is that there's no such offence in English law as being an 'intruder'. If you're where you shouldn't be with an intent to break the law (e.g. by theft) you are a burglar. You don't have to commit any further offence. You don't even have to have broken in - a burglary can be committed by climbing in through an open window.
 
escargot1 said:
The reason for this is that there's no such offence in English law as being an 'intruder'. If you're where you shouldn't be with an intent to break the law (e.g. by theft) you are a burglar. You don't have to commit any further offence. You don't even have to have broken in - a burglary can be committed by climbing in through an open window.
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Golly, the things I learn by hanging out here . . . :nods:
 
Heckler20 said:
Trespass is a civil rather than criminal matter in English Law.

The infamous 'Trespassers will be prosecuted' sign is therefore nonsense
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We got something called "innbrudd(Norway, Denmark) and Inbrott(Sweden) in Scandinavia. The correct word in in English should be "break in", not burglary as it is normally translated as. You can get arrested for "innbrudd" even if you haven't stolen anything.
 
If you break into somewhere with an illegal intention you're a burglar. You're already a trespasser if you don't have permission to be there. Obviously, burglary is worse than trespass. What distinguishes the trespasser from the burglar is the action itself, or the intent.
 
This takes the biscuit: not just lampposts on top of the car but drunk, no driving license, insurance or MOT, left garage without paying for petrol!

Police in the Netherlands have arrested a man with two lamp-posts strapped to the top of his car.

Lelystad officers are unsure where the lamp-posts came from but they are assumed to have been stolen.

And they were just one of his many violations - but definitely the most remarkable.

Dutch police found the car was not insured and its APK (the Dutch alternative of an MOT) was three months out of date.

The driver's license had expired at the end of 2016. It's thought he had filled the car with petrol but not paid for the fuel and he was driving under the influence of alcohol. ...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/artic...-two-stolen-lamp-posts-on-the-roof-of-his-car
 
'Counterfeit' usually refers to fake versions of actual currency. Is a totally fake bill that was never actual currency 'counterfeit'?

It saves the legal system some quandaries over this issue when you tote around drugs that'll work just as well as an excuse for busting you ... :roll:

$1M BILL DEPOSIT ATTEMPT LEADS TO IOWA MAN'S DRUG ARREST

...Authorities say a man who tried to deposit what he presented as a $1 million bill has been charged with drug possession in Iowa.

... Sioux City police officers were called to a Northwest Bank branch Thursday to talk to a man who tried to deposit the bill into his account. The officers asked 33-year-old Dennis Strickland whether he had any more of the bills and that a baggie fell out when he emptied a pocket. The complaint says the baggie contained methamphetamine.

The U.S. Treasury Department says it has never produced a $1 million bill.
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SOURCE: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/storie...ME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2017-08-08-14-26-53
 
Last edited:
Heckler20 said:
Trespass is a civil rather than criminal matter in English Law.

The infamous 'Trespassers will be prosecuted' sign is therefore nonsense
Click to expand...

In the States my experience is that what has to first take place is a physical warning. A recorded warning, either in writing or on video, whereby the offender is told to leave the property. If they come back you have the right to detain the offender for a reasonable amount of time until such time as law enforcement can arrive to cite the offender. This begins a process whereby the next time the charge becomes a criminal offense. Repeat offenses gain greater weight in regard to the scale with which the court is supposedly to consider the matter. Jail is a possibility given an individual whom refuses to obey a court order, naturally enough since that act is contempt of court; so like 30 days in the clink shall we say.
 
Robbery 101: You gotta case the joint beforehand in case of situations like this ... :roll:

EASY COLLAR: MEN ACCUSED OF ROBBING BAR DURING POLICE PARTY
The police response time was quicker than ever.

Two men were arrested after police say they robbed a bar outside Baltimore while off-duty officers were there for a police retirement party.

The Baltimore Sun reports the men allegedly demanded cash from the register at a Woodlawn bar Tuesday evening while a group of officers gathered for a longtime sergeant's retirement. The officers chased and arrested them. ...

Monaghan's Pub owner says it's odd that someone would attempt a robbery because a precinct station is across the street.
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SOURCE: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/storie...ME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2017-08-31-09-28-25
 
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