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The World's Dumbest Criminals

Never mind that. I want to see the lengthy rap sheep with numerous cocaine convictions. Proper Fortean Fauna, that.
 
Stormkhan said:
My son had to give a sample, witnessed by an officer.
He'd rigged up a gizmo which a tube ran parallel to his member from a small rubber bulb containing a chums alcohol-free urine.
While dismayed at his evasion, I was also somewhat admiring of his ingenuity.
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My mate's Dad was exempt from National service due to some ailment.

Knowing this, a guy in the queue at the processing station asked him if he could 'borrow' his sample.

He also became exempt.

Years later he went to see my mate's Dad to thank him.
 
Floyd1 said:
My mate's Dad was exempt from National service due to some ailment.

Knowing this, a guy in the queue at the processing station asked him if he could 'borrow' his sample.

He also became exempt.

Years later he went to see my mate's Dad to thank him.
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Nothing to do, I'm sure, with the ancient joke from the days of National Service:

Jim is desperate to avoid being called up, so he decides to game his urine test. He collects samples from his mum, his sister and the family dog, then presents the resulting cocktail to the Recruiting Office.

Three days later he receives a telegram: "Your mum's got VD, your sister is pregnant, your dog has distemper and you're for the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders."

maximus otter
 
Polite bank robber does it again

Three days after being found not guilty of the first. From Chicago

First time
Two years ago, he walked into a bank, walked up to a teller and pressed a note against the glass which read: ‘Give me the money please, thank you.’

He left with around $595 (£467), according to court files, and managed to spend around a hundred before his arrest half an hour later.

Last Friday, a jury found him not guilty of robbing the bank after his defence argued there were ‘no implicit or explicit threats of any kind’, a court heard.

Worku’s attorney, Mary Judge, admitted her client had committed a crime but argued it didn’t amount to robbery, which involves stealing something by force or ‘intimidation’.
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Second time

On Monday afternoon, three days after his release, he allegedly walked into another bank and handed an employee a similarly courteous note.

The worker gave him more than $2,000 (£1,570) to set him on his way, and he was again arrested half an hour later, around $200 short of what he left with, the complaint says.

This time, though, he’s set to be charged with both bank robbery and bank theft, a charge which does not require force or intimidation to be involved.
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1706200647933.png

Also nice nominative determinism - Worku’s attorney, Mary Judge
 

Dealer Handed Out Coke Samples; Baggie of drug was stapled to suspect's business card​


In an apparent bid to drum up customers for his drug business, a Canadian man handed out business cards with a small sample of cocaine attached, police allege.

calgaryfront1.jpg


According to cops, Seyyed Amir Razavi, 30, distributed the cards outside a casino in Calgary.

A police search of Razavi’s auto and residence yielded 50 baggies of cocaine, a digital scale with drug residue, and $1280 in cash. Cops also seized a box of business cards with the name “Alex Lee.”

Razavi allegedly handed out the cards--which listed “Lee” as a “driver” and contained contact information--with a small Ziploc bag containing cocaine stapled to it.

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/calgary-cocaine-038591

maximus otter
 
Dealer whose pants were stuffed with drugs cried when confronted by police


A drug dealer began crying after police told him they were going to search his underwear. As a result of the search he was found in possession of cocaine, MDMA, and ketamine.

Charlie Edmunds, 25, was the passenger in a car that was stopped by police in Caldicot on December 16, 2020. He appeared nervous and could be heard on the phone saying: “I need to be picked up quickly."

The defendant and another passenger had dilated pupils and there was a strong smell of cannabis in the car. Edmunds got out of the car and was “playing” with his underwear and was trying to keep his legs closed.

When asked if he had anything in his pants the defendant said: “You can’t do that – you need a warrant." When told a strip search had been authorised Edmunds began crying and said: “You don’t need to – I am going to prison”.

He was found in possession of half a gram of cocaine, 2g of MDMA, and 1.8g of ketamine. A seized phone was also found to contain messages relating to the sale of those drugs and also cannabis.

Judge Niclas Parry sentenced Edmunds to two years imprisonment suspended for two years. He was also ordered to carry out 300 hours unpaid work, complete a 15-day rehabilitation activity requirement, and ordered to pay £510 in costs a walkout. :headbang:

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/dealer-whose-pants-were-stuffed-28671382

maximus otter
 
maximus otter said:
Dealer whose pants were stuffed with drugs cried when confronted by police


A drug dealer began crying after police told him they were going to search his underwear. As a result of the search he was found in possession of cocaine, MDMA, and ketamine.

Charlie Edmunds, 25, was the passenger in a car that was stopped by police in Caldicot on December 16, 2020. He appeared nervous and could be heard on the phone saying: “I need to be picked up quickly."

The defendant and another passenger had dilated pupils and there was a strong smell of cannabis in the car. Edmunds got out of the car and was “playing” with his underwear and was trying to keep his legs closed.

When asked if he had anything in his pants the defendant said: “You can’t do that – you need a warrant." When told a strip search had been authorised Edmunds began crying and said: “You don’t need to – I am going to prison”.

He was found in possession of half a gram of cocaine, 2g of MDMA, and 1.8g of ketamine. A seized phone was also found to contain messages relating to the sale of those drugs and also cannabis.

Judge Niclas Parry sentenced Edmunds to two years imprisonment suspended for two years. He was also ordered to carry out 300 hours unpaid work, complete a 15-day rehabilitation activity requirement, and ordered to pay £510 in costs a walkout. :headbang:

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/dealer-whose-pants-were-stuffed-28671382

maximus otter
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A beginner?:chuckle: Guess he'll need a few more practice runs.
 
brownmane said:
A beginner?:chuckle:
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“The court heard he had a previous conviction for possession with intent to supply cocaine for which he received a suspended sentence.”

So that’s two convictions for possession of cocaine with intent to supply, and a walkout both times.

If only the police were doing something about drugs, eh? :headbang:

maximus otter
 
maximus otter said:
“The court heard he had a previous conviction for possession with intent to supply cocaine for which he received a suspended sentence.”

So that’s two convictions for possession of cocaine with intent to supply, and a walkout both times.

If only the police were doing something about drugs, eh? :headbang:

maximus otter
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Though it's not the police who make the judgments. I'm sure the officers who see this guy walking away after all of their work on the cases are doing just that :headbang:
 
I am so glad they caught her, the people with real pain get turned away like they are frauds, yet frauds can get it, how the hell do they do it, dont they get assessed at all, dont they have to have been to the doctors?
At least this fraud was stupid, a bit like the football ref who got caught reffing a game, he was supposed to have been blind, where was the paperwork from the opticians etc?
 
ramonmercado said:
Update.

Details of graphic evidence compiled by Romanian prosecutors, alleging that Andrew Tate coerced women into sexual acts, have been seen by the BBC.

The case file summary, containing hundreds of pages of testimony and transcripts, includes an allegation of sexual violence which is said to have left one woman with eye and breast injuries.

And in what prosecutors say are transcribed audio messages, Mr Tate's brother Tristan appears to say that he will "slave these bitches".

Both men are facing trial in Romania for human trafficking and forming an organised criminal group with two other defendants.
Andrew Tate is also facing a charge of rape.

They deny all the charges against them. Some of the messages may originally have been written or recorded in English, then translated into Romanian by prosecutors and re-translated back into English by the BBC.

Prosecutors say access to the money made on the OnlyFans site was controlled by Georgiana Naghel, one of the Tates' two Romanian co-defendants. She would pay the women in the OnlyFans videos sums of money each month without revealing the total income they had earned, prosecutors allege.

On content created for the TikTok platform, they say the defendants took 50% of the income - and sometimes more.

Witnesses also claim they were forced to produce specific content to a strict schedule, under the threat of verbal and physical abuse.

The case file refers to threats to "break your teeth" or "end up in the morgue" in transcribed text messages, said to be from Ms Naghel.
She is also facing a charge of physically assaulting one victim - which she denies.

Fines of about 10% were imposed by the defendants on the women performing online for even small infractions - such as staying too long on a break, crying while live online, or wiping their nose while live, one witness says.

This apparently resulted in one of the women owing about €4,000 (£3,412) in debts.

The prosecutors' file also contains what is claimed to be transcriptions of audio messages from 2020 - in which Tristan Tate appears to say he doesn't want the women on sites like PornHub and OnlyFans to have access to their accounts:

"I don't want them to have the passwords, I don't want them to have anything."
And:
"I don't want to tell them that they have OnlyFans, I want that money to be used by me and you, screw them…"

Another part of the transcript reads:

"Mainly I'm going to slave these bitches […] I'm going to make them work even more hours and hours and hours.. I work these bitches like slaves. […] SLAVE work. Minimum 10 or 12 hours a day."

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-66581218
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New court dates for the Tates,

Controversial influencer Andrew Tate and his brother Tristan have appeared in a Romanian court after the UK issued warrants for their arrest.

The internet personalities were detained by Romanian police on Monday night on arrest warrants over alleged sexual offences in Britain. Bucharest's Court of Appeal postponed a decision on the warrant. The men remain in custody.

Romanian Police said two arrest warrants were issued by British authorities for exploiting people in the UK.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-68542187
 
I wish I had this much energy:

Vancouver man attempts escaping arrest on telephone wire, gets stuck​

https://www.kptv.com/2024/03/25/vancouver-man-attempts-escape-arrest-telephone-wire/
"VANCOUVER Wash. (KPTV) - A man in Vancouver went on an almost two-hour crime spree before getting stuck on a telephone wire on Saturday. . . . While officers were doing an area check to find the suspect, a report came in of a man, found out to be Stanley, on the roof of a business throwing bricks down onto the sidewalk . . . .
VPD crisis negotiators tried to get Stanley to come down off the roof but were not successful. . . . Stanley then tried to cross the street using telephone lines and held himself on the lines for around 45 minutes."
He may be stupid, but he sure is tenacious!
 

Woman Called Cops Over Bad Batch Of Meth​


An Indiana woman is facing a narcotics charge after she called 911 to report purchasing an inferior batch of methamphetamine and say that she wanted to file charges against her drug dealer, police report.

sarahmharris24.jpg


During a conversation with a police captain, Sarah Harris declared that her meth was “not what it was supposed to be.”

She explained that the drug left her feeling as if she was going to have a heart attack.

Harris noted that she and a friend had “smoked a bowl of normal meth” before she subsequently obtained the meth that led her to call 911.

Apparently believing that the local sheriff operated a Better Illegal Business Bureau, Harris (seen above) requested that the drug be tested. Harris also declared that she wanted to “turn the person in” who provided her the meth.

While speaking with police at her home in the city of Bedford, Harris made the mistake of handing over the meth that had so vexed her. The contents of the small baggie--which carried a "red pig design"--later "field-tested positive for methamphetamine."

As a result of Harris providing the narcotics evidence, a criminal information charging her with meth possession was filed last week.

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/indiana-meth-069345

maximus otter
 
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