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What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?

All I can think of is - what about the beaks? If they sat down without due care and attention it might be a pecker in the bollocks (if you see what I mean...)
 
catseye said:
All I can think of is - what about the beaks? If they sat down without due care and attention it might be a pecker in the bollocks (if you see what I mean...)
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There are some who'd pay folding money for that. :chuckle:

I do agree that it's perfectly likely, given blokes' well-established propensity for trapping/sitting on that portion of their anatomy.
Adding a sharp pointy decoration is just ASKING for trouble.

'old on, adding a sharp pointy decoration? :thought:

I do believe certain parties pay folding money for THAT too.
:chuckle:
 
kesavaross said:
So his penis has got smaller then.

Three things that never stop growing due to lack of bone structure. Our ears and noses, and for men, their willies.

Or is that an urban legend?
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It depends. Some more elderly men go through a penis size change called retraction when the penis retracts. Some don't. I used to have to catheterise men on the wards sometimes and it was more difficult to catheterise a smaller penis. Escargot will know what I'm on about. Some of them retract to the size of an acorn but I suppose at that time in life, some of those men aren't that bothered about the size of their penis anymore. Obviously I never relished the idea of holding an old man's penis (not unless he bought me a drink first .. to get that joke out of the way before someone else makes it) but the young female student nurses were sometimes embarrassed about the process. I hated dealing with ill maintained false teeth, that made me physically wretch so they'd agree to trade denture duties with me just so they didn't have to hold an old man's penis ... which left me sitting there holding some old man's penis and talking about football to make the awkward situation a bit more macho and a bit less George Michael. That's how much I hated doing false teeth. I'd literally prefer to hold an old man's cock than ever clean false teeth.
 
Swifty said:
It depends. Some more elderly men go through a penis size change called retraction when the penis retracts. Some don't. I used to have to catheterise men on the wards sometimes and it was more difficult to catheterise a smaller penis. Escargot will know what I'm on about. Some of them retract to the size of an acorn but I suppose at that time in life, some of those men aren't that bothered about the size of their penis anymore. Obviously I never relished the idea of holding an old man's penis (not unless he bought me a drink first .. to get that joke out of the way before someone else makes it) but the young female student nurses were sometimes embarrassed about the process. I hated dealing with ill maintained false teeth, that made me physically wretch so they'd agree to trade denture duties with me just so they didn't have to hold an old man's penis ... which left me sitting there holding some old man's penis and talking about football to make the awkward situation a bit more macho and a bit less George Michael. That's how much I hated doing false teeth. I'd literally prefer to hold an old man's cock than ever clean false teeth.
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I understand completely the bit about an old man's false teeth. When my dad was on his last legs in a home before the death rattle, he'd ask me when visiting to clean his false teeth. He's given up on life and that was his choice. My brothers and sisters didn't understand that. I now have no contact with them partly because of that and my view of it being his choice which to me had to be respected. We all die in the end anyway.

There was no tooth brush as he was bed bound and obviously on his way out so I had to clean off the goo by hand. It was hard. I've a strong stomach and have seen many dead bodies and horrors in my travels over the years but that, that was the hardest. He was in the home for about 7 or 8 days before he died.

That's a sad memory of my dad before he died. Cleaning his false teeth by hand. They were slimy and took ages under the hot tap to get rid of the goo. What a last memory to have.

As for willies? Do they get smaller or larger as time goes by as per the maybe, or maybe not, urban legend?

I won't comment on my own as aged 66 and having no female contact for years and years it is completely redundant. I don't even think about sex anymore. Those days are long gone.
 
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kesavaross said:
I understand completely the bit about an old man's false teeth. When my dad was on his last legs in a home before the death rattle, he'd ask me when visiting to clean his false teeth. He's given up on life and that was his choice. My brothers and sisters didn't understand that. I now have no contact with them partly because of that and my view of it being his choice which to me had to be respected. We all die in the end anyway.

There was no tooth brush as he was bed bound and obviously on his way out so I had to clean off the goo by hand. It was hard. I've a strong stomach and have seen many dead bodies and horrors in my travels over the years but that, that was the hardest. He was in the home for about 7 or 8 days before he died.

That's a sad memory of my dad before he died. Cleaning his false teeth by hand. They were slimy and took ages under the hot tap to get rid of the goo. What a last memory to have.

As for willies? Do they get smaller or larger as time goes by as per the maybe, or maybe not, urban legend?

I won't comment on my own as aged 66 and having no female contact for years and years it is completely redundant. I don't even think about sex anymore. Those days are long gone.
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I'm sorry to learn that about your Dad kesavaross .. and care home patients used to get sent to us often. It's not completely the care home's fault because they're not staffed as well as the NHS but denture care was consistently almost none existent in our experience. All our incoming care home inpatients had unclean dentures. That then became our job. That and bed sores.

On a more cheerful note though and changing the subject, I'm 50 but apparently 14 again?. I can't stop thinking about sex at the moment which is inconvenient because I'm not getting any. I've got 'an offer' near where I live and it's always tempting but after one single indiscretion in nearly 20 years with the Mrs finding out, I don't ever want to make that mistake again. More trouble than it's worth.
 
kesavaross said:
So his penis has got smaller then.

Three things that never stop growing due to lack of bone structure. Our ears and noses, and for men, their willies.

Or is that an urban legend?
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Sadly, penises don't carry on growing. Ears and noses, yes.
 
Mythopoeika said:
Sadly, penises don't carry on growing. Ears and noses, yes.
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They can but only if 'the banjo' string is cut. I was getting a BJ from an ex. I noticed she had blood on her bottom lip. I was worried she'd hurt herself somehow so asked if we could stop and looked at her. She was fine but the bottom row of her teeth had damaged me. I didn't feel any pain. When I realised what had happened, I refused anything to do with sex until it healed. I'm not pretending I've got a huge one or anything but that did free it up to grow a bit longer which is what happened. If she's got all the way through though? .. I've learned since that I'd never have been able to get an erection again.
 
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I'm not sure there is any connection between the size of a flaccid penis and the erect version of same.
 
Timble2 said:
A former medical colleague saw his sort of thing when she was working in A & E, the ring slips on easily enough when the chap is floppy, but when he becomes excited the ring constricts various blood vessels and blood flows, in but can't flow out. Gentlemen becomes rather distressed as his tumescent equipment becomes painful and starts turning a funny colour. Apparently in that case the bloke had attempted to propose to his girlfriend in a somewhat idiosyncratic way.
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Then it was her fault for saying "yes".

It's always a woman.
 
mummyknave said:
Then it was her fault for saying "yes".

It's always a woman.
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What's always a woman?. Shania Twain?.

Out of interest, how do professionals go about carefully cutting one of those rings off a man without damaging him?.
 
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Swifty said:
What's always a woman?. Shania Twain?.

Out of interest, how do professionals go about carefully cutting one of those rings off a man without damaging him?.
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You're just asking "out of interest" ? Swifty, have you got yourself in a 'situation' ? :worry:
 
escargot said:
What proportion of those were second or subsequent babies?
Therein lies your answer.
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“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein.
 
Mythopoeika said:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein.
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Expectant mothers are anticipating the same result each time. They'd be less than sane not to.
 
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