Odd & Ill-Advised Rectal Insertions

[escargot]

What's the weird bracket looking thing underneath supposed to be used for?. Does it slot into the holes?.

edit: no it doesn't cuz it's welded on. I suppose the bracket thingy is supposed to a 'thrusting' handle? ..

Just the phrase 'thrusting handle' makes all my orifices shrink...

I showed the photo to an expert of our dear acquaintance, whose response was 'You know what you can do with THAT.'

 

[Swifty]

I showed the photo to an expert of our dear acquaintance, whose response was 'You know what you can do with THAT.'

Well we're all waiting now. Did you and would you recommend it?....

 

[Swifty]

Just the phrase 'thrusting handle' makes all my orifices shrink...

catseye just said orifices!! ..

 

[cycleboy2]

Woman gets butt plug stuck inside her, before it was removed by a 'heart throb doctor'. Fair enough, it happens (as we see here), but why then publicise it in the press?

How do you look your friends in the face afterwards?!

https://metro.co.uk/2023/11/02/hear...n-19760824/?dicbo=v2-yzdJlpu&ico=outbrain_mid

 

[escargot]

Here I will mention that I own a selection of butt plugs. They often feature in stag party japes that occur in my work situation and are always left behind, brand new and sparkly.*

They are nice-looking articles and I'd like to find a use for them, apart from the obvious of course.
If my boss knew he'd probably suggest inserting them all to stop me sitting down all day.

*Sometimes literally. I have acquired a couple of flashily bejewelled ones.

 

[RaM]

It's a wonder someone hasn't inserted a super bright LED and got a sort of inside out X ray.
Sort of a modern take on Torchy the Battery Boy.

 

[Swifty]

Woman gets butt plug stuck inside her, before it was removed by a 'heart throb doctor'. Fair enough, it happens (as we see here), but why then publicise it in the press?

How do you look your friends in the face afterwards?!

https://metro.co.uk/2023/11/02/hear...n-19760824/?dicbo=v2-yzdJlpu&ico=outbrain_mid

I know what they are but I've never actually seen one in real life .. I've met some seriously adventurous women who've whipped out various love toys but not one single chrome looking but plug. I haven't got a problem with that. I've seen lots of 'freaky' fun love toys, just never a chrome but plug. Yet. But I know they're out there.

Waiting.

Watching.

In the darkness. In the night.

(thank you to the writer of 'The Haunting')

 

[Swifty]

Here I will mention that I own a selection of butt plugs. They often feature in stag party japes that occur in my work situation and are always left behind, brand new and sparkly.*

They are nice-looking articles and I'd like to find a use for them, apart from the obvious of course.
If my boss knew he'd probably suggest inserting them all to stop me sitting down all day.

*Sometimes literally. I have acquired a couple of flashily bejewelled ones.

You've just reminded me of something .. me and Dan were on the sesh in a local pub. I went to the gents, they had a vending machine that sold the usual stuff but for £5, I could buy a semi sized vibrator. So just for a laugh, I did and we switched it on on the bar and let it roll around doing it's thing.

So at the end of the night, after the comedy japes had worn off and we'd decided to go back to our flat, I was left with a vibrator I didn't need. I didn't have a girlfriend then .. so I gifted it to our barmaid. Normally, I wouldn't do something like that because it would come off as a bit creepy. She'd been laughing about it as well, me and Dan were just smashed, I didn't think anything deeper about doing that. Instantly forgotten about by the time we got back.

Fast forward to some months later, I was walking through town when some younger man came up to me, told me not to give his girlfriend a vibrator and handed it back to me (back in it's box) .. I explained the whole scenario, he seemed satisfied with that ... we'd also bought a pop up pirate kids game that day and had blue tacked a lit cigarette to the top to invent a Russian roulette game of who's going to be unlucky and get hit by it first game and other stupid japes .. so I wasn't hitting on her, he was cool about that and understood.

If I'd been in his position though? ......... why didn't he keep it to spice up their love lives? ... why were they travelling around town with it either in her handbag or his pocket months later? .. what was that all about?.

I chucked it in the next bin.

 

[cycleboy2]

But I now they're out there.

Or in there...!

 

[Mythopoeika]

If I'd been in his position though? ......... why didn't he keep it to spice up their love lives? ... why were they travelling around town with it either in her handbag or his pocket months later? .. what was that all about?.

She was using it more than she was using him, maybe?

 

[Swifty]

She was using it more than she was using him, maybe?

I didn't think it was appropriate to ask. Mind you, it wasn't really appropriate of me to give a barmaid a vibrator in the first place either I suppose? .. I think it's one of those 'you had to be there moments'.

 

[pandacracker]

If my boss knew he'd probably suggest inserting them all to stop me sitting down all day.

No... that would make sitting down more fun.

 

[brownmane]

I didn't think it was appropriate to ask. Mind you, if wasn't really appropriate of me to give a barmaid a vibrator in the first place either I suppose? .. I think it's one of those 'you had to be there moments'.

I would think it's more the appropriateness. The barmaid probably has a lot of (drunk) people saying and doing inappropriate things to her. I think the bf was just making sure that there was no misconstrued message. Though, why she didn't do it herself Sometimes men think they have to take care of things when the woman is quite capable of doing it herself.

 

[Swifty]

I would think it's more the appropriateness. The barmaid probably has a lot of (drunk) people saying and doing inappropriate things to her. I think the bf was just making sure that there was no misconstrued message. Though, why she didn't do it herself Sometimes men think they have to take care of things when the woman is quite capable of doing it herself.

You're right in most of these occasions .. you know .. all the times male customers gift barmaids with vibrators (which never ever happens) .. the difference was we'd already knew each other anyway, she knew I wasn't perving and I still know her to this day. She wasn't just some random barmaid I didn't know already. Other than that, in different scenarios? .. men shouldn't do that, no. No 'woman being capable of doing it herself' wasn't an issue. She still laughs about it.

 

[Recycled1]

I've just had a polyp in my bowel removed at the hospital.
How was it done? Through something medical poked up my rectum.
I opted to have gas and air, so that I didn't have to drag one of my children from elsewhere to stay with me overnight (Necessary if you opted for sedation) .

I enjoyed seeing what was happening on the screen, but the gas and air was a real blessing!

 

[escargot]

You're right in most of these occasions .. you know .. all the times male customers gift barmaids with vibrators (which never ever happens) .. the difference was we'd already knew each other anyway, she knew I wasn't perving and I still know her to this day. She wasn't just some random barmaid I didn't know already. Other than that, in different scenarios? .. men shouldn't do that, no. No 'woman being capable of doing it herself' wasn't an issue. She still laughs about it.

The boyfriend overreacted.

 

[Swifty]

The boyfriend overreacted.

To be fair to him, I wouldn't be too comfortable with some bloke I didn't know gifting my Mrs a vibrator either. It was just a spur of the moment for a laugh thing ..

He probably had a good point because she came onto me years later. I didn't go there though. I'd never met him up to the point he handed it back to me so she must have gone "See him over there? .. he's the one who gave me the vibrator" just to wind him up. So I can see his point.

 

[escargot]

To be fair to him, I wouldn't be too comfortable with some bloke I didn't know gifting my Mrs a vibrator either. It was just a spur of the moment for a laugh thing ..

He probably had a good point because she came onto me years later. I didn't go there though. I'd never met him up to the point he handed it back to me so she must have gone "See him over there? .. he's the one who gave me the vibrator" just to wind him up. So I can see his point.

She's a barmaid though, she can cope with vulgar banter. I bet she comes home with all sorts of tales.

 

[Swifty]

She's a barmaid though, she can cope with vulgar banter. I bet she comes home with all sorts of tales.

Probably. All of us bar staff do. She was out of work a few years back (the pub we were all in doesn't exist anymore) and she told me she was thinking about going on the game and I don't think she was joking. The next thing, she was showing me she'd lost some weight by lifting her shirt up and doing a twirl when we walked out of town together (as in, at the same time, not 'together'). I admired the view, make a joke about going to the cashpoint right now! then went home instead. I haven't seen her in ages but she was a good laugh anyway.

 

[maximus otter]

Hospital evacuated after 88-year-old man arrives with WW1 bomb lodged in rectum


A French hospital was partially evacuated Saturday after a senior citizen arrived with a World War Iartillery shell lodged in his rectum.

The 88-year-old patient visited Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon to have the antique explosive removed — but instead sparked a “bomb scare.”.

Oh, shell no! The WWI relic measured almost 8 inches long and more than 2 inches wide.

“An emergency occurred from 9 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. on Saturday evening that required the intervention of bomb disposal personnel, the evacuation of adult and pediatric emergencies as well as the diversion of incoming emergencies,” a hospital spokesperson stated.

“An apple, a mango, or even a can of shaving foam, we are used to finding unusual objects inserted where they shouldn’t be,” one doctor declared. “But a shell? Never!”

Medics were forced to take the elderly man into surgery, cutting open his abdomen in order to remove the relic.

According to the hospital, he is now in “good health” and is expected to make a full recovery from the surgery.

https://nypost.com/2022/12/20/man-w...rectum-sparks-bomb-scare-hospital-evacuation/

maximus otter

 

[Lord Lucan]

Let's hope it's not been there since WWII

 

[Analogue Boy]

Disappointed they didn’t use the headline ‘Unexploded Bum’.

 

[Analogue Boy]

Tell you what though. Those Germans were good shots.

 

[Kondoru]

Oh.

 

[Ermintruder]

Hospital evacuated after 88-year-old man arrives with WW1 bomb lodged in rectum

Hey @maximus otter ... isn't the artillery equivalent of an
MDC / cap-charge... ever so slightly missing from the middle of that round?

...meaning that even if that shell did still contain live powder, a whack in the backside from a 16-pound hammer isn't going to set it off???

 

[maximus otter]

Hey @maximus otter ... isn't the artillery equivalent of an
MDC / cap-charge... ever so slightly missing from the middle of that round?

View attachment 72131

...meaning that even if that shell did still contain live powder, a whack in the backside from a 16-pound hammer isn't going to set it off???

Yep, it appears that there’s no primer present. He’s weird, but he’s not stupid.

maximus otter

 

[Mythopoeika]

Yep, it appears that there’s no primer present. He’s weird, but he’s not stupid.

Not stupid? A man approaching 90 does such a thing?

 

[kesavaross]

Not stupid? A man approaching 90 does such a thing?

Why an artillery shell? Surely, if his thing is stuffing objects up there, there must be other more suitable objects.

I can also imagine the hilarity when the message got through to the Bomb Squad. 'The hospital has been evacuated because a 90 year old man has got a live artillery shell stuck up his arse. Now be a good chap and go and defuse it'.

 

[Steven]

"Call the Bum Squad!"

 

[brownmane]

Why an artillery shell? Surely, if his thing is stuffing objects up there, there must be other more suitable objects.

I can also imagine the hilarity when the message got through to the Bomb Squad. 'The hospital has been evacuated because a 90 year old man has got a live artillery shell stuck up his arse. Now be a good chap and go and defuse it'.

Do you see the size of it?