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People Who Feel Wrong

Ulalume said:
Anyway, this guy left a trail of destruction wherever he went, but he kept being allowed to do so again and again because people didn't seem to take him seriously. He was sort of like an overgrown toddler, a buffoon, and way too many people seemed to pass this off as just silliness, even though he had a long record of violent and destructive behavior. He even had a crowd of supportive friends who'd cheer on his antics.

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There used to be a guy in my neighborhood who would go around stealing women's underwear from clotheslines. Everyone knew about this guy and just laughed, I was like he's probably dangerous. He got caught breaking into someones house eventually and they found him, um doing stuff, to a big pile of underwear. I wish i knew his name ( i know it wasn't the "panty man" like we called him) he just gave off the weirdest vibe, I am sure he's locked up now. I could never understand how everyone just laughed it off though.
 
paranoid420 said:
There used to be a guy in my neighborhood who would go around stealing women's underwear from clotheslines. Everyone knew about this guy and just laughed, I was like he's probably dangerous. He got caught breaking into someones house eventually and they found him, um doing stuff, to a big pile of underwear. I wish i knew his name ( i know it wasn't the "panty man" like we called him) he just gave off the weirdest vibe, I am sure he's locked up now. I could never understand how everyone just laughed it off though.
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He had the makings of a serious criminal there. Although breaking into houses for the purpose of assaulting women is not a common crime, there is a pattern to it. Men who do it tend to have committed more conventional burglaries beforehand, not, as you'd probably expect, minor sex offences. They have 'practiced' first with the burglary.

So a man with an interest in stealing underwear who becomes bold enough to break into a house rather than staying outside to steal is clearly more dangerous than he used to be.
 
GNC said:
I think that's less people who feel wrong and more people brazenly demonstrating their total wrongness.
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's'all subjective though innit? We've all met our new partner's best mate who gave us the evil eye and creeped us out and we've thought, what the FLIP's going on 'ere!
Maybe it's us? :evil:

I work with the public and sometimes get creepy men latching onto me. Not a problem, I can deal with them, but I wonder how the less forthright ladies manage.

Had one a while back who kept following me and asking me for my phone number. I said repeatedly 'No, I'm married and I don't give out my number and I don't take men's', but he kept asking, saying 'It's just as friends, where's the harm in that? And anyway you've been talking to me so you must like me.'

Felt a strong, unpleasant vibe from him, that he felt he WOULD get my number and that when he did, he'd compromise me with it. He was obviously a bully around women. Reminded me of lads back when I was a teenager trying to get their hands up my jumper!
A puny man is no match for the Slime though. I also wear Paraboots for backup. :twisted:
 
Is there a thread somewhere for sexual harassment (reporting it, not advertising for it)? Sadly, I feel it would be very very long... :rolleyes:

And Fortean? Well it baffles me why they think they can behave like that.

They do feel 'wrong', don't they? I think it's because they are!!! :mad:
 
escargot1 said:
Had one a while back who kept following me and asking me for my phone number. I said repeatedly 'No, I'm married and I don't give out my number and I don't take men's', but he kept asking, saying 'It's just as friends, where's the harm in that? And anyway you've been talking to me so you must like me.'
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I'm inclined to think that one must shut down these types of approaches right away with absolutely no ambiguity. The 'letting someone down gently' approach simply leaves a chink open for anther 'attempt'.
 
UnknownUnknown said:
Easier said than done sometimes. Sometimes you really don't think you are being ambiguous! And sometimes you're trying to stop things turning nasty. (nastier...)
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Yeah, I had a terrible problem with this when I was single. I mentioned The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker upthread and would highly recommend it. It did help me to stop putting off that "vulnerable" vibe that seemed to attract that type. It also helpfully mentions that you can't turn a kind person without harmful intent into a raging maniac by rejecting their date request. If they do turn into a raging maniac, they already were one - they were just hiding it.

All the same, I do know how difficult it can be. If you've been trained all your life to be nice and polite, it feels wrong to firmly reject someone, even when you aren't being rude about it.
 
It does get difficult. Finding myself alone some 30 years after I last needed to chat up a bird and with no idea how to set about it now, I'm moderately terrified of scaring some poor woman half to death by doing it wrong.

And if I'm nervous I guess I could be putting out odd vibes.

The other side of it is that I've always tended to attract obsessive/peculiar friends both male and female and I've had to be quite firm in seeing some of them off after it has become apparent they are all take and no give.

But generally speaking I don't have to fear the consequences. I'm no fighter but people tend not to pursue arguments with me beyond a certain point. This is nothing deliberate on my part, but I've had a couple of people (good friends, not the other sort) tell me that I look quite forbidding when I'm getting impatient with some persistent a**e . I'm actually a very gentle person - for example I get upset when the house martens leave their runts behind to die every autumn.

Point being, I can well understand why some people would be afraid to give an awkward friend the bum's rush in case they make a scene or resort to violence.
 
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UnknownUnknown said:
Easier said than done sometimes. Sometimes you really don't think you are being ambiguous! And sometimes you're trying to stop things turning nasty. (nastier...)
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Yup, exactly. At my age/size it's much easier than it used to be for me to say 'No' to all sorts of things. If I don't want to give someone I didn't like a lift for example, I just say no. If they push it I say 'I don't want you in my car.' If they don't like that it's fine, I don't like them. Last thing I want to do is help them out.

Wouldn't have DREAMED of being so forthright years ago but hey, this is me NOW.

I used to give a neighbour 'No Lessons', where I'd ask her for loans or lifts and she'd say NO. She'd always been a bit of a soft touch and people had put on her. I'd tell her, just say no to them! They won't be back. They'll find someone else to sponge off.
 
escargot1 said:
Wouldn't have DREAMED of being so forthright years ago but hey, this is me NOW.
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Oh yeah, the couple of incidents I posted happened after just leaving school and in my early twenties. The world seemed much bigger and scarier back then but that sort of thing wouldn't bother me at all now.

I think the turning point for me was working with a certain person from when I was 27 - 32. After he was sacked, a colleague and I both came to the conclusion that he had been a psychopath* who very nearly took me with him, just because I had been more of a 'yes man' in those days and hadn't realised the lengths he would go to and the lies he would tell when found out.
I won't let that kind of thing happen again.


*Not the axe-wielding type, the other, more common type.
 
Cochise said:
It does get difficult. Finding myself alone some 30 years after I last needed to chat up a bird and with no idea how to set about it now, I'm moderately terrified of scaring some poor woman half to death by doing it wrong.

And if I'm nervous I guess I could be putting out odd vibes.
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If you're genuinely worried Cochise I suspect that means that you're not the sort that I and others have encountered. In the spirit of public service however, I can offer some pointers to the population at large.

1. If you ask and are unsuccessful, don't push it. As MercuryCrest points out, do not do as they do in the movies.

2. Do not follow anyone. I mean this literally, not figuratively.

3. Do not offer random people in the street:
A) unsolicited opinions about their appearance (including facial expression);
B) information about your sexual preferences and tastes;
C) suppositions about their sexual preferences and tastes;

4. Do not ask random people in the street for
A) their personal details such as name, age, phone number, or address.
B) their opinion on your sexual tastes, preferences, or expertise.

5. Do not display or demonstrate your genetals to anyone who has not directly expressed a desire for you to do so.

I think that covers everything. I'm sure you know this already though. It's not mysterious!
 
5. You mean you can't do that any more? Darn PC gone mad. :)

Yes, I do worry. It's all a bit embarrassing. I've tried internet dating etc. but its led to some very awkward situations as two 50-plus's try to work out what is now acceptable small talk. The situations arising could no doubt be made into a comedy, but it wasn't funny at the time.
 
Another little tale from my past. In about 2000/2001 I was living with my (then) boyfriend in London, we had a small social circle and life was fairly humdrum. However, one day he got a phone call, out of the blue, from a former Uni pal of his asking to meet up. A few days later we met her and her boyfriend at a local pub for lunch. I'd never met either of them before and was looking forward to hearing about what he got up to at Uni.
But as soon as i met her I felt cold and like I needed to get away. Her boyfriend was small and barely said a word but she was very loud and bossy. We had one drink and then I said I had to go. She said "I'll give you a lift". I was filled with dread. We walked to her car and everyone got in, except me. I just knew if I got in that car something really bad would happen. I made some excuse and ran as fast as I could to the near by tube station (I wanted to be near other people). A minute or so later my boyfriend caught up with me and asked what the hell was going on. I burst into tears and said I just couldn't be near that woman.
He asked me about what had happened a few more times but I just couldn't explain it, he thought she was great but there was just something about her that made my stomach turn. Thinking about it now I still remember the deep instinct to get away that I felt while walking to her car. Brrrrr.
 
The last time I was a patient on a ward, the man in the bed opposite to me who had severe memory problems had a visit from his wife and two kids. I was minding my own business when I 'felt' I was being watched. I looked up and this woman was glaring at me for no reason I could fathom. Normally I'd just give a polite nod and a half smile in that type of situation but it was the way she looked at me that freaked me out so I pretended I was reading something. I'd never done anything wrong to this guy either by accident or deliberately ... it sent shivers down my spine.
 
Cochise said:
5. You mean you can't do that any more? Darn PC gone mad. :)

Yes, I do worry. It's all a bit embarrassing. I've tried internet dating etc. but its led to some very awkward situations as two 50-plus's try to work out what is now acceptable small talk. The situations arising could no doubt be made into a comedy, but it wasn't funny at the time.
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Have you tried http://www.meetup.com/ ?

Not a dating site but an outlet for people to meet up for social events. Things may develop.
 
Shady said:
He might have accused you of doing something tho
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He didn't have a nasty bone in his body, we spent most of time laughing together, the nurses were happy with the arrangement and she hadn't spoken to him or vice versa at this point. She'd only just sat down although I later learned from him that the purpose of her visit was to leave him :( .... I'm not judging her, it's sad though isn't it? ..
 
Perhaps she perceived you as being a support to him or maybe she just was disliking all men at that point.?
 
Swifty said:
He didn't have a nasty bone in his body, we spent most of time laughing together, the nurses were happy with the arrangement and she hadn't spoken to him or vice versa at this point. She'd only just sat down although I later learned from him that the purpose of her visit was to leave him :( .... I'm not judging her, it's sad though isn't it? ..
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Some people can't accept responsibility for their own actions or their own guilty feelings, and so they blame others, even when it makes no sense at all. Might have been something like that going on.
 
GNC said:
I would say masturbating in public to intimidate people was pretty objectively demonstrating wrongness.
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Good point, but the thread's original subject was about people giving off wrong vibes, not behaving overtly disgracefully.

Like, when you meet some people you get the impression that they might do that. :eek:
 
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